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stereotypcd · 5 years

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ooc;; here’s PART ONE the second part is coming soon, I’d love to hear what u guys think of it so hmu if u wanna if not thats cool too. i put it under a read more bc holy fuck it’s long.

A FEW DAYS BEFORE MOVING INTO HER GRANDPARENTS HOUSE:

She wakes up alone. The only sound is her heartbeat, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Counting the beats of her heart was something, Debbie has done the moment she learned her numbers ( and how to talk ) it took 2,130 heartbeats for Mama and Daddy to get home. They said she was finally old enough to stay at camp alone, inside the comvee of course. While they went to film animals, they were trying to get Daddy’s show back ( which they had been doing and failing since Debbie turned two years old. ) Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen- rubbing the sleep from her eyes, eighteen, swinging her body to the edge of the bed, nineteen, climbing the ladder and opening the door to the top level of the comvee. Twenty.

Hazel hues glance up at the note pinned to the fridge, not ever bothering to open it, because she knew it would empty. WENT FILMING. BE BACK BY LUNCH, STAY IN THE COMVEE AND DRINK PLENTY OF WATER, AND TAKE YOUR NAP- LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART. But they had left a few water bottles since out in the desert dehydration was no laughing matter, where the sun could drain the life from your veins in mere seconds. A bowl of leftover noodles on the table, they had been eating plain noodles for two weeks straight, it was to the point where just seeing it made her stomach turn. But she would shovel it down, hardly even tasting it. It was better than starving to death. Debbie learned to not voice her discomforts, it only caused more problems. She knew her parents were doing the best they could given the situation. Sitting around doing nothing all day made Debbie restless and put her on edge. she cleaned she decided to clean up a bit, it was fairly easy to clean up since the comvee was a compact space, so there wasn't a need for a vacuum, a broom, and dustpan could do the same amount of work. ( of course, it was a bit more time consuming. ) So she swept the floor, emptied the contents out outside, and walked back to the comvee to finish the chores ( plus the extra things she added on. ) she was finishing up the last chore, the remaining dishes, dipping her hands in again, wincing, a loud cry escapes her throat, eyes shimmering with tears, dark red staining the soapy water, a large gash down the palm of her hand. It took Debbie almost ten minutes to stop sobbing and to bandage the wound and finished washing the dishes. Being extra careful to not cut herself again. The blonde sits the dishes in a rack to dry, wiping her arms and pushing her hair out of her eyes. She was proud of herself for getting everything done in time for her nap. Things were going pretty good today, well besides the sharp pains in her stomach. It was getting harder to ignore the empty, gnawing, painful feelings in her stomach, Mama called it hunger pains. Crawling into her bed, small arms wrapped tightly around her stomach, she was supposed to be taking a nap. But it was hard when it felt like someone was twisting a knife into her stomach, squeezing her eyes shut and forcing herself to try and sleep through the pain. Counting the beating of her heart while she drifted toward sleep. She dreams of French fries. Hot, golden and greasy. Greedily stuffing them into her mouth. She wanted dozens. Boxes full, enough to never be hungry again, feeling the tastes explode against her tongue. She dreams of food as her stomach growls and her muscles clenched and a whimper escapes chapped lips.

Then, she woke up.

Debbie woke up more hungry than when she went to sleep. Debbie was so use to those dreams that the throbbing pain in her head, along with the emptiness in her stomach were almost too normal for the 4 year old. Mouth bone dry, sweaty blonde locks sticking to her forehead, vision slightly blurry, pulling her legs against her and wrapping her arms around her them. Hazel hues land upon the air conditioner, fingers hovering over the on the button, licking dry lips. Pulling her arm away, wiping the sweat ( or tears ) from her eyes. After a few more minutes of sitting curled into herself, Debbie decided it was time to get up. Swinging her legs over the edge, a shark band-aid across her knee from when she fell chasing an aardvark around camp yesterday. ( which Nigel had a spend a hour and half talking about ) Debbie smiled at the memory, there were good things among the bad if you looked hard enough.

