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silverhandsass · 3 years

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Countin’ On You (Part 2)

Some time after their first meet, V runs into River again for a short but pleasant interaction. She did not realize that she would be needing to call in his favor soon after.

—Canon Divergent meeting between V and River—

Ao3

— — — — —

The second time she saw the officer was a good two weeks or so after the incident. V walked up to a stall, adjusting her aviators as she took a seat. She absentmindedly pointed at a pastry and coffee on the menu beneath the glass as she hummed into her comms.

"Alright, well I dropped it off now so it should get to you in just a bit," V said.

"Good, I'm sure the client will be happy to hear it. Contract closed," Wakako replied before promptly hanging up.

Flicking the her cigarette ashes off the side, V brought it to her lips and took a long drag just as the figure sitting behind her shifted to face her.

"Look what the cat dragged in," he spoke.

Glancing at him briefly, she grinned and exhaled her smoke away from him before speaking. "Officer Ward, fancy meetin' you here. You on a case?"

"Was just headin' back. You on a job?" he motioned to her.

"Just finished up myself," she replied, then looked at the man who ran the kiosk as he brought over a pastry and a cup of coffee for her. She glanced at River again before sliding the pastry over to him. "Here, you take this. On me as... thanks, I guess."

"What for?" he puzzled.

"For not leavin' me behind that time. Not every cop woulda done that," she told him, taking a long drag out of her smoke.

"What, you mean after I shot you?" River smirked, "I guess I felt sorry for you, leaving you like that."

V tried—and failed—to suppress her grin, pulling her plate back to her, "Fuck you, I'm keepin' this."

River chuckled and turned to the man, his eyes lighting up momentarily. "Add those to my bill."

"You didn't have to do that," V replied, raising a brow.

"I know," he told her. Once his coffee was ready, he took it and stepped off from the stall. "Good seeing ya, V. You stay outta trouble. If you can."

V thought about replying in kind, but watching him walk away sparked a sense of curiosity in her. He didn't seem very by-the-book for a cop that seemed to want to make Night City a better place. She couldn't tell what was worse in this place; a cop that didn't care or... a cop like him.

Then her eyes dropped to his ass. She smirked. "Ward!" She called, and he stopped to look back at her. "Next time you want to buy a girl a drink, maybe ask her out first."

He watched her for a good handful of seconds, then smiled, snapping a finger-gun at her. "I'll keep that in mind."

He turned around again, heading for a big red truck that was parked nearby. Her eyes were glued to him until he was finally out of sight. She wasn't sure what to make of the man, wasn't entirely sure what he made of her. All she knew was that he seemed kind—and that was dangerous.

—

A week after that, she met Jackie. A spitfire of a man, as live and wild as her. After they got thrown into the mix together, right with a bit of cop trouble, it seemed as though they were going to become fast friends. Sure, they were trying to steal the same car for different reasons, but all that was behind them now. A broken nose or two was enough to settle differences, it seemed.

With that friendship seemed to come a whole lot more adventure, particularly starting nearly a couple of weeks later when both V and Jackie found themselves in a whole lot of trouble. A client had wanted them to retrieve a device that he had claimed was his, but it was nothing more than a sugarcoated klep job that understated the security measures. V was quick on her feet, easily climbing fences, hopping buildings and descending down fire escapes. Jackie was good at that too, but he wasn't as fast as her.

She did not take that into account when she managed to jump over a secure fence while Jackie got caught. Peeking from behind a large dumpster, V managed to see just enough to know that NCPD had nabbed him. He made brief eye-contact with her, mouthing for her to go, to run.

Fuck that.

It took a while, but V had finally managed to track down the precinct that Jackie had been taken to. She wondered whether it was a good idea to go to him or not, but thankfully he called her as his one phone-call. That gave her enough of a cover to walk right through the front doors.

Except they wouldn't let her see him. They wouldn't even let her get him out of there, and it was only a matter of time before they'd toss her in there too for insisting. However, something clicked in her mind, a lightbulb went off and she retreated from the front desk, stepping right outside.

He did say to call if she needed something.

Her comms rang out once, then again, and partway the third ring, the call clicked and went through. "This is Ward," he spoke.

"Uh, hey..." Great start. "You the man that shot me after I saved his life?" V asked with a hint of humor, but more to get to the point. Still, she cursed at herself, knowing there were about a million other ways she could have done this better.

"Aaand you need a favor," River replied through a smile. "Big one, sounds like."

"Yeah, um..." V took a breath, glancing at the precinct behind her and then walking over to the railing that separated the sidewalk from the street. She leaned against it and sighed heavily.

