#natsversion

[totowlff]

chapter twenty-eight — what won’t you do for love

➝ the moment of truth has arrived for elisabeth and niki.

➝ word count: 4,4k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author notes: the most awaited chapter for you is here. i hope you are as excited as i am to find out what happens from now on.

AUGUST, 2016

Sitting inside the black Mercedes C-Class parked in her parents’ building Alsergrund, Elisabeth had been staring at the silver star emblem embedded in her steering wheel for more than five minutes already. She was sitting in complete silence. She took a deep breath and tried to push back the lump in her throat, and the tears that kept coming to her eyes. 

It was as if, every time she touched the car handle to open the door, some memory of the last 48 hours of her life came to mind, like a punch to the gut. She had no idea where it was coming from. 

After Toto accidentally posted photos of the two of them, there was no longer any point in running away. It was real, official, and out to the public. The mystery had been solved. Elisabeth Lauda was the newest conquest of the investor, entrepreneur, and notorious playboy Toto Wolff. That’s the way it was phrased on the cover of OE24, one of Austria’s main gossip tabloids. The words were printed along with an image of the two of them together from the IWC gala a few months ago.

Even worse than seeing her own face splashed over the cover of a magazine in a market near Stephensplatz, was the way people around her reacted when reading it. A mother and daughter in the next checkout lane had been reading the magazine while they were in line. Their expressions of disbelief when they saw the glamorous woman on the cover in a black dress and red lipstick was the same as the one in the pages of the magazine — bent over a dock tie in a black bikini, handing a shaved ice to a thirteen year old girl in a park, the woman standing next to them with her hair pulled back in a messy bun and oversized sweatshirt — it was all terrifying, to say the least. But even worse than that were the comments they made out loud, when Elisabeth was sure they couldn’t see her eavesdropping. 

— How is such a successful man with this stupid little girl? — the woman said, showing the magazine to her daughter. The girl nodded and laughed.

When she returned to the penthouse, Elisabeth set the bags down on top of the kitchen island and leaned back against the stone countertop, taking a deep breath. It was as if she'd gone back to VIS, reliving the hell her classmates had put her through. Only this time on an even bigger scale.

— Liesl? — Toto said, standing in the kitchen doorway.

— Yes — she replied, opening one of the bags and taking out their groceries. Her eyes were full of tears.

— Is everything okay?

Elisabeth took a deep breath, not daring to look back. She didn't want Toto to see her crying.

— Yes — she said softly, the tightness in her throat strangling her voice.

— Did something happen at the market?

The memory of the girl's laughter made a tear fall down her cheek. Elisabeth swiped her hand across her face, wiping it away.

— No, nothing happened.

She heard footsteps behind her, and suddenly, a pair of hands landed on her waist, making Elisabeth spin on her axis, causing her to meet Toto's dark eyes. Her bottom lip began to tremble, and a few seconds later, she collapsed in his arms, tears wetting the gray T-shirt he was wearing.

It was all too much for her. 

The sound of something vibrating brought Elisabeth back to reality. She looked around for her phone, finding it in the console to her right. The screen had turned on, with Toto's name in big letters, along with a picture she'd discreetly taken of him one night as he read something by the fireplace. She smiled as she answered the call.

— Hey, darling.

— Hi, Liesl. Have you talked to your father?

— Well… No. Not yet.

— But you left the house an hour ago.

She pursed her lips. She couldn't even use the traffic as an excuse, after all, it wasn't even close to rush hour.

— I've been driving around their neighborhood for a bit — she said quietly — Now I’m parked in front of their building. I’ve been here for about ten minutes.

— But, why?

— Trying to build up the courage, Toto. I have no idea what to expect from this conversation.

Toto sighed on the other end of the line.

— Elisabeth, you know you've put this conversation off too long.

— I know…

— And, you know that no matter what he says, I'll be on your side, right?

— You will?

Toto laughed.

— Of course, Liesl. Always — he replied, making a smile spread across her face — Now take a deep breath and go. I trust you, my love.

Feeling a little more confident, Elisabeth said goodbye to Toto and ended the call. She put her phone in her bag and took a deep breath as she got out of the car, walking toward the entrance of her parents’ building. She said hello to Timo, the building’s doorman, and got into the elevator. Her hand tightened on the strap of her purse as she reached out and pressed the button to take her to the penthouse. 

As she stepped out of the elevator and walked to the apartment door, she felt her throat tighten and her hands go cold. “There's no turning back, Elisabeth”, she thought, pressing the bell. A few seconds later, she heard footsteps and the doorknob turn. However, it was not her father who appeared, but two curious black noses.

— Hello, my boys — Elisabeth said, reaching down to pet Shivas and Felix, who were barking happily, jumping around her, sniffing her coat, and trying to lick her face. Then, she realized there was a pair of familiar brown loafers on the ground in front of her.

— Shivas, Felix, sit — Niki ordered the dogs, his voice cold and abrupt. The pair of retrievers, one of them a yellow golden and the other a black flat-coated, backed up, sitting next to Niki. However, their eyes remained glued to Elisabeth as stood up from where she’d been crouched on the ground — Hello, Elisabeth.

— Good afternoon, dad — she said softly. She looked into his eyes for the first time, blue, so similar, and yet, so different from hers. She was a bit startled by the coldness in them.

— Come in — he said, standing aside for his daughter to enter. Elisabeth took off her high-heeled shoes and walked past him, walking slowly into the living room, listening to her father close the door behind her. She heard the click of the dogs’ nails as they happily followed after her. 

Niki and Marlene's living room was decorated in light, neutral shades with touches of vibrant red and orange. The layout of the room was centered around the fireplace in the center of the room, with the furniture facing it. On the fireplace mantle, there was a shelf with framed photos featuring the entire family.

Among the pictures from her childhood with her brothers in Ibiza, and of Lenny holding his newborn brother, there was a photo that she thought looked a bit out of place on that shelf. It was a photo she didn't remember seeing the last time she'd visited her parents.

It was from the 2014 Constructors' Championship celebration at the Russian Grand Prix. In it, Elisabeth was standing between Niki and Toto, holding the Constructor’s Cup in her hands, completely soaked with champagne. All three of them had wide, genuine smiles on their faces. It was the same photo that Toto had framed and sitting on a shelf in the motorhome office. Every time she set foot in the office, she always glanced at it and felt the heaviness of her guilt building inside of her chest.

— Are you okay, Elisabeth? — Niki asked, standing behind her.

— Yes, I’m fine — she turned away, a shy smile on her lips — What about you, dad?

— I’m fine — he replied seriously as he sat down in one of the armchairs in the living room, with Felix settling at his feet. The dog heaved a long sigh. Niki pointed to the sofa — Sit down.

Elisabeth walked around the coffee table and settled into the spot he had pointed to. Shivas settled just beside her right leg, resting his head in her lap. She placed her bag between her left thigh and the arm of the sofa, and used her free hand to stroke the dog’s head.

Silence in the room stretched for a few seconds, the only sound that could be heard was the tick of a clock.

— Where is my mother? — Elisabeth said in an effort to break the tension, looking at her father.

— Went to see her grandchildren — Niki said, his expression serious — But I don’t think that you came all this way to see your mother, did you?

Elisabeth pressed her lips together.

— No — she said, her voice thin.

More silence, more of the clock’s ticking. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest, her hands icy.

— You have something to tell me, right? — her father said, reaching down with his right hand to pet Felix behind the ears.

She'd spent so many nights lying on Toto's chest, listening to his heartbeat and imagining what it would be like to tell Niki about her relationship. Elisabeth had thought of hundreds of approaches, dozens of ways to break the news, thousands of possible reactions he could have when he heard her say that the man she loved was just his friend.

— Well, I... No, we... Actually, I'm the one who wants to talk, since he's not here, but we...

— Who are you talking about? Who is the other person in this ‘we’?

Elisabeth blinked.

— Toto.

— Oh, I understand.

— Do you? — her heart filled with something akin to hope.

— Well, I understand that you and Toto want to tell me something.

— Yes, we do.

— And why isn't he here?

— I thought it would be better if I came alone.

— You did?

— Well, we did… The point is, I want to tell you something that I’ve been keeping with me, well, that we’ve been keeping…

— You mean hiding, Elisabeth? — he asked, his voice cold.

She pressed her lips together. The word was much more appropriate.

— Yes, dad.

— And what are you, or rather, were you hiding?

— We're dating — she said, abruptly — Toto and I, I mean. We are a couple.

It felt like everything in the room, even time itself, stopped. It was so quiet that Elisabeth was sure she could hear a needle drop to the floor. Her eyes were hyper-focused on Niki’s face, trying to read his expression, but she couldn’t discern any particular emotion. His gaze was fixed on the floor. Elisabeth started to grow uncomfortable as the seconds crawled by.

But then, Niki, patting the Flat-coated retriever's head affectionately, looked at Elisabeth and smiled.

— I already knew.

She swallowed hard.

— Mathias sent you the photo?

— Yes. And an almost two-minute audio clip saying that he was opposed to your relationship from the start, that you two were two irresponsible people who didn't give any thought to my feelings, and that he would be by my side to support me no matter what decision I made regarding your relationship.

Elisabeth lowered her gaze, looking at Shivas. The dog still had his head in her lap, looking up at her with big brown eyes. He stared at her for a few seconds before he sighed and closed his eyes again.

— Did you say anything to him? — she asked quietly, not able to meet Niki’s eyes.

— Of course. I told him to shut up and mind his own business.

She jerked her head up and looked at Niki, her eyes going wide.

— Dad…

— Did you really think Mathias would have any bearing on my opinion on this matter, Elisabeth?

— I did, actually.

Niki laughed.

— I thought you knew me better, Mauslein.

Seeing him laughing didn't bring the relief she'd hoped for. In fact, it made her even more nervous

— Aren't you upset with me? — Elisabeth asked, quietly.

He answered her question with another question.

— Why would I be?

— Well, you always say Toto is a friend. You've never called anyone else that, as far as I know. And I’m dating someone that is that close to you…

Her father leaned back in his chair, pulling the hand that was stroking Felix's dark fur into his lap.

— Elisabeth, do you remember what I said that night at that dinner?

— Which dinner?

— The first dinner we had after making the Mercedes investment. The one where I introduced you to Toto.

If her father had said anything after her eyes had first met Toto's, Elisabeth couldn't remember. All she could remember that night was the finger-combed hair, deep voice, and the charming smile of the man who'd spent the entirety of the meal talking to Niki. She was completely unable to recall what had been discussed or even what food was served that night, but she could remember exactly how many times Toto scrunched his nose as he smiled.

“Eight times”, Elisabeth thought to herself.

— Well, you said so much…

— I said that I knew you two would get along, because you liked the same boring things.

Hearing that phrase again brought Elisabeth back to that moment. She smiled shyly, trying to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks. She hadn’t expected her father to be as right as he had been.

— When I met Toto, back in 2009 — Niki continued — What struck me most about him, aside from his stupid idea of trying to do a sub-seven-minute lap in a GT car on the Nordschleife, was how much he reminded me of you.

— Me?

— You two are determined, stubborn, smart, and never leave the negotiating table without a deal. You are passionate about what you do, confident, and committed. Plus, you are the only two people I know who like apricot jam.

She smiled at the mention of the jam. She was the only one in the family who liked apricot jam and she always had some in her fridge. However, she knew very few people who shared her enjoyment of the tart and tangy preserves. However, during one of her first mornings in Toto’s penthouse, she opened the fridge in search of milk for her coffee, Elisabeth spotted a jar of it nestled amongst the other condiments inside.

— Thanks for buying me apricot jam, you didn't have to — she smiled, sitting down at the table and popping open the jar. Toto raised an eyebrow as he looked up from that day's edition of Der Standard in his hands.

— I didn't buy it for you.

The answer had taken her by surprise. With a slice of brioche cut in half and a little bit of the jam spread over it, Elisabeth stared at him.

— No? But…

— I like apricot jam — he said — It’s especially good on croissants.

Elisabeth smiled.

— It really is — she replied, offering a slice of the brioche she'd just made to Toto. He took a generous bite, and ended up with his nose smeared with jam. It made Elisabeth burst out laughing as she tried to clean it with her fingers, only to smear more of it on his face. The memory of that morning made her smile.

— You should give it a chance, dad. It’s good.

— No, no — Niki said, with a smile — More for you, you know.

Looking at Niki for a few seconds, Elisabeth realized that much of the tension in the air had dissipated. However, there were still a few unanswered questions.

— Does that mean you…

— Knew you were interested in Toto and he was interested in you? Of course. Toto was never discreet with his feelings about you. He was very obvious, the way he looked at you, the way he talked about you. But you couldn’t hide it, either.

— Were we that obvious?

Niki sighed.

— Elisabeth, you've always been an open book to me. I always knew when you were hiding something.

— But I’ve never hid anything from you, dad. Well, not before this…

— Summer of 2002 — Niki cut her off — Remember, Mauslein?

“That summer is hard to forget”, she thought, pursing her lips. The family had gone to Ibiza at the end of August to enjoy the first days of the Spanish summer. However, that season was a little different than their previous trips to the island. Niki had invited Sarah, the ex-wife of James Hunt, as well as her two children, Tom and Freddie, to spend a few weeks at the Lauda family’s home.

Between walks on the beach, some riding and a kiss on a deserted beach, Elisabeth found herself living her first love with Freddie Hunt. It was a pure, simple feeling, driven by Freddie’s charm — he had definitely gotten it from his father. Things culminated in Elisabeth spending her first night with a boy.

After everyone else had gone to bed, Freddie left the guest room he was sharing with his brother and crept down the hall to her room. It was practically a habit of his during that two-week stay, after Mathias showed a bit of jealousy over the attention Freddie paid to his sister during the day.

But that night was different from the others. Elisabeth went to dinner wearing a short linen dress that left her tanned legs showing, and Freddie didn't even have time for Elisabeth to whisper good night before kissing her and leading her to her bed. Of course, that first night was nothing like the nights she spent with Toto. After all, she hadn't even had an orgasm before he came, sweaty and out of breath. However, it had been something special for her, especially given the affection with which he had treated her. It was the first time that Elisabeth had ever felt beautiful and desirable, and not like the ugly duckling. 

Their story didn't last long, in the end. Freddie had to return with his mother and brother to England. However, her night with the boy had remained a fond memory for Elisabeth. It was one of the few happy memories she had of her teenage years.

— What about the summer of 2002?

— Remember when we had Sarah and the Hunt boys over in Ibiza? I remember how close you and Freddie were.

— We were practically the same age, dad. It's natural.

— I think it's also natural to see him leave your room in the morning with his hair messed up and his shorts inside out — Niki retorted, with an impish smile. Elisabeth's eyes widened — He made the same face when he saw me in the hallway, his hand still on your doorknob. I remember saying just one thing to him before he headed for the stairs.

— What did you say? — she asked, dreading the answer.

— I asked if he wanted a cup of coffee, or if he'd already had the breakfast of champions.

Elisabeth brought a hand up to her face, shaking her head. Her face burned with embarrassment, even twenty years later.

— You didn't…

— I did — Niki said, laughing — The poor kid couldn't answer me. He just excused himself and ran to his room. He didn't look at me for the rest of the time they were in Ibiza, he said goodbye without even looking me in the eye. I think I traumatized the poor boy.

She laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She was still a bit embarrassed about it. Elisabeth definitely didn't expect her father to pay so much attention to her. After the laughter had died down and silence settled in the air, she had the courage to look up at Niki again.

— So, did you always know? I mean, about me and Toto…

— Always? No, that’s a strong word. I suspected at first that there was a mutual interest. But then he showed up with that French model… Aurélie, was it? And I could see that you weren’t as close as I thought. But after you left during that Grand Prix weekend in Monaco, he didn’t go a day without asking about you — her father said — That was, until we won the Constructors’ title in 2014. You two were the only ones to not show up for the team dinner. I even thought about stopping by your rooms to check if you were all right, but I suspected that you were busy.

She had no idea what to say to that. 

— Then, in Melbourne last year, I realized for sure you were together. I was coming back from having dinner with Lewis and decided to stop by Toto's room. For one thing, he took five minutes to open the door, and answered it wearing a bathrobe that was too small for him. I thought I was going to get a free show for a few minutes. Once I stepped inside, I saw that there was something on the bed, almost hidden under the sheets. It was your phone.

— How did you know it was mine?

— Do you know anyone else who has a fluorescent turquoise phone case, Elisabeth?

Pursing her lips, she looked down to see Shivas was dozing in her lap, his back moving slightly with his quiet breathing. She never wanted to trade places with a dog more  than she did right now: no problems, no worries, just sleeping peacefully and thinking about the next meal.

— You mean that…

— I knew it was you and what you were doing before I even saw the panties under the chair. Actually, that’s why I told him to use protection.

— But…

— Elisabeth, did you really think I would care if I didn't know you were the one having sex with him?

She blinked.

Silence filled the room again.

— Well, the point is that I’ve known for a long time that you were together — Niki spoke again — But there's something I still can't understand, Mauslein. Why didn't you tell me before?

— Dad…

— I always made it clear that you could tell me anything, that I trusted you and that you could trust me.

— I know…

— Did I say something that discouraged you at some point?

— No, dad. It was just the opposite.

— What do you mean by that?

She sighed.

— I spent a lot of time denying myself the chance to feel anything for Toto. I was afraid to feel something, actually. I was afraid of being vulnerable, of the pain that came with it. But my heart was a bit more stubborn than my head. It hurt me much more to resist it than to accept that he felt the same way I did.

— Mauslein…

— And I hesitated. I kept almost telling him how I felt, but I couldn’t ever bring myself to do it. And then, I remembered what you said on that flight to Bahrain after Lenny was born. You told me not to deny myself the chance to be happy. And I found mine in that man.

