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deadcactuswalking · 3 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 10/04/2021 (Olivia Rodrigo, Demi Lovato)

Well, I guess it’s a pretty slow week – at least more than I had predicted – given that I thought Demi Lovato and Olivia Rodrigo would make a lot more of a genuine impact high up in the chart than they actually did. I can’t really predict the chart accurately at all in those conclusion segments considering I write and release these episodes even before first-day streaming numbers are released, but I at least expected Rodrigo to debut in the top 10. Alas, we have kind of an unexpected filler week, before Taylor Swift impacts the charts next week – I think that prediction’s enough of a safe bet to be right, right? Anyways, Lil Nas X’s “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” stays at #1 for a second week that I didn’t see coming, and let’s just start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Now I talk about music that is purposefully out of my comfort zone on this series – the music is accessible, sure, because it’s charting music but not all of it is in genres and scenes or by artists I know a hell of a lot about or have listened to repeatedly. Hence, I don’t tend to talk about my own music taste often on here, because of two reasons: one being that I’m unsure it even exists and can be summed up in a sentence, and two being, well... according to Spotify’s “On Repeat” playlist, I’ve been listening to “Paralyzer” by Finger Eleven an obscene amount this past week – if you had to make a Cactus Chart, it would probably debut at #1 15 years after the fact. Now, ignoring the fact that I kind of do want to make that chart, which I probably can with last.fm, I’m sure that will quell any need to talk about my own deeply embarrassing musical habits on this page ever again. Now, moving from the Cactus Single Charts to the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, we can see that there’s been some minimal action on all fronts.

In terms of our drop-outs, we do have a couple notable ones, including both of Fredo’s songs as ACR cuts their streaming numbers and hence, rather unfairly and inaccurately, “Money Talks” with Dave and “Ready” featuring Summer Walker both exit the top 75. I guess they were on their way out eventually, and some ACR-affected songs have indeed survived this week, but it’s still annoying to see for songs that are contemporary and still popular. Otherwise, we have “Wants and Needs” by Drake featuring Lil Baby exiting, as well as some genuinely big hits from this Winter, those being “Good Days” by SZA, “Whoopty” by CJ – finally – and “you broke me first” by Tate McRae after 35 long weeks. Now the charts are no longer addicted to blue cheese, what’s filling in the gaps?

Well, we only have one returning entry, that being “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac, a song that seemingly cannot stay dead, not that I’m complaining. What’s more interesting is what’s on the chart itself, as we do have some notable climbers and fallers. For the notable losses, we have “Good Without” by Mimi Webb at #23 off of the debut, “Patience” by KSI, YUNGBLUD and Polo G at #24, “Anyone” by Justin Bieber at #31, “6 for 6” by Central Cee at #37, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd still here at #38, HVME’s remix of Travis Scott’s “Goosebumps” at #39, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK finally dropping out of the top 40 at #41, “What’s Next” by Drake continuing to collapse at #49, taking “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” with Rick Ross at #51 along with it, “telepatía” by Kali Uchis at #56, “Mood” by 24kGoldn and iann dior at #62, “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix at #66, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi finally making way for an exit at #68, “Bringing it Back” by Digga D and AJ Tracey at #69, “Cloud 9” by Beach Bunny sadly at #70 off of the debut and finally, “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu featuring Drake at #72.

What’s shocking to me is the little impact that both Demi Lovato and Lil Tjay had, showing that people might just not care about these artists past their singles. Sure, we got some tracks from both of them – that are already being pushed as singles – but on Lovato’s side, “What Other People Say” didn’t move an inch and we only got minimal gains for Lil Tjay’s “Headshot” and “Calling My Phone”, which I expected to go back into the top 40 and top 10 respectively. In terms of our actually notable climbers, well, we have “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers going for a fiftieth chart run at #67, “Beautiful Mistakes” by Maroon 5 featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #60, “Don’t You Worry About Me” by Bad Boy Chiller Crew surging up to #53, Tom Zanetti getting his first top 40 hit with the garbage “Didn’t Know” at #40, “Black Hole” by Griff at #33, Majestic’s remix of Boney M.’s “Rasputin” at #29, “Ferrari Horses” by D-Block Europe and RAYE at #22, and that’s about it other than our single notable change in the top 20, that being “Millions” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne up to #13 off of the debut, despite being an absolutely worthless song. In fact, it’s looking pretty dire in the top 20 in general, I’m starting to hope that my Cactus Charts actually had any impact. Regardless, we still have eight new arrivals to discuss, so let’s start right at the bottom.

NEW ARRIVALS

#73 – “Film out” – BTS

Produced by UTA and back number

Now, BTS occasionally releases songs for the Japanese market, a common practice for K-pop bands – as far as I know – and this one in particular was marketed only in Japan for a Japanese film. Therefore, I think I was pretty reasonable in thinking this wouldn’t even get close to charting, but I should never underestimate the power of BTS fans buying digital singles. After all, that’s what kept “Dynamite” on the chart for as long as it had its run. Now, I’m not well-versed in J-pop at all other than some brief dives into city pop and picopop – both of which I enjoyed thoroughly – so I didn’t really know what to expect but it does make perfect sense to me that the boys are crooning over a cleanly-produced, theatrical piano-lead instrumental. Given that there’s a post-chorus consisting almost entirely of “ooh-ooh, la-la-la-la” about 45 seconds in, I gave up entirely in terms of lyrical content, although reading some of RM’s translated lyrics in particular makes it seem oddly poetic. How does it sound? Well, exactly as I’d described it: the boys are reigning themselves into to a more subtle instrumental and whilst some of the multi-tracking is distracting and each of the parts don’t really flow as well as they wanted it to, especially due to the loud vocal mixing which definitely overshadows the impact of the wonderful string swells in the final chorus and gives you enough audio-wise to completely ignore the trap-adjacent percussion. The song’s fine and I do like the inflections of acoustic guitar especially, but I’m not really impressed by this, not that I was supposed to – it’s a Japanese soundtrack song, it’ll be gone tomorrow and I’m sure the audience there is enjoying it more than I can.

