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mybleachedsoul · 6 years

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Becoming who we were meant to be - Chapter 1

My current multi-chaptered ichiruki fic. It’s always available on fanfiction.net if you want to read ahead, but I thought I’d post the first chapter here because we’re in desperate need of some pure IR content in the middle of this whole mess with the origos (sigh). Anyway here it is!

1: Not a good day to die

Ichigo Kurosaki juggles with the pile of textbooks in his hands in a desperate attempt to regain balance and keep the tower standing. He thinks he’s succeeded, until one textbook falls literally in his face, making the rest of the textbook-tower crumble miserably on the ground. Ishida Uryu instantly becomes disappointed in his own lack of logical thinking. Really, he should’ve seen this coming long enough to be able to pull out his cellphone and film it. That would’ve made a great slow-motion montage, he thinks with regret.

“Fucking hell,” Ichigo cusses, staring at the mess he’d made around his feet.

“I would say nice going Kurosaki but honestly I’m not even surprised by your lack of grace anymore,” Uryu hides the amusement that was tickling his lips and pushes his glasses up on his nose.

Ichigo groans in animalistic irritation and bends his knees to start picking up his books, one by one. “Thanks a lot, asshole. Why don’t you help me pick these up instead of bragging like a goddamn princess?”

Uryu puffs air out of his mouth. “Well, since you always insist on the fact that you do not need my help, I’m gonna respectfully decline the offer, thanks.” He puts his hands in his pockets as he looks down at Ichigo.

Ichigo’s eyebrow pops. “Right when I was beginning to think you could do something besides knitting and sewing like a woman…” he mumbles to his friend, carefully getting up with a revisited textbook tower in his arms.

Uryu squints his eyes. He is about to retort when Kurosaki opens his trap again.

“Oh, and while we’re at it,” Ichigo says as he picks up his walking. “Thank you for letting me spend nearly a thousand-fucking-dollars on fancy ass textbooks when you already have all of them peacefully accumulating dust in your dorm room.”

Uryu catches up with him, frown growing heavier by the second. “I need mine in perfect condition, and as you can so clearly see, Kurosaki, you cannot be trusted with such value.”

Ichigo scowls deeply, walking even faster now in the hope of out-running Ishida. Honestly it could easily be possible; the man has the stamina of a morbidly obese Dachshund. Ichigo genuinely wonders how he ever could’ve considered bringing Ishida for his textbook shopping as something other than a terribly bad idea.

Sure, he had decided to change his major at the last minute. Sure, he didn’t know anyone to guide him through this other than four-eyes over here, and sure, maybe he had absolutely no idea what to expect of this medicine program but what the hell, he would’ve been perfectly fine figuring this out on his own.

After all, he’d been accepted into the program with his own grades, hadn’t he?

Not to forget the two years he had spent studying law.

Shit, what a mistake that had been.

The law program had seemed like a decent idea at the time. After spending a year working a part-time job and coaching Karin’s soccer team straight after high school, his dad had urged him to find something he wanted to study. Anything, he said, as long as Ichigo was living his life to the fullest.

And so, he chose law. If he’s being honest, Ichigo still isn’t quite sure why he first chose to go into law major. Perhaps it had been the integrity of it all, or the fact that he felt like, as a lawyer, he would be able to change things for the better. He seemed hopeful, and his dad was proud, though he didn’t say it out loud.

Might’ve been a perfect plan, had it not been so excruciatingly boring.

Reading after reading after reading. Paragraph following paragraph, following another paragraph. It never stopped. He might’ve been able to keep good grades, but for those two years of his life, he had never felt so severely bored and out of place. The only moments of peace he got were when Rukia or Renji showed up, about every month or so, and they would go slay a couple of hollows (a great way to relieve stress, by the way) or just hang out in his dorm or, on a few occasions, in Karakura town.

Ichigo suddenly gets dragged out of his thoughts when they finally reach his new dorm room, one he shares with a complete stranger; a nerdy and shy looking kid.

He throws his keys to Ishida, gesturing for him to unlock the door as he himself is busy carrying the mountain of books, which by the way, weighs a shit ton more than one would think.

As the door finally opens Ichigo barges in and drops all of his ridiculously new and expensive books on the couch. “Fucking finally,” he breathes out in relief.