Niki's lips curved slightly.

— He's sensitive, understanding, intelligent and funny. Toto complements and completes me in a way that no other person ever has. We have the same ambitions, the same dreams, the same goals. I look at him and I see my future. He’s my best friend, my boyfriend, the future father of my children, my partner in crime. I love him, dad. I love him and am willing to fight with him, and fight for him.

As Elisabeth spoke, she felt something hot run down her face. A tear. She ran a hand quickly over her face, lowering her head, trying to hide her emotions. She had never stopped to reflect on the extent of her feelings for Toto. It was a completely different love than she felt for her parents, siblings or nephews. It wasn't something almost natural, but rather, a feeling that had grown inside her chest until it was too big to just be inside her.

— You know how I feel about this, Elisabeth — Niki said, his tone serious. Looking up at her father, she swallowed — I just want to see you happy, my daughter. I want to see you smiling, happy. And I can see that Toto is capable of leaving you just like that.

— You mean that…

— If you need my blessing or any of that bullshit to make you feel at ease, know that you both have had it from minute one. I trust Toto to be by your side, and I trust you for following your heart.

More tears streamed down Elisabeth's face.

They were tears of relief. Tears of happiness.

— I don't think you'll ever learn that you can't cry in front of me, otherwise I'll start crying — Niki muttered, getting up from his chair — Come here, Mauslein.

Lifting herself gently so as not to disturb the still-sleeping Shivas, Elisabeth rose from the sofa and let herself be enfolded in her father's arms, nestling her head in the crook of his neck. Feeling his hand caress the back of her head, she felt like a child again, being comforted by her father after her brothers had excluded her from some play or after some misadventure at school.

That was one of her safe places. It always would be, as long as she lived.

Lifting her head slightly, Elisabeth chuckled as Niki placed a kiss on her forehead, the same way she had when she was little, running the tips of his calloused fingers, which had gripped the hard steering wheels of the cars he’d driven over the years, over his daughter’s cheeks.

— I thought you realized I was happy for you when you looked at the pictures over the fireplace, Mauslein — her father muttered.

She turned to look at the pictures on the mantle and the 2014 title celebration photo seemed to stand out among the sandcastles and toothless smiles. It was the last detail that was missing for her to realize that this was no longer one of the scenarios she had made up in her head.

— You put that picture there…

— Well, we have pictures of Mathias with Claire, we needed one of you and your partner. I found this one very adequate, but we can change it. You probably have taken better ones since then.

— Is that your way of saying he's family?

Niki smiled.

— Yes, Mauslein. Toto is part of our family now. I can’t wait to call him my son-in-law.

#toto wolff #niki lauda #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #wlffog #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter thirty — waltzes and wreaths

➝ no cameras, no pressure. on that night in helsinki, they were just liesl and toto.

➝ word count: 4,4k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author notes: a sweet chapter to a sweet week in my life. don't get used to it.

SEPTEMBER, 2016

The late afternoon sun cast its golden glow on the gardens and the imposing red brick steeples of the church. Gazing up at the green patina of the roof tiles as they glinted in the sunlight, Elisabeth held her nude clutch in her hands. The chilly Finnish autumn breeze ruffled the dark blue dress she was wearing, and a few strands of her hair, loose from her elegant bun, danced in the breeze.

"I should have brought a coat,' she thought, looking down at the aquamarine ring on her left hand. Shifting her feet, she tried to move a little bit, discreetly, trying to warm up a little bit.

— Are you cold, Liesl? — someone whispered in her ear, the heat of their breath making her skin tingle. Elisabeth glanced to the right and saw Toto, a mischievous smile on his face. He was the epitome of elegance in the tailored suit he was wearing, paired with a gray tie. 

— A little, darling — she said, tugging at the sleeves of her dress. It did little to project her from the brisk air. 

Toto wrapped his arm around her back, rubbing his hand against her left arm in an attempt to warm her up. It made Elisabeth smile as she looked up at him.

— It was nicer inside the church, wasn't it?

— Yes, definitely — Elisabeth replied, leaning into Toto, trying to capture some of his body heat. He continued to rub his hands along her arm, the friction chasing the chill off of her skin. Meanwhile, her eyes drifted toward the imposing dark wooden doors of the cathedral. They were still closed, but it was only a matter of time before the newlyweds, Valtteri and Emilia, would exit the narthex of the neo-Gothic cathedral to greet their assembled guests, who were all waiting for them outside. 

Elisabeth was still a little surprised to be in Helsinki, witnessing the couple exchanging rings and vows of love. She’d witnessed the two exchanging rings and vows, and a shy kiss from Valtteri to his bride’s cheek. After what had happened in Monaco the year before, she hadn’t expected their relationship to last more than a few weeks, let alone make it to their wedding date. 

The day after the Amber Lounge Fashion Show, she ran into Emilia in the paddock. Her pale eyes were puffy and red. Elisabeth figured that her night hadn't been pleasant. Elisabeth took her out for coffee, and Emilia recounted, her voice cracking, how she arrived at Valtteri's apartment in Monte-Carlo after the fashion show to find him watching qualifying videos. The coffee table in the living room was completely covered in paper, all printed out with graphs and tables of telemetry data. He was completely absorbed.

When Emilia asked why he hadn’t come to the fashion show, he brushed it off, saying he needed to focus on qualifying and the race, not “mindless events”, as he called it. They started arguing about their support for each other, and whether or not he was truly dedicated to their relationship. With tears in her eyes, Emilia said that she was no longer sure if she really wanted to be with Valtteri, as it didn’t seem that he wanted to be with her. Elisabeth tried to help as best as she could, offering a listening ear, a kind shoulder to cry on, advice, and a place to stay if she needed it. Emilia was grateful for it, but never asked for it. 

A few months later, Elisabeth was surprised by a message she’d gotten from Emilia. It was in all capital letters. “I SAID YES!” There was a picture of her and Valtteri attached to the message, Emilia holding up her left hand, showing off the diamond engagement ring. 

— She's getting married — Elisabeth stammered, zooming in on the ring, incredulous

— Who's getting married? — Toto asked, sliding next to her on the sofa.

— Emilia.

— To whom? — he asked.

She looked up at him.

— To Valtteri, who else would it be?

Toto blinked, surprised.

— I thought they split up after what happened in Monaco?

— Apparently not — she murmured, staring at the photo again.

A short time later, they received an official invitation, confirming the date after the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, in which Emilia would compete, and two European races, which made it easier for Valtteri to travel. They’d chosen Helsinki, the capital city of Finland. The guest list was small, as both of them wanted to only share their special day with the people closest to them.

In a way, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel honored to be included, given how small the guest list was. Both she and Toto doted on Emilia and Valtteri. However, as Elisabeth sat on a pew in the church, watching the couple sing one of the hymns printed on the programs, she couldn’t shake the feeling that marriage wasn’t right for them, but she didn’t ever bring it up to Emilia — she didn’t want to ruin what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of hers and Valtteri’s lives.

A sound drew Elisabeth's attention to the top of the stairs. The usher had just opened the dark wooden doors, and Emilia and Valtteri emerged. Valtteri was wearing a suit with a gray tie and a white rose pinned to his lapel, and Emilia wore a sleeveless dress, rich with details in the lace. The layers of organza made it look light and dreamy as it flowed behind her. Elisabeth had already seen pictures of the dress. It was designed by a Finnish designer named Katri Niskanen. However, when she saw her in the church, with her hair tied in a low bun and a bouquet of white flowers in her hand, Elisabeth was sure that Valtteri had won the lottery.

Emilia was beautiful.

Upon stepping outside the church, the couple greeted their guests, who applauded and whistled for them. Emilia lifted the bouquet playfully, which provoked a few chuckles among those present. After someone shouted for a kiss from the couple, Valtteri, with red cheeks, gave in, taking his lips to Emilia's cheek, placing a chaste kiss on her.

— They seem kinda shy, huh? — Toto murmured beside Elisabeth. She looked up at him, one eyebrow raised.

— Would you do it differently?

He smiled.

— Perhaps.

— What would you do differently?

— I won't tell you, Liesl.

— Why not?

— Because it's a surprise.

— Surprise?

— Yes — Toto replied, slipping a hand around her waist — A surprise for the day you become Mrs. Wolff.

Elisabeth turned to face him.

— You mean you want me to be Mrs. Wolff?

— Well, only if you want to, of course. Although ‘Mrs. Lauda-Wolff’ sounds more powerful, doesn't it?

— I like them both — Elisabeth replied, watching Emilia hug a woman wearing a hat with a brim that was a little too big, while Valtteri chatted with a couple beside her.

— I think you mean sexier, baby — he whispered in her ear, a sly smile playing on his lips. Tilting her head to look at him, Elisabeth smiled.

— Perhaps, Mr. Wolff — she said, receiving a kiss on the head in return.

It didn't take long for Emilia and Valtteri to approach them to greet them. Emilia wrapped Elisabeth in a warm hug, thanking her for attending.

— It's me… Well, me and Toto who should thank you for the invitation — she said, backing away from Emilia to look into her blue eyes — We are very happy to witness this beautiful moment, aren't we, my love?

— Yes, very — Toto completed, placing a hand on Elisabeth's shoulder — We just think that kiss lacked some emotion, Valtteri.

She elbowed him in the ribs, as she noticed that Valtteri's face was turning a deep scarlet. Toto laughed, squeezing Valtteri’s shoulder, while Emilia took her new husband's hand, smiling.

— I think he's saving it all for the party, Toto — she replied — After the first gin and tonic, I'm sure he'll be more cheerful, won't you, darling?

— Definitely — Valtteri said, looking a little distracted — Shall we say hello to the rest of the guests, Emppu?

Emilia nodded, giving Elisabeth one last hug before continuing to say hello to the rest of the attendees. As she watched the two of them, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel like something was wrong with Valtteri. While Emilia seemed elated, Valtteri looked distant, the few smiles he gave seemed forced. He was the first person Elisabeth had ever seen that didn’t look happy on his own wedding day, and that worried her.

She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

— Is everything okay, Liesl? — she heard Toto whisper in her ear. He sounded concerned. — Do you need anything? Do you  want to go somewhere quieter?

Ever since the anxiety attack she'd had in Belgium, he'd always seemed on the lookout for any change in Elisabeth's mood, especially in public. She’d had her first session with her new therapist a few days ago, and she felt a little bit better afterward, but she had noticed that Toto was keeping an eye on her, trying to take care of her in even simple ways. Whether it was a kiss on the top of her head, a reassuring touch to the base of her spine or a simple “I love you” whispered in her ear, he seemed to make a point of making her feel safe and loved, especially when they were in public.

Little did he know how much that meant to her.

— I'm fine. I was just thinking.

— About what?

Elisabeth pressed her lips together. This was definitely not the place to talk about how cold and distant Valtteri seemed.

— How happy Emilia is.

He looked at Emilia, who was laughing at something that Mika Hakkinen said as they were standing near the car that would take them to the reception. 

— She’s beaming — Toto murmured, moving his hand from Elisabeth’s shoulder to her waist, drawing her in closer to him — But you'll be beaming even more when it's your turn.

Elisabeth raised an eyebrow.

— You're talking a lot about weddings today, Toto.

— I'm inspired, I guess. What do you want me to say?

— Is there something you want to tell me?

He chuckled, planting a kiss on her temple.

— Soon, Liesl.

As she watched Valtteri and Emilia climb into the black Mercedes S500 Maybach and drive away to the sound of applause and whistles, Elisabeth couldn’t help but wonder what her turn would be like — what she wanted her wedding to be like.

She definitely wanted a summer wedding. She wanted it outdoors, maybe in Ibiza, near her parents' house. Or maybe in Sardinia, overlooking the deep blue sea that washed over the shores of Porto Cervo. Her dress would be simple — nothing with frills, lace, or tulle. The ceremony would be intimate, limited only to immediate family and very close friends.

She would walk down the aisle to the sound of soft music, escorted by her father, who would obviously be wearing his trademark red cap - even for the most important moment in his daughter’s life. When handing her off to Toto, Niki would probably make some funny comment about the two of them. The ceremony and their vows would be full of laughter  After all, it was what their relationship was about: joy.

Well, that’s how it should be, at least.

— Liesl, shall we go to the van? — Toto asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

— Yes, let’s go  — she replied.

The trip to Kulosaari Casino was smooth. They shared a ride with the other guests, who neither of them knew. They didn’t say anything for the entire trip, preferring to sit hand-in-hand, listening to Emilia and Valtteri’s friends chattering excitedly in Finnish.

— Who knew they could be animated? — Elisabeth whispered in Toto’s ear

— I think we’re so used to the way Kimi and Valtteri are — Toto replied, making Elisabeth laugh.

When the van stopped and the door slid open, they had arrived. The building was built in a classical style with a cream-colored exterior. The entrance was decorated with white flowers, the same ones that were in Emilia's bouquet. As she and Toto two crossed the bridge that led to the building, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel awed by the landscape stretching out around her, the setting sun glistening over the waters of the Gulf of Finland.

“Beautiful”, she thought.

They were greeted by an usher, who directed them to go up the stairs towards the hall. The room was beautifully decorated with flowers and lights, with tables scattered around a large space reserved for the dance floor.

— Your names, please? — a man, who she assumed was the maître d', asked them, his English heavily accented.

— Elisabeth Lauda and Toto Wolff — she replied, smiling.

The man led them to a table where Antti, Valtteri's trainer, and his partner, Cristina, were already seated. They all exchanged greetings, and she took the seat marked by a placecard with her name on it, right next to Toto. It wasn't long before he started talking to Antti about Williams' season and Valtteri's consistent results.

Glancing at the woman beside the fitness coach, Elisabeth smiled.

— The decorations are very nice, aren’t they?

Cristina smiled.

— They are. Emilia has extraordinary good taste.

The two began to talk and Elisabeth found herself strangely comfortable talking to the other woman. She had never been one to make small talk, preferring more direct dialogue. However, there was something different about that day. For once, she didn't feel pressured to play the role of Elisabeth Lauda, the businesswoman and daughter of Niki Lauda. For the first time in what felt like forever, she could finally be a normal woman who was attending her friend’s wedding, with no expectations beyond that. She could finally be Liesl.

Some time later, Mika and his partner, Marketa, joined them, sitting in the empty seats at the table. It didn't take long for the former driver to strike up an easy conversation as they were talking about something he mastered like no one else. However, some time later, he turned to Elisabeth.

— And how is your father, Elisabeth?

— He's fine, Mika.

— I imagine he was surprised to hear about you two — he said. Elisabeth looked at Toto, who squeezed her hand lightly.

— Actually, he was expecting it. In his words, he thought we'd get along because we both like the same boring things — she explained, laughing.

— I imagine Niki hasn't made things easy for you, Toto.

— Actually, it was Liesl who made things difficult at first. But, after some talking, we managed to sort it out and we're just fine — he replied, taking Elisabeth’s right hand and placing a kiss on top of the diamonds that decorated her ring finger, his lips warm against the cold metal.

The sun was already sinking into the horizon when Valtteri and Emilia entered the hall to a round of fervent applause from their guests. They settled at the table reserved for the two of them. After they sat down, dinner began.

The trout mousseline with marinated shrimp, fennel, and avocado cream was tasty. As was the porcini mushroom soup, served with a rosemary muffin. A big surprise for Elisabeth was the roast reindeer loin, with potato fondant and blackcurrant sauce — she thought the strong, gamey flavor of the meat was perfectly balanced with the sweetness of the sauce.

While the waiters prepared the tables for dessert, Mika excused himself, getting up from the table. A few other men around the room did as well. Minutes later, they returned with ski masks, heading directly to the bridal table and taking Emilia with them. Then Laura, Valtteri's sister, announced that the bride had been kidnapped and that she would only be returned after the groom fulfilled some tasks.

The tradition was not new to Elisabeth. The “kidnapping” of the bride was quite common at wedding parties in Austria. She had Lukas who had planned one for Mathias and Claire's wedding. Seeing her brother wearing a Real Madrid jersey and singing the anthem of the team he hated so much to get his bride back was something she would never forget.

In order for Emilia to return to the hall, Valtteri had to answer a few questions, as well as sing a song and recite a love poem about his wife. He also had to do some push-ups and drink a generous quantity of Finnish vodka.

When Emilia was brought back into the hall, the couple exchanged a peck, to the sound of applause and whistles from those present. Then, they went to the table where their wedding cake was set up. It was decorated with white flowers and gold details, ocean waves and a Formula 1 car. As they cut the first slice, a sharp tap on the floor, followed by giggles from Emilia, had the guests laughing.

— She's in charge now, eh, Valtteri! — Mika shouted, with a laugh.

After everyone was served cake, Strawberries Romanov, and creme brulee, everyone was invited to the dance floor, where the bride and groom would do their first dance. Surrounded by friends and family, Valtteri and Emilia whirled around the room, a spotlight shining directly on them creating an ethereal atmosphere for the moment. After, Emilia's father and Valtteri's mother were invited to dance with their children, followed by her mother and his father.

Then, the dance floor was cleared for the guests.

— Would you do me the honor of a dance, Miss Lauda? — Toto whispered in Elisabeth’s ear. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

— You know how to dance?

He laughed.

— Being the most ill-behaved man in Vienna has taught me a few things.

— And how to waltz is one of them?

— Exactly.

Now, Elisabeth laughed.

— I would love to dance with you then, Mr. Wolff — she replied. Toto took her hand and led her to the center of the dance floor. She stood in front of him as the ambient lights dimmed, creating a romantic atmosphere. Then, with one hand on her waist and the other firmly around her hand, Toto gently led her in time with the music, back and forth, around the room.

