#like noise is fucky but like i can get used to volume its more the complexity i can be in a loud room and b uncomfy but not meltdown

[tansypansydandy]

u ever look at an autism post as an audher n be like "well shit that doesnt apply to me fuck what if im not autistic" bc same

#at least my therapist and psychologist are more openminded and understanding towards my self diagnosis #but i do still get imposter syndrome a lot bc its like im not the kind of autism #like noise is fucky but like i can get used to volume its more the complexity i can be in a loud room and b uncomfy but not meltdown #bc i adapt n stuff #or like my smell is on and off a lot of the times #or seeking physical affection even though touch can make me uncomfy #and ig the worst one for me is i kind of understand social cues n small talk n that makes me doubt a lot #i can engage in small talk ik the routine and ik what questions to ask based on what a person says #though maybe thats just script writing on the fly??? like the adhd part???? #not to say i dont Struggle still (i hate silence after small talk it makes me so anxious n uncomfy) #but s not as hard n i feel like that somehow invalidates me as a possibly autistic person #or like i can do cognitive empathy rlly good!!!! logically i know Why people feel like they do i get the triggers n the reactions!!!! #emotional empathy though? FUCKKK THAT #unless i have experienced a very similar situation emotional empathy is almost impossible #idk maybe im overthinking bc like tbf i studied body language and read into it way to much in midde school #as well as psychology and emotionally distancing myself by viewing people as case studies and analyzing their behaviors #IDK #also if u read this far props 2 u man #the tags r jus a diary to me