"V? What's going on?" He asked her, voice laced with concern.

"Look, I... I was on a job with someone, but there was a misunderstanding about the details and he got caught—arrested, actually, and... I need your help."

River now sounded a lot more serious, his voice lower than she'd heard from him. "You askin' me to bust someone outta jail?"

"I know... how it sounds. It's not like that, I—" she paused, hands clenched around the metal bar as she cursed below her breath. Cop offers her a favor and first thing she does is sound exactly like the street thug he thought she was. "It's complicated, can you just come? I'll explain everything in person. Please, he shouldn't be in there, this is all just a big fuck up."

There was a long pause and a heavy sigh on his end, one that sparked a bit of hope. "Where are you?"

"Kabuki."

"Stay there, I'm on my way—just to listen," he clarified.

"Thanks, River." V swallowed the lump in her throat, leaning heavily against the railing and letting out a deep sigh.

She had never had to trust a cop for anything before, let alone with something like this. V really hoped that she had made the right choice in calling him, and more than that, she hoped he meant it when he offered to help. Jackie was in there because of her, he was in there because she wasn't there to help him get away. She got away and left him behind. She had to try every alternative.

—

V had paced up and down that sidewalk the entire time she waited, her stomach in knots. She hoped that they hadn't done anything to Jackie in there, that he was alright during the wait. The second River's truck pulled up, she stood up straight and stood still. River looked around him as he left the vehicle, glancing up and down the street and once at the doorway to the station. He walked up to her—close—and rested an arm against the railing.

"Alright. Lay it on me," he said, now watching the street.

"A client had a job for us. Said we had to return a stolen device that belonged to him. The whole thing was doomed to fail to begin with. He never told us the datapad wasn't his, that it was full of data that would heavily incriminate his rival—I... forget I told you that," she turned, joining him in leaning against the railing as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Point is, he undersold just how heavy security was gonna be and made us out to be petty thieves. We ran, but my partner, Jackie, he got nabbed for attempting to klep valuable property, when that wasn't even exactly what we were out to do."

V took a breath, her mind trying to word everything else while she waited to see what River would say. He seemed to be taking in everything she told him so far, calculating it silently.

"River, he's a good man. Alright? Heywood blood, born and bred, just like me, just does what he needs to to survive in this city. He doesn't deserve to be in there, they're just... It's a late night and they're bored, they wouldn't even let me see him..."

River turned his attention to her, then straightened his back, gesturing over to her. "I'll help, but on one condition." Her eyes were fixated on him. "You give me everything you got on that client of yours."

V's eyes grew wide as panic set in. Her brows furrowed and she took a step closer. "You want me to narc on a client?" she hissed. "River, this is my job, discretion matters most, they... they'll never hire me again if I do this!"

"And this job of yours," his 'ganic eye narrowed. "You ever assassinate anyone?"

"Sometimes we're told to zero gangoons or people with a lotta blood on their hands, sure. Usually scop-eating dirtbags."

"And the thievery?"

"Usually from people who can afford high-level security or won't miss what we grab. Or people who grabbed it first," V explained, then folded her arms. "Look, if you're not gonna help, just tell me and go. You don't have to keep... Jerking me around," V frowned, the last few words being a little quieter than she intended. She was just at a loss, not knowing what her next step would have been if this did not work.

Mama Welles would have torn her a new one, that's for sure.

Next to her, she could hear River shift his weight, feet shuffling sharply against stone. Then, another defeated sigh as he began walking away from her. "Wait here," he told her, heading into the station.

She could have sworn that her heart was bound to burst through her chest, or perhaps her nerves would cause her insides to turn to mush before that could happen. The wait was killing her, but she could see River striking up a conversation on his way in. Losing sight on him, she turned and began her pacing anew.

It took a solid twenty minutes or so before the front doors opened again, with more than one set of footprints sounding out. V turned to see River descending the few steps in front of the door, followed by the hulking figure of her friend, grinning brightly at her.

"Chica!" He called out to her, immediately closing the distance.

V sighed heavily in relief, immediately taking him in for a hug once he reached her. "I was fucking worried for you, Mano."

"Ai, not you too. I'm gonna get an earful from mama the second she hears about this," he shook his head, pulling away.

V then punched him hard in the arm. "Next time, we don't take a job unless we know everything."

Jackie muttered a few words under his breath, something Spanish, something about her knuckles being too sharp. She chose to ignore them, seeing him nudge his head toward River. "Hey, uh... Thanks for getting me out."