Toto wasn't lying when he said he could waltz. It shouldn't come as a surprise, considering he was from Vienna, the birthplace of the waltz. However, at the same time, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel surprised.

She wondered what other hidden talents and tricks Toto had hidden up his sleeve besides knowing how to dance — and the ability to do amazing things with his tongue. Toto released her from his hold, spinning her around and bringing her close to him again, holding her close, their eyes fixed on each other.

There was something magical about that moment. It wasn't just the fact that she was dancing with the man she loved, it went beyond that. It was the first time that they’d been able to go to a social event that wasn’t for work. They were together, for the first time, in a genuine way, without having to pretend that their relationship was strictly professional. Elisabeth couldn't help but feel genuinely happy for the first time in over two years.

It wasn’t that the moments they'd spent together so far hadn't made her happy, but there was always something bittersweet about them, like the picture was incomplete. They were always full of excuses and lies. Full of sad looks and promises that everything would be better one day.

And now, ‘one day’ had finally arrived.

Toto spun her around again, and Elisabeth realized that she was finally experiencing the taste of love. Not the version with the sour hints of having to keep secrets, but the pure, sweet version that melted on her tongue and warmed her chest. 

It was the version that she’d wanted from the moment her eyes first met his.

Facing him again, Elisabeth couldn't wait for the end of the song. Moving closer to his face, she said three words in a thin voice.

— I love you.

The song ended, the lights in the room went back up, and his face became more visible. He looked elated. Then, suddenly, he bent down and lifted her by the waist, the same way he had done so many times before so that their faces were on the same level, Elisabeth's feet suspended in the air.

— I love you more — Toto replied, brushing his nose against hers. Elisabeth's heart was beating so fast in her chest that she thought it would explode, a familiar warmth spreading through her body — Much more than you can imagine, Liesl.

With a soft kiss on the lips, he set her back on the ground just before another, more upbeat song began to play through the speakers. He didn't even have to ask her if she wanted to dance with him again before Elisabeth took his hand and started following the rhythm, a wide smile on her face.

The two danced to a few songs together, Elisabeth's excitement at the first chords of an Abba song making Toto laugh. However, after a few songs, her feet were aching because of her shoes, and a little thirsty after singing Lay All Your Love On Me at the top of her lungs, both of them returned to their empty table.

Elisabeth was about to let go of his hand to sit in her chair when Toto pulled her to him, sitting down and pulling her onto his lap. She couldn't hold back a laugh, wrapping an arm around her neck. Then, he removed the shoes from her feet, gently. A sigh of relief escaped her lips.

— Better, Liesl?

— Much better — she replied, wiggling her toes — I should have chosen a more comfortable pair of shoes.

— Definitely. Not even four songs in and you're already sitting down complaining about the pain in your feet. It was so fun to see you singing all out of tune...

Elisabeth looked at Toto, indignant.

— I wasn’t out of tune. I'm much better than you, by the way.

— I disagree, baby — he smiled.

— You didn't even know the words to Hooked on a Feeling — she exclaimed — And we listen to that song all the time!

— I sang it well.

— If you're referring to the ooga chaka part, then yes, you sang it well.

He let out a laugh, tightening his arms around her.

— I love you, you know that?

— Yes, I know — Elisabeth smiled, placing her lips on his.

They stayed at the table for a while, drinking champagne and talking. They returned to the dance floor as soon as Elisabeth recognized the first few notes of You Give Love A Bad Name. She was already barefoot by that point, and her brown hair was loose down her back. Toto had abandoned his jacket and tie, and his white shirt had the first few buttons undone.

They were exchanging whispers and kisses in a corner of the floor when suddenly, the music stopped. Shouts of elation coming from the middle of the room only ceased when Emilia asked all the women who were not married to go to the middle of the room.

— Should I? — Elisabeth asked Toto.

— I think so, you're not married.

— We are married. Well, half-married.

— There's no such thing as being half-married, Liesl.

— Well, for us there is.

— No, there is no such thing.

— Yes there is. We're half-married.

— Liesl, stop arguing and go — he growled. Elisabeth scowled at him as Toto gave her ass a not-so-gentle squeeze before she went to the center of the room, but not before patting his hand in reprimand.

When she got there, she found several of Emilia and Valtteri's female friends and relatives with anxious looks on their faces. Elisabeth had no idea what was going on, but she saw Cristina standing next to her. Maybe she could explain.

— Why are we here?

— The crown ceremony. It’s a Finnish wedding tradition.

— What happens?

— Emilia will take that wreath of flowers in her hand and, with her eyes closed, will place it on the head of one of us. Whoever she chooses will be the next person to marry.

“Like throwing the bouquet, but without the blood or hair pulling,” Elisabeth thought.

Guided by Valtteri's sister, the women formed a circle around Emilia. In her hands, she had a wreath of white flowers similar to the ones in her bouquet, and her eyes were covered with a piece of white cloth. Laura spun her sister-in-law a few times to confuse her, and told her to hand over her crown.

Emilia took a few seconds to regain her balance before taking a few steps forward, staggering a little, which elicited a few giggles. She started to walk around the circle of women thoughtfully, stopping in front of a few before continuing. However, as soon as she passed in front of Elisabeth, Emilia stopped.

— It's you — she said, placing the crown on Elisabeth’s head, before lifting the blindfold and finding out who she had declared the next woman to walk down the aisle. Amid applause and whistles, Emilia hugged Elisabeth tightly.

— See? It means you deserve to be happy with the man that you love — Emilia said.

Looking back to the corner of the room, where Toto was standing, smiling, Elisabeth responded with just four words.

— And I will be.

After the party photographer took a picture of the two of them, Elisabeth walked back to Toto's corner of the dance floor, a wide smile on his face. As she approached him, he wrapped her body in an embrace, placing a kiss on her forehead, just below where the flowers were perched in her hair.

— I think the universe is trying to tell me something today, Liesl — he said softly, a smile on his face.

— It is?

— Yeah. It’s telling me that being half-married to you isn't enough anymore.

She laughed.

— So you agree that you're half-married to me?

— Don't start with that — he muttered, rolling his eyes.

— But we are. We do everything a married couple does. We share a bed, a house, bills, problems… We just haven’t signed the papers.

Toto snorted.

— Since we're practically married now, remind me that the next time we're in Vienna, we should stop by the Standesamt. That way, we can sign the papers right away.

Elisabeth raised an eyebrow.

— Is this your way of asking me to marry you, Torger Christian Wolff?

— Perhaps — he smiled.

— You must be drunk.

— I'm fine, Liesl.

— You just can't ask me to marry you like that.

— Like what?

She blinked.

— In the middle of a wedding party, completely out of your mind.

— I told you I'm fine, Liesl.

— You don’t seem to be.

Toto huffed.

— Can you stop teasing me?

— Never, my love — she smiled, lifting her face to his.

— Good to know — he chuckled, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

#toto wolff #toto wolff fluff #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #wlffog #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter thirty-three — take my breath

➝ is there a better birthday present than love?

➝ word count: 5,6k

➝ warnings: smut

➝ author’s notes: it took longer than it should have, but i think there's nothing more appropriate than posting the chapter about liesl's birthday on her birthday. enjoy!

FEBRUARY, 2017

Sitting in the Mercedes C-Class parked in the driveway, Elisabeth was silent, her head resting on the steering wheel. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and did her best to hold back the tears that felt inevitable. 

That day had been shit.

Pre-season had been a real headache. Preparations for the launch of the W08, the car of that season, were in full swing, she hadn't had a day off. To top it all off, the hasty negotiations with Valtteri to take over for Nico, who had decided to retire suddenly, without even letting Toto or Niki know, had taken up her limited time and patience, as Williams were not feeling overly charitable with Mercedes trying to recruit one of their contracted drivers.

They only managed to confirm the Finn just over a month before pre-season testing began. It took a few hours of talking with Sir Frank Williams and his daughter, Claire, for the team to release Valtteri. Elisabeth was sure that the affection they had for Toto, from when he was still an investor in the team, played a big role in the success of the negotiation.

However, solving that problem only brought on more. With a new set of regulations or that year, less than a fifth of the car was the same as the previous year. This meant hours of reviewing accounting, vendor budgets, employee rosters, and wind tunnel hours. By the end of each day, Elisabeth felt completely drained, with only enough strength to crawl into bed and sleep.

That Saturday was no different.

Elisabeth had woken up early, gotten ready, had a cup of espresso, and gone to the factory. As much as she wanted Toto's company, she didn't want to wake him. He was working just as much as she was — probably more. Rare were the nights when he didn't spend a few more hours at his home office, or even at the factory, holding meetings with sponsors. That had been the case from the night before. He’d been up late, talking with Petronas' Malaysia-based technical directors about the new fluids being developed for that year.

She had a busy morning, occupied almost entirely with a meeting to present the logistical plan designed for the season. During the afternoon, Elisabeth spoke with the marketing team about the strategies for the W08 launch. She’d also given a factory tour to Mark McLaughlin, one of Qualcomm's directors. After saying goodbye to the American and returning to her office, Elisabeth found a plate with a small chocolate cupcake, as well as a card that read “Happy Birthday, Elisabeth”, along with a picture of her holding one of the giant silver stars that the team used in celebrations.

It was her birthday.

She’d forgotten her own birthday.

— Fuck — she muttered, lifting her head from the steering wheel. Thinking about the messages she’d gotten earlier and ignored - from her parents, Lukas, and Claire, Elisabeth felt her heart tighten inside her chest. She always spent her birthday with her family in Vienna, having dinner at an Italian restaurant, reminiscing about their time in Modena. But that year, she had been too busy to even think about celebrating one more trip around the sun.

She picked up her cell phone that was lying on top of the passenger seat next to her purse, she stared at the lock screen. It was a picture of Toto, Ben, and Rosi, smiling for the camera as they posed in front of Ben’s birthday cake. Staring into Toto’s face, Elisabeth couldn't help but feel a twinge in her chest. Despite numerous congratulatory messages, there was nothing from him. The only time they had spoken that day, on the phone, was during lunch, when he told her that he would not be going to the factory in the afternoon.

“Did he forget it too?”, she wondered, uncertain. Of all of Toto’s strengths, memory was not one of them, after all. He tended to forget simple things, like dinners and meetings. She was always the one to remind him of those things. Him forgetting her birthday would not be out of the norm, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

In fact, knowing that her birthday was just another day on Toto's calendar made her heart ache even more.

Resigned, Elisabeth took the bag that was on the seat next to her and got out of the car, walking slowly towards the entrance hall, distracted by the notification that had just arrived on her phone. Typing a quick response to a question from Alison, from the Human Resources team, she walked into the living room, pausing to download an attachment from the message.

Until she heard someone clear their throat.

Lifting her head, Elisabeth found Toto standing there, holding a bouquet of lilies and white roses, an anxious smile on her lips. Her eyes flickering between the flowers and his face, she was visibly confused.

— What is this?

He looked at the bouquet, then at her.

— They're flowers, Liesl.

— Why?

Toto blinked.

— Today is your birthday. Or… did I get the date wrong?

Elisabeth gave a shy little smile.

— No, it's today.

— Oh, good — he smiled, approaching her — So, today is your birthday. And a special day like this deserves celebration.

Toto handed the flowers to her, and she felt her eyes fill with tears as she looked at them, noticing that there was a card placed between the roses and the lilies.

— Do you want to see the card? 

— Yes — she whispered.

Removing the envelope nestled in the middle of the bouquet, Toto opened it and withdrew a small note, written in his elegant handwriting.

— Read it to me — he asked.

Elisabeth cleared her throat to read. 

— “You know I don't like birthdays. I believe you deserve to be celebrated everyday. But if there's ever an ideal time to show you how much I appreciate you, it's today. Happy birthday, Liesl. I love you. From... your Toto”.

His name came out as a whisper from her lips, which were trembling, tears streaming down her cheeks. Elisabeth often felt unworthy of Toto's love. She saw herself as a difficult person with a lot of complexities. Sometimes, she even felt like she was broken in some way. However, that side of her had never scared him. After all, as Toto himself said, he was also broken, in a way. Even with that negative assessment, Elisabeth had been the one to fix him. He was determined to be the one to fix her, too.

Kissing her forehead, Toto smiled.

— You like it?

— I love it, honey — she replied, wrapping her free arm in a tight hug, her face buried in his chest. Inhaling his scent, Elisabeth felt her body relax. She was home.

A few seconds later, Toto lightly squeezed her waist, as a signal for her to lift her head.

— It's not just that, Liesl.

— What do you mean?

— I prepared the bathtub for you to take a relaxing bath. I put those bath salts you like in the water, the lemongrass-scented ones. Well, that's what I think you like, since every time I get in the tub with you, your skin smells like lemongrass.

Elisabeth smiled.

— Yes, it's lemongrass. But, you know you didn't have to do all of this, right?

— I didn't have to, but I wanted to. Especially after a busy day like today. As soon as you’re done with your bath, we're going to eat the pizzas I ordered from Gino's.

Her eyes sparkled. She loved the pizza from Gino's, a small restaurant in the center of Oxford. They were the closest thing to what she ate as a kid in Modena.

— Americana and Margherita? — Elisabeth asked, feeling her stomach rumble just thinking about the slices full of cheese and spicy salami.

— Of course, as usual. Now go upstairs and relax. I'll call you when they arrive, okay?

She nodded, before receiving a peck and having the flowers removed from her hands., Elisabeth went upstairs to the second floor, going quietly to their room. As she entered the bathroom, she smelled a distinct scent of vanilla in the air. It was soft and sweet, almost cozy. When she got to the bathroom, she discovered the source of the smell — a scented candle that was lit on top of the counter. Staring at the flame for a few seconds, Elisabeth smiled.

“He thought of everything”, she thought, as she undressed and tied up her hair so it wouldn't get wet.

As soon as she sat in the bathtub, with its warm, lemongrass-scented water, Elisabeth felt her body relax. The bathroom was silent, almost as if it were enveloped in a bubble of serenity and peace. It had been a long time since the last time she had felt like this.

Elisabeth's life after joining the Mercedes operation had become complete chaos. Her time was filled with trips, races and engagements. It was a hard, inconsistent and particularly tiring routine, which not only affected her, but also her relationships with friends and family.

But it was during moments like this that she was grateful to have Toto to share the madness with. He was more than just a boyfriend or sexual partner, he was her best friend. The two of them understood, supported, and cared for each other. Each was the other's home, as Toto liked to say. She was sure of it every time she laid down in bed with him, snuggled in his arms, sleeping to the quiet beat of his heart.

With her eyes still closed, Elisabeth heard footsteps coming from the bedroom to the bathroom. She had no idea how long she had been there, but she could stay there for the rest of her life, that bathtub was so good.

— Liesl?

She opened her eyes and looked to the side to find Toto standing beside her, a smile on his lips.

— Yes?

— Is everything okay?

— Yeah, everything is great.

He crouched down beside her, leaning on the edge of the tub.

— Is your bath okay? Would you like anything? 

— I'd love for you to come in with me — she whispered, a small smile on her face. Toto returned the smile, bringing a hand to her cheek and stroking the damp skin.

— I'd like that too, baby, but that would mean letting the pizza get cold downstairs, and if I know you, you wouldn't eat it cold.

— Oh, is dinner here?

— Yes, it’s downstairs, waiting for us. Are you coming?

— Of course — she replied, leaning on the edge of the tub to lift herself out of the water. As soon as Elisabeth stepped onto the rug, Toto handed her a towel to dry off, before leaving the bathroom and asking her what she wanted to wear. A few minutes later, the two of them went downstairs together, hand in hand, with her wearing one of his old T-shirts and baggy pajama pants, towards the kitchen, where the table was meticulously prepared, with the flowers Toto had given her decorating the environment.

Between laughs, sips of wine and stories of other disastrous birthday parties, the two ate a few slices of pizza apiece. However, Elisabeth couldn't help noticing that Toto looked a little uneasy, especially when the two of them were silent. “He's hiding something”, she thought, as he got up to take the dishes to the sink.

With everything organized and the two of them in the living room drinking what was left of the wine in the bottle, she stared at Toto for a few seconds.

— Are you okay, my love?

— Yes, I’m perfect. Why the question?

— You seem… Uneasy. Like you’re anxious.

He looked at her for a few seconds before smiling.

— I'm thinking about your present.

Elisabeth pressed her lips together, serious.

— My present? Toto, you know that…

— I don't need to give you anything, I know — he cut her off — But I want to, Liesl.

— Torger — she muttered seriously.

— Come with me, baby — Toto whispered, getting up from the sofa and placing his glass of wine on the coffee table. Placing her own glass next to his, Elisabeth felt his hand wrap around hers, leading her through the house.

  She just didn't know what to expect from Toto, especially on an occasion when she knew it was no use telling him he didn't need to give her a gift. The team principal always made a point of spoiling her with something of exorbitant value, but that would barely tickle his bank account.

“You deserve the whole world, Liesl”, he always told her, as soon as she asserted that she didn't deserve to be spoiled like that. And Elisabeth knew that Toto would be able to deliver it into her hand if she wanted to. All she had to do was ask.

He led her up the stairs to their bedroom, holding her fingers gently. With her heart racing, she felt the anxiety rising within her. The two entered the suite in silence, hand in hand. Leading her towards the bed, he looked down at her with a smirk.

— Baby, can you sit on the bed for me?

She let go of Toto's hand and walked over to the mattress, settling down on it. However, instead of approaching her, he went to the mirrored closet doors and slid them open, entering the cubicle. In the silence of the room, Elisabeth felt her pulse roaring louder and louder in her ears, tension building in her muscles.

“What the hell is he up to?”, she wondered.