#64 – “Summer 91 (Looking Back)” – Noizu

Produced by Noizu

Now if you don’t know how Noizu is, I can’t blame you as neither did I. I quickly found out he was another house producer and this track that had been released in January had just gained enough steam to debut this week. The guy has been in EDM production for a while and was immediately cosigned by people like Skrillex and Diplo, and he seems to hide behind this cartoon character for branding and anonymity’s sake, which I can’t blame him for when I consider the public images of both Skrillex and Diplo. The song, originally just called “Summer 91”, was remixed for a major-label release on RCA, and it’s about what you’d expect. It’s a deep house track with a driving 90s MIDI piano melody, uncredited female vocals that can’t even get close to the power of those diva house vocals from decades before and a anti-climactic drop with some cheap percussion. The chorus actually sounds a lot like “Body” by Loud Luxury and brando from one or two years ago, so it’s not even that original in its main hook, though I can give it credit for the synth-work being more sci-fi and kind of interesting, and its song structure being increasingly disjointed, even moreso than the typical house-pop track that debuts low on these charts, which means a lot less when the song has so little tricks up its sleeve. And no, the 220 KID remix isn’t any good either, in fact, it’s a lot worse.

#63 – “Run it Up” – Lil Tjay featuring Offset and Moneybagg Yo

Produced by Josh Petruccio

I tried to listen to that Lil Tjay record and within five tracks decided it was absolutely not worth my time, so I’m glad we only have a single song from the album debuting, though I am surprised that it seems to be the borderline posse cut that runs for nearly four minutes and I’m immediately disappointed. I know how all three of these guys can flow and how fast and high-energy all of they can be, as well as how smooth Offset always is, so why is this beat such a dull, piano-lead sludge with gross bass mixing? Why is Lil Tjay wasting my time both content- and delivery-wise, flubbing rhymes to the point where he doesn’t even bother finishing the line, even when he cops Roddy Ricch’s “The Box” flow in the middle of his verse? Why is the chorus just “Run it up” repeated ad infinitum with no energy? Okay, so it’s not all bad – Offset impresses flow-wise as he always does, trying his hardest to inject some energy into this with his ad-libs and constantly changing flow, because at least he has a personality and some charisma, but even he stops trying by the end of his verse. Moneybagg Yo channels 2 Chainz but without anything that makes 2 Chainz a worthwhile presence for a verse that somehow ends up as the best, most consistent here, and, yeah, I now know me skipping the majority of this record was a good choice.

#59 – “Runaway” – AURORA

Produced by Odd Martin and Magnus Skylstad

I know nothing about AURORA, and I was pretty confident I wouldn’t need to past her John Lewis advert success and her part on the Frozen II soundtrack of all places, but alas, she’s charting again with no kind of visual phenomenon attached to it. AURORA is a Norwegian singer-songwriter on the same wavelength as Bjork and hence the eye of a lot of critical success that doesn’t necessarily translate always into album sales. She has seen intermittent success with singles so I assumed this had just been somewhat of a breakout single from her newest record... but no, it’s from her first album and the single was released all the way back in February of 2015. So, naturally, you’ve got to assume TikTok and you would be correct, but is the song good? Well, the vocal loop double-tracked to act as a synth melody and eventually a choir is kind of a cool idea, and AURORA herself has this frail, accented delivery that’s definitely endearing. The song itself is about escapism and running away from confronting your emotions and the writing is good, even if it tends to be a bit messy if more attention is placed onto it, particularly in the verses. That’s not to distract from the fact that this is absolutely a song from 2015 as if you couldn’t tell from the percussion you can tell from the future bass-esque that’s almost cringeworthy in its anti-climactic entrance and doesn’t even really work at all, especially when it just disappears prematurely. I get going for a glitch-pop thing but it just does not make sense in a ballad like this, in fact, I’m finding it hard to find a part that could be used in a TikTok. The second drop works a little better because AURORA has more conviction in her desperate vocal delivery that sounds legitimately great, but I still think there’s such little impact in the percussion that the blend of synths and strings becomes ultimately just a distraction from what could have been a decent piano ballad. It makes it more interesting, for sure, but also more frustrating. Much like Ryn Weaver’s “Pierre”, also a 2015 indie-pop track suddenly charting six years after the fact a couple weeks ago, there’s a good song hidden somewhere in shoddy and awkward production. I really wish I could have liked this more.