"Nah, you should thank her," he replied, gesturing to V. "She's the one who called."

Jackie faced her with a look that showed his understanding, his appreciation. He clapped her shoulder with his hand and held it there for a moment. He did not need to state his appreciation. She knew. He then spoke, voice low and quiet, "You good here?" She knew he meant with River and gave him a reassuring nod. "See you tomorrow?" He asked.

"Dinner at mama's, wouldn't miss it," she replied.

He smiled at her, then saluted at River, before walking off with certain purpose. V then caught River staring at her, his arms folded. "River, I won't forget this."

"Don’t mention it. But we shouldn't talk about it here. Got your ride?" He asked, stepping away as though he was already headed off.

"I was going to take a cab," V replied, pointing toward the street.

"No need, let's take my truck. I'll get you where you need to be."

The favors just kept on stacking.

—

An awkward, heavy silence had grown between them during the ride, or maybe it was just V that shifted in her seat more times than she could count. River was not saying anything, was not even sparing a glance—granted, he was driving, but there was no reasoning with V's anxious mind. He simply drove to downtown Watson as she'd asked.

Somewhere along the way, she finally decided to say something, unable to bear the silence. "I, um... I owe you a lot for what you did."

"How about," he began, focusing on a turn, "we don't owe each other anything?"

Well, she was stumped. She fiddled with her fingers, eyes darting to a hangnail that she suddenly found so interesting. V wasn't entirely sure what to do with that. "It still meant a lot to me."

"It's like you said, they were bored. I just went in and told them it'd be more paperwork into the night and that I was sure they'd want to go home earlier rather than later." As they stopped at a red light, River glanced at her. "I don't get the impression that you're used to people lookin' out for you."

"I got people lookin' out for me," she corrected. "But I don't get used to it. Night city doesn't let you. One day, everyone you know will either be gone from this place or be eaten up by it. Can't depend on anyone but yourself."

"That's a lonely way to live," he replied grimly, continuing the drive

"I don't expect you to understand, Officer," V sighed, looking out the window.

"Never said I didn't."

Another pause ensued between them, and looking outside the window, V realized they were getting close to her apartment. She wondered what he meant by his words. Never in her time in the streets had she ever relied on a badge to help her with anything—not that she met many that were willing to offer. V did wonder, though, why he helped her. He had asked for something in return, she refused, and yet he still helped.

It made her wonder while they turned the corner, reaching the street just over from her apartment. She opened her mouth to tell him to stop, drop her off here, but she suddenly had a different idea. "So, about that coffee you offered once. That offer still standing?”

Driving carefully along the more crowded streets, he threw a glance at her briefly, pursing his lips. “Maybe. Why?”

“I know a place we can get some preem decaf at this hour,” she shrugged, hands tapping at her thighs idly.

River hummed in thought, tapping his fingers against the wheel for a few seconds, and then he asked, "This place serve any grub?"

V smiled.

#Cyberpunk 2077 #River Ward #V #V / River Ward #Eventual romance #eventual smut #slow burn #i swear i (dont) know what im doing guys #My Fics #Countin' On You

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

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Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 7 - Meat Page 26

==>

Back on to Jade swimming into the singularity or something. (And trying to stop thinking that maybe Candy ends with a giant polyamorous relationship and/or orgy, because I don’t imagine Rose would have acted so tamely if that’s what she saw.)

Yes, Time is the complement of Space, that was already confirmed in comic if it wasn’t super incredibly obvious all along anyway.

Gah, I’m getting stomach cramps again.

Yeah, too much Space makes Time invisible and vice versa? Or...

Maybe Dave broke her heart a little, and he keeps doing it too, no matter how many different timelines they try out.

God damnit these CRAMPS. Reading further.

Like a garden, where Jade used to spend so much of her time with her hands in the earth and her head in the clouds, dreaming about flowers that bloomed in six colors and grew when she played them a song. Was that real? It’s hard to tell. But it made her happy, didn’t it?

FUCK are you going to start making me doubt the reality of the liFe we saw her living early in-comic????? Cut it out, it’s unsettling!

Alright, alt!Callie is taking the reins from Dirk on this narrative he so smugly thought he could completely consume. That’s good/bad.

slutty adult Jade

FUCKING YIKES!! FUCK YOU DIRK!

FUCK I DIDN’T NEED HER DEATH DESCRIBED IN SUCH DETAIL EITHER. Also alt!Callie’s really embodying Death here.

==>

Pff. Calliope’s writing the story now, in a sense, like she always kind of wanted.