Ishida comes in, slowly, and looks around. “So, this is your new dorm, huh. Where’s the roommate?”

“Uh, gone I guess.” Ichigo answers. “I only met him once.” He then turns his attention back to his books, beginning to sort them out. Anatomy and Physiology I & II, Diagnostics, Pathology, Pharmacology…and more, way more. How can one need so many books for the very first semester?

“Kurosaki,” Ishida’s voice resonates in the unfortunately small room. There’s a serious tone to it but then again, Ishida is always serious.

“What?” Ichigo snaps at him, but doesn’t turn to make eye-contact.

Ishida doesn’t answer right away, as if hesitating with the choice of words. He wonders if he should even mention it at all, but the words are leaving his mouth before he can stop himself and it’s too late.

“Are you sure this is what you want?”

Ichigo stops, just for a moment, then resumes sorting out what he just bought. “Couldn’t have asked me that before I pissed away the content of my bank account?” He asks and Ishida knows there’s no seriousness in his voice, as if this isn’t one of the biggest decisions of his life.

“I’m serious Ichigo,” he continues. “Do you really want to throw yourself in medicine, after telling me again and again how tired you were of studying for your law classes? This program might be even more time-consuming and-“

“You don’t think I know that?” Ichigo cuts his friend suddenly as he swings around 90 degrees, looking at him straight in the eyes. “I don’t know if this is for me, Ishida, but I won’t know until I try.”

Uryu frowns, but barely. “Obviously. I just thought, to be honest, that when you dropped your law major, it was to accept the Seireitei’s offer.”

Ah.

There it is, Ichigo thinks.

Both men stare at each other for a few, weirdly quiet seconds, before Ichigo drops his eyes and sighs heavily. “That was one year ago, Ishida. And I still have no answer to their question,” he replies and doesn’t look at his friend, because he simply cannot.

One year ago, he got a proposal indeed.

The Seireitei were looking for something to add to their forces, to make Soul Society stronger; a way to assure it would never again risk collapsing into nothingness. And they found one. Some were against it, some didn’t think it would be wise, or even enough of an addition to actually strengthen the Gotei 13, but in the end, the Central 46 voted for the project to pass. A project in which they were planning on creating a 14th Division. And obviously, that meant they needed a captain, before anything else.

Apparently, they couldn’t come up with anyone better than him for the job.

Believe it or not.

Anyway, when Rukia and Ukitake-taichou showed up at his doorstep with the proposition, needless to say he was confused, speechless, angry and relieved, all at the same time. He was told to reflect on it, but no matter how many days he’d spent analyzing every single aspect over and over, he only had one and only answer in head, if it even counted as one. His time living in the human world wasn’t over, in fact it was far from being over. He wanted to experience it; live life the way his mom would’ve wanted him to. Soul Society would always be waiting, would something ever happen to him.

He just couldn’t give up on living.

At least not yet.

Rukia understood. Of course, he knew she would. She had always been the one to encourage him to live his life the way he was supposed to; as a human being. And when he’d been talking about it with her, on the Kurosaki residence rooftop, he saw something in her eyes. Something she never allowed the world to see but for a splint of a second, let him witness.

He was human, and he was also Shinigami. He still had the choice to decide which one of those lives he wanted to live. He could even choose to keep living in balance between the two. But Rukia never got to choose. So, when he told her he couldn’t accept, at least not just yet, what else could she do but understand?

The sharp ring of his cell phone pulls him out of his thoughts like a bucket of freezing water thrown in his face.

He sighs, roughly, searches for his phone in his pocket and opens it one quick motion of exasperation. He doesn’t even look for the ID before answering with a not-too-pleased “Hello?”

“Ichigo,” he hears his dad’s low voice on the other line.

“Dad? What’s up,” he asks, turning away from Ishida.

Silence.

“Dad?” he asks again, and feels a twinge of anxiety begin to form in the pit of his stomach. His dad rarely calls him, and when he does he’s yelling his name in his usual craziness, not staying silent.

“Dad,” he says suddenly and louder than before. “What is it?”

“Son, you better come home. You sister…” Isshin sighs, and the heaviness in his voice is clear, and it makes Ichigo’s heart beat fast as he feels cold sweat beginning to form on his back. “Karin… She was in a car accident. It’s bad, Ichigo.”