They came home looking worn and sweaty as Mama shuffled up the comvee steps holding a strange looking box that she wouldn't let Debbie see. She was forced to sit outside with Daddy, he doesn't notice the bandage wrapped around her hand or if he had he never says anything. Debbie preferred it that way, she didn't want to add any more stress upon her daddy ( and mama’s ) shoulders. But at least he had gotten fruit for lunch... Even it was kiwi ( it had been the cheapest thing at the market ), ”Sorry, Sunflower. I know how you aren't too fond of kiwi, but next time I'll get the biggest and shiny apple I can find.” The blonde smiled, swallowing down the last bit of fruit, Daddy kissed her cheek and went to check on Mama. Debbie emptied her stomach and covered it with sand, shame burned through her and her hands shake. Hazel hues scanned the surrounding area, no animals or her parents in sight, her stomach rolled. ( Mariann checks the test again. Checks the box to make sure she's reading it correctly. No, oh God, please no! Beside her, Nigel looks it over as well, and her stomach clenches. “It’ll be already, dearest.” Nigel kisses her forehead. ) Later when Debbie was in the bathroom washing her hands she found the little stick with a + on it, when she asked her Mama what it meant she started crying and Daddy rubbed her back and muttered things she couldn't understand.

LATE AFTERNOON:

“We can’t keep living like this, Nigel.”

“I know, dearest.” Rubbing a hand over his knuckles. ”Our show is nearly back, that film of the Wildebeest seems to have caught their attention and they said they would start funding our show again... if- if we kept filming.” Nigel raked a hand through his ponytail, wrong. That was so wrong. This is about his children and their happiness, not his. Nigel knew he was fooling himself into beliving if they kept going that things would get better, that they would have the show back. Debbie wouldn’t have to go hungry again, but weeks turned to months and then to years- Debbie was 2 years old when they begin filming and she’s 4 years old now. It was time to face the facts that the show wasn’t coming back and he hated himself for how blind he had been to not only himself but his wife and most of all to Debbie. His precious little sunflower. “Debbie deserves a better childhood then this-“ A hand reaches up to muffle a sob. “And,” she paused. Resting a hand atop her stomach. “I’m pregnant.” The words came out small and hushed like she didn't even want to hear the words. “I don’t want to bring another baby into this world not knowing if we can properly care for it.” Nigel remained silence, letting his wife vent out her feelings. She clearly needed this. “Just barely scraping by, we can hardly keep ourselves fed... Let alone Debbie. This isn't how a child should grow up.” Living day to day wasn’t how they wanted to raise their children, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair to anyone. ”Perhaps it is time we set down roots, for the sake of children.” This was about Debbie’s and their future baby’s wellbeing. They deserved a chance at a normal and stable childhood... They had already in slow ways ruined Debbie's. They had been incredibly selfish and they can never fix it. “I’m calling my mother tomorrow.” A laugh left her throat. “She’s been nagging us for years about moving back in with her and Dad.” Nigel nodded, he remembers. She wipes her eyes. Mariann was a bit bitter her mother always nagging about her job about how she was raising her child.... it was so frustrating. This is for the children, his is for the children, this is for the children. She kept repeating that phrase over and over in her head.

Ear pressed against the thin door, she knew she was supposed to be in the shower since it was her bath time, but her parents have been acting weird since they got home. A baby? A heavyweight settles against her chest, suddenly it was growing harder to breathe, trying to catch her breath. She couldn't, though, and her hands clenched. Her heart had sped up wildly and she couldn't seem to get it to calm at all. Something was horribly, horribly wrong. Her chest hurt, and she couldn't breathe and everything - it took her a few minutes to come down from it, and then there was nothing but exhausted crying. Slowly but surely her breathing because soft and her hands weren't shaking anymore, but that heavyweight atop her chest never seemed to fade. Mama was having a baby?