#50 – “Dancing with the Devil” – Demi Lovato

Produced by Mitch Allan

Okay, so our next two songs are both from Demi Lovato’s comeback album, Dancing with the Devil...the Art of Starting Over, an album that if anything I am glad exists as it is a catharsis for Demi Lovato that needed to be released as it discusses her overdose, rehab, last relationship and everything both leading up to those events and the aftermath of them. The album isn’t perfect but feels open, revealing and most importantly an honest release for Demi Lovato and I think that’s worthy of praise in itself. As a 19-track album, it is bloated but does have enough sonic experimentation in the pop sphere for it not to grow stale, and I think there are great songs in there – it’s a good album – but you can already tell it’ll be dated soon enough, not that that’s really a problem now in 2021, but might hurt future revisits, especially with some of the production that already sounds awkward. Thankfully, we get two pretty down-beat and dark tracks from the record, which is where it usually shines, the first being the (half-)title track, released just a week before, and it’s pretty excellent. This soulful track builds itself on echoed percussion, subtle piano and Demi stumbling purposefully through verses detailing her mindset when she drinks alcohol and soon enough ends up “dancing with the Devil” and taking harder drugs like cocaine and heroin in the second verse. Musically, the chorus does struggle with some awkward mixing that makes the strings and instrumentation kind of pile up in a blend that sounds a lot louder than it should be, especially when everything is layered up to make each instrument indistinguishable and unrecognisable, pushing Demi’s vocals to the middle and forcing each multi-tracked ad-lib and vocal run to barely fit in the mix. I love this song from a songwriting standpoint even if it tends to be a bit blunt, but it definitely suffers from this production, which is mostly fixed in...

#44 – “Met Him Last Night” – Demi Lovato featuring Ariana Grande

Produced by Xavi and TBHits

This is my favourite song on the record by a fairly big margin, as everything seems to work here, in a way that doesn’t happen across the rest of the album. The song goes for a similar metaphor with the Devil being illicit substances, something that’s been done before and will continue to be done for eons, but Demi and the songwriters do go for a more unique take on it, picturing both Demi and Ariana in a bar or some kind of late-night hang-out as they “see the Devil” – really, seeing themselves at a low point partaking in substance abuse, which is a really interesting and potentially heart-wrenching perspective, especially if we’re going to get the duality of the chorus being self-aware of these vices but ultimately indulging in them anyway, compared to the verses and bridge where Ariana acts as Demi’s consciousness, vowing and pleading with her never to let drugs “take advantage of her innocence” again. The bridge is just wonderful in how the interplay between Ariana and Demi leads to Demi confronting these vices and promising that she won’t ever end up this bad again, before the truth is revealed by Ariana twisting the pre-chorus. Originally, it’s a threat to “the Devil” – that she can see right through the initial appeal of taking hard drugs and will try her hardest to dismiss them – but with the added context of that bridge, becomes a pretty telling response to Demi’s confidence, shutting her down by saying she sees through this facade of willpower and that she’ll still resort to substance abuse once again... which is sadly reinforced by that final, striking chorus that doesn’t change at all from the first, constructing a narrative that ends up going full-circle as Demi is back to where she started. It helps that this instrumental is downright demonic as well, with those menacing 80s synths sliding over some gorgeous violins in the intro, before all of that cuts out for the pre-chorus as that leering melody is whispered by both singers, and the chorus continues to rise with the strings, synthesised brass and the sparse percussion, which drops in Ariana’s verse to become a booming, drill-adjacent beat not afraid to cut out for Ariana’s multi-tracked humming. In fact, I love how organically this beat moves despite it being so obviously programmed, with the swelling of those strings before every impact and the intricate vocal sequencing making sure every gorgeous vocal run and ad-lib is heard. I’m almost glad I’m confident in this not becoming a hit because I would have already talked it to death here before it gets a chance to top my best list, as this is one of the most brilliantly-constructed pop songs I’ve ever heard and absolutely deserves your attention.

#43 – “Nice to Meet Ya” – Wes Nelson featuring Yxng Bane

Produced by Ayo Beatz

And now for some guy featuring some other guy produced by another guy. To give full credit, this beat is actually very well-produced, especially with that gorgeous piano lead in before the reggaeton-esque drum rhythm kicks in alongside those squeaky horns. It’s everywhere else where this song collapses in on itself, as Wes Nelson’s voice is drenched in so much Auto-Tune and reverb that it just sounds grossly cheap, with some comical ad-libs and some comically bad lyrics in this chorus, which I’ll repeat to you now. In a rather Shakespearean tone, our lead artist plays poetic word association with the hedonistic lifestyle of one Wes Nelson, excitedly greeting the listener with a “Nice to meet you”, before striking our deserved attention with his simplistic albeit bitingly effective rhymes. “Stepped in froze, freezer. Christian Dior, huh? Christian Dior, Jesus.” I don’t expect Nas from this guy but I at least expect bars that makes some kind of sense and don’t sound like juvenile attempts at early 2010s Drake-esque hashtag-rap. The song continues to waste the potential of its pretty great production as Wes Nelson strains his voice and somehow still ends up mumbling in his off-beat flow and janky cadence. Yxng Bane is, I hate to say it, probably the best part of this track, as at least he can convincingly sing and his detailed description of him messing around with a vegan girl (which has no relation to what he says, but he still says it) is at least more interesting lyrically than whatever Wes Nelson’s saying. “I met her in Victoria’s Secret then she let me into her Victoria’s secrets” is about as awful as a line when sang as it is read, and I mean, Wes Nelson’s falsetto doesn’t do him much justice in the unnecessary third verse either, so, yeah, this is a pretty crap attempt at riding a great beat. Give this to Rema or Burna Boy and something could have been done with this.