A few moments later, he emerged again with a small white bag in his hand. Slowly approaching her, Toto reached out, handing the package to her. As she looked at it more closely, she noticed that there was a letter ‘F’ printed on the surface, as well as the words ‘Fleur du Mal’. “What kind of store is that?”, Elisabeth wondered, staring at the bag in silence.

— What is it? — she asked, looking up at him.

— Open it — Toto just said.

Tearing off the seal, Elisabeth opened the bag and reached inside, pulling out a long piece of black satin, with something embroidered on it. Running her thumb over the fabric, she looked up.

— A piece of cloth?

Toto smiled.

— Not just any piece of cloth.

— No?

— It's a blindfold.

Elisabeth felt a lurch in her stomach.

— When I was looking for your gift, I happened to come across an article that I thought was interesting…

— An article?

— Yeah. About female pleasure.

She raised an eyebrow, feeling her heart beat harder in her chest.

— Female pleasure — Elisabeth repeated.

— Yes — he continued, taking the blindfold from her hands — I've read that many men don't know when a woman has an orgasm. That they don't know exactly what their partners like in bed. In general, there’s a… gap.

— But you’ve made me come before… so many times  — she replied softly, trying not to blush. 

A smug smile appeared on his face.

— Yes. And I know exactly when you're having an orgasm, so I don't think I'm part of that statistic. But, reading that article, I felt like… I could learn more.

She blinked.

— So I started researching more about how to improve, how to make our intimacy even more — he paused, winding the silken sash around his hand — pleasurable.

— Why? — Elisabeth asked quietly.

He smiled.

— Because your pleasure gives me pleasure, Liesl. In fact, making you come is more pleasurable to me than anything else. Watching you orgasm and knowing I'm the one who made you feel that way is… Wonderful. Hearing the sounds you make, feeling your muscles tense under my hands, the taste of your come… That turns me on more than anything. And I wanted to make it even better for you. And I found that one way to do that is by using… different things.

— You mean… toys? — she asked directly.

— Not necessarily — Toto replied, removing the cloth that had wrapped around his hand — There are many possibilities we can explore aside from that. Although, the idea of watching you squirm in pleasure while I use one on you seems tempting.

Heat rose in Elisabeth's cheeks.

— The point is, your birthday present isn't a thing, or an object. It's an experience. Something good, relaxing — he approached, bringing one of his hands to her cheek — In fact, you're already living that experience. I prepared the environment, bought the flowers, organized dinner and the bath, everything for you to feel like you deserve.

— Like I deserve...

— Good. Relaxed. Happy — he replied in a low voice, his thumb brushing her skin, his eyes locked with hers. She felt like she was being hypnotized — Now I want to make you feel even better. But, I need you to want it.

— Want…

— Do you want it, Elisabeth?

— Want what? — she asked, as if she had just woken up from a trance. Toto leaned in front of her, resting his hands on the mattress beside her thighs. He wasn't even touching her, but it felt like his fingers were burning her skin, the tingling in her belly almost unbearable.

— Do you want your gift?

— My gift?

— Do you want to have the most pleasurable night of your life, Elisabeth?

She swallowed hard.

The offer was tempting.

With the words stuck in her throat, Elisabeth just nodded her head. A shadow of a smile appeared on Toto's face.

— Words, baby. I want to hear from you.

— Yes — she whispered — I do.

A smile crept onto his face as his brown eyes seemed to darken further. Taking one of her hands, Toto lifted his torso and, pulling gently, he got Elisabeth back to her feet, not without difficulty, as her legs felt like they were made of jelly. When she managed to regain her balance, she looked at him, who was watching her curiously.

— For starters, I need you to take off your clothes.

Automatically, she brought her hands up to the shirt she was wearing, pulling it over her head carelessly. Then, she slid her pajama bottoms down her legs. With her clothes  thrown into a corner, Elisabeth put her arms at her sides, the cold air making her skin prickle. Then, she looked up at Toto, who was staring at her with a smile at the corner of his mouth.

— I meant.. all of your clothes, Liesl — he said, his voice low.

Glancing down, she found his finger gliding gently across the elastic of the panties she was wearing. They were just basic white panties, far from the sexiest pair she owned. But Toto didn't care. He had never cared about what she was wearing when they were going to have sex, whether or not she was wearing luxurious lingerie or comfortable cotton panties, as long as when she took them off, her pussy was there, wet and ready for him to do whatever he desired. 

— Take it off for me — Elisabeth whispered.

Toto tilted his head, looking at her.

— I'd love to, Liesl, but tonight I'm in control — he said, in a serious tone — And you are the one taking your panties off.

She pressed her lips together, trying to ignore the heat coursing through her skin.

— As you wish, Mr. Wolff.

Sliding the panties down her legs, Elisabeth stifled a gasp as cool air made contact with the wetness between her thighs. After kicking the garment to the corner along with the T-shirt and pants, she found herself naked in front of Toto. His eyes roamed over her skin with curiosity, which made her desire grow.

However, that wasn’t the only thing exciting her. The stark contrast between the two of them made Elisabeth's anticipation ever more present. He was still fully dressed while she was completely naked. It was a clear game of power and control, and it was all new to her. After all, Toto had never been the dominating type, and she wasn’t very good at being submissive — she just didn’t have the personality for it.

At that moment, naked and at Toto’s disposal to do whatever he wanted with her body, she didn't feel vulnerable or fragile, as Elisabeth thought she would if she was ever in this situation. To her surprise, she felt confident. Powerful. Beautiful.

— Lie on your back for me — Toto finally said, after a few seconds of silence. She obeyed almost immediately, facing the bed. Then Elisabeth felt him approach — Close your eyes, Liesl.

Again she obeyed, feeling the silk of the black cloth he held in his hand slide across her face, stopping right in front of her eyelids, completely obscuring her vision.

— Are you comfortable, Liesl?

— Yes — she replied in a low voice. After answering, she felt Toto's hands land on her waist, their heat causing a wave of excitement to run over Elisabeth's skin. He gently rotated her back to her starting position.

— See anything, baby? — she heard Toto ask from somewhere in front of her.

— No.

— Are you sure?

— Absolutely, Toto.

— Good — he said. She could practically hear his smile in his voice — Now, I'm going to help you to bed, okay?

Elisabeth nodded and felt Toto take her hands and gently push her back, making her take a step, then another, until she was resting the backs of her thighs against the mattress. Elisabeth first sat on the bed, feeling the fabric of the comforter that covered the bed against her skin, the softness of it taking her by surprise. She had never realized how soft the texture was.

After hearing Toto direct her to move further back so that she would be in the middle of the bed, she laid down on the mattress with a sigh, her heart pounding in her chest. Without being able to see anything, every other one of her senses were in overdrive to compensate. Elisabeth could smell the aroma of the vanilla scented candle that had escaped from the bathroom present in the air, and she could hear the sound of Toto's footsteps as he walked around the bed. Imagining him pacing back and forth, scrutinizing her like a feast served just for him made her squeeze her tights together.

— Is there a problem, Elisabeth? — he asked somewhere at her feet, in a serious tone.

— No — she replied.

One of his hands landed on her ankle, fingers gliding lightly over her skin. Elisabeth swallowed hard, her lips pursed and heat coursing through her body in waves. She just couldn't understand how that simple touch had so much power over her.

— None at all?

— No, none.

— You're wondering what I'm doing, aren't you? — he murmured, pulling his fingers away — Imagining what I'm planning to do with you tonight.

Elisabeth didn't answer, too focused on the tingling growing between her legs. Until she felt the bed sink in on her right side, as if he were settling down with her on the mattress, one of his hands resting on her belly, just above her navel.

— Tell me what you're imagining, Liesl — Toto whispered, his thumb tracing lazy circles on her skin — I want to hear what you're thinking.

— I'm not… thinking about…

— You are, I can tell by the way your cheeks are red. Come on, tell me. Or I'm going to have to leave you like this for the rest of the night.

— You wouldn't do that — Elisabeth said. She couldn’t help but sound a little indignant.

— Don't doubt me, Miss Lauda — he murmured — I'm capable of a lot, especially when it comes to you.

— Oh, yes? What exactly are you capable of?

Toto laughed, pulling his hand away from her body.

— My love, I'm the one asking the questions here. And, you didn't answer the question I asked earlier.

She pressed her lips together, a little annoyed.

— I was thinking about you walking around the bed, looking at me like a feast.

— So you see yourself as a feast, Elisabeth?

— You see me as a feast, Torger — she shot back, making him laugh again.

— Is this your way of telling me to eat you?

Elisabeth didn't answer, too distracted by the image of his face between her legs causing a new wave of heat to run through her skin. And she was sure her own body had betrayed her when she felt a warm breath against her ear.

— Tell me what you want me to do, baby — Toto whispered, his hand caressing her belly again — Tell me what's on your mind.

— I'm thinking about the first time we had sex, in Sochi — Elisabeth said softly — I'm thinking about the way you touched me, asking what I liked. I'm thinking about how you slid your lips down my body, kissing my skin, until you reached my…

In the middle of her explanation, a groan escaped her lips. The hand that was on her stomach slid down as she spoke, his middle finger finding her clit and drawing small circles, slowly. If that was already pleasurable under normal circumstances, now, deprived of her sight, it was much better. 

— You can go on, I'm listening.

— I…I can't — she stammered lightly before letting out a high, high-pitched moan.

— Care for me to stop so you can talk? — Toto asked, his finger stopping to move between her legs.

— No, no, please continue — Elisabeth whimpered, her hips moving in search of more friction. However, he did exactly the opposite of what she had asked.

— I want to hear from you. Finish your thought first, then I'll continue.

Elisabeth let out a frustrated grunt, one hand groping blindly down his arm, trying to get him to move, to no avail.

— Toto...

— Tell me what you were thinking — he said, his tone more like an order than a request. Completely vulnerable in that bed, Elisabeth didn't dare disobey him.

— I was thinking about your mouth on my pussy, sucking and licking me with such passion I felt like I'd just died and gone to heaven. No man had ever fucked me the way you fucked me that night and every other night since. I love your mouth, your tongue and the way you combine every element. 

— Do you want me to use my mouth, then?

Elisabeth just nodded, a whimpering sound escaping her lips. Removing his hand from her pussy, Toto got up from the bed without saying a word. 

— Toto? Are you there?!

Silence. Her heart was pounding in her chest, the adrenaline of pleasure and the anxiety of being possibly alone and completely vulnerable had her reaching for her satin blindfold.

— Don't even think about taking your blindfold off, Elisabeth — Toto said from somewhere at the foot of the bed.

— But…

— I'm here — he said, resting his hands on her ankles, slowly pulling them apart — And I'm not going anywhere.

She felt the mattress sink between her legs, as if Toto was settling into that space. His hands repositioned her feet so they were planted on the bed and her knees bent. Elisabeth was completely exposed to him, anticipation making something in her belly tingle.

— You know, Liesl — he began, a finger idly running down her thigh — I've imagined that night in Sochi many times. I always thought about what it would be like when I finally had you all to myself. I imagined thousands of scenarios. I imagined from the most romantic scenes to the dirtiest. I imagined everything from a simple goodnight kiss after dinner to pulling you into the tire room at the Nurburgring and letting you angry-fuck me for taking you on that lap. In the end, you chose the exact scenario that I had never thought of.

— In a hotel? — she whispered.

— No. With you taking the initiative — Toto replied, planting a kiss on the side of her knee. “He's between my legs”, Elisabeth thought — You always seemed so shy, so delicate. I thought it was going to be up to me to take the first step. And then you showed up in my room, you took off your dress, and I knew you were mine. Finally mine.

His lips slowly slid over her skin, placing kisses along the way to the spot between her legs. When he was getting to where she most wanted him to touch her, Toto stopped and walked back the same way. He was teasing her.

— I didn't even know where to start when I put you in my bed. I wanted to do it all at once. I wanted to feel your taste, your heat, your touch, but I knew that, more important than me at that moment, it was you — he murmured, giving attention to the other leg — So, I decided to start by touching you, getting to know you, finding out what turned you on. Seeing you come for the first time is my favorite memory.

Hearing him say those things while touching her gently made her feel like she was melting under his fingers. 

— Please — she whimpered softly.

— What do you want?

— Please, I need you.

— What do you want me to do for you?

— Anything, just make me come, please.

Elisabeth heard a low, almost devilish giggle.

— As you wish, baby — he replied, taking one long lick to spread her wetness across her pussy, a loud moan escaping her lips as her hands gripped the bed’s comforter. His ministrations were slow and patient, as if he wanted to understand what each movement, each rhythm, each direction provoked in her body and face. It was the kind of delicious torture only he knew how to do, the way it left her legs shaking and her heart racing.

Alternating between soft touches with her tongue and vigorous sucks, Elisabeth began to feel a familiar sensation in her belly, as if it were a balloon being inflated little by little. And she knew that the moment it popped, it would be something breathtaking.

— Toto — she whimpered as she felt him descend, his tongue playing at her entrance, teasing her.

— Want my fingers to help you, baby? — he murmured against her body, the vibration of his voice making her gasp.

— Yes — Elisabeth choked out.

She was so wet that Toto’s fingers slipped inside of her easily, bending to find the right spot inside her. The spot he knew would make her back arch and the dirtiest words leave her lips.

— Fuck — she moaned, bringing a hand to his head, fingers clenching in his hair — This, yes!

The balloon continued to inflate in her abdomen, her hips moving erratically against Toto's face, trying to seek out more friction. Combined with his fingers and tongue, Elisabeth felt every second closer to orgasm.

— Yes, yes, yes, this, yes — she murmured, her breathing labored and the muscles in her body completely tense. She was almost there — Don't stop, please, please, please...

Then, the balloon popped.

Elisabeth let out a moan so loud the neighbors would probably have heard it, her body shaking with the waves of pleasure that ran through her skin. Orgasms in general were great, but Toto's were completely different. There was an extra ingredient in the mix that made them more ravishing.

It was his sweetness, his affection, his dedication to her that made her believe that, contrary to what she thought, she did deserve to be loved the way he loved her. And feeling that love in the small gestures, in the way Toto took care of her and made a point of making her feel good, made her feel filled with something she had never felt before meeting him.

Happiness.

She was still recovering when she felt Toto's lips move up her body, placing kisses on her sensitive skin, until they reached her mouth. Savoring her own pleasure on his tongue, Elisabeth brought her hands to the back of his neck, caressing it. Then he pulled away and, with one hand, removed the blindfold that covered her eyes.

After a few seconds of trying to get used to the brightness of the room, Elisabeth found Toto staring at her with a look of concern.

— Are you okay?

— I'm fine — she replied, her fingers stroking the back of his head — Why?

— You're crying.

Elisabeth blinked, feeling her eyes wet. She hadn't felt the tears run down her skin, perhaps because of the blindfold. But, now that he had spoken, she realized that, in fact, she was crying. But inside her, there was no hint of sadness or anguish.

— I'm fine — Elisabeth repeated, more to herself than Toto.

— Did I hurt you? — he asked softly, almost as if he was feeling guilty for making her orgasm.

— No, no, you didn't hurt me — she said, watching his expression. At that moment, looking at his face brought a new wave of emotion, her eyes filling with more tears. Elisabeth only felt love. Pure, raw and simple.

— Then why are you crying?

— Because I love you — she whispered.

Toto raised an eyebrow.

— You’re crying because you love me?

— I'm crying because you showed me what happiness is. You showed me what it's like to be truly happy. You made me blossom when I thought I was just a barren stump, Torger. And I love you for it.

He smiled, leaning his forehead against hers.

— I love you too, Elisabeth. More than I can put on words.

After a few seconds of silence, Elisabeth brought her hand to his face.

— Can you lay down with me? — she whispered — I wanna feel you close to me.

— Of course, baby — Toto answered, settling down next to her on the bed, placing a kiss on her forehead. Wrapped in her embrace, Toto’s arms resting on her waist, Elisabeth felt completely safe.

She was at home.

#toto wolff #toto wolff smut #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 x oc #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 fic #formula 1 x oc #wlffog #natsversion #scwlff

[totowlff]

➝ star-crossed

almost 30 years after his last formula 1 world championship, elisabeth lauda's father decides to invest in the struggling mercedes f1 team. she joins him as his business partner in the investment. little does she know that it will change her life forever.

➝ fireworks

elisabeth wasn’t fond of parties, and a new year’s eve party in vienna was no exception. niki would never refuse such a generous invitation from his new business partner, and he wouldn’t let elisabeth get out of it, either. 

➝ never be the same

nico’s win at the monaco gp portended better things to come for the mercedes f1 team, but after the celebrations, elisabeth knew that things between her and toto would never be the same again.

➝ 200km/h

elisabeth never wanted to visit the nurburgring, where her father nearly lost his life. fate had other plans. 

➝ trust

ross brawn’s tumultuous departure from mercedes was nothing compared to what elisabeth and toto’s relationship had become. elisabeth goes to brackley to manage the fallout, but things only get more complicated. 

➝ barbarazweige

the annual lauda family christmas dinner had one hard-and-fast rule: no cell phones. but some rules are made to be broken.

➝ dreams

a new baby in the lauda family prompts discussion between niki and elisabeth about the path her life is taking.

➝ courage

it takes courage for elisabeth to confess her feelings for toto, and even more to face the consequences of her cowardice.  

➝ pretense

elisabeth plunges headlong into work to stop herself from thinking too much about her personal life, but niki tells her she needs to relax a little.

➝ atemlos durch die nacht

elisabeth dreaded seeing his name on her caller id, but the voice on the other end of the line told her something she was really afraid of.

➝ spür was liebe mit uns macht

everything was a blur. nothing seemed to make sense in toto's head. in his mind, just a thought. a person. liesl.

