#making a mario maker level. beating a baba is you puzzle. doing my job. hell even playing minecraft for fun feels like that.

[the-chessboard-is-personal]

honestly should've fucking expected a leak in the ceiling with how much every ounce of this world wants me to suffer.

#vent #im really gonna do it #its just. whats the point anymore. #thinking ''oh maybe if i wait long enough itll get better'' is just stupid even for me. #it doesn't get better. it doesn't heal. it just festers and eats away at you until there's nothing left. #until you're just another number. a statistic in the news. how dare you tell me they'll care afterwards when they sure as hell don't now? #i was watching gothamchess once and something he said stood out to me. #he said he watched a video from some pro tennis player and /she/ said that her experience with winning and losing was that. #winning didn't make her feel happy. it was a relief. but losing made her feel very sad. #that stood out to me because thats how i feel about everything. #making a mario maker level. beating a baba is you puzzle. doing my job. hell even playing minecraft for fun feels like that. #i finish something in my base and it doesn't make me happy to see what i can build. its just ''fucking finally. its done.'' #theres just. no point to what i do other than to waste time. #why don't i just do something right for once and finally leave this hellhole.