#27 – “deja vu” – Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

Finally, we have the follow-up single to Olivia Rodrigo’s “drivers license”, a song I liked, and I’m glad I did because so did Olivia herself and her producer Dan Nigro, as here we have essentially a sequel if not a reboot to that song. Here, Rodrigo starts to question the authenticity of Joshua Bassett’s new Disney-ordered relationship with Sarah Carpenter—I mean, her unnamed ex-boyfriend’s new fling with another woman. It’s an interesting take to have Rodrigo in a place where somewhat sympathises and pities the new girlfriend, as she’s not getting anything unique or new from her ex-boyfriend anymore. In fact, a lot of this song is really confrontational as she demands the boyfriend to tell his new girlfriend that all the stuff he’s doing with her is what he did with Rodrigo. That’s all fine and good but how does the song sound? Well, it’s got a bell-based instrumental, almost one that’s childish and intimidating, which is perfect for the petty selfishness of the content. In fact, the song as a whole seems to attempt to go for that, with the hilariously multi-tracked and echoed fake laughter in the first verse, as well as all of the extra inflections and backing vocals throughout. The song builds in a very similar way to “drivers license”, but drops earlier into a killer indie-rock groove with a squealing guitar and incredibly distorted drum pattern, almost reminding me of a Flaming Lips song if that’s not too far-fetched of a comparison. This song ultimately does enough to derive and distinguish itself from “drivers license” and whilst it’s not as smooth of a powerful pop track as that one was, and the mixing here is definitely more awkward, we get a different side to Olivia Rodrigo that we’re not to have as much sympathy for. Sure, we know how tough the feeling of being replaced is, but she’s noticeably pettier and arguably kind of unlikeable especially in that bridge, which is a lot more fast-paced than the rest of the song and also has somewhat gratuitous swearing because this is still a formula. Overall, I think this is a pretty great song and I might ultimately prefer it to “drivers license” just out of how it sounds and I’m always happy to see more genuine rock on the chart, so I’m glad we end on a good note.

Conclusion

And on said note, Olivia Rodrigo cops the Honourable Mention for “deja vu” – not that there was much competition – with the Best of the Week going to “Met Him Last Night” by Demi Lovato featuring Ariana Grande. For Worst of the Week, it’s really not that easy as I thought it would be as not much here is that bad at all. I guess I’ll give it to Lil Tjay once again as “Run it Up” featuring Offset and Moneybagg Yo is just joyless, with a Dishonourable Mention for Wes Nelson and Yxng Bane for just crapping all over a great instrumental on “Nice to Meet Ya”. Anyway, here’s this week’s top 10:

I’m not sure if I can make any confident predictions for tomorrow, other than the impact of Taylor Swift, Twenty One Pilots and, if I’m getting my hopes up, BROCKHAMPTON? Regardless, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

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stagesofabreakup · 6 years

Conversation

Stages of a Breakup: Week 50

1. Uber home from Sam’s house for 8 dollars

2. Get a gay black man named Dwayne who you bond with over Will Downing who tells you about the old Mardi Gras traditions he had growing up in the Tremé

3. It’s Lundi Gras!

4. Unpack the 2 containers of meatballs and red sauce and polenta that have leaked/exploded

5. Eat a pastry that was loose in there

6. It’s still good

7. Successfully connect to wifi on not 1 but 2 devices with no help!!!!

8. Try to make plans for today/tonight but everyone is asleep

9. Start the movie “Jack,” a 1996 Robin Williams movie also with Diane Lane where he is born 10?

10. Everyone responds to your texts at once

11. Quick take a shower/get dressed

12. Uber to Molly’s to go to Red Beans (parade)

13. She is still getting ready

14. Wait there

15. Try on a blonde wig and 2 turbans

16. These are not your looks

17. Your friend Mary-Devon meets you guys

18. Try to catch the parade

19. Catch it!

20. Wait in line for a bathroom

21. Run into some people

22. Eat some 7$ gumbo Molly gets

23. Get a free piece of chicken

24. Run into your friend Claire!!!

25. Hang out

26. Get too high

27. Think you lost Molly for an hour when really she’s only been on the phone 13 minutes

28. Go back to Kate’s house with Molly

29. She and Kate craft

30. You want to craft but none of your stuff is here

31. Make a weird headband/headpiece out of scraps they both have

32. It’s pretty bad

33. Watch 3 episodes of America’s Next Top Model and drink a lot of vodka with Triple Sec and grapefruit juice

34. You guys Uber Eats 60 dollars worth of sushi that still isn’t enough

35. Eat

36. Decide to go to this Krewe de Selena dance party at Allways Lounge

37. Rally

38. Kate and Molly get dressed

39. You stay as you are

40. Uber there

41. Go to the dance party

42. The bar is cash only

43. And the ATM is broken

44. Go to Kajun’s

45. Get drinks and money

46. Hang for a while

47. Run into a girl you have complicated feelings about

48. She touches you too aggressively which always happens

49. See this couple you met 4 years ago when he moved her down and they broke up but now they’re back together and he moved here to be with her