➝ the cliff

elisabeth’s feelings for toto have pushed her to the edge of a cliff. the only thing she could do was jump.

➝ a proper start

two years after their story began in a penthouse in the middle of vienna, elisabeth and toto go back to the start. 

➝ partner in crime

toto and elisabeth need to keep up appearances at the fia prize giving gala - they’re just co-workers and business partners, nothing more. at least, that’s what everyone else needs to think.

➝ pumpernickels and dance moves

elisabeth and toto are two incredibly busy people. once in a while, though, they get a chance to enjoy some peace and quiet in the morning.

➝ thin ice

toto & elisabeth find out that keeping their relationship hidden from the world is one thing, but keeping it hidden from elisabeth’s father is a different, more complicated matter.   

➝ selfishness

in a moment of frustration, elisabeth says something she doesn’t mean. it opens old wounds of toto’s that run deeper than she realized.

➝ das herz ist eine schlecht gebaute brücke

toto never wanted to depend on anyone in any way. however, he realizes the hard way that some people depend on him. and he has been failing them miserably.

➝ under the spotlight

elisabeth gets an opportunity to impress toto, and takes it as a chance to face her fears.

➝ how many secrets can you keep

it’s race weekend in austria, which means toto has some very special guests with him at the race. elisabeth’s anxiety has nothing to do with what’s happening on the track. 

➝ you can’t shift the tide

after a long day, what toto wants most is to get to his room and rest. but he has one more unfinished business to take care of.

➝ attention

toto seems distracted, and elisabeth can’t help but feel like he’s ignoring her. she comes up with a plan to get his attention.    

➝ deja vu

mercedes’ second championship win brings back some old feelings, but things between elisabeth and toto feel brand-new. 

➝ mistrust

elisabeth’s brother had made his opposition to her and toto’s relationship known, which is hard enough to deal with. but someone else feels the same way, and that’s even harder still.  

➝ powódź zniszczyła ten dom

after finding elisabeth in tears in the bathroom, toto sees no other way out than a serious conversation with his mother

➝ lipstick and confessions

going to a gala in geneva is stressful enough, but some familiar lipstick and a familiar face make for a weekend that elisabeth hadn’t expected.

➝ intention and redemption

all it took was a black dress and red lipstick for toto to realize the mistake he was making with aurélie. and he was determined to fix it.

➝ this party became a funeral

elisabeth’s nephew adores her, and his birthday party should have been a happy occasion. but even his son’s birthday won’t stop mathias from making his feelings about elisabeth and toto known.

➝ promise

elisabeth wraps up a business deal a year in the making. It’s a day she’ll never forget, but not for the reason she expects.

➝ edvard

an intimate moment between elisabeth and toto goes public. they decide they need to have a serious talk with niki. 

➝ quan estem separats

distance is painful for elisabeth. however, worse than that is the uncertainty about the future. 

➝ peace

that summer break wasn't how elisabeth and toto imagined it would be. however, that doesn't mean it wouldn't be unforgettable. 

➝ won’t forget, can’t regret

the dam broke. the game is over. now everyone knows that elisabeth lauda and toto wolff are completely in love with each other. and he can't help but feel a little relieved about it.

➝ before everything

a photo. an audio. a voice message. and niki never saw elisabeth the same way again.

➝ what won’t you do for love

the moment of truth has arrived for elisabeth and niki.

➝ bellyache

returning to the paddock after the summer break was nothing like elisabeth imagined.

➝ cover up the blank spots

it was supposed to be another normal day for alma, until she read the name on the form in her hands.

➝ waltzes and wreaths

no cameras, no pressure. on that night in helsinki, they were just liesl and toto.

➝ anger leaves a great void

as a polish writer would say, “anger always leaves behind a great void, into which a flood of sadness immediately pours and flows like a great river, without beginning or end”.

➝ when the party is over

benedict's birthday dinner had everything to be a happy moment for the family. however, there were still things to settle between elisabeth and joanna.

➝ empty apologies

some wounds are too deep for simple dressings.

➝ take my breath

is there a better birthday present than love?

➝ no more secrets

sometimes the fear of losing someone to stupid ideas drives people to do stupid things.

➝ breaking point

the hardest part of a fight is realizing you're wrong. again.

➝ finish line

calm seas never made good sailors. however, that storm seemed to be the end of it all.

➝ a secret place

there is no place in the world where elisabeth felt more at peace. and she was looking forward to sharing it with the man she loved.

➝ the last thing

in brescia, toto made a decision about his relationship with elisabeth. but, he still needs to talk to someone about it.

➝ a question

after days of peace, elisabeth and toto prepare to return to the eye of the hurricane. but, not before without answering a question.

➝ on the cover

check now the new issue of karriere by der standard magazine!

#wlffog #natsversion

[totowlff]

chapter thirty-six — a secret place

➝ there is no place in the world where elisabeth felt more at peace. and she was looking forward to sharing it with the man she loved.

➝ word count: 4,2k

➝ warnings: smut

AUGUST, 2017

It was still early when Elisabeth dismounted her horse at the family’s stables after her usual early-morning hack. The bay gelding breathed heavily and snorted a little as Elisabeth led him into his stall to cool down for a while before he’d be turned out into the pasture for the day. They’d taken a long ride, and it was already quite warm outside.

— We're getting better at this, aren't we, boy? I know it’s been a while — Elisabeth said, smiling as she stroked his forelock and patted his muzzle. 

She had learned to ride as a young girl, taught by her uncle Tillman, but she hadn’t managed to do it on a regular basis, considering she didn't have access to horses in Vienna. However, every time Elisabeth was in Ibiza, she made a point of taking one of the family’s horses for daily rides around the island, usually in the early hours of the morning, just as the sun was coming up. 

Her favorite was Simó, the Arabian she’d taken out that morning. He was calm and easy to ride, with a smooth gait, but didn’t hesitate to go into a gallop when asked. Those moments of peace and quiet, with only the sounds of birdsong and hoofbeats, gave her the kind of peace that she couldn't remember feeling in a long time.

It was a peace she only found in Ibiza.

After closing Simó into his stall and asking Pep, the stableman, to feed and water him after he’d had a chance to cool down, Elisabeth left the barn and walked back up to her parents' house, thinking about the tall glass of ice water she was going to drink as soon as she got inside. Then, she would go upstairs to take a shower to get rid of the layer of sweat that was causing her shirt to cling to her back. She didn’t have any plans beyond that, which was the beauty of being in Ibiza.

Climbing the stairs to the porch, Elisabeth used the boot jack by the front door to pull off her tall riding boots so she didn’t have to hear complaints about tracking dust and straw from the stables inside. She stepped inside in just her socks and padded silently towards the kitchen, smiling when she realized that she could hear the sounds of laughter echoing through the house. “Someone must have woken up by now”, she thought.

— Speaking of Elisabeth — Marlene said, smiling when she saw her daughter rounding the corner into the kitchen — Good morning, Elschen.

Marlene was sitting at the kitchen table with Niki and Lukas. At their feet, Felix and Shivas were accompanied by Lella, Lukas’ new Weimaraner puppy. All three dogs ran over to her as she stood in the doorway, their tails wagging excitedly.

— Good morning — Elisabeth replied, smiling, bending down to pet the dogs as they jockeyed for prime position for pats and scratches.

— Did you go on a ride? — Niki asked.

— Yes, I left early — she said, looking up at her father with a small smile. After giving attention to all the dogs, Elisabeth got up from where she was kneeling, and went to the fridge to get some water. Lukas was saying something about their uncle and the horses.

— Do you want something to eat, dear? — Marlene asked — I made sure Ximena bought that jam you like. 

The prospect of enjoying a slice of fresh sourdough bread spread with a thick smear of apricot jam was tempting, but she wasn’t hungry. She never seemed to be very hungry in the mornings, usually only having a cup of coffee before work, but even that was unthinkable at that moment, given how hot she was.

— No, thank you, mom. I'm going upstairs now to take a shower.

Leaving the kitchen behind, Elisabeth went upstairs to the hallway bathroom, where she took a long shower, scrubbing the smell of the stables off of her with the fresh-smelling body wash she’d brought. After drying off and wrapping herself in a yellow towel, she went to her bedroom, carefully pushing the door open and stepping inside. 

The room wasn't big, but it was cozy. It had a big dark wood dresser next to a window that overlooked the garden in the house’s backyard. There were several shelves along the walls, with framed photos of her with her family when she was younger, vases filled with seashells she’d collected on the island’s beaches as a child, and a few books she’d read as a teenager. Elisabeth hadn't bothered changing the decor much since she was in high school, preferring to leave it looking like a room in a beachside home. There was one significant difference between now and her teenage years, though, in that there was a shirtless, sleeping man in her bed. 

Toto.

The crushing pressure of the F1 season had been wearing on both of them, and they were both desperate for peace and quiet, at least for a few days. Niki's invitation couldn't have come at a better time. Without hesitation, they packed their bags, picked up Benedict and Rosa, and flew to the island a few days later.

The moment they arrived in Ibiza had been special for Elisabeth. None of the Wolffs — neither Toto nor his children — had ever been to the island, so she could show it to them through her eyes, telling stories of her childhood as she pointed out the places on the island that were so familiar and special to her.  Hearing their giggles as she told them a story about the time she decided to try and walk across the rocky beach in her smooth-soled riding boots and fell made Elisabeth’s heart warm.

The days so far had gone at an unhurried pace, like all days in Ibiza did. Talking about work was forbidden, so they occupied themselves with other things. Elisabeth had already taken the three of them to visit her uncle and see the paintings that her grandfather had made of the island. She taught Ben and Rosi the basics of riding horses and had Simó trot them around the paddock. They spent an amazing afternoon on a boat on the Balearic Sea, where Elisabeth was brave enough to try out wakeboarding for the first time. She had a blast, even though she took some tumbles in the process. 

She sat down on the edge of the bed and gently ran her fingers down Toto’s arm, tracing one of his veins all the way to his chest. Before long, his eyelids fluttered open, and he smiled sleepily at her.

— Good morning, sleepyhead — she said softly as his hand took hers.

— Good morning, Liesl — Toto answered, placing a delicate kiss on her fingers — You got up early today.

— Yes, I took Simó and went for a ride, to see the sunrise. I got back about forty-five minutes ago.

He smiled.

— That's your worst flaw, you know?

— What is? — Elisabeth asked.

— Being such an early bird.

She laughed.

— That's a flaw?

— Yes. Because instead of getting up early and playing with your horse, you could have stayed here in bed with me.

— And what would we do here?

— This — he said, as he pulled her by the waist so she fell on top of him. She laughed as he rolled both of them over so he was on top of her, pressing kisses all over her face and neck as he tickled her sides, making her scream with more laughter.

— Toto!

— What? I'm just showing you what we could do if you’d stayed here — he said, before taking her lips in a delicate kiss, affectionately cupping her face with one of his hands, running his finger along her jawline. After a few seconds, Toto sat up, smiling down at Elisabeth — Isn't that better than riding around on a horse?

— Much better — Elisabeth replied, as Toto bent down to kiss her again.

The two of them cuddled in bed for a bit, and Elisabeth argued that she didn’t want to have sex with her parents and brother downstairs. Finally, Toto agreed to get up and get dressed so they could go downstairs to spend time with Elisabeth’s family and the kids.

The rest of the morning was the kind of slow, leisurely morning that Elisabeth adored but did not get to indulge in very often. After breakfast, she and Toto sat on the porch in the sunshine, sipping coffee and watching Benedict and Rosi play with the dogs. Around lunchtime, Mathias arrived with Claire and his children, who had joined in with Benedict, Rosi, and the dogs. 

— Good morning, Elschen — her brother said, as he climbed the porch with his family’s suitcases. He smiled pleasantly at her, and she did not return a greeting.

— Good morning — she murmured, as she stood up from where she had been sitting on the stairs. It seemed like a good time to see if Marlene and Ximena, who had worked for the family in Ibiza for years, needed help in the kitchen.

They prepared a shrimp paella for lunch, and had a traditional post-lunch siesta. Elisabeth woke up in Toto's arms, and smiled. An idea sprang to mind shortly after she woke up, leading to her climbing out of bed to change her clothes.

She roused him from his nap.

— Dear? — she whispered.

Toto let out a sleepy grunt as he rubbed his eyes.

— Get up, I want to take you somewhere.

— Now?

— Yes, now.

He sat up in bed, running a hand through his hair.

— Why?

— You’ll see. Just put on something comfortable and some shoes that are good for walking and meet me downstairs. 

After a few minutes of grumbling, Toto got up and dressed, and followed Elisabeth to the car she had rented at the airport, which was parked in front of her parents' house. Then, they took off driving toward the western part of the island. Twenty minutes later, Elisabeth stopped the car in an open area that looked like it was a parking lot for tourists.

— Are we there?  — Toto asked, a hint of suspicion in his voice.

— Not yet — she smiled, taking the key out of the ignition — Come with me.

She took him along a path that ran along the coast of the island, laughing every time Toto complained about how far they had already walked, remarking that he would probably need to see a doctor after their trip, as his knees were hurting so much. However, all that time listening to him complain was worth it when Elisabeth turned and saw the expression on his face when she told him that they had arrived.

She’d brought him to Cala es Portitxol, a beach that was practically a secret kept by the locals, as tourists rarely frequented it. The water was an incredible shade of turquoise that practically begged to be dived into, especially after the almost hour-long walk 

— This is…

— Pretty, isn't it? — she completed, looking at Toto, eager for an answer.

— More than pretty. It's beautiful — he replied, smiling at her — How did you know about this place?

— When you spend as much time here as I have, you get to know a few things — Elisabeth said, taking his hand — Come on.

They followed the rest of the trail right to the rocky shore. Just as Elisabeth was hoping, it was completely deserted. It didn’t look like the fishermen's houses that were near the shore were presently occupied. “Perfect”, she thought, a mischievous smile playing on her lips.

They stood right on the shoreline, contemplating the landscape and the sound of the waves lapping against the rocks, neither of them saying anything. Toto decided to sit down on the rocks to “catch his breath”, he says. However, Elisabeth had another idea.

She began to undress. First, her sneakers and socks, then her t-shirt and shorts. She put all of her clothes in a pile next to Toto, and noticed that he was watching her intently. She had put a bikini on under her clothes, fully intending to go swimming, but since nobody else was around, another idea came to mind.

— What are you doing? — Toto asked, as soon as he saw her untie the knot at the back of her neck.

— I'm going for a swim — Elisabeth replied, tossing her bikini top toward the pile.

— Naked?

She bent down, sliding her bikini bottoms down her legs. The breeze that came from the sea, along with the butterflies she felt in her stomach when doing something forbidden, made her skin tingle and erupt into goosebumps.

— What’s wrong with that? — Elisabeth said, looking at Toto. His gaze was lost on her body, taking in every detail, his mouth slightly agape. Realizing that he was too shocked to respond, she decided to make one last provocation. Throwing the bikini bottoms she had in her hand in his face, Elisabeth shot towards the water, not noticing the temperature change with the adrenaline coursing through her veins.

Diving into the sea, she managed to recapture the same feeling inside her chest that she had every time she was in Ibiza when she was younger. It was as if those waters were capable of washing away all the sadness, fear, and anxiety she was holding onto. It was as if, the moment she set foot in Ibiza, the awkward teenager inside of her that was afraid of being an “ugly duckling” never existed in the first place.

There, she was simply a happy-go-lucky girl like she had been as a child.

She stayed underwater for a few seconds, turning her head towards the shore when she resurfaced. Toto had been sitting on the rocky beach when she dove in, but now, the spot next to where her clothes were piled on the rocks was empty. Her eyes scanned around, fearing the worst for a moment when she saw no trace of Toto, but her dread was dashed when a pair of hands wrapped around her waist and made her squeal.

Emerging from the water, Toto had a wide smile of satisfaction.

— Did I scare you?

— Yes, you idiot — she replied, turning around and patting him on the shoulder — Don't do that again.

He laughed.

— I just wanted to surprise you, since you decided to surprise me.

— Your idea of a surprise is disappearing?

Toto brought his face close to hers.

— My idea of a surprise is joining the crazy adventures my pretty little girl comes up with.

Elisabeth glanced down, holding back a smile. The refractions of the light on the water prevented her from getting a clear view, but as far as she could tell, he had left his clothes behind.

— Are you naked?

Toto shrugged.

— I didn't want to get my clothes wet.

— Even your underwear?

— Even my underwear — he replied, pulling Elisabeth closer, brushing his nose against his. There was a certain sweetness in the way Toto pulled her so close, his dark eyes fixed on hers — I take it you didn't want to get your bikini wet either.

Elisabeth wrapped her arms around his neck.

— I just wanted to do something different, since we’re alone here.

— You mean crazy, right?

— You think this is crazy?

— Well, considering that the first time you slept with me, you woke up in the morning, wrapped yourself in the duvet, leaving me uncovered in the cold to go to the bathroom to get dressed so I wouldn’t see you naked, seeing you jumping naked into the sea is a huge improvement. It even makes me wonder where that shy woman I met at Edvard went.

Elisabeth smiled. The night they had spent together in Sochi had been a memorable one. They had spent so much time teasing each other that they were both desperate to finally get together. Their first kiss had the effect of unleashing their pent-up mutual desire such that it seemed impossible to quell. All of the satisfaction they could provide each other wasn’t enough for them that night.

They wanted more from each other. Always more.

However, the next morning was different. As soon as she woke up, Elisabeth realized what she had done. She'd had sex with Toto. She was completely naked on his bed. She was disheveled and her makeup from the night before was smeared. When she realized the state she was in, a strange feeling filled her chest, like all of her insecurities started nagging at her at once. She felt almost ashamed.

“I need to get dressed”, she thought.