Also pff, this version of her doesn’t know how to describe human stuff colorfully. :)

An adversarial dichotomy between your opposing goals, huh? This might end up as a “none of us can really write the ending” ending that DOES leave it up in the air for everyone else to decide instead.

Fuck, now you’re having THIS Jade suffer by proxy by experiencing the other Jade’s memories. This metatextual ascension’s happening to everyone isn’t it.

Yeah, she’s done it before and stuff--

when jade turns to look at roxy, her eyes are completely black.

FUCK.

my presence shall mitigate, if not altogether subdue, the corrosive effect on reality and the will of its occupants by those who would manipulate the way events are telegraphed for their own megalomaniacal objectives.

Well, fuck. Jade’s been temporarily hijacked for the rest of the story AGAIN, like back in Condesce days, this time as a plot device to keep Dirk from overreaching with his god powers and stepping over everyone’s wills like an Ultimate Riddle style villain. Dirk, I mean. Being the villain. And alt!Callie just doing what she has to to put this back on track. Man I HATE it when Jade’s will doesn’t get to be on full display. Her will is awesome. (Also, alt!Callie just tacitly confirmed that the will of reality’s occupants matters, if that wasn’t obvious already, so ha.)

despite his pretensions to a greater design, the prince of heart cannot be allowed to continue to exert unchecked control over the authoritative recitation of events on this side of my horizon. it cannot be overstated the extent to which he represents a threat to the continued existence of both this world and corporeal life itself.

Yeah, it was indeed looking that way earlier.

Ooh, alt!Callie is really spot-on with her pronoun use.

Alright, Dirk’s voice is shrinking away, and my stomach still feels half-clenched.

Wow, alt!Callie’s really mad at what Dirk’s been doing with this epilogue.

==>

“EPILOGUE FIVE”?????

Did I miss the titles for one, three, and four??? Yeah there were probably there and I just missed them or something.

Pfffff, John looks/smells like shit. :D

...too fresh??

Fuck you John for thinking Monty Python and the Holy Grail isn’t a masterpiece. :P

terezi tips her head to one side, with what john personally regards as a cute expression, one he believes is unique to her. whether he’s correct or not, it’s his belief that there is no one else who emotes in this manner. it’s both quizzical and mocking, two descriptors that he considers to be an apt summation of her personality as well.

Niiiiice. Nice linguistic description of her “>:?” expression.

have no desire to interject thoughts into others’ minds, or to sway intent. nor do i see value in masking the reality of the emotions that i transcribe. this is how he feels. his mind, however, has made a habit of being less clear about his thoughts than i am willing to be.

Oh thank fucking god, I don’t have to question everyone’s thoughts anymore. Until Dirk comes back or something, I dunno.

Oh my fucking god, alt!Callie, you total voyeuristic nerd.

he fears he is in danger of seeming like the type of creepy human male who is likely to collect large pillows bearing the illustrated images of japanese earth females. to me, this idea means nothing. but it is causing him to sweat.

This is one very relatable snippet of text.

Feed Terezi Feed Terezi Feed Terezi

WHY is the gold tooth poisonous??????? ...Wait, Caliborn affixed it to his mouth intentionally. He had every right and motive to make it poisonous for no good reason. Ugh.

Beep beep, let’s find Vriska.

==>

WHAT

WHAT JANE

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING

JESUS

Using Trickster Mode as a drug to further one’s political performance. That’s fucking horrifying. No wonder it was on the triggers list.

additionally, it prevents one from dwelling on any given personal problems, or the greater implications of any political statements one might make.

Pff, mhmm.

Problematic, huh? Jane seems like the slightly-old-fashioned sort of person who thinks it’s getting kind of ridiculously silly how much people are caring about stuff being “problematic”. And yet that stuff DOES matter, and ignoring it DOES hurt people, and she not only isn’t seeing that but is drugging herself to see it LESS with that goddamned lollipop. Holy shit.

she turns around promptly, her body jolted by the surprise of her sudden reversal. she bends over, cradles the lollipop reverentially, and situates it carefully in a place signifying respect: atop the mantle, after clearing space for it by shoving several brittle, worthless objects to the floor.

PFFF. Okay, so alt!Callie ISN’T above altering characters slightly from their narrative course when it comes to one of the few things she deems important. Heh.

Having “his control of a shared vehicle fully suppressed”, huh? Does alt!Callie only mean the narrative, or maybe Rose too with whatever weird bullshit he did to her?

Uh, “while the seer both diminishes and ascends”??? D:

--Oh, oh shit. He was planning to NARRATIVE CONTROL Jake into going along with things. D: D:

Yeah, Jake would want to bang all the aliens, really.