50. Leave

51. Run into Rachel and her bff Hallie who is visiting from Portland

52. Go back to Kajun’s because they need $ as well

53. Get a double whiskey sour

54. Hang

55. Go back

56. The performances have started

57. See a 17 year old rapper

58. You know that because all of his songs mention that he is 17 and still in school

59. He is amazing (Maja?)

60. The next performance is some amazing men twerking and one of the best dancers you have ever seen in your whole life

61. Somehow without realizing it you have moved from the back to the second row and are dancinggg

62. See your friend Mariama!!!!!!!!!!

63. You love her

64. It’s so nice to see people you know and love!

65. Leave at 2:00am

66. Take an Uber that’s TWENTY-SEVEN DOLLARS because surge pricing for Mardi gras

67. This is usually like an 11 dollar ride for context/rage

68. Your Uber driver is an adult man named Kevin who tells you he isn’t driving Uber for the money (which apparently he “doesn’t need”) but to meet a girlfriend

69. You stop talking to him but are enraged at how cavalier/misogynistic he is being, and how it clearly doesn’t even occur to him how that’s a terrifying this to say to a woman he’s alone with, driving, at night, to her fucking house

70. Angry tweet about it

71. Say nothing

72. Get home

73. Take a shower and try to wash all your makeup off, unsuccessfully

74. Sleep for 4 hours

75. MARDI GRAS!!!!!!

76. Your alarm goes off to meet Molly at Kate’s to go with her but you don’t want to do that

77. Hang out with Erica who’s awake

78. Eat meatballs & polenta

79. Talk

80. It’s so nice you haven’t gotten to hang out with her that much and it’s really nice to catch up

81. Do your makeup together

82. Drink champagne

83. A guy gets back to you about a potential room in NY for March and you arrange to get in touch when you get back after you explain that it’s Mardi Gras and you’re going to be drunk very soon

84. She has so much good glitter

85. Ride with her and Joe

86. Get a 6 pack at a corner store

87. Walk to Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shoppe (oldest running bar in the continental US)

88. Get a “purple drink” that’s deceivingly strong

89. Walk to meet people

90. See so many costumes

91. Drink

92. See Erica’s drunk friend and her kids one of whom is a sleeping baby, the other of whom is miserable and 3 today

93. Bounce back and forth between R Bar & Mimi’s areas

94. Go to Grace’s house with Molly & Sam

95. Watch some of Sam’s porn’s

96. They are good

97. Drink more

98. Eat a sandwich

99. Mardi Gras!

100. Run into more people

101. Take pictures

102. Eat king cake

103. More people

104. Use the bathroom at your friend Lindsey’s house

105. Watch and cry to the video for Ke$ha’s “Praying”

106. Whiskey

107. Walk more

108. So much bouncing around all over

109. You’re trying to avoid your ex-boyfriend and his gf because they are out together

110. Go to Granpre’s (bar) to meet people

111. Get drinks

112. Take a boomerang of some strangers pretending to take a shot

113. Walk into the Quarter again

114. Feel angry because your friends did drugs and are being by themselves and you miss them and feel outside and it’s frustrating

115. Frustrated Cry to Molly

116. Find Rachel

117. Sad Cry to her

118. Feel heard

119. Decide to go to Lost Love Lounge by yourself because comics/friends will be there even though your ex-bf might be there

120. Go

121. See people

122. Not him

123. He’s not there

124. A guy cries to you that he didn’t give you enough credit for the things you were right about when you were here and your leaving has left a hole and people “needed you”

125. Which is very nice

126. Uber back with Geoff & MD

127. Hang for a little while

128. Get the key to their house, where moving to tomorrow

129. MD gets you an Uber since your phone keeps closing out of all its’ apps which is fun and not terrible or frustrating at all

130. Shower

131. Makeup remover

132. Realize how sunburned you are from an entire day spent walking outside in the sun

133. Could be worse

134. Try to watch Jack more

135. Are too tired

136. Sleep

137. Wake up at 8:42am

138. Erica is awake!!!

139. Lie on the couch with her

140. Watch This Is the End

141. Get Chinese food

142. Think about getting vegetables, don’t

143. It’s Valentine’s Day!

144. Watch a documentary about a rich British man who murderd his girlfriend then his mom tried to cover it up for him

145. Watch Some Like It Hot

146. Wish for aloe

147. Check your ex-boyfriend’s new gf’s social media

148. Huge mistake

149. You dumb idiot

150. Block her on Instagram

151. And facebook

152. Talk to Erica

153. Realize through her wisdom you can’t do this to yourself

154. Block him on Facebook

155. Feel good and in control

156. It’s ok however long it’s taking you to process this and you shouldn’t judge yourself for

157. Have Erica get you an Uber

158. Do makeup and pack in 16 minutes

159. Get to Mary-Devon and Geoff’s house

160. Drop off your things

161. Go to Carrollton Station for the mic

162. See people

163. It’s nice

164. Your ex-bf comes

165. His gf isn’t there

166. Glad to see they’re spending their first Valentine’s Day evening apart

167. She’s probably working and they’ll have sex later

168. You can’t check anything now

169. Which is good

170. Go up pretty early

171. Buy a million drinks

172. Your tab is 36 dollars in a place where drinks are 2 dollars

173. Get a little drunk

174. Smoke some weed

175. Ignore your ex-bf & don’t say one word to him

176. Watch his set where he talks about dating a “Catholic woman”

177. It’s gross to you

178. He looks good though

179. But who cares!!!!!!!!

180. Eat 2 hot dogs at the bar

181. Leave

182. Come home with Geoff & MD

183. Eat a chicken taco

184. Put your leftovers in the refrigerator you forgot to earlier

185. Fall asleep while sitting up

186. Walk to the guest bedroom

187. Spend Valentine’s Day sleeping on the bed you had sex with your ex-boyfriend on the last night (and morning!) you were in New Orleans

