#lower back actually has same issue cause I’m boney

[eggs-love-loki]

Where do people usually get circular tattoos?

#I’m thinking of getting the water element sign for atla with the ocean and moon koi around it #but idk where circles go well #there’s not lots of circles on the body #maybe on the tumby or back #cause I don’t want any more visible ones until I have a stable job someday #middle back? my stepmom has one there but idk anything on the spine seems uncomfy #lower back actually has same issue cause I’m boney #so I guess on the tumby like above the hip below the ribs? #that sounds cool #I should do a design and like photoshop it onto a picture of my tumby lol #I’m not getting one until after my surgery recovery probably but I wannnnnnt oneeeeeeee

[l0vlly]

after binge 11.07.2020. start 30 day no binge challenge tomorrow.

reasons to keep going:

• losing weight will help my condition, or let me be less embarassed about it, as it won’t look like the cause of unhealthy eating and being lazy.

• excercising feels euphoric and is stress relieving. it will be easier to tell people i do it and i’ll be less nervous to do it at the gym.

• when my friends go to college and i’m left alone, it will be easier for me to cope and deal with loneliness knowing that i’m happier with my body.

• i’ll have one less reason to kill myself. i will no longer feel trapped in this fucking fat sluggish lard of a body that i can’t escape from.

• i won’t feel the dread of realising how big a body part has gotten. it won’t feel foreign. i’ll be back to feeling like i belong in this body. like it’s mine.

• i won’t be as afraid of letting people touch me or hug me. i won’t be constantly trying to figure out how they perceive me, or just how fat they notice i am.

• going on holiday with my family will be easier. they won’t try to motivate me to wear a swimsuit because they think i’m insecure.

• i won’t sweat as much while in a hoodie and won’t need a fan. i’ll get to show off that i don’t sweat.

• i’ll be cold all the time and my friends will give me their coats. i won’t be embarassed anymore to take them and i’ll fit into my thinnest friend’s coat.

• during the summer my family will all comment on how much i’ve improved.

• i’ll be able to start a sport hobby without feeling embarassed to play with other people, thinking they’d hate to be on my team bc i’m so fat and unfit.

• i won’t be embarassed to sing in front of my friends just because i’m fat. even if i do worse or don’t sound that good it won’t be as traumatising.

• i might be able to go on jogs around a park without feeling like i’m being watched by everyone.

• i’ll finally be able to facetime people i meet without worrying about how i’ll look.

• i won’t dread every outfit because of how my back fat shows up in it.

• my calves won’t look as huge and trunk like. i look like an elephant. i don’t want that anymore.

• my arms won’t look as flat and flabby in pictures, and to everyone around.

• i’ll be able to trace my ribs again and take pictures of my feet together seeing how far apart my calfs have gotten.

• when i do makeup i’ll look like i used to in 10th grade, but with better skills. i won’t look pudgy and puffy & bloated.

• people won’t think i’m overcompensating with makeup instead of just trying to look cool.

• my fingers will be boney. i have the genetics for that. they’ll look so long and thin and i’ll be able to see all my tendons moving beneath my skin.

• when i say i don’t want a job, people won’t think it’s because i’m fat and i have no life.

• i won’t be ashamed to tell people i’m depressed because i won’t look like a fat slob begging for attention.

• i have the bone structure for a thigh gap. i can have one even at a slightly higher bmi.

• when i go to the doctors and they measure my bmi, they’ll see how much lower it’s gotten. i’ll say it’s my medical condition side effect. they’ll take me seriously.

• i won’t get as bloated anymore and i’ll feel better in general. more fulfilled. more satisfied.

• i won’t feel as heavy. walking will be easier. i won’t get worn out from a trip to the grocery store.

• even slightly losing weight, i’ll know i’m the second lightest in the group. or third. regardless, i won’t be the biggest.

• i’ll be the one who actually stuck to the plan for once. i won’t be the one making excuses anymore.

• i’ll be able to comment and make posts & tell people about things that i’ve noticed changing.

• “isn’t it funny, how both of us worry about our weight so much, and yet we don’t do anything about it?” i’ll prove i’ve been doing something about it for the last 7 years. it won’t be a ‘we’ situation. we aren’t the same. you’re not like this.

• i won’t hear about how i have to love myself anymore, i’ll hear about how people wish they could do what i did. envy, not compassion and dismissal.

• my proportions mean i have really long legs, they just look short because i’m so fat. they’re long.

• maybe my chest will finally start looking normal. and if it doesn’t then getting surgery will be less embarrassing and more justified.

• the discolouration might go away. or at least get rid of the insulin problem, which might be causing it.

• my hair is falling out. but it won’t be as big of an issue when i have a body i can find comfort in.

• i won’t be embarassed to run for the bus, and it won’t be as unsightly when i’m out of breath. i can say im out of energy when i’m breathing hard walking up the stairs with friends.