Sendificator rifle, or something like that. Got it.

==>

How fucking long is this epilogue, anyway????? I mean, the length is appropriate from an objective point of view, I’m just frustrated because I’m going to have to spend every waking hour liveblog-reading it until I’ve reached the end or I’m likely to fucking explode, and I didn’t want this to be my entire day/weekend/existence again AAGH HOMESTUCK YOU BLACK HOLE

anyway yaay karkat in a suit.

Alluding to assassination attempts? What, is that red rifle going to try and fulfill that old “through the silver screen and straight into my heart” unused foreshadowing-herring from act six, or five, or whenever it was? Five, I believe.

Pff, super pacs, yeah. Dave’s nearly as political as me now or something. Except he actually acts on it here instead of just sitting around talking about it and thinking he’s right all the time, like me.

Wait, JANE ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH with smearing Jake??!??? Holy shit she’s lost touch.

KARKAT: SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF IS ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS SUBJECT MATTER FOR PRODUCING CAMPAIGN ADS! KARKAT: NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, OR WHAT POINTS YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE! DAVE: yeah its awesome

Pfffff.

...yeah, Jake isn’t thinking of ANYTHING except Dirk right now, really.

Oh huh, Dirk HAS been as controlling of Jake as he used to be, now that alt!Callie’s pointing it out. Just with an even more insidious mechanism.

Oh cool, Karkat’s version of the policy pitch! :D :D :D Can’t wait can’t wait reading

(dont lie karkat you totally know shes hot)

Pff, stop making it seem obvious that Dirk wanted to assassinate Jake for political purposes. Heck, even if that WAS his plan it’d just be a temporary death that he’d resurrect from and then they’d try to turn it into... what, some media spin on how Karkat might have been responsible? Or a troll?? That latter part would make things MUCH more xenophobic. I’m starting to get seriously into the politics of this.

==>

Pff, now ‘rezi’s eating tobacco.

...okay, is Terezi REALLY going to go for a real conversation with just an honest ask for one? I don’t think so--

--aaand there she goes laughing, as expected. At least at first.

Yep, Terezi’s wearing the shoes. Nice date gift.

--And yep, Terezi remembers all that. She managed to do the nigh-metatextual mind merge with her other selves WITHOUT even needing God-Tier.

Yeah, Vriska always seemed fit to abandon the kismesis you deserved when it suited her, ‘rezi. :(

JOHN: even worse, i might have tried to fix things MYSELF! TEREZI: OH D34R GOD JOHN: yeah!!!

Yeah I cackled out loud at that.

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S P3RF3CT 1SNT 1T? TEREZI: BUT NOT FOR YOU TEREZI: YOU DONT *F33L* 1T

john swallows a thick breath. he reminds himself that he never wanted perfection, never asked for it. and yet he feels guilty every day for failing to enjoy it as much as he believes he was supposed to.

Holy shit. John’s survivor’s guilt from all the doomed timelines he witnessed and escaped is keeping him from feeling their victory has been real, and making his “squandering” of it gut his self-esteem too. God damnit.

Roxy and John wouldn’t have worked out????? Hey Terezi, quit it! >:[ That’s not fair, just very plausibly and authoritatively dismissing a ship we’d hoped for offscreen like-- Oh, shit, she’s alluding to something that happened in the Candy side I haven’t read isn’t she. She would DEFINITELY have an idea of what happened on the other side of that Choice Split with her hero role. Fuck what am I in for

....pfff, that Callie vs Dirk bit. It’s like revenge against Doc Scratch, which it kind of IS, really.

I didn’t expect this much time to be spent dwelling on really intimate John/Terezi scenes. It’s really refreshing! Making this kind of meaningful no matter whether it’s black or inexplicably red they end up with or whatever, and equally meaningful if they don’t end up in any sort of relationship at all, really.

even without the aid of a juju, he is fortunate enough to be blessed with the only true form of divinity. to be released from the prison of nonsensical inhibitions which so often psychologically hobble the more primitive forms of life.

Alt!Callie, are you causing this? I thought you wanted to be impartial.

Okay, THAT finally brought things suitably closer to the black side of romance like I would have expected.

==>

their finger hovers over dirks number for a moment, but... no. that would not be a good idea. they don’t know why they suddenly think it’s a bad idea. it just is.

Okay, THAT shred of influence is fair. You DID say you were going to countermand his influence, so yeah.

Good excuse to get narration of her thoughts, if flimsy. :)

Lord save me from this fake woke nightmare.

