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saranel · 6 years

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The Last Jedi review, sorta

I don’t think I’ve talked enough (if at all) about what a huge Star Wars nerd I am on this blog, mostly because I didn’t love TFA as much as most people seemed to and I just never joined in the renewed fandom frenzy.

TL;DR on my views on TFA: It was fun enough, some interesting new characters, beautiful visuals, but I’d seen that movie before. It came out in ‘77 and it was much better then. Homage is one thing, rip off is completely another. Mostly, I guess I was just disappointed that they didn’t dare to try and move the universe forward a bit, beyond the already trodden path.

Say what you will about the prequels, but I will always, always maintain there’s nothing wrong with them a better script and director couldn’t fix. George tries, bless him, but he can’t write dialogue worth a damn. Not even Meryl Streep could’ve made the line “So love has blinded you” any better than Natalie Portman did, and both she and Hayden have proven themselves to be much better actors than they were in Star Wars. I’m not bothering with Ewan because he was one of the few really great things about the Prequels.

That having been said, what George can do is weave a decent background story, and the Prequel Trilogy’s story is much, much richer than the OT’s. Taking off our nostalgia-colored glasses for a moment, let us be honest: the OT was so successful because it did a very simple thing, and did it well, and had a cast with wonderful chemistry. The story itself is nothing to rave about: just your simple Evil Empire vs Plucky Rebels story. But the Prequels actually got political and much darker than the OT did, they just did it clumsily. Still, it was something new in the Star Wars universe and George always tried to expand the known worlds by giving us even small glimpses of other cultures and planets. Don’t forget that Star Wars was never meant to be high-brow Science Fiction a la Philip Dick, but a space adventure. This doesn’t mean that the story can’t have nuance, but the point of Star Wars was always to be a fairytale exploration of a fictional galaxy.

Compared to that, the new trilogy seemed extremely lacking to me. And seeing The Last Jedi a few days ago really cemented that. Never before have I seen so many things happening in one movie while nothing really happens at all. It makes Attack of the Clones look interesting in comparison, and that’s saying a lot. ALSO LUKE, WTF HAS THE MOUSE DONE TO MY SPACE SON, THE FUCKING GALL.

So yes, surprise-surprise, TLJ manages to rip off Empire (with a dash of Battlestar Galactica thrown in for good measure) and does so poorly. It was not a terrible film by any means, but I honestly thought it was no better than Phantom Menace. And Phantom Menace had the Duel of Fates. So.

(okay, to be fair, TLJ didn’t have Jar Jar so that’s one point in its favor)

In a nutshell:

(cut for spoilers)

THE GOOD

- Poe. Poe was good. Moar Poe, there was a serious lack of Poe in TFA and it has been rectified, this was a very good decision.

- The silent scene. Y’all know the one. People in my theater literally gasped in unison. I was bored outta my skull up until then and as soon as I realized what Holdo was about to do, I sat up, all ‘oshit’ and it was amazing. Beautifully shot, beautifully clever, and the most badass hero death in the SW universe. Only comes in second in terms of best scene in the movie because the other one involved a more established and beloved character.

- MY SON LUKE KICKING HIS NEPHEW’S ASS LIKE IT AIN’T NO BIG THANG. In full disagreement over how shit went down between them in the past, but Luke showing Kylo who’s the most goddamn powerful Jedi in the galaxy (which Luke did canonically become in later years btw) was such a rewarding scene. Also, he was dressed in black. Like in ROTJ. Because fuck yeah.

- Rey’s parentage. Most people probably hated that she’s not a Skywalker but I just... kinda loved the suggestion that she was the Force’s answer to Kylo? It’s happened before with Anakin, so this isn’t exactly new, and Anakin, too, came from ‘nothing.’ I liked it. She doesn’t have to have illustrious parentage to be important in the series, and as much as I love my Space Drama Queen clan, it’s time the universe moves on from the Kardashians of the galaxy.

- Luke’s death. I don’t agree with 99% of what went down with Luke in this trilogy, I think it was deeply out of character, but his ending? That was spot on. Did I want more out of his storyline? Obviously, but examined in a vacuum, his ending was beautiful to me. Especially that last scene. Best scene in the movie from start to end.