Elisabeth slid silently across the bed wrapped herself in the blanket Toto had thrown over them before passing out the night before, tiptoeing to the bathroom and picking up her discarded clothes and panties on the way.

— Liesl — Toto grunted, tugging at the edge of the duvet — It's cold.

— But I need to get dressed.

— You need to take the blanket for that?

She stared at him. After a few seconds, Toto sat up in bed, running a hand through his hair. He realized why she was covering up.

— Elisabeth, there's nothing there that I haven't already seen. It’s a bit late for modesty. 

Something tightened in her throat.

— But, it's just... There are some things I don't like... And you might not like it either...

An incredulous chuckle escaped his mouth.

— Liesl, if you're talking about stretch marks, cellulite, those sorts of things, I don't care. They are what make you you. And I'm crazy about every inch of your body, every bit.

Elisabeth turned to the bed again with a half smile on her lips.

— You are? — she questioned in a low voice — Like, really?

— Of course, Liesl. I like the little blonde hairs on your lower belly, the scar on your thigh, the birthmark on your hip. I like your tattoo on your shoulder and the little hole you have at the top of your navel, even though I wasn’t expecting you to be a woman who has tattoos and piercings. 

— Why wouldn't I be?

— Because you don't look like a rebellious girl.

— Well, I had a phase…

— A phase, huh? — he asked, pulling the blanket and consequently Elisabeth towards the bed.

— Yes. As soon as I went to university. Of legal age, living alone — she replied. At that point, Elisabeth was already lying back on the bed, curled up in Toto's arms — Although I think you're  bringing out that rebellious side of me again.

— Me? — he asked, chuckling.

— Yes, you.

— Good to know, my rebel girl — Toto replied, and then kissed her.

He definitely brought out Elisabeth's more impulsive side.

Even worse than that was the fact that she loved it.

— You destroyed that shy woman — she whispered — You just destroyed her that night in Sochi.

He smiled.

— Good — Toto replied, inching forward to kiss her. The salty taste of his lips and the delicacy with which he touched her under the water, led Elisabeth to get closer. With her chest pressed against his, she surrendered herself to him, her fingers tightening on his wet skin as they bobbed with the waves.

Pulling his face away, panting, Toto brought a hand to her face.

— Come with me.

They returned to the shore, running to where the clothes were piled up. However, if Toto’s intention was to find a space to accommodate them, Elisabeth completely dismissed it. She threw herself at him, all it took was a whisper to have Toto sit up and she straddled him, her fingers buried in her dark hair and her knees pressed against the pebbles on the beach. As she kissed him, Elisabeth felt her skin grow almost feverish, her pulse roaring in her ears, her desire growing by the second.

As if he knew what she needed, Toto lifted her hips, his lips moving down Elisabeth's sternum, nibbling the skin between her breasts. Then, positioning his own cock at her entrance, he pulled her down on top of him, slowly penetrating her.

— Fuck — she said through clenched teeth, tipping her head back. No matter how many times the two of them had sex, those first few seconds were always maddening.

— Are you okay? — Toto asked softly, his fingers pressing into the curve of her ass.

— Yes — Elisabeth murmured, before kissing him again. She moved her hips slowly and experimentally, seeking out the most pleasurable rhythm. It didn't take long for her to find it, sighing each time she felt him move inside her, her eyes rolling back as Toto tucked his head into the crook of her neck, muffling the growls that escaped his throat.

As she started moving faster, Elisabeth began to feel the bubble of pleasure begin to grow inside her belly, her fingers gripping Toto's shoulders more firmly, seeking support. Suddenly, Toto tightened his grip on Elisabeth’s hips, preventing her from continuing to thrust. Then, he reversed their position, placing her lying on the rocks, supporting her head with one of his hands.

— Let me help you — Toto whispered, before lifting one of her legs and taking over the work.

With her eyes half closed and a fog of pleasure growing thicker in her mind, Elisabeth no longer knew where she ended and where Toto began. In that mess of legs, arms, kisses, and moans, they were one, in search of the same goal, the same mutual pleasure.

Feeling her legs start to shake, one of Elisabeth's hands slid down his back, towards his butt, the nails sinking into the skin as a silent request for him not to stop. And Toto obeyed, speeding up the thrusts even more and bringing his fingers to brush against her clit.

She didn't have to say anything to let him know that she was close. There was such harmony between the two that it only took a gasp for him to know that Elisabeth was almost there.

— Come for me, my love — Toto panted.

Then, the bubble of pleasure burst, the ecstasy spreading through her body like the waves that were crashing into the rocks next to them. Arching her spine, Elisabeth whimpered softly, her lips pressed together in an attempt to keep the moans from escaping. The feeling was always overwhelming, no matter how many times they had sex. And Elisabeth couldn't get enough of it, she just couldn't get enough of it.

As she returned to her senses, Toto finally reached his own orgasm, taking her lips in a way to stifle his own moans as he came inside her. His hips quickly slowed down, until he finally stopped, still inside Elisabeth. Pulling his face away from hers, Elisabeth saw that he was smiling. 

— Are you okay?

— Yeah — she said, smiling, bringing a hand to his face — And you?

— I’m good…

Silence hung between them for a few seconds.

— We are crazy — Toto muttered.

— Probably — Elisabeth replied, laughing.

— Very likely.

— Is that a bad thing?

— I think it's too good for our own good, Liesl — he murmured, kissing the tip of her nose before pulling out of her, groaning a bit as he got to his feet. Her gaze soon went to his palms and knees, which were red and scratched.

— You’re hurt — Elisabeth stated, as she sat up.

— You too, my love — Toto replied, pointing to her knees, which were also a bit banged up, the result of the moment she had straddled him. Those wounds, though minor, along with the scratches on her back, made it difficult for Elisabeth to clean herself with the salt water. Putting her clothes back on caused a hiss of pain to escape her lips with every movement.

Once they were both cleaned and dressed, they made their way back to the car hand in hand, being careful not to slip on the rocks. They also took the opportunity to take some photos along the way, taking care to avoid showing their battle wounds.

Night was approaching when Elisabeth and Toto arrived back at the house. On the front lawn, Benedict was playing with Shivas, while Rosi sat with Lenny on the porch, the two of them stroking Felix's soft fur. When they got out of the car, Lenny’s eyes lit up.

— Tante! — he shouted, running towards Elisabeth to hug her. She lifted the toddler into her lap and kissed him on the cheek.

— How are you, Mausi? — she asked — How was your afternoon?

— I’m fine. We walked the dogs on the beach.

— We? Who did you go with?

— With Ben, Rosi, mom and Oma.

Giving the teenagers a knowing look, she smiled at her nephew.

— I'm glad your afternoon was fun, darling — Elisabeth said, as Lenny hugged her.

— Your afternoon wasn't that great, huh? — Benedict asked, approaching them with the ball he was throwing to the dog in his hand.

— Why do you say that?

— Your knees are all scratched up. What happened?

Elisabeth blinked. She didn’t know how to answer. It fell to Toto to answer the question.

— Liesl went to show me a place she knew of, we hiked on this path, and she ended up tripping and falling.

— You mean you two fell, right? — Rosi said, pointing to his knees, also injured by the rocks on the beach.

— Yeah — he answered his daughter, placing his hand on Elisabeth's shoulder — We're both a real disaster on trails, and the rocks were wet.

Bene chuckled, and remarked that dinner was almost ready. After Elisabeth set Lenny back down, she watched the three of them walk into the house, not saying anything before she felt the warmth of a hand at the base of her spine.

— Should we go inside?

Elisabeth smiled.

— Yeah. Let’s go.

#toto wolff #toto wolff smut #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #formula one x oc #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #formula one fic #formula one fanfic #wlffog #natsversion #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter thirty-four — no more secrets

➝ sometimes the fear of losing someone to stupid ideas drives people to do stupid things.

➝ word count: 3,1k

➝ warnings: none

APRIL, 2017

An early spring breeze ruffled Elisabeth’s hair as she walked hand in hand with Toto, across the crosswalk that led to the Mercedes-Benz museum building. It was in front of the company’s headquarters, and was a massive complex with not only offices, a factory, a dealership, and the museum, but also the imposing Mercedes-Benz Arena, where the city’s Bundesliga football team played, though she couldn’t remember the name of it.

In reality, Elisabeth knew very little about football. She had learned the basics from Mathias, who never missed watching FC Barcelona games. He was a fervent supporter of the Catalan team, and had named several of the family’s pets after its players. Mathias’ passion for the sport had certainly not come from Niki, but from Tilman, their uncle, and Mathias was already working to turn his own children into lifelong Barça fans. They’d had Barça clothing from infancy, and both of them learned the team anthem almost as soon as they’d learned to talk.

As Toto and Elisabeth walked toward the large metal-clad building, the man with them made small talk about the club — VfB Stuttgart, apparently — and their difficult season. The man with them was Ola Källenius, a Swede, and part of the board of directors of the Mercedes-Benz group. Toto and Elisabeth had stopped in Stuttgart to meet with him on the way back home from the Bahrain Grand Prix.

— However, I didn’t want to just talk with you about Stuttgart's misfortunes this season, but something else — Ola said, as they approached the entrance to the building — Something of interest to you, or at least, of interest to Toto.

As they all entered the atrium, Elisabeth couldn't help but be impressed by the building’s architecture. It looked large from the outside, but it looked even larger on the inside with the triangular-shaped panes coming together to give the visual impression of the room looking bigger than it was. The elevators stood out against the concrete walls, making them look like silver capsules, waiting for their passengers.

“This place is a work of art”, she thought, as the executive greeted a man warmly.

— Toto, Elisabeth, this is Pádraic, one of the museum guides. He knows everything about everything in here, right?

— I like to think so, Ola — the man replied, his accent indicating he wasn't German — It's nice to meet you.

— The pleasure is ours, isn't it, Liesl?

Elisabeth limited herself to a nod as she shook the man's hand.

— Which route would you like to take?

— We'll have to skip the traditional tour today, Pádraic. Toto and Elisabeth have a flight scheduled for later and they don't have time to see everything. However, they’d like to see the racing car collection — Ola replied, making the guide smile.

— Very well, would you follow me? — he said, gesturing with one hand. Along the way, Pádraic gave a quick explanation of the museum's internal structure, which had been planned to resemble a double helix, like DNA, with the outer section devoted to thematic collections, and the inner section to the history of the brand.

After taking an elevator to the second floor, they headed to a section of the museum that resembled a banked curve. It was built as an homage to ancient European chariot racing tracks, he said, and the steepness of the curve made it more challenging. The banked track in the museum was made to display an array of silver cars, with one or another colored model, corresponding to the most modern cars.

— These are our racing cars. Since 1894 we have records of Mercedes taking part in motor racing for the purpose of proving the reliability of the brand's engines. It was the main form of advertising for cars that existed for motor vehicles. It was how the company built its brand until the birth of the Silver Arrows.

Glancing at Toto out of the corner of her eye, Elisabeth noticed that he looked delighted, like a child let loose in a toy store. There was an undeniable twinkle in his eye and goofy smile on his face. She nodded as the guide talked, listening intently.

— Here we have the four-cylinder, 120-horsepower Benz Grand Prix, which was the first car developed exclusively for racing. There, we have the 1914 version, also with four cylinders but with a 274 cubic inch engine and, in front of it, the W25, which was the car that gave us the nickname “The Silver Arrows”. The mechanics had to strip all of the paint from the body to make it lighter, leaving only exposed aluminum — Pádraic explained, pointing to each of the cars and giving them a brief explanation.

As they walked along the curve, Elisabeth couldn't help but notice something odd about the exhibit. Just ahead, there was a space between two cars that was clearly bigger than the others. It was as if something was missing there, one of the pieces of the museum.

— That one has a funny story. With the dominance of German cars in racing, the Italian motorsport federation decided to restrict racing to only cars with 1.5 liter engines, which were not made by any German manufacturer. So, Mercedes decided to develop a car with these specifications in just eight months. In the end, the W165 was born, which won the Tripoli Grand Prix, in 1939.

— I think you have a little more time than that to develop the car in Formula 1, right Toto? — the brand executive asked, smiling.

— It revolves around this time, Ola. Of course, everything has become easier than before, with technology and all. It doesn't detract from their achievement of making a car in such a short amount of time.

A few steps later, Elisabeth's curiosity won out.

— Why is there such a big space there? — she asked.

— Ah, yes, that is where the 300SL usually is. It was our first car to compete after the Second World War, and it won the Carrera Panamericana in Mexico. But it was pulled from the exhibition at Ola's request for a bit of a… revision.

— Revision? — she asked, raising an eyebrow.

— Yeah, it's going to Italy to participate in the Mille Miglia, in honor of the 65th anniversary of its victory in Mexico — Ola said, smiling — It will be the car that Aldo and Toto will use for the race.

She blinked. Elisabeth had no idea what the Mille Miglia was, or why Toto would be involved in it. However, swallowing the lump in her throat, she just forced a curious smile.

— Use? You mean, race?

— Exactly. We received an invitation from the race organizers, talking to Toto at the beginning of the year, he offered to drive it, along with Aldo.

— I'm really glad you got the car cleared for us — Toto said, looking genuinely pleased about that — It's going to be fantastic driving it around Italy.

— And when will that be? — Elisabeth asked, doing her best to hide her displeasure at only just now finding out that Toto would be driving in a race.

— In May, Liesl — Toto replied immediately, smiling — And I can't wait.

— I can imagine — Elisabeth said, letting go of his hand and putting it in the pocket of the tailored pants she was wearing, something churning in her stomach.

After saying goodbye to Pádraic and Ola, the two went to the car they had rented on arrival in the city and made their way back to the airport, where one of Laudamotion's private jets would take them back to England. During the entire drive to the airport, Elisabeth remained silent, completely immersed in her own thoughts. She only gave Toto monosyllabic responses.

She was trying to remember if he’d told her or not. She thought she would have remembered if Toto had told her that he was going to drive a car that was almost as old as her father, but absolutely couldn’t recall, which could only mean one thing.

Toto had hidden it from her.

After returning the car to the rental lot at the airport, the two of them walked to the private flight boarding terminal in virtual silence. Toto had tried to strike up a conversation with her, but Elisabeth was still so deep in her own thoughts that she practically ignored him.

“Why, Toto?”, she asked herself, as she climbed the stairs up to the jet.

Elisabeth settled into one of the armchairs on the plane and took off her shoes. Toto sat in the seat across from her. She took a few seconds to watch him settle into place, strapping himself in. She arranged the briefcase she’d brought on the seat next to her.

“Why did you hide this from me?”, she wondered.

Even when they reached cruising altitude, Elisabeth didn’t get up or move. She was too distracted by the unanswered questions inside her mind.

— Liesl?

Toto's voice snapped her back to the present. She felt something tightening in her chest.

— Yes?

— Are you okay?

— Yeah — she replied quietly. He looked at her with a skeptical expression on his face.

— It doesn’t look like it.

She blinked.

— What do you mean?

— You've been quiet since the museum visit. Quieter than usual.

— Any problem with my silence? — Elisabeth asked, in a slightly harsher tone than she ‘d intended. And she saw in his expression that she was too harsh.

— No, none… It's just… You're only quiet like that when you're upset.

She pressed her lips together, one hand moving up her arm to the crook of her elbow, pinching the skin there. It was an almost natural reaction of hers to situations that made her anxious or stressed, especially conflict. She could feel that conflict was coming.

— Well, since you asked, I am pretty upset, Toto — Elisabeth replied dryly.

— Upset about what?

— What do you think?

— I don't know, there's so much...

— If you need a tip, think about what you're going to do in Italy in May.

Toto blinked, finally connecting the dots.

— Are you upset about the Mille Miglia?

— No, Toto. I'm… Fuck…

— You are what?

— Sad. Disappointed. Deceived. Betrayed.

The last word made him straighten up suddenly.

— You know I would never betray you...

— Then why did you? — she cut him off.

— Elisabeth…

— Toto, you know my fears about racing, my misgivings. You know that as much as I like racing, competing, winning, above all that, I love you. And you know my biggest fear is losing you.

He continued to stare at her in silence.

— I was honest with you, I told you all about my fears surrounding motorsport and racing. We talked about the Nordschleife, about my fears and about your accident and my father's accident. And I remember exactly what you said to me that night, every word. You promised me that I wouldn't lose you to your stupid ideas.

— I know, Elisabeth...

— Then why did you decide to take part in this race? We agreed that we would talk about anything like this that came up. You promised me this, Toto!

He was silent for a few seconds.

— I forgot.

Elisabeth couldn't resist a sardonic laugh.

— You forgot?

— Yes, Liesl, I forgot and I apologize for…

— Toto, do you really think I'm going to believe that excuse? Do you really think I'm going to believe that you just forgot to tell me you were taking part in a fucking race?

— But that's what happened, I received Ola's invitation just now in...

—  He said you offered yourself at his last visit — she interrupted him — Ola was last at the factory in January, Toto. You've known this since January. You knew and you hid it from me till now. It’s April!

— I didn't hide it, Elisabeth!

— And I even know why — she continued — You did it because you thought I was going to say no, so you thought it was better to hide it from me.

— Fuck, give me a minute to explain — he exclaimed, slapping his legs with his hands. Elisabeth was not at all interested in granting that request.

— And what would be your excuse for spending a week away from home? What would you say to me so I wouldn’t discover your real intentions? — she snarled.

— I was going to tell you, but I...

— “Hey, Liesl, listen, I'm going to Italy to fuck some whore, I'll be back next week” — Elisabeth spoke in a deeper voice, in a crude attempt to imitate him.

That was the last straw for him.

— God damn it, Elisabeth! — Toto yelled, getting up from his seat — Shut the fuck up!