Pfffff. Fuck you, Dirk. ;)

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

FUCK you’re going to kill JADE aren’t you???? You’re giving Jade a TEMPORARY DEATH just to deny alt!Callie’s proxy?!?? That’s fucking insidious! Fuck you, Dirk!!! That one wasn’t a loveable joke this time, that was an ACTUAL fuck you. This epilogue is really good at making him out to be the villain now that his powers have expanded to the narrative.

Reading reading reading...

...Huh. Is Roxy talking about coming out as non-binary and getting advice on it? Hm!

Alright, and she’s defs a little gay for Callie from what she’s saying if it wasn’t clear before. If “gay” even has any relevance when you’re talking about a pair of non-binary... yeah whatever. :)

Alright, time to hear Dave talk about it all some more I guess.

--Yep, he’s only mostly gay. Called it. There’s a whole spectrum.

...and yeah, I mean... why NOT let it go beyond quadrants with Karkat and never slap an official label on it? You’re just two people who love each other and want to spend time together in any capacity, be it positive or negative. It doesn’t have to result in anything formal unless you want it to, much less boning down or something. Dirk, stop getting creepy with how hard you’re shipping them, that’s the fanbase’s job.

Jade and Roxy are visible from this location, right? Wasn’t it mentioned that they live in a tower in Carapaceville or whatever? Has Dirk successfully conned alt!Callie into having her vessel shot through? Probably.

the ongoing corruption of his cerebrally impaired daughter.

Eewwwwweweewww

Anyway yeah here comes the plot twist or whatever...

Yeah, Callie gets it wrong, and--

......ah, a tranq? That makes more sense and is more than slightly less evil, if still ultimately evil given his eventual presumed goals or whatever.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

FUCK YOU

Oh, Jade’s going to be asleep for the rest of the story? AGAIN?!???? FUCK YOU SO MUCH, DIRK.

Jesus christ. How long is this epilogue anyway.

Taken your leave? From this planet??? What the fuck, are you--

Oh. Oh shit.

When Dirk ascended into absorbing the memories of all his various split selves, did he get a heaping helping of DOC SCRATCH in there too??? Was Doc Scratch’s ambition actually for POST-victory ascension in this very manner? FUCK. Either way, him sharing some of those memories puts a pretty unique spin on his descent into goddamn evil, here.

Reading on... oh shit, did Callie write the candy half??

==>

Huh, postcoital; we actually went there. Cool.

Ah, she gives up on Vriska? Better find Vriska really fast, then.

Oh, you’re really going? Or, trying, anyway.

==>

Really committed to this whole ascending to literal godhood schtick, aren’t you, Dirk?

(Hm. Makes me almost think that this situation with Rose is going to end up with someone splitting her essence entirely in two to save her; her raw Seer-ness getting forced into a convenient vessel (cueball, wonk wonk) and herself returning to consciousness a slight bit more mortal than she was before, ie not going completely insane. Hmm.)

Oh, “Vast Fuck” sorta-maybe-confirmed..??

Stop tacitly insulting Jake as you puppet him, Dirk. He’s a dumbass but not THAT much of a dumbass.

beta-bitch

FUCK YOU, DIRK.

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart.

Fuuuuuuck you.

could subsume your entire personality

Shit, he IS trying to pretty much consume them all. Swallow their individuality and take total control of all their actions. All Prince of Heart on the whole world. Dirk you need to fucking DIE.

And to love Dirk is to obey him.

There isn’t a Fuck You large or loud enough to what I feel about the mental violation Dirk is inflicting on Jake right now, and everyone else around him, and I sincerely and selfishly hope this epilogue is almost over because I don’t want too many pages to stand between this one and seeing Dirk fucking PAY.

Jake opens his big, dumb mouth to make the only important contribution to the plot he ever has or ever will make in his whole sad, pointless joke of a life.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU

Let’s hope that in your hubris your looking away managed to let him say something different or some such.

==>

You try to remember if you’ve ever been revived by Jane before. You honestly can’t recall. So much shit has happened. Maybe?

Yeah, I don’t recall either really.

The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Okay, fuck? How the hell? Is this just because Dirk says it is, or???

I guess it’s tragic, though maybe not in the conventional sense. My view is, the real tragedy with you, John, is that you never mattered all that much.

Yeah, Dirk’s first fucking rant when he took over the narrative officially was about John being a you-insert nobody average guy, and the DISDAIN he shows to everything about who John is is pretty goddamn insulting. He has NO concept of how John managed to bring everyone together or... UGH!

even though you knew both then and now that it was the only choice you possibly could have made.

