#like really i feel like i live completely different from sooo many adult schizophrenics

[strawberrybabydog]

hmm i really wish childhood psychosis was easier to study because the longer im in psychotic spaces the more i see there's a really clear and obvious difference between me (earliest memories include psychosis and psychotic trauma) and the regular psychotics who develop it as a late teen/early adult

theres at least something to be said about the way we double bookkeep & how childhood psychotics seem to have significantly less attachment to Reality, something it seems to me like most psychotics eventually return to or are able to keep in touch with, unlike childhood psychotics who dont seem like we're able to do this whatsoever

when i say i live in a constant state of psychosis, i mean, i experience trauma related to my psychosis 3+ times a day, every single day, with 0 fluctuation as to how im perceiving things. not one day of my entire memorable life has passed without objects talking to me and me understanding this is a normal part of my life. i think adult psychotics are able to disconnect and say "this ISNT part of my life, this is terrifying, i want this to end" which creates a new trauma that as a child psychotic i do not experience. for me this is the default, it's never been any other way because that just isnt possible

maybe TLDR, in childhood psychosis there is some level of acceptance of our reality that carries with us into adulthood, and commonly from what ive seen and heard from adult psychotics, they deeply reject their reality because they understand and have experience living differently

#this is so interesting to me #like really i feel like i live completely different from sooo many adult schizophrenics #im sure so so so many people in my audience will probably read this and be like #yeah babydog does accept its delusions in a way that other (adult)delusionals do not or cannot #my levels of stress when encountering different psychotic traumas are toootally different than adult psychotics ! #hopefully everyone knows what i mean and this post is coherent #theres a lot more i can say about this ! #oh maybe im different also because i have brain damage and thats what caused my psychosis . #and most other psychotics probably dont have severe brain trauma. just realized this #not dog #psychosis #childhood psychosis