Elisabeth tried to answer, but his expression made her stop. He wasn't just upset with her. There was something else in his eyes than what was on his face.

It was pain. Heartache.

— You can say whatever you want about me, Elisabeth — Toto snarled, one finger raised — You can call me an idiot, an ass, a selfish person, an asshole, anything that crosses your fucking mind. But never, never call me dishonest!

She felt a lump tighten in her throat.

— I was wrong. I was wrong not to tell you about the race. Truthfully, I was a bit afraid that you wouldn't agree to it, but I didn’t hide it from you. I was going to tell you. I brought you here to tell you about the race, the car, everything. I was going to invite you to come with me but… Fuck!

— Toto...

— No. Listen to me, Elisabeth! — he spat — Did I fuck up? Yeah, I did. I've fucked up a lot in my life. Not just with you, but with Stephanie, with the kids, with my mom, with my sister, with a lot of people. But I’ve never been dishonest in anything I do, Elisabeth. Not once in my life. 

— I did not say…

— That I was dishonest? And saying that I'm going to Italy to fuck whores, to cheat on you? Cheating is dishonesty, isn’t it?

She didn't know how to respond.

— I never cheated on you. You're the only woman for me. Even when I was with someone else, all I could think about was you. Even when I was fucking someone else, all I could imagine was being with you. I would never cheat on you, Elisabeth, because that would be dishonest of me.

— Isn't lying a kind of dishonesty too, Toto? You lied to me.

— You've lied to me too, Elisabeth. You lied about your feelings for me on that phone call on Christmas Eve. And I kept believing in you, even though you broke my heart into thousands of pieces. I kept loving you even if you didn't love me back.

— That doesn't count…

— Doesn't it? You’ve hidden plenty of things from me. The fights with Mathias, the things my mother told you? Weren’t those lies by omission?

— Me hiding things so I don't upset you is different from you hiding things because they're stupid! — she argued.

— This race isn't stupid, Elisabeth.

— Is it not? Isn't being away from home for almost a week, stuffed in a tin can with four wheels stupid?

— It might be stupid, but I want to do it! I've always wanted to be in that race, drive that car, and stupid or not, I'm going to go. I'm not going to give up doing this just to satisfy your spoiled little girl ego and, honestly, I don't even know why I'm justifying myself. I don't owe you any satisfaction.

Something inside Elisabeth's chest ached.

— You know what? Go ahead. Go drive that fucking car in Italy. When you get in another accident and end up in the hospital again, you’ll call me. And if you think I'm going to drop everything to run to your side, you're sorely mistaken — she spat.

Toto’s nostrils flared, lips pressed into a thin line, his jaw clenching. After a few seconds, he settled back into his seat, his eyes fixed on the window beside him. 

It was then that Elisabeth realized that maybe she had gone too far.

The rest of the flight after the fight had been silent. After landing in Oxford, the two drove home in silence. After parking the black Mercedes C-Class in the garage, Elisabeth got out of the car and went to the trunk to get the luggage she had taken for the two weeks she had been away. The suitcase was heavy, but the last thing she wanted was to ask for Toto’s help with it.

She wasn't a spoiled little girl.

— Need help? — Toto murmured beside her.

— No — she said dryly, setting her suitcase on the ground and into the house. Pulling the handle, she dragged the luggage up to the second floor, pausing a few times along the way to catch her breath. She was dropping her suitcase in the closet when Toto arrived in their bedroom with a small bottle of water in his hand. As she caught sight of him in her peripheral vision, she felt something tighten in her chest.

— Are you going to shower now?

— You can go if you want — she murmured, as she went to one of the shelves to get something to wear — I'm going to shower in the other bathroom.

— Why?

— As far as I remember, Torger — Elisabeth turned her face to him, staring at him for a few seconds — We don't owe each other satisfaction.

She grabbed her panties and, in complete silence, left the room, heading for the bathroom in the upstairs hallway. After showering and changing into a pair of shorts and an old University of Vienna T-shirt that she liked to use as pajamas, Elisabeth went to the guest bedroom, a room they always left ready to receive a family member or their friends when visiting them in England.

Sitting up in bed, she allowed herself to take everything in. The decor of the room was cold and impersonal. The walls were light, everything was very neutral-looking, and said that it was not a space to be occupied permanently, only for short visits. Not even Benedict and Rosi slept there, but they had their own rooms in the house, arranged and decorated according to their tastes.

Elisabeth shouldn't be there. But at the same time, she needed to be. She couldn't bear to sleep in the same bed as Toto that night, smelling his cologne and feeling the warmth of his skin. Settling down on the mattress, she sighed, trying to shake the tightness she felt in her throat away. But with each breath, she felt the agony rise in her chest and tears fill her eyes.

Finally, she broke down into sobs.

#toto wolff #toto wolff x oc #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #formula one fic #formula one fanfic #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #wlffog #natsversion #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter thirty-five — finish line

➝ calm seas never made good sailors. however, that storm seemed to be the end of it all.

➝ word count: 3,7k

➝ warnings: a little smut

MAY, 2017

Elisabeth sat in the jet seat, her eyes fixed on the laptop screen, displaying graphs with the monthly change in the turnover of Mercedes-Benz Grand Prix Ltd, as well as the gross profit of the last five years. The numbers were already making her eyes cross, but she didn’t want to close the lid of the laptop and be alone with her thoughts instead. 

It would just make her feel alone, especially if her thoughts lead to the last time she was on the plane.

After her discussion with Toto, Elisabeth resigned herself to silence. She had nothing more to say to him than was strictly necessary. Anything she’d said was work related, and said with as few words as possible.. He had made it clear that he didn't care about her opinion. He had classified her worries and fears as being part of her “spoiled little girl ego” and that he didn't care about them.

— I don't care either — Elisabeth remembered whispering, as she stared at the guest room ceiling, tears streaming down her temples as her breathing went ragged.

“Bullshit”, she thought, leaning back in her seat and sighing.

Of course Elisabeth cared what Toto thought. Why else would she always make a point of asking his opinion? She always wanted to know what he thought about lots of different subjects, whether it was about a supplier at the factory, or if she should have put more salt on the chicken she was preparing for dinner. The only thing she hoped was that Toto would also consider her opinions when making decisions. It shouldn’t have been something difficult to do, at least in theory.

In practice, Toto seemed completely incapable of considering what she thought about some things. He knew her like the back of his hand, so he was almost always right about what her opinion usually was, but Elisabeth still wanted him to ask her about certain decisions. She didn't want to feel like her opinion was completely insignificant, likefelt the night after they got back. She was ruminating over it as she chose an espresso capsule to put in the coffee machine.

— Good morning, Liesl — Toto said behind her, making something inside her chest tighten. She glanced over her shoulder — Did you sleep well?

She limited herself to an affirmative sound, afraid her own voice would break. “Bullshit”, Elisabeth scolded herself. Of course she hadn’t slept well. 

— Are you going to the factory this morning?

— Yes — Elisabeth managed to say, as she selected a gold-colored capsule and put the rest of them back in the cabinet. 

— I thought you'd go this afternoon with me.

— I changed my mind — she said, as she opened another cupboard in search of a cup.

— You never go to the factory in the morning after the races — Toto remarked, making Elisabeth purse her lips. She had never been more frustrated with his knowledge of her than she was at that moment. She chose to remain silent, and tried to convince herself it was for her own sake.

But Toto couldn’t do the same. He insisted. He teased. He tried at all costs to elicit answers from her as the coffee machine hissed and filled her cup, until her frustration boiled over.

— And how can you be serious when you ask me to believe that you honestly forgot to tell me that you're going to be away for who knows how long taking part in a race?

— I'm serious, Elisabeth, because that's what happened! — he exclaimed. She shook her head as she grabbed her cup from the machine. In her mind, she came to a painful conclusion - she simply couldn’t go on like this.

— Liesl — he said, quietly, behind her.

Maybe it was time to put an end to things. Maybe it would be better if they just went their separate ways, sticking to their casual encounters at the factory and during races. Maybe it was better if she just accepted that they weren't meant for each other. Maybe it would be better if they broke up.

— Do what you want — Elisabeth murmured, without turning around to look at him — We don't owe satisfaction to each other anyway.

The thought of ending their relationship for good lingered in her head for the next few days. In Elisabeth's view, there was nothing worth saving, and she imagined packing all of her things and going back to Vienna 

— Fuck — she growled, staring at the floor with teary eyes as she sat on the bed in the guest room. She picked up her phone and scrolled through her contact list, before tapping on one of her contacts. As she heard the line ringing, something told Elisabeth to give up and just go with whatever she was thinking.

— Hello? — Emilia said, her voice sounding a little sleepy.

— Hi Emilia, how are you? — she asked, her voice a little choked — Did I wake you up?

— No, I was watching a movie — she replied — Are you crying? Did something happen?

— Yes — Elisabeth whispered.

— What?

It was as if she had broken down, the tears streaming down her face, the sobs making her chest ache. Recalling the events of the past few days was painful, but not any more so than realizing that all her effort had been for naught over those two years. As much as she loved him, he didn't love her to the same extent.

— I'm going to break up with Toto — Elisabeth said quietly.

— Are you crazy? — Emilia shouted on the other end of the line. She sounded outraged — You can’t break up with him for something like that!

— Do you think his mistrust in me is nonsense?

— Elisabeth, it's one thing for you to be upset that he didn't tell you. It's another if you just want to throw an entire relationship, years of partnership, understanding and love, away because of an argument. Valtteri and I had arguments over worse things and we moved on together. We even got married.

— You said you two are still arguing — she murmured.

— My arguments with Valtteri relate to other matters, Elisabeth. Things that don't depend on me and, in a way, don't depend on him either. We’re talking about your relationship, not mine, and you can’t break up with him.

— But, what if it's the right thing for both of us? What if I'm tying him down to an unhappy life, full of explanations and worries and fears? He's brave, he likes to do things his way and I feel… like I’m in the way. A thorn in his side.

— He doesn’t look at you like you’re a thorn in his side, Elisabeth. He looks at you like he wants you to be by his side forever. I don't know if you believe in these things, but you two were destined to meet and be together — Emilia said, making Elisabeth snort — You told me the story yourself about someone mentioning an Austrian racing with a N-GT at Silverstone back in 2002 and you found out you were Toto a few months ago.

— That doesn't mean anything — Elisabeth muttered, running a hand through her hair.

— Look, I can't make this decision for you, but since you called for my opinion, I think you should reconsider. Wait and see if your feelings for Toto change, or if you still love him. And… If your love is still there, Elisabeth, give it a chance. Don't deprive yourself of being happy for this kind of nonsense.

Emilia's last words reminded her of her father's words on their flight to Bahrain a few years ago, when she was still repressing her own feelings for Toto. She had done all that to be happy with the man she loved. She hadn't denied herself the chance to be happy before, why would she deny it now?

— Okay — Elisabeth murmured, before saying goodbye to Emilia. She let out a sigh and stared at the lifeless walls of the guest room.

“It's time to go back”, she thought, getting up from the bed and leaving, towards the master bedroom. She stepped inside quietly and made her way to the bathroom to wash her face. She laid her head down on her pillow, a distinctly masculine scent on the pillowcase, as if a man had slept with it against his body.

— Liesl?

Elisabeth's heart was pounding in her chest.

— Liesl — Toto repeated, his voice sad — Please…

She sighed, trying to hold back the tears.

— I know I messed up. I know I should have talked to you. I know I said harsh things. But — he hesitated for a few seconds, searching for the right thing to say — I want to make it up to you. Let me fix things, Liesl. Please.

Elisabeth was frozen against the pillow, tears flowing.

— Good night — he whispered — I love you.

Even though Toto turned off the light, Elisabeth couldn't sleep. His last words replayed over and over in her head. If he still loved her, she felt like she would feel less guilty about still loving him after everything that happened this week. But if she still loved him, why did she feel like crying just looking at him? Why did she feel like his touch could burn her? And why did something inside her beg, even if Toto turned her to ash, that she give herself up?

The memory of the last time they'd had sex filled her mind, sending a tingle down to her belly. Maybe she needed this. Maybe the solution was to feel him at least one last time, as a kind of farewell.

The following night, Elisabeth got into bed with him after the bedroom lights had been turned off. Fumbling with the sheet in the dark, she found his back, drawing his attention. As soon as Toto turned around, she kissed him, imploring him to keep the lights off. She wanted them to remain in darkness, as she was sure she would regret it if he turned on the light. She knew that if she saw his expression as he penetrated her it would completely discard her ability to make any logical decision. The sincerity in his eyes would make her stay, and the way he said her name, like a whispered prayer, would never let her think about leaving again.

As she was on top of him, with her hands resting on his shoulders and her hips moving awkwardly, as if her body was seeing orgasm on its own accord, Elisabeth's mind was racing. She was angry. She was tired. She was happy. She was almost at the peak of pleasure. She was completely in love with him. She was convinced that she could never leave.

— Fuck, Liesl — he growled, his fingers digging into her thighs as Elisabeth was hit by her own orgasm like a wave cresting on the rocks, a moan of relief escaping her lips. But as she collapsed against his chest, her muscles quivering, she could only feel one thing. A singular emotion. It was the same thing she felt when she flew to Italy later that morning.

She felt guilty.

She felt guilty for having doubted his intentions, his emotions, and how earnestly he loved her. She felt guilty for saying she wouldn't be by his side if anything happened during that damn race of his, because she would. She shouldn’t have even thought about the possibility, but the images from his accident in 2009 were too fresh in her mind.

The thought of losing him was too painful for her to bear.

— Miss Lauda, we will begin landing procedures in Brescia. I ask that you fasten your seat belt until the plane comes to a complete stop. Thank you.

She just did as she was told, buckling her seat belt and taking a deep breath, trying to push the tension away. However, the anxiety of seeing Toto, talking to him, of saying everything that was stuck in her throat continued to bother her, like an itch in a place she couldn't reach. Elisabeth’s head continued to swim as she parked her rental car near the Parco Rebuffone, where the Mille Miglia would finish.

Elisabeth hadn't told anyone in the Mercedes marketing team or the race organization that she would be there. After all, she didn’t even know she would be there until the night before. She hoped she could go unnoticed among the crowds and she walked through the park, watching all of the excitement.

— Elisabeth Lauda? — a male voice asked behind her. Turning around, she saw a smiling man, accompanied by a little girl in a T-shirt with a silver star, as well as an older boy wearing a Mercedes cap. Both of them seemed awestruck to see her — Can we take a picture with you?

She blinked, a little taken aback by the request. Of course Elisabeth had grown up being photographed, especially by paparazzi. However, she had never been approached on the street by anyone like that. It was actually quite surprising.

— Of course — she smiled, as the two children approached her, crouching down to be closer to their height. The man pointed his cell phone at them and started taking pictures of the moment.

— Their grandfather, in this case my father, was crazy about motorsport — the man said, after signaling that he had managed to capture the image — He was so passionate that he promised that he would name his first son in honor of the driver who won that year's championship. I was born in 1977, so you can guess what my name is.

— Do you have my father's name?

— Niccolò, a variant, but that's the idea.

— That’s amazing — Elisabeth replied, smiling. She chatted some more with the man and the children, who were genuinely in love with Lewis and Mercedes.

However, soon she was approached for another photo, this time with a woman. Then came another young man who wore a competition cap. Soon after, someone from the local newspaper approached her to talk to her about the competition and Toto’s participation. Then more photos, until a member of the organizing committee managed to reach her through the crowd.

— Miss Lauda, it is a real pleasure to have you here with us. Could you accompany me?

As she waved goodbye to the people that stopped to talk to her, she followed the man to a tent where several people, members of the Automobile CIub of Brescia, had gathered. They greeted her warmly, almost as if they knew her. “Maybe they do”, she thought, as a man described one of the times she spoke to Niki and how her father described his youngest child.

— Ah, but I imagine you're not here because of Ferrari, but because of Mercedes, I suppose — Roberto, the vice-president of the club, said, smiling.

— Actually, I'm here for one of the competitors, but also for Mercedes.

— Oh yes, you are Toto Wolff's wife, right?

The word 'wife' made her heart leap.

— No, not wife. Only his girlfriend. 

— Ah, from the way he spoke about you, I assumed that you’d been married for years — Roberto said, making Elisabeth smile, her heart full of hope. If he was talking about her, maybe that meant he was willing to talk to her. Maybe he was willing to forgive her or at least give her a second chance after all — By the way, he is doing very well, he is the best classified Mercedes so far.

— Good drivers never lose their skills — she replied.

After talking a little with members of the Club, and being practically dragged to the lunch they had organized in a nearby restaurant, Elisabeth returned to the finish line, just before the first cars began to arrive, to the delight of the public.

However, as Alfa Romeos, Ferraris, Bugattis, Fiats and Aston Martins passed along Viale Venezia, Elisabeth felt a little worried about the absence of Mercedes in the procession. To her relief, a line of silver cars began to approach the finish line.

— He's over there — Roberto told her, pointing to one of the cars, which had a large sticker with the number 345, the same one that was on the shirt Toto was wearing in the pictures she had seen. From a distance, she could see his arm sticking out of the vehicle window, waving at people.

As the car approached, she got a better look at Toto's face. He was smiling broadly. “He's happy”, Elisabeth thought, sighing. There was something painful about seeing him happy like that, especially because she’d tried to stop him from running in this race. At the same time, she felt her chest warm with such joy.

More than anything, she wanted him to be happy.

As he crossed the finish line, his eyes met Elisabeth's, surprise evident on his face. Lifting a hand to wave, she gave him a shy, almost embarrassed smile. The same smile was on her face when she approached the spot where the car was parked along with the other dozens of vehicles that had participated in the race.

