#mostly i find medical model of disability more relevant to my specific conditions

[trans-cuchulainn]

really feeling a whole (bad) way about being disabled this week and how i have felt both medically and socially 5x more disabled than usual. like... better accommodations would not make chronic pain hurt less. but better accommodations WOULD mean I was *in less pain in the first place*! and I have felt far less able to participate in social and professional activities than I wanted to and. idk. it's really striking how I've set up my everyday life to minimise the impact of my disabilities and I don't realise how much I've succeeded until I try to do something different and struggle

at home I feel disabled because I can't do things I love like dance, and because I experience a lot of pain, and because i have to call in sick more often than others, etc. away from home I feel disabled because I can't socialise due to the walking/standing/food involved, I can't go to places because of the steps, I can't look at stuff because it's too high to view from a borrowed wheelchair, I can't chat in a crowded room because my auditory processing can't cope with it, I can't go for dinner with friends due to food which automatically means not being able to participate in other bonding activities, I'm stuck wearing a goddamn mask, I'm losing hours of the day to needing to lie down because my knee's a piece of shit...

if I'm at home and I can't walk I can still leave the house because I have an electric bike and I can go further on that. here I can't do anything without going up steep stairs made for someone six inches taller than me, so if my knee is bad, I am stuck. and my knee seems always to be bad.

#mostly i find medical model of disability more relevant to my specific conditions #but this week has really showed up how the social model comes into play #and how the reason i feel 'not that disabled' most of the time is because i built my goddamn life around my body's needs #personal #painblogging