188. Seems tragically & poetically right

189. It’s ok though

190. Lol it also has the sleeping bag on it that was your ex-bf’s dog bed at your old house

191. You never got to see him (the dog) and now you leave in 2 days and you probably won’t

192. He is a sweet baby angel and you hope you will see him another time

193. Wake up at 5:15am for some reason

194. Some of your eyeliner has migrated to different places

195. Stay on your phone for 2 hours

196. Go back to sleep?

197. Try to text people to go to lunch with you at The Turkey and the Wolf

198. Everyone has a job

199. Mary-Devon comes home!!!

200. She has time and wants to go to lunch with you!!!!

201. Smoke weed

202. Their slogan is “Get high and come by” so really you’re just following orders

203. Drive there

204. It’s 19 minutes away

205. You’re high

206. Order the most beautiful food of:

207. Fried bologna sandwich

208. Fried pot pie (Like a savory turnover)

209. Roasted garlic eggplant dip with dill & cucumbers & roti

210. A drink with tequila, spice & almond milk called

“Nothing Goes According to Plan”

211. Mary-Devon gets a different equally beautiful drink called “My Mom Blacks Out Better Than Yours” which is a great name

212. Wait for what felt like a million years for the food to come

213. IT COMES

214. It’s perfect

215. The fried pot pie thing is one of the best most perfect things you have ever eaten

216. Go home

217. Listen to some of Under the Blacklight, this breakup album by Rilo Kiley you listened to a lot abroad before you were ever in a relationship

218. It has a different meaning to you now!!!!!

219. You’re excited to rediscover that

220. Remember that a long time ago your ex-boyfriend tweeted how wonderful it was falling out of love and your (you thought) mutual friend sent him a link to one of these songs

221. Annoyed that even this can’t be all the way free of him

222. Oh well, it will be one day

223. Still high

224. Take some leftovers even though you could have just pushed through and ate it but then you would have been uncomfortably full and you’re proud of yourself you didn’t

225. Get home

226. Lie down and watch The Office with Fred the cat

227. Take a shower without conditioner

228. Put aloe on!

229. Watch The Office for many hours

230. Eat your fried bologna leftovers

231. Think about getting ready for this mic before the show

232. Ubering everywhere costs so much money

233. Order an Uber on your laptop because your phone is a piece of shit

234. Get there

235. Go up

236. Do well

237. Meet a comic who’s on the next show you’re on

238. Hitch a ride with him

239. Get to Sidney’s

240. Mary-Devon told you sometimes there is a man who sells pulled pork in waffle cones outside the show

241. Look for him

242. He is not there

243. Lots of people you know are there!!

244. Hang

245. Get your clothes for Mardi Gras from your friend Jade lolol

246. Do your set

247. It’s very fun

248. You miss being able to do comedy for longer than 2 minutes

249. Eat free strawberry ice cream

250. Get 25 dollars!!!

251. Convince Geoff (who’s driving you back to his house) to go to Hank’s

252. Spend TWELVE DOLLARS on fried food

253. Which doesn’t sound insane but fried fish is 2 pieces for 1.50, so it is

254. Eat some chicken strips and a corn dog with your friends

255. Go home

256. You’re drunk

257. Look at Geoff’s senior yearbook and see pictures of him and everyone’s quotes

258. Find your ex-boyfriend’s old roommate

259. Want to send the picture to your ex-boyfriend because it’s truly a hilarious gem

260. But you don’t !!!!

261. Progress bitch

262. Watch some of The Office

263. Pass out

264. Wake up like 5 different times because you can hear MD’s alarm for work

265. Go back to sleep

266. Sort of have a group text with your friends Molly & Gabe you keep falling asleep during

267. Wake up when your friend Wyshonda calls you

268. She’s near and can come get you to hang out!

269. Quick go to check in/print your boarding pass

270. Find out your flight is at 7:45pm not 9:00pm like you thought?

271. Call Rachel see if she can still take you to the airport

272. She can

273. Get dressed

274. Wyshonda comes

275. Get sushi from the grocery store

276. And so many free samples

277. Think about getting a king cake to take back, decide against it

278. Go park and eat in her car which reminds you of high school

279. She tells you all about her trip to Cuba which sounds amazing

280. Catch up in general

281. She drives you to this cool abandoned house that is covered in graffiti

282. She takes some pictures of you! (She is a photographer)

283. You look at them and don’t like your body but accept that that’s ok

284. Hang out for a while longer

285. She drops you back home

286. Think about packing

287. Think about drinking

288. Watch The Office

289. Take a shower

290. Eat cold fried fish and chicken and one meat pie

291. Finally start doing stuff

292. Ask MD if she wants the white wine you have left in a baby bottle, then drink it yourself when she asks, “Why don’t you just drink it now?”