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Ichigo’s heart stops and he can’t tell if his lungs are still functioning. He doesn’t- What should he- What the hell happened- No- He can’t-

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” his mouth moves on its own and he hangs up the phone before he can hear another word from his father.

He immediately turns around and, checking for his wallet in his pocket, slides out of the room. “Ichigo, wait. What’s going on? Ichigo!” he hears Ishida ask behind him but he can’t answer, and instead, starts running, his legs numb as he heads straight for the train station.

The ER smells like isopropyl alcohol and needles when Ichigo flashes through the automatic doors of Karakura General Hospital. It’s been about two hours since he hung up the phone, back in his dorm room, and hasn’t gotten any news since, except for one text from his dad, telling him they are in room E-15.

Ichigo stops at a reception desk and hears himself asking for room E-15. The lady mumbles and points, and then once again his feet are moving, fast, and his heart pumps hard, filling and hitting his ears.

He passes by many hallways, then catches a thick black E-0 out of the corner of his eyes. He practically runs. E-1…E-3…E-5…E-7…E-9…E-11…E-13… He looks in front of him and-

Thump.

His dad is sitting on a chair in the hallway. His head is low, too low, and his shoulders are slumped down in resignation.

Thump.

He hears someone crying, sobbing, in the room facing his dad, and Ichigo realizes- It’s Yuzu.

Thump.

His father’s arm is resting on his knee, and his hand is curved upwards, as if holding someone’s hand. Ichigo raises his eyes.

Thump.

Karin Kurosaki, standing in front of her father, holds her hand in his own. There are traces of tears on her face and…

…a broken chain anchored in her chest.

Thump.

This isn’t happening, is the only thing Ichigo can think right now. He thinks his legs have given in, but somehow he’s still standing. His ears ring, in a piercingly low frequency. He takes a step forward and his dad lifts his head up just as Karin’s turns, and just like that both of them are looking at him, only…Karin’s eyes are no longer alive.

This isn’t happening. Ichigo feels like screaming and vomiting at the same time, but he cannot speak. Karin smiles at him through her pain, just as another tear falls down her cheek.

“Karin,” he murmurs, and his voice is dry.

He sees her lower lip tremble but she keeps her smile on, as if it’s the only thing preventing her from breaking. He hears another cry, then sees Yuzu come out of a room, room E-15, eyes heavy with tears and misery. “Ichigo,” he hears Yuzu’s voice crack and she runs into his arms, hugging him tight as she sobs, louder and louder.

Ichigo holds his baby sister, the sight of room E-15 finally filling his view and he realizes; he’s too late. There, in a hospital bed lies Karin Kurosaki’s lifeless body.

“She’s hasn’t left her bedside in over three hours,” his voice is hoarse and he basically whispers the words, wind blowing in his face as he stands on a platform outside of the hospital.

“She can only see the edges of her shape, Ichigo. Her reiatsu hasn’t grown since she was eleven.”

Ichigo looks down, and slowly shakes his head. “She’s never going to recover from this, dad.”

Isshin Kurosaki puts his hand on his son’s shoulder. “You’re wrong,” he says. “She will recover, because she knows Karin is not gone.”

Ichigo jerks his father’s hand away. “The human her is,” he says, and he can’t help how sour and raspy he sounds.

Isshin’s eyes soften. “Again, Ichigo, you’re wrong.”

Ichigo grits his teeth. This is unfair, so unfair. He imagines pulling on a brick until it breaks out of place and smashing it on the wall. He sighs abruptly, trying not to give in to anger.

“Did you call Urahara?” he suddenly asks his father.

The man keeps quiet, then shakes his head. “I was waiting for you,” he answers.

Ichigo rubs his eyes with two of his fingers. “Do it. Tell him to send a hell butterfly to Rukia,” he tells Isshin, turning around and entering the hospital building.

Isshin stares at his son’s retrieving figure until he is no longer in sight. He sighs silently and turns back to rest his arms on the metallic fence, eyes looking at the town’s horizon. The sky is charcoal grey and the sun’s almost completely set. He pulls his phone out of his pants pocket and dials.

It picks up after the second ring. “Kisuke,” he says. “It’s me.”