Dammit, so it probably WASN’T a full timeline-bisecting Mind split. Just a side branch that wasn’t as likely, because just like with his Denizen, John’s will was tilted toward this part of the choice. D:

I see how some of this seems to be going, or at least think I do... Dirk thinks that John needs to die heroically “for the good of the story”, and something’s potentially going to come in and say “no”? That the whole reason they WON was to essentially be free of that cruel logic once and for all, and that Dirk is gonna get one hell of a smackdown for trying futilely to enforce it in their new post-victory domain??

She listens to him bleed while she smells him die.

--That, and fulfilling bits of foreshadowing for shits and giggles. >:(

Huh, “friable”, didn’t even know that was a word. Just looked it up; you learn something new every day.

Okay what is Dirk planning with the fucking body.

==>

Jane swept the election, of course. I told you I was going to win. After Jake’s incoherent and scandalous heel-turn at Karkat’s ill-fated rally, no amount of esoteric, three-dimensional jpeg artefacts could have salvaged the Vantas campaign.

Ah, but is that what REALLY happened, or what you’re saying happened, about to be overwritten?

Mainly that their BFF Jade has been in a coma for an entire month. They’ve been in and out of the hospital handling her affairs. Her next of kin is listed as John Egbert, and no one’s seen him in ages. It’s like he just disappeared suddenly. Like some great hand came out of the sky and crossed his name off the big list of guys we ever need to give a shit about anymore.

F U C K Y O U

Roxy, after all, and since her big heart-to-heart about the personal politics of queer onion metaphors, and ten stages of galaxy-braining through the many vicissitudes of the phrase “no homo,” Roxy has decided to really step up her gender experimentation. I guess at this point she’s gone beyond Stage Ten. Which I imagine is somewhat like reaching Super Saiyan 2 of gender, and then going even further beyond.

Holy crap, she’s going full Dave Lalonde. That’s pretty sweet.

...Isn’t Terezi like obviously covered in blood and stuff?

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

Oh my fucking GOD real!Callie please save the plot. Nuke this self-indulgent Dirkshit.

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

...This is an allusion to the Candy side I haven’t read, isn’t it? Maybe THAT’s part of what she supplants this bullshit with. Or since it mentions “various combinations”, she’s restoring the possibility to everything that the ending was supposed to have?

This is potentially a real fucking indictment of the idea of a narrative-driven ending when what actually mattered was the characters’ escape from said narrative. :)

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

Okay fuck maybe Callie ISN’T helping. Maybe she’s just so worried about the alternate history she could have lead that she’s retreating into every Candy-like fanfic she can think of. :(

What’s with the phone buzz? The intervention we’ve been hoping for, since Dirk’s making her ignore it?

Oh cool, figures Terezi’s been hearing the narrative all along and just politely not acknowledging the fact that she hears it! Maybe SHE’LL help unfuck this mess. (And according to her, Roxy’s gone full “him” too!)

Fuck fuck fuck Terezi don’t listen to him go against his bullshit instead

Where, canon? Is that where you’re planning to escape back to or some such, with yourself as the author? Is that orange Andrew actually you or some BS?

Dammit.

==>

FUCK, “new body”????

The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

FUCK FUCK FUCK it IS the cueball isn’t it. Holy shit. That’s even worse than a robot. FZUCZK

Okay calm down. The Rose part of Rose can be cut away and rescued from this fate somehow, if she isn’t just whole-hog rescued entirely which would also be good. FUCK DIRK

...look purple? What?

DIRK: What’s happening here is the best thing for everybody.

Yeah, go fuck yourself. This shit had better be undone soon.

To finally face the truth. If Rose has been spending more time with me than you, if she’s realizing she resonates more with me due to our natural similarities and finds my presence more rewarding than yours, then what does that say about YOU, Kanaya?

PFFFF. YOU’RE GONNA BREAK UP THE PAIRING JUST SO YOU CAN STEAL HER? HAHAHAHAHAHA NO.

Okay, after THAT page’s last bit of horrid manipulation, this can’t end in any way that doesn’t involve ages of existential and literal torment for Dirk, forever.

==>

Epilogue Seven, huh. One last thing he wants to take care of before getting out of dodge, huh. I see Karkat and Dave’s text colors on screen. Is he going to try to force them to finally bone down or confess? This would be the perfect place for his plan to get fucking stopped.

Homestuck, stop making my fucking stomach clench so hard.

That’s a hell of a disaster Dirk thought up for these guys on that stage.