293. Pack everything

294. MD takes you to Rachel’s

295. You guys listen to songs with the word “blood” in the title for some reason

296. Hug her and say goodbye

297. Rachel takes you to the airport

298. You guys talk for a little bit at the terminal, it’s good and you love her

299. Go to your plane

300. Look for daiquiris

301. Text your friend Laura who flies for a living if they’re anywhere near

302. They don’t sell them at this terminal

303. They do have a smoothie king though

304. Get one (Berry Punch)

305. Get two Bacardi white rum’s on the plane

306. You made your own!!!!

307. The plane is half empty so you get to go from being cramped in a middle seat to having your own whole row

308. One of the flight attendants is hot

309. Not hot enough to make you sign up for a credit card though

310. Write in your journal

311. Masturbate

312. Yes on the plane

313. No one’s there it’s fine

314. Try to sleep

315. The plane is landing

316. You land in Newark, NJ even though you live in Brooklyn, NY because it is cheaper

317. Take a bus

318. Meet a Norwegian woman and her daughter

319. Help them get where they’re going

320. She gives you a bar of Norwegian chocolate

321. You give her glass beads Mardi Gras beads

322. But then you feel terrible because you tell them to get off one stop too late ☹ ☹ but they’ll figure it out

323. But you still feel terrible

324. Take the train

325. See a woman that you can’t tell if she’s being harassed or not

326. Go up and ask her if she’s alright

327. She sort of is blank

328. Ask if she knows him and wants to talk to him

329. She says no

330. He starts yelling at you, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH A BLACK MAN TALKING TO A BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN?”

331. He is kind of slurring his words a little and it makes you uneasy

332. Your train comes

333. You both get on the train, you get in a different car than her in case he follows you

334. He does

335. He keeps yelling at you

336. You close your eyes and do your best to ignore him

337. It goes on

338. Change cars at the next stop

339. Luckily he doesn’t follow

340. Take the train forever

341. Finally get home

342. You have three exciting pieces of mail

343. A save the date for a wedding you’re not sure you’ll go to that’s in a literal castle

344. A nice note from your mom

345. Your moviepass card!!!!!

346. Check to see when you have work tomorrow

347. Not til 3:00pm baby!!!!!

348. Feel good in this place

349. And happy to be here

350. Know for the first time that this is your home now

351. Check your messages

352. Your friend Wyshonda sent you three pictures!

353. They are phenom & you love them

354. Decide to post tomorrow

355. Wake up an hour before your alarm

356. Think about sleeping more or doing something productive

357. Waste the hour scrolling through your phone

358. Post the pictures Wyshonda took

359. Message 2 people about seeing rooms for March

360. Eat some old vegetables, chocolate & granola for breakfast

361. Waste time

362. Wait for a train for 20 minutes because you had to buy a new Metrocard

363. Only get to work out for 30 minutes

364. It’s a good 30 min though

365. Work

366. You’re a “floater”

367. Which kind of sucks

368. But there’s free pizza

369. Have 2 pieces

370. Make 93 dollars

371. Solve a problem

372. NEW free pizza!

373. Have 3 pieces

374. Walk home in SLUSH because it SNOWED

375. Yesterday you were wearing a sundress in New Orleans and now you’re mad you don’t have snowboots

376. Feel the most tired

377. Home

378. Facebook

379. Not enough sleep

380. Wake up to go to the gym

381. Stop in a Modell’s Sporting Goods to see if they have sneakers because you DESPERATELY need some new ones

382. They have a smallish selection and you don’t really love any of them

383. Convince yourself to get cool thin sneakers because you are momentarily swayed by the world

384. Spend 59.84 bc you signed up for a rewards card to get 10% off

385. Go to the gym

386. Work out in them

387. THEY FEEL TERRIBLE AND YOUR FEET STILL HURT MAYBE MORE THAN BEFORE AND YOU HATE THEM YOU JUST WANT CHUNKY LAME SEARS SNEAKERS BUT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIND SUBURBAN STORES IN NEW YORK

388. Text your friends Molly and Gabe

389. They say return them

390. Look up DSW, see that there’s one very close to you

391. Go back to the store not even an hour later

392. Return them

393. The salespeople are kind

394. Train to work

395. There was a fire on the track so there are delayssssssss

396. Wait for so long and get stressed about being late to work

397. Read more of your book “Bad Haircut” by Tom Perrotta

398. It’s good writing but the perspective isn’t something you can all the way latch onto

399. You’re late to work

400. You have many groups

401. Lose your voice very badly

402. Drink 3-4 cups of Sleepytime tea at work because it’s the only kind of tea they have left

403. Make 208 dollars in tips!!!!!!

404. Bond with your coworkers, they are mostly really cool

405. Think about making out with one of them

406. Home

407. Watch Eddie Izzard’s Dress to Kill special that you first watched at a friend’s house when you were in 5th grade

408. It’s SO good

409. He is a genius and so funny and this special is ridiculously good

410. Eat 2 pieces of Papa John’s pizza and an entire sleeve (except for like 6) of Club crackers

411. Watch Fergie sing the Jazz National Anthem at the NBA All Stars game

412. It’s breathtakingly terrible in a way only art can be

413. Floss

414. You’re seeing a room tomorrow that you really hope works out!!!!

415. And you hope you have your voice back by then otherwise it’ll be weird!!!

416. Drink water

417. Try to sleep

418. Eventually succeed

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syakake · 7 years

Note

1-92

go fuck yourself seriously

but i did them all

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

yeah

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

once again no

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

i guess? strategic information sharing is key but i don’t like to talk about a lot of stuff