———

“Sweetheart, dinner will be—“ She froze, eyes wide and still clinging to the door like it were a lifeline. “Debbie. What's wrong?” Mariann already knew what was wrong and it broke her heart. The sound of her Mama's soft voice drags her from her thoughts. “N’tin’ jus’ sleepy...” Voice horse and small. Down on her knees in seconds, grabbing her baby into a tight hug combing slender fingers through golden locks. “Shhh, it’s alright. Mama’s got you.” A feeling of dread settled in the pit of her stomach, she felt worthless as a mother, like she failed her... Which she guessed she did, in a way. The guilt only ate away at her when blue hues landed on the bandage wrapped around her small hand, a spot of dark, crusted over blood seeped through, the air had been sucked from her lungs, eyes watering. Her hand. What happened to her hand? Mariann didn’t ask questions about how she got it, because like everything else she already knew. She cleaned the cuts, dressed it with fresh bandages and kissed her hand. “I’m so sorry, baby. Mama is so sorry.” Voice soft, heavy breathing and sobs escaping her Mama, gripping her Mama’s arm, the embrace was warm and soft and Debbie never wanted to leave. An unknown feeling settled in Debbie’s heart, it was all twisted and she didn’t understand why she felt this heavyweight in her heart and atop her shoulders. Was this her fault? A few moments later the sobs turned to whimpers and soon she was calm again. Mariann held her and curled up into the bed, told her about the animals the had filmed today. They stayed like that until dinner was ready.

They had dinner around 6pm, it was white rice and molasses ( which helps to sweeten the plain rice a bit ) Debbie hated how the molasses felt going down her throat, it sticks to the roof of her mouth and teeth and feels heavy in her stomach like swallowing bricks. But she ate because it made the hunger pains go away. Plus had the benefit of filling her up faster, which is probably why it was for dinner. Daddy let mama and Debbie eat first while he put the dishes away, Mama was silent doing most of the dinner. Hazel hues glanced up from her half-empty plate, stuffing a spoon full into her mouth. “I saw a pretty horsey t’day, it had, like, black and white strips.” Muttering with a mouth full. Mama looked up, a tired smile slowly crossing her lips a laugh leaving her throat. “That’s wonderful, sweetheart. But it’s called a zebra.” Debbie’s face lit up a wide smile, one of her front teeth was missing. “Zeb-r.” The word felt funny leaving her mouth. “You should go tell Daddy, I know he’ll be happy to hear that.” The blonde nodded. “But finish your dinner first.” She didn’t need to be told twice, she devoured it into minutes. While she was getting up from the table she noticed Mama had hardly touched hers, she frowned. Crossing her arms and planting herself back into her seat. “You gotta, like, eat, Mama.” Debbie looked her straight in the eyes ( which was something Debbie never really did. ) She wanted to prove her point that she needed to eat too. She watched her eat a few spoon fulls, a twitch of a smile crossed her face. “Good.” Giving a nod, before running off to tell her Daddy about the horsey, er, zebra.

LATER THAT NIGHT ( 7pm ):

It was a warm night, Mama had gone to bed the moment dinner was finished, she had helped Daddy put the dishes away. It was nice. She told him about the zebra and he rambled off facts about the said animal, every once in a while his eyes would linger on the bandage around her hand, Debbie knew he was chomping at the bit to ask her about it. But the words never left his throat, which Debbie was thankful for, she was far too exhausted to try and explain it. Once everything was put away and Debbie was in her footy pjs, Daddy took her up to the roof of the comvee to look at the stars. Hazel hues watched stars speed past eyes her, it was like someone had poured salt against very dark cloth. Curled up against her Daddy, apple in hand, rubbing a thumb across the smooth texture of the apple, it had warmed a bit in her hands. Finally, after a few moments the blonde raised it to her lips and took a huge bite out of it, shimming a put at the sweet taste of it, Daddy smiles down at her. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it, Poppet.” They continued like that throughout the night, pointing out various constellations until Debbie couldn’t keep her eyes open. Glancing down to the sleeping 4 year old wrapped up his arms, an apple lay forgotten still clenched between small fingers. “Don’t worry, Poppet, ” he whispers, eyes glossy with unshed tears. Placing a kiss, softly atop her forehead. ”Things- Things are going to be better... I promise.” He swore on his life that he would fix this, make sure Debbie grow up never being hungry or scared again. He wouldn’t let his baby girl suffer. Never again.