- Yoda manipulating the goddamn heavens to rain thunder upon the ancient tree. Ilu Yoda

- Leia and Holdo discussing Poe. This was an A+++ short scene. Get it, ladies.

- Snoke is gone, thank the heavens. Worst-named villain in movie history, I couldn’t stop laughing every time someone said SUPREME LEADER snoke.

- CRYSTAL FOXES OMG

- Luke getting his kicks in that boring-ass island via EXTREME ROD FISHING, lmao the nerd

THE MEH

- So, um... Kylo and Rey? ....ew? (did they not think Finn and Rey were super cute or)

- So, um... Finn and Rose? ....ookaaaay? (did they not see Poe biting down on his lip when he saw Finn in his jacket or)

- I don’t really care for ships in this trilogy tbh, whatever. Guess I’m steering clear from attachment until I know who’s related to whom (THIS IS A DANGEROUS UNIVERSE TO SHIP IN OKAY). Plus, not really feeling particularly strong toward any couple, just... not Kylo and Rey, ew.

- Rose. I liked her, but... they hardly gave her anything to do. That casino storyline was such a mess, made it seem like she was there just to be there.

- Finn’s storyline. Snoozefest. I like him, but... see above.

- lol wtf happened to Chewie...? He was just... there?

THE BAD

- SPACE-WALKING LEIA. I’M SORRY, OKAY, I know this scene will be big with many people, and lord knows I wanted to see Space Mom use the Force beyond that Spidey Sense shit, but this was just so dumb.

- All the ‘humor.’ My god, just... no. Not every scene needs to be steeped in Whedon-speak, please stahp. I will admit the first scene got a chuckle out of me, but the rest...

- The ‘plot.’ This was literally an extended car chase scene in space with some Sense8 type shit thrown in. Rey hardly even did any training, ffs.

- so the force-sensitive member of the trio goes on to be trained by a wise, isolated mentor and finds herself drawn to a place steeped in the dark side and ends up seeing only herself reflected in there, meanwhile the rest of the characters are involved in a chase across the galaxy, running away from the evil empire, and at some point decide to ask for help form a well-known swindler who betrays them and in the end everything seems bleak with just a tiny glimmer of hope. HMMMMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

- quite frankly, I’m still in shock Rey finished the film with two fully biological arms

- O hei, look, it’s The Salty planet Hoth. With pod-racing.

- Really? Rey blushing at shirtless Kylo? Really

- WHERE IS FORCE GHOST ANAKIN TO GO “BINCH I REDEEMED MYSELF IN THE END STOP THIS SHIT, ALSO I DID THIS FIRST AND I DID IT BETTER” TO HIS WANNABE GRANDSON

- The whole damn Casino storyline. I don’t care if it’s meant to set up something for the last movie (probably not) but it was long, boring, and a clumsily written attempt at a storyline that could’ve been more nuanced and a good addition.

- why did we have to see Luke milk that alien Y

- NOT ONE DECENT LIGHTSABER FIGHT THE FUQ.

- Leia (and Han in TFA) giving up on her son instead of beating some sense into his ass with a space slipper. Y’ALL KNOW SHE WOULD. Baaaaad characterization. Space Mom would never.

- Also, fuck whoever decided that Leia, who canonically has the exact same force potential as Luke because they’re twins, never developed her powers beyond Force Sense or whatever. If you’re not gonna give the woman a lightsaber, at least have her Force Push fools out of her way.

- Wtf Rey you obliterated that nice alien’s cart and didn’t even apologize they work hard every day you should be ashamed

- why was it meant to be funny when porgs were slapped around wtf

- “what’s that canon?” “Basically a small death star” kjashKLAFJSHSAJKDFSADFHSAK

- Kylo. Can he just die, plz, the expanded universe did the Evil Solo son storyline so much better. Yet another way in which this trilogy is totes an ~*homage*~ No shade on the actor though, he did a great job. It’s just the violent manchild character I cannot stand.

- So like... we’re never gonna learn what Snoke’s deal was...? Or how he got to Kylo...? ....Okay then.

- This movie was 2 and a half hours long.

#star wars #the last jedi #tlj spoilers #I bet y'all wish George was still at the helm now #VINDICATION FOR THE PREQUELS AT LAST

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