#my nana took some time to adjust to trans issues but once she understands she does a great job of being supportive

[theygender]

You know... part of the reason I had a hard time coming to terms with being a lesbian growing up was because I didn't want to be like my mom. I had been through a lot of trauma that was directly related to her choice in women, and there's definitely something to be said for the difficulties that that caused me, but that's not what this post is about

My point is, when I was a kid the idea of anyone ever thinking that I was like my mother made me angry, and that combined with the internalized lesbophobia that I developed made me especially sick at the idea of anyone ever thinking that I was a lesbian. Even worse, I felt like the homophobes in our family expected me to become a lesbian because of their bigoted ideas that gay parents "corrupt" children. I didn't want to be a lesbian because I didn't want to prove them right and I didn't want to be compared to my mother, so I fought hard against ever being interpreted that way

But now, as someone who's reconnecting with my mom on my own terms and finding out that she's changed for the better? As someone who's secure in their identity as a lesbian and grateful for the opportunities that I've had to engage with the LGBT community throughout my life? As someone who loves my mother in spite of her flaws and recognizes the struggles she faced growing up in the 1970s as the first out LGBT person in a homophobic southern family? I'm proud to be as openly gay as I am and I will not be apologetic for it

I WILL look as queer as possible at our family reunions. I WILL make you respect my girlfriend's pronouns. I WILL speak openly and honestly about the woman I love. I WILL be who I am with no compromises. And I will not engage with you if you don't accept this

My mom had to spend way too many years trying to conform to heteronormative standards for her family's acceptance. She had to hide who she was throughout her childhood, and she had to go through conversion therapy when she was outed. Even as an adult she wasn't able to present the way she wanted or speak openly about her partners. She was the first out lesbian in a family full of southern conservative christians, and she had to live through the hell that her family created for her all alone

...But I am the second out lesbian in a family that supports me for who I am. And I'm the first out nonbinary person in a family that supports me for who I am. And I openly and proudly love all the trans people in my life, who are also fully supported by my family. And there's nothing any of my conservative relatives can do about that. I'm accepted by the family that matters, and I have to be afforded the same respect as everyone else at family gatherings. The homophobes no longer have the power in this situation. I get to be who I am, and if they don't like it they have to leave. They spent decades making my mom's identity a problem for her, and now I'm going to make my identity everyone else's problem. Get with the program or die fucking mad

#i really am proud of how much my mom has grown as a person #and im happy that we have supportive family members now too #my grandma. my great grandma. my grandpas wife #my great grandma was the only one who accepted my mom as a kid and shes always been sweet #when i was in high school i had a huge crush / sort of fling with a girl named tori and i guess my mom talked to her about it #my great grandma said she had heard i had a 'good friend' named tori and when i confirmed she told me how wonderful she thought that was #and that she thought we should go to college and get a nice apartment together after we graduated #i didnt even realize that she /knew/ that i was interested in girls before then but that conversation was so sweet #my nana took some time to adjust to trans issues but once she understands she does a great job of being supportive #she accepted my previous best friend (who i called my brother and my mom called her son) as her grandson #and after my mom explained it to her she always got his pronouns right #my mom has had to explain my girlfriends pronouns to her as well but now she makes sure to use the right pronouns for her too #my grandpa is probably the most conservative person in our family. BUT his wife is extremely sweet #her only reaction to my trans girlfriend was to say that one day the three of us should all get together and have a girls day #and whats he going to say about my girlfriend when his wife is being so supportive of her? #what is ANYONE in our family going to say about me or my mom or my girlfriend when all three of the family matriarchs are supportive of us? #you dont come into nanas house and be mean to her grandkids. you dont act like a dick in front of grandma betty #no one can talk shit about my mom for being a lesbian anymore when im there being an even BIGGER dyke and theyre required to be nice to me #and if any of my cousins ever come out theyll be safe now too #i painted myself into a big enough target that every other target would look tiny in comparison #and now that my grandmas have said that no ones allowed to shoot at me everyone has to put down their guns #and im pretty fucking proud of that tbh #thank you for paving the way for me mom. i know you went through a lot #ill take over from here #rambling