———

THE NEXT MORNING:

The camp was set up near a stream where they could get water and take baths, but it had dried up. It just happened to be the dry season in the Savanna meaning most of the plants shrivel up and die and sometimes the rivers and streams dry up, leaving behind dry cracked earth baking in the sun. A lot of the animals migrate to find food. Which was also what Daddy went to do since they had no water and food ( Debbie had eaten the last of the rice for breakfast, which made her feel guilty over because Mama and Daddy hadn’t eaten ) left Daddy had to go to the market early before the sun had even rose, he always said it was best plus the drive/hike there was long. It was just Mama and Debbie left to stay at camp and wait for him to return, it was hard because Debbie was so, so thirsty. Golden locks flapping in a sudden gust of heated wind. For a moment, everything was still and peaceful. Tired hazel hues flicked up to the face of her Mama, she looked worn and stressed. She swallowed it was like eating sandpaper, licking chapped lips.

Her mouth was so dry, tongue sticking to the room of her mouth. ”thirsty.” The words were forced from an aching throat, while Mama combed slender fingers through golden locks. ”I know, baby. Your father should be home soon.” Daddy has left early in the morning before the sun was even awake, he wanted to her to the market before everything was taken. They would need to have enough food to make the trip to Mariann’s parent’s house which would take a week or more.

A pause.

”Why don’t you try and get some rest.” Giving a weak nod, shutting glossy eyes. She was fighting off the tears she knew would fall if she kept trying to force words from dry lips. Debbie was just glad they had leftover rice from last night so at least, her stomach was full. Kind of, Debbie was never really full just enough to take the edge off of her growling stomach… Just enough to keep her alive. Debbie dreamed of laying on her back, hair flowing around like a helo, in a large body of water, the sea, she could taste the salt water on her lips. ( don’t drink the water, sweetheart ) the sun beating down against her skin, eyes lazily shutting a sigh of peacefulness leaves her lips. shoulders slacking, her whole body trying to jelly- the stress seemed to melt away in seconds. A wide smile reaches chapped lips, tiny hands dip under the clear water, cupping the water and raising it to her lips only for it to slip through her fingers. She tried again, but still, it spilled from her hands.

Tears well up, eyes glossy. Her breath hitching on a sob. No. No. No! She tried again but it ended the way. Warm tears spill freely down red cheeks. Again and again and again and again and again- “Deb-“ A Voice broke through the fog of the nightmare, it was her Mama. “Wake up, sweetheart.” Hazel hues snapped open and she jolts upright, chest heaving. “You were having a bad dream.” Blinking, once, twice. Her cheeks were wet. The nightmare was quickly forgotten when she heard her Daddy walking up to camp. “Hello, poppet!” The blonde jumped up, almost tripping over her own feet. rushing into her Daddy’s full arms. “Oof- it’s nice to see you too.” A bark of a laugh reached his throat. Mariann followed after her, a smile across her lips.

Nigel placed a kiss to the top of her head, sitting the bags down. Wiping an arm his wife. Nigel reached back and handed each of them a water bottle, Debbie’s eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store. Hungrily twisting the cap off with her teeth, guzzling it down in three breaths, the plastic cheaking. Cooling her burning throat. Still gripping the bottle, almost scared that if she let go she’d never get water again. She knew that was a lie because Mama and Daddy would never let that happen. Her body desperately craving for more, the dry air was already beginning to dry out her mouth, she snapped it shut. Hazel hues glance up to Mama, she looks tired. Debbie instantly feels a stab of guilt clenching her insides, she should have saved some for Mama. Why didn’t she save some? Why was she so greedy and stupid? The blonde bites down on her quivering lip. ( She doesn’t realize there are more bottles. )

#○ ‖ ▏ trash is talking「 ooc 」#headcanon

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