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

i don’t hang out with anyone irl lol

6. What are you excited for?

uhm... iunno.. the next bnha episode... can’t think of anything else i’m trying to answer these fast

7. What happened tonight?

it’s only 7:37pm rn so nothing yet

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

my friends used to be annoying about it like... kinda fake just to get into it i guess which made it so i couldn’t enjoy myself if that answers your question

9. Is confidence cute?

idk... if the person i like is confident, it’s cute. if it’s someone i don’t like, it’s not cute

10. What is the last beverage you had?

water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

like 2

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

no but i own a lot of black leggings

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

probably watch boku no hero and play love live... iunno... go on gaia... try to draw i guess but probably not

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

some dumb shit

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

no also i haven’t ever willingly kissed anyone if that’s a question on here

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

yeah probably

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

no one to be honest i kinda get the feeling that people look at me differently

18. The last time you felt broken?

honestly lol... if i spent my 3 minutes of memory on the 18 years of depression i wouldn’t even remember the english language or at least what i know of it

19. Have you had sex today?

no i’m virgin

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

i’m realizing that i’m dumb as shit

21. Are you in a good mood?

sorta

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

no i’m not that dumb as shit

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

i think so?

24. What do you want right this second?

too embarrassing to talk about

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

“sorry... you’ve been chopped” and then i’d go cry myself to sleep

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

yeah

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

yeah but i wouldn’t be happy

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

i’m always laughing at dumb shit fuck you if i remember that

it was probably when i changed my boyfriends skype name to “

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

not at the moment

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

i guess not... sometimes when it gets to my breaking point i’ll get too upset to come to terms or be able to reason at that time (at least lately) so if something kinda bad happened i just can’t be sympathetic anymore

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

well obviously not that’s me bf

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

i’d hug him really hard n kiss him on the cheeks

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

i drink it rarely cause i crave it sometimes but yeah i barely ever drink it

34. Listening to?

my music stopped a while ago but i was listening to bloody stream

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

i don’t ever really have a need to but sometimes when i draw on paper i do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

what did i tell you i haven’t kissed anyone

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no cause that’d be a bit shallow... and you usually only see that kinda stuff in movies anyways

38. Who did you last call?

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

my mom’s ex boyfriend at a father daughter dance when i was like 11 or so

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

>:(((

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

probably at my mimi’s years ago during my baking phase

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

no my mom isn’t very affectionate like that unless she’s sad or worried etc

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

oh honey, all the time that’s just all i do

44. Do you tan in the nude?

i don’t tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?

me bf also wasn’t this question already in here

48. Do you sing in the shower?

yeah sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?

not really

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

i always tried to pull my brothers bow but i’m not strong enough to do it

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

when i was little. i was dressed as a fairy and i was blowing a little kiss and the kiss is a butterfly n i’m laying on a rock it’s framed in my house

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

nah

53. Is Christmas stressful?

it used to be a little stressful but now it’s very lonely

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

i don’t really like fruit pies anymore i’m just sick of pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

i wanted to be a painter like my dad (not the artist kind)

it’s sort of embarrassing bc i can’t even paint a deck anymore

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

not really

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

a lot

59. Take a vitamin daily?

uh, yeah

my doctor was having me take magnesium and b6 to regulate mood swings from a medication i used to be on but i kept taking it for a while. i also take daily womens vitamins

60. Wear slippers?

yeah

61. Wear a bath robe?

no because it just sticks to my body and gets me all fucking sweaty right after i just showered so what’s the fucking point i hate them PLUS IT’S SO FUCKIN SHORT MY ASS STICKS OUT AND I CAN’T GO OUTSIDE IN IT

62. What do you wear to bed?

usually a t-shirt and underwear (underwear is optional)

63. First concert?

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

walmart since they’re all over the place and the other two aren’t close at all

65. Nike or Adidas?

don’t care

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

don’t care

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

i don’t really care for both

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

if i had to pick one i guess i’d pick that one song that was on the radio recently and the music video has her between someones legs like the spank line in spongebob but i wouldn’t listen to taylor swift unless someone had me strapped to a chair forcing me to

69. Ever take dance lessons?

yeah. a lot. i took a lot of dance lessons i don’t like to da

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

“i just can’t be married to a retard”

71. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

never participated

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yeah but only recently

74. What is your favorite book?

don’t remember

75. Do you study better with or without music?

without

76. Regularly burn incense?

used to

77. Ever been in love?

hmm i guess so now

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

i don’t know... i’m scared to go to concerts bc of the epilepsy thing so

79. What was the last concert you saw?

alright can we stop it with the concerts

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

hot

81. Tea or coffee?

both is good

82. Favorite type of cookie?

they’re all pretty good but i’m not crazy about oatmeal raisin

83. Can you swim well?

i mean yeah

the basics

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yeah

85. Are you patient?

fairly

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

idk? i’ve never been to a wedding really so

87. Ever won a contest?

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

89. Which are better black or green olives?

fuck olives

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

it’s fine i guess? do what u want or whatever or don’t i don’t care

91. Best room for a fireplace?

put it in the fucking bathroom i don’t care

92. Do you want to get married?

idk maybe but not anytime soon

plus it’s not like i’d be a good wife or mom so why tf would anyone wanna marry me LOL

that concludes this shitshow

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