Part of this whole shitshow might be to tell us that this ending, this “fanfic” of dubious authenticity of an epilogue that Dirk is giving us is how DIRK believes it would end best for everyone involved, but not how everyone else would, ignoring their wills... while also discarding the idea of the epilogue that any individual reader of Homestuck would want in favor of the possibilities he meant to leave open with the ending.

Alright, here comes Dirk NOT forcing them to bone down but rather trying to persuade-brainwash them into a relationship talk.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

Dave. Please.

Hey, the Gurren Lagaan reference went WAY too long unsaid. Even if Andrew literally didn’t know a thing about said anime when he made the character designs.

I look Dave right in his mind’s eye and tell him to cut it the fuck out. He wants it, you want it, so just go for it, my man. It’s now or never.

DAVE: oh DAVE: same

I feel every brain cell in my immortal body begin to perish in real time.

BAAHAHAHAAHHhahahha FUCK YOU Dirk.

I mean, I want Dave and Karkat together as much as the next guy but FUUUUUUUCK YOU DIRK!!! I want everything you ever wanted to go wrong and shit on you. Their equivocating soft-nearly-mance is strong enough to go even against you, who thinks yourself the narrative fucking Sun.

Oh this is fantastic

I’ve literally been decapitated and that was less unbearable than this.

YES KEEP FALLING APART

You see that twinkle? That’s devotion, you unbelievably dense neutron star of a dumbshit.

Nice callback to... what was it, Dave’s first rant at Tavros to troll him back or whatever?

radially effervescing kaleidoscope of more hot boy peckers than you could ever imagine.

Yep, DEFINITELY a callback to that. I’ll never forget the sick flow of that metaphor.

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

SAVE US DAVE

Dammit, near miss.

The privilege of a Strider Eye Moment is about the most earth-shattering experience a young man will ever have in his life.

Pfff

DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!

yaaaaaayyy

I mean we didn’t save the whole story yet but at least Dirk got fucked over and we still get Davekat intimacy.

That’s pretty classy actually, not getting into detail and just sounding blown the fuck away by it even though he’s Dirk. That’s pretty good.

==>

Something about the height of Rose, roughly Rose-shaped, and wrapped in a cloth. I know she’s gonna love it the first time she sees it.

Oh so it IS a robot body. Well, fuck you a little less than it potentially being the magic cueball, but STILL fuck you.

I may have already mentioned, but I’m a bit too deft at this for my own good. Doing the thing where I tug at the part of someone’s latent thought process that already knows they adore me. That if someone would just pull the stops from their sense of inhibition, they’d realize they would do anything for me.

It’s called killing their soul with your role abilities you ASSHOLE

I hope this crush you filled him with bites you in the fucking ass now that he’s here.

DIRK: I won’t be coming back, Jake.

Oh, so you’re just going to drop the truth on him like that? Let’s see how that works out for you, asshole.

DIRK: Jane needs you now more than ever.

Oh fuck you. This is “best for everyone”, huh?????

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know. DIRK: Her candy boy? JAKE: CANDY BOY??? DIRK: Yeah. Being on call. DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such. DIRK: To provide her with many heirs. DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool? JAKE: HEIRS??

Um. What the fuck? Is this even Dirk anymore? It’s not Condesce intervention, I’m not going to try and suspect that just from the callback or anythiiiii-----

Fuck, we DID just get an alive Meenah dropped into a universe somewhere.

Maybe this IS Condesce intervention. Just a different Condesce. o_O

Two ticks longer than he ever deserved.

Gah???

DIRK: But I’ll never let you break my heart again.

So this was all just revenge for dumping him??????????????

==>

Guh, back to Kanaya-- wait, why does Dirk want Terezi around, anyway?

Jade wakes up and then-- Okay. Okay my eyes flitted down to the green halfway down the page and I saw this phrase before I actually got to it.

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Thank FUCK.

Anyway reading the in-between...

The scope of her awareness, she now understands, is truly staggering. Memories are suddenly accessible that are almost impossible to believe. Some of them are unspeakably marvelous to her. Others, deeply disturbing.

FUCKING COOL she got Ultimate-Selved! Now she knows too much about what’s going on to stop her! Get fucked, Dirk!!!!

No, more than just disturbing. She lingers in the dark recesses of her consciousness. There were things she saw, things she was told... Her mouth twists into a silent snarl. She’s been angry plenty of times before. But never so angry that she stopped being cute. She’s not cute this time.

YEAAAAAHHH JADE GET ANGRY

This had better not be Dirk intentionally riling her up since he still has control of the narrative though.

Next post.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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