Rukia Kuchiki is sitting at her desk in the 13th Division headquarters, squinting and straining her eyes in her last attempt to read yesterday’s surveillance report. What kind of idiot would write in such an immature and deconstructed hand-writing? As she throws the paper away in frustration, she makes a mental note to find out who those initials belong to. If she can even make out the letters.

“Kuchiki-fukutaichou,” her squad’s ninth seat calls out and slides the door open.

“What is it,” she says coldly. How some people still enter an officer’s room without waiting for permission first is absolutely beyond her. Byakuya would never let something like this slide twice, she thinks.

“A hell butterfly arrived for you, from Urahara-san,” her subordinate tells her and she turns her head to look at him, but only briefly.

“Fine,” Rukia answers. “I’ll look at it once I’m done here.”

“I-It says it’s urgent,” the boy speaks again and this time, when Rukia looks at him her eyes have changed.

After passing through the Senkaimon, Rukia stops and feels for Ichigo’s reiatsu. He’s never been good at controlling his spiritual energy and right now, with what’s happening to his family, she knows it must be all over the place.

She closes her eyes for no more than a few seconds before she finds it and interiorly grabs that distinctive red thread with her hand. She uses shunpo to move, as fast as she can, again and again until she knows he’s close, and suddenly her feet are touching grass and she’s standing in a forest.

“Rukia,” she hears Ichigo murmur her name and she turns around. She meets his gaze, and lets out a breath as she instantly recognizes what she sees in his eyes. His amber eyes, usually so bright and vivid, are now faded into emptiness. Sober of the fire that makes them so driven and alive. With just one look she knows; he is defeated.

Therefore, she looks back at him, silently communicating in a sea of regret and understanding. This is the only way she can let him know. I’m here for you. For all of you.

Rukia walks foward and notices Isshin and Yuzu, a few feet behind Ichigo. She can practically hear Isshin’s gratitude emanating from the look he gives her, soundlessly saying Thank you. Rukia stays silent. Yuzu is clinging to her father as if her legs can no longer hold her weight. She isn’t looking towards her, in fact she isn’t looking at anything, and the expression on her face seems dazed and disconsolate. Rukia can only begin to imagine…what sort of pain she is going through.

That’s when she finally sees, away on the other side of a tree, Karin’s wandering soul. She’s already looking at her with her arms crossed on her chest and the attempt of a smile on her lips, as if trying to lessen the heaviness of the situation.

“Rukia,” Ichigo speaks her name again, breaking the silence. “I’ll do it,” he says and she doesn’t need anything more to know he’s talking about Konso. She turns to look at him and notices he is in his Shinigami attire; not in his human body. She nods and he continues. “Karin and I just had questions first.”

“Anything,” Rukia answers, turning back to nod at Karin.

Ichigo walks a few steps forward until once again, he enters her field of vision. “She’ll be sent to Rukongai,” he says as a statement. “There’s absolutely no way to know exactly where, right?” he asks and he already knows the answer, but can’t help asking anyway.

Rukia looks down, but barely for a second. “Unfortunately, no,” she turns to Karin. “Once we proceed with Konso, the soul finds its way to Rukongai, but the district is completely random.”

Karin nods, and somehow manages to pull up the strength to look at her brother with certitude. “I’ll be fine, Ichigo.”

He sighs harshly in response. “You don’t understand, Karin. Rukongai is made of 340 districts divided into four sections. If you somehow find yourself stuck in the lower ones, you’ll have to fight for your life.”

Karin’s pupils constrict. “I know, Ichigo. I’m not eleven anymore, and I’m in shape. I told you, I’ll be fine.”

Fuck, Ichigo almost hisses but manages to keep it in.

“Your reiatsu is high, compared to the average soul in Rukongai,” Rukia cuts in just in time. “We’ll have soldiers looking for you as much as possible.”

“I’m going too,” Ichigo adds. “I know how your reiatsu feels like, Karin. I might be able to find you faster.”

For a second Rukia thinks Karin is about to open her mouth, but she stops and nods instead.

“Will I…” Karin whispers, and Rukia notices she is now hugging her arms. “Will I remember…” She doesn’t finish her sentence but it isn’t necessary. Will I remember my life? Will I remember who I am? The words echo in her head.

“Some don’t,” Rukia answers in a low voice, eyes fixated on the ground. She swallows and for a moment, remains silent. She lifts her eyes back up and this time her voice is louder. “But some do.” She doesn’t say anything more. She knows, for Ichigo and his family, that the possibility hurts too much to even consider.

“Dad, what’s going on? I can barely hear anything…” Rukia suddenly hears Yuzu’s small voice and feels chills going down her spine at the desolation of it. She turns around slightly, and meets Isshin’s eyes. “It’s okay, honey,” he tells his daughter. “They’re just talking.”

“How long has it been?” Rukia suddenly asks Ichigo.

He frowns slightly, most likely out of habit. “A few hours,” he answers. “Hollows have already felt her spiritual pressure, I had to kill two of them.”

Rukia nods slowly. “We shouldn’t wait too long before it draws out more,” she murmurs, and Ichigo knows she’s right.

They both look towards Isshin, to which he nods once. “It’s time, Yuzu.”

“I need to talk to her, just the two of us,” the blonde chokes out, wiping away a few tears that escaped. “Even if I can’t hear her that’s okay, she just has to listen to what I say.”

Karin takes a painful breath in before the twins move away from them, over to a quiet and hidden place behind a few trees. Karin puts her hand in her sister’s hand, even though Yuzu cannot see it.

“Ichigo,” Isshin speaks after making sure his daughters are out of sight. “Once you find her, come back and we’ll-“

“I’m not coming back,” Ichigo interrupts his father. When Isshin stares at him with wide eyes, he grits his teeth and continues. “No way in hell I’m leaving her alone over there.”

“Ichigo…” Rukia whispers but Ichigo yet again steps in.

“Don’t. I’m telling you, both of you, I’m not leaving her alone. I’ll figure something out.”

They both give in to silence. Really, Rukia knows there’s nothing she can say or do that’ll get to him. And his father probably knows that too, which is why all he does is sigh and nod as he closes his eyes.

The twins come back, Karin walking silently behind Yuzu, traces of tears down her cheeks. How unimaginably agonizing it must be not to be able to say goodbye to the one person you have shared everything with… Rukia swallows and feels her chest squeeze and she’s hurting, so much so for these people she has grown to know like a part of her family.

Karin walks in front of her father and hugs him. “I love you, dad. Please take good care of her… And tell her how much I love her,” she says, then smiles at him. “Tell her not to worry about me, I’ll be okay.”

Isshin smiles back, wrinkles appearing at the crease of his eyes. “I know you will,” he answers. “I’m proud of you, Karin. And your mom would be too.” He hugs her once more before releasing her and a few moments later, Karin is standing in front of Ichigo and Rukia. Her eyes expose her fear, but also a strong and striking fire of confidence, one Rukia is so used to seeing in Ichigo.

“I’m ready,” the twin whispers.

Rukia opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. There’s so much she wants to say, but she can’t. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Karin… Somehow this feels like it is neither the time or the place, and before she knows it, Ichigo’s zanpakuto is in his hands and his hilt is brought lower and lower, very slowly, until it is completely facing Karin.

Ichigo swallows with difficulty, but smiles down at his sister. “See you soon, baby sis.”

Karin smirks at him. “I’ll be waiting.”

Ichigo brings Zangetsu’s hilt closer until it touches Karin’s forehead, and she closes her eyes at the contact, smile somehow still on her lips. A white light appears, originating from the contact, and increases in size, radiating all around Karin’s body. It lasts a few seconds before the light dies down and Karin is gone.

Rukia’s eyes are low, and she feels cold. Ichigo’s name is threatening to come out of her lips, and she wants to reach out her hand to touch his arm because it’s really the only she can let him know she’s still there, supporting him. She doesn’t speak, and when she moves to look at him, he’s already placing his zanpakuto at its usual place against his back.

“Let’s go,” he simply says.

Rukia blinks and regains her focus. She walks a few feet ahead and opens up a new Senkaimon. The wooden doors open, slowly, and she feels Ichigo’s presence getting closer.

“Don’t worry dad,” she hears him speak and there’s a determination she knows by heart. “I’ll find her.”

Isshin grins. “I know you will, son.”

Rukia waits until Ichigo turns and he looks at her, nodding. She nods back, and together, they walk through the gates. Gates leading them right into Soul Society.

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#ichiruki #fanfiction #death and berry

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