Outside of the car, Toto was talking to Aldo and two other men, dressed in the same shirt as he was. Upon noticing her presence, he excused himself from the group and walked towards her, a serious expression on her face.

— Elisabeth — Toto said in a solemn tone.

— Toto — she replied, feeling her heart pounding in her chest — Can we talk?

He sighed.

— You have something you want to talk about?

— Yes.

— It hasn’t seemed like it for the past few days— Toto muttered, looking down at the ground, a troubled look on his face. Elisabeth took a deep breath, trying to ignore his coldness. “He has every right to be upset with me”, she thought.

— Can we go somewhere more… Private?

He pursed his lips, as if he was considering her offer.

— Yes — Toto replied — There's a cafe nearby that's quieter.

Elisabeth smiled.

— Excellent.

After letting Aldo know that the two of them would be going to a nearby cafe and asking if he wanted something, they walked from the parking lot to the cafe that Toto had pointed out. They walked together, neither of them saying anything. Fortunately, the inside of the shop was quiet, even with the crowds outside. After ordering at the counter and sitting down at one of the tables, they stared at each other for a few seconds, as if they were waiting for the other to start the conversation.

— I thought you wouldn't come here, even if I flipped the car over and ended up in the hospital — he said, quietly. 

— I changed my mind.

Toto raised an eyebrow.

— You changed your mind?

— Yeah, I did.

— Why? — he asked.

— I spent a lot of time thinking, reflecting about everything that happened in the last few weeks. I was considering whether or not it was worth continuing.

The last sentence made him pause.

— Continuing?

— Continuing with… Our relationship.

Toto was silent for a few seconds.

— Did you come all this way to break up with me? — he asked, his voice a little hesitant — You could have saved your time and energy and waited until tomorrow to do that, you know, right?

Elisabeth swallowed hard. He appeared to be quite calm for someone who was being confronted with the possibility of the end of a relationship as complicated and intense as theirs was.

— I know. But I wanted to talk to you as soon as you were available.

— You could have called.

— I'm not a woman who makes decisions over the phone, Toto. Especially the ones involving my life and… The people I love.

The last word had him looking up from his hands, seeming to process the word she'd just said. As Toto stared at her, an employee from the cafeteria approached their table with the two cups of espresso they had ordered. Thanking the woman, Elisabeth waited for her to move away to look back at the man in front of her.

— And what decision did you come to? — he asked, sipping his coffee.

She sighed.

— I came all this way to apologize to you, Toto. I came all this way to tell you that I love you. That I can’t see my life without you. That I was wrong from the beginning in trying to impose my fears and insecurities on you, especially in relation to your passions — Elisabeth replied, feeling her voice break and her eyes fill with tears. It was too hard to think about living in a world without Toto. Worse than that, it was living in a world where he was present, but wasn’t part of her life.

After a few seconds of staring into his own drink, he looked up at her, a shy smile on his lips.

— You don't need to apologize, Liesl.

— I do, Toto — she answered — I acted like a spoiled little girl who…

— No, you didn’t. I was wrong to not fulfill my part of our agreement. I'm the one who has to apologize to you, but I was too proud to admit it. 

Elisabeth stared at him for a few seconds.

— You mean you forgive me?

Toto smiled.

— Yes. I forgive you, baby. And you?

— Always — she replied, taking his hand from the table, squeezing it lightly.

They remained hand in hand for a few seconds, in silence. Elisabeth felt an inexplicable relief, a feeling of lightness. It was a wonderful thing, considering the general feeling she had been having for the past few days was that of drowning.

— Liesl?

— Yes.

— Did you really think about breaking up with me?

— Yes. But Emilia made me realize I was being an idiot.

Toto was silent for a few seconds.

— Remind me to thank her for that, huh?

She laughed.

— Why?

— I would never forgive myself if I had lost you to an old car.

Elisabeth shook her head.

— It's not an old car, it's a Mercedes.

— From 1952, that’s old. And it’s an old car with the worst gearbox and damping in the world — Toto replied with a playful smile. “How I missed it”, she thought, while laughing at his comment.

— I thought you liked it…

— I do. But I don't ever want to drive it again.

— It is so bad?

— Finish your coffee and we'll go for a ride. I doubt you'll like it.

— With you at the wheel, I'm sure I'll like it. Well, until you start to race.

— I won’t, Liesl.

— Promise?

— I promise — Toto said, taking her hand and kissing her fingers.

#toto wolff #toto wolff x oc #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 x oc #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 x oc #formula one fic #formula one fanfic #formula one x oc #wlffog #natsversion #scwlff

[totowlff]

extra — before everything

➝ a photo. an audio. a voice message. and niki never saw elisabeth the same way again.

➝ word count: 2,7k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author’s note: you've already seen elisabeth and toto's vision of what happened that sunday in august. however, a point of view was missing. precisely the one you are so curious to know. I hope this extra helps situate you in the conflict. or not.

AUGUST, 2016

Niki Lauda sat in one of the chairs on the porch of his home in Ibiza, reading the weekend edition of the Financial Times. He’d bought it on Saturday, when he’d gone into the market district with Marlene. He didn’t really care for going into town, especially with the crowds that the high season brought, but his wife had insisted — there was only one place she would buy fresh shrimp for the paella she’d planned on making the next day.

Who was he to deny Marlene Lauda anything?

The rest of the weekend was quiet. He spent the morning talking to Tilman, his brother-in-law, about horses. He was trying to figure out what the ideal age would be to start Lennon, his grandson, on riding lessons with the pony he’d bought from Tilman when Lenny was born. Inside the mansion, Marlene and Sandra, Tilman's wife, were preparing lunch. Niki’s dogs, Felix and Shivas, were probably underfoot, waiting for stray crumbs to fall to the floor.

After lunch, Niki dispensed with the traditional Spanish siesta and set out for a walk around the grounds, Shivas and Felix close behind him, inspecting every centimeter with curious noses and wagging tails. He only went for a walk when he needed space to think about a problem. The problem he was thinking about now was the conflict between two of his children, Mathias and Elisabeth, and how he could resolve it.

Niki prided himself on being a fair man. Fairness was important to him, and he valued it not only in his professional life, but his personal life as well. When his children were born, he made a point of treating them the same, offering much more than similar toys and education, but dedicating his time equally to each of them. He played with both, including both in his motorcycle and car adventures around Ibiza, and he was willing to learn to ride a horse to accompany both boys on their rides with Tilman.

However, he found his personal capacity tested in 1985, after his last Formula 1 victory, Marlene told him that she was pregnant again. The idea of a third child made Niki re-examine his priorities. After his first free practice session in Austria, two weeks later, he announced his retirement again. This time, it was permanent. Not even Ron Dennis' insistence changed his mind. For him, the future of Formula 1 was in good hands.

Marlene's pregnancy was relatively uneventful, with the exception of a scare that landed her in hospital. Niki, who was in Brands Hatch for a race, rushed to Vienna. It was no use for Marlene to reason with him and tell him that he didn't need to miss the race that weekend, since she was perfectly fine, as was the baby.

— I don't give a fuck about this race. What really matters is you and our baby — he said, running his hand lightly over her belly, a smile on his face.

Their third child was born a little less than three months later, and she was a real surprise for Niki and Marlene. They were sure they would have one more boy, and they were expecting the baby to make their lives even more chaotic than it already was with Lukas and Mathias. Niki even had a name picked out, chosen after a lot of discussion and input from their younger children.

However, it wasn't Christian Tilman Lauda who was in Niki's arms, but a little girl named Elisabeth Renate Lauda, name for Niki’s mother and Marlene’s sister. From the first few hours of her life, Elisabeth was calm and attentive, her big blue eyes staring at her father. Niki was completely enchanted with his daughter immediately.

As the years passed, Niki found himself growing closer to his youngest child. They bonded over more than Niki playing dolls with her, or reading her bedtime stories, but over Elisabeth’s quirky personality. She wasn’t impulsive like Lukas, or rebellious like Mathias. She was quiet, intelligent, and observant, and she had an impressive talent for numbers. Every time she solved a complicated equation that was even confusing for Niki — not that Niki was bad at math by any means — he thought that Elisabeth was “the granddaughter that Old Lauda asked God for”.

The differences between the siblings had never caused major conflicts. Lukas and Elisabeth always got along well, and Mathias had a good relationship with both of them. The three of them helped each other, both in their personal and professional lives, and, above all, they loved each other very much.

However, the apparent harmony between the siblings ended the year before. Their laughter and jokes were replaced with cold looks and deeply personal insults. It even culminated in physical violence when Elisabeth slapped Mathias across the face. Lukas, despite being his brother's manager, sympathized with his younger sister. Niki was completely lost as far as how to deal with the situation as he tried to make the siblings act like adults, and not like the children he had raised under the Balearic sun.

His eyes studied the printed image of Lamberto Frescobaldi, an Italian winemaker with an impressive estate in Florence, and he almost didn't notice his phone vibrating on the chair next to him. He folded up his newspaper and laid it on his lap before picking up his phone and reading the two notifications he’d gotten. Mathias had sent him two messages; a photo and an audio message.

He unlocked his phone and opened the messaging app, clicking on his middle child's name. Then, he opened the image to enlarge it. Niki took a few seconds to absorb it. It was a picture of Elisabeth kissing a man that he immediately recognized as Toto Wolff, his friend and business partner. It was a tender image — her hand was on his face, both of their expressions were soft. They looked every bit the part of two people who were completely in love.

He scrolled down a bit and tapped the audio message to play it, pursing his lips at the first few words.

— Hi dad, I'm sending you this photo because Elisabeth just posted it on Instagram, so I assume she told you all about her affair with Toto — he said, Lenny's laughter in the background — I'm sending you a copy to let you know that I wanted to tell you that I never supported this, from the moment I found out they were together in Spa last year.

Niki took a second to remember what had happened in Belgium. But, the message from his son continued playing. 

— Remember how you told me to look for Elisabeth when she disappeared after the qualifying session? I went to the motorhome, and the caterer said she saw her going up to the second floor, so I assumed she was in Toto's office. I went over there and when I opened the door to ask him if he’d seen her, I found him with his fucking head between her legs.

He raised his eyebrows at the graphic description. He definitely hadn’t expected that from his daughter.

— I talked to her, dad. I tried to put some common sense into that head of hers, but she said she loved him, that they were living together, and they were dating, that they loved each other, and that nothing would change that and… Fuck, I was just thinking about your feelings and how sad you’d be to find out Elisabeth was fucking your only friend behind your back — he continued, the tone of his voice sounding more a little frustrated — I know you've always loved Elschen dearly and... She's your golden girl, your pride and your joy. And she repays your trust by doing this to you? I just didn’t think it was fair, and she had to hear it.

Niki pressed his mouth into a thin line, sensing a specific kind of pain in Mathias' tone of voice. Of course, he loved his three children deeply and admired each of them, with all of their differences and similarities. However, it was inevitable for him to be closest to Elisabeth. She was his youngest child, his little princess, his shadow and right-hand in the business world, the perfect companion for his adventures in civil aviation and motorsport. They spent more time together than fathers and daughters their age usually did.

Mathias' heartache — jealousy, maybe, was perfectly justified.

— Well, I just wanted you to know that I'm on your side and that I never agreed to any of this. She had no right to betray your trust like that and I completely condemn her behavior. If you need anything, you can call me and I'll help you solve it, and we can do it the easy way or the hard way. I love you dad. I hope you’re doing alright.

Niki looked at his screen again. The image of Toto and Elisabeth was still pulled up, and he looked at it for a few seconds in silence. The sound of footsteps approaching made him look away. Leaning against the doorframe, Marlene looked at him, with Shivas sitting at her feet.

— Did Mathias call? I heard his voice — she said.

— No, he sent me an audio message.

She sat down in the chair next to Niki.

— What did he say?

— He sent me a picture of Elisabeth…

Marlene raised an eyebrow.

— Is Mathias with Elisabeth now?

— No. It's a picture of her with Toto.

— Ah — she muttered under her breath — Yes…

Niki looked at his wife, who was watching Felix stretch out in a patch of sunlight in front of them.

— Did you know about the two of them… Being together?

There were a few seconds of uneasy silence.

— Yes, I knew. Elschen told me in June.

— What did she say? — Niki asked, his tone serious.

— That she tried to avoid her feelings. That she tried to get away from Toto. But she decided to follow her heart. And… That she loves him.

Niki looked at the cell phone in his hands, the image of her daughter kissing his friend still on the screen. It felt a little surreal to see them like that. It just didn't feel right. Suddenly, he took the newspaper from his lap and stood up from his chair, causing the dogs to lift their heads to look at him.

— Nikolaus — Marlene said, her voice full of warning.

— What?

— What are you going to do?

— I just need to think.

Niki went back inside of the house and walked to his office. He closed the door and turned on the light. He placed the newspaper he'd been reading earlier on the desk and dropped into the black leather chair. With the phone still in his hands, he typed a quick reply to Mathias and returned to the app's main screen, selecting his daughter's name. Then, he typed four words in. He read his message over and over before he pressed the “send” button.

"We need to talk".

Not even two minutes later, his phone vibrated, his daughter's name flashing across the screen. She had a wide smile in her contact picture. Niki tapped the green button to answer the call, and he didn't have time to say a word before she began to speak, between sniffles and sobs.

— Dad, please, I know it's not right, but please let me explain, let me explain! It's not what you're thinking, please let me explain. Please let me tell you what happened. It wasn't supposed to happen, it was a mistake, he took my phone, you weren't supposed to find out like this, I was going to tell you, father, please...

— Elisabeth…

— Please don't be mad at me, dad. I did not want…

— I’m not going to talk about this with you on the phone, Mauslein — he said, his voice serious — I’ll be back in Vienna in two days. Come over and we can talk about it, then.

She sniffled a bit and muttered "okay", and Niki asked Elisabeth to calm down and said goodbye. He set his phone down on top of the newspaper, running a hand down his face. That would be a difficult conversation.

One of the hardest he would ever have.

The next day, Niki, Marlene, and the dogs returned to Vienna. He was completely silent for the entire flight, reflecting on the moments he had spent with Toto and Elisabeth. The achievements, the challenges, the countless meals, the meetings where they both had argued because they didn't agree on something.

When he got home, he just dropped his suitcase in the bedroom before isolating himself in his office again, but this time the office in his apartment. The room was richly decorated with mementos of his life in racing, some miscellaneous honors and certificates, Lenny's drawings, miniatures of his airlines' planes, and photos — lots of photos.

He’d accumulated so many framed photos over the years, images of him racing around the world, celebrating his achievements on podiums and at various award ceremonies. There were pictures of him with his kids in Ibiza and Vienna, and pictures of each of the children separately. Photos of Mathias running in GP2, Lukas playing with Shivas, and Elisabeth holding her Business Administration degree, dressed in her graduation regalia, her blue eyes shining with joy. There were pictures of Lenny sitting in his red mini-Mercedes. There was even one of Niki himself, with Lewis Hamilton, playing with Lewis’ bulldogs, Roscoe and Coco.

He sat down in his office chair, his eyes affixing to one particular photo. It was the only one Niki had sitting on his desk — it was a special memory for him. In the picture, he was standing next to Elisabeth and Toto. They were both drench in champagne and had wide smiles on their faces. His daughter was in the middle, holding the Formula 1 Constructors Trophy from the Russian Grand Prix. It was the race that had consecrated the Mercedes team as World Champions for the first time since the brand’s return to Formula 1.

Before he saw that photo as the realization of his great dream of triumphing in Formula 1 in a managerial position. Now, it looked different. It was as if the two people in the picture with him had completely changed in his mind somehow.

The sound of his phone vibrating snapped Niki out of his thoughts. He glanced at where it was sitting on the table, he raised an eyebrow as he read on the screen that he had a new voicemail message. It had probably not come in until just now because his phone was off during the flight back from Ibiza. He probably received it when he was flying back to Austria. Tapping the screen a few times, he brought the phone to his ear, waiting for the voicemail to play the message. Then the recording of a familiar voice started playing.

— Hi, Niki. It’s Toto. Listen, I know you… Know what’s happening now, and I just wanted to call you and speak to you before you and Elisabeth talk tomorrow when you get back to Vienna. What you are probably thinking is true, but…

The recording stopped for a few seconds, like Toto was trying to find the proper words. Niki's eyes found his face in the picture frame on the table.

— We didn’t hide it deliberately to hurt you. Quite the opposite, actually, because Elisabeth wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it and didn’t want to — he sighed — Break your trust. I know the circumstances haven’t been ideal, but… I can’t regret it, because it gave us a lot of time, you know, away from the spotlight and the pressure. And I… Can’t regret loving your daughter, Niki. She’s the best person I’ve ever met. She’s the love of my life. I would never do anything to hurt her, and I will always be there for her, whether she wants me to be or not.

Toto sighed again.

— Please don’t treat her too harshly, I guess that’s all I am asking. As a friend. I will always do everything I can to make her happy and…

The recording was suddenly cut off and ended with a beep, as if he hadn't had time to say more. Niki pursed his lips and off the screen, setting his phone back on his desk. Then, he reached for the framed photo of himself with Toto and Elisabeth, taking it off of his desk as he stood up from his chair.

His desk was no longer the rightful place for that particular photo.

#toto wolff #niki lauda #lauda #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #wlffog #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter twenty-nine — bellyache

➝ returning to the paddock after the summer break was nothing like elisabeth imagined.

➝ word count: 4,7k

➝ warnings: anxiety attack, mental health, self-harming (in a sort of way)

➝ author notes: this is one of those personal chapters for me. writing it was like revisiting some demons that were dormant inside me. but, it wouldn't make sense not to address this considering everything you've read about liesl. hope you like it.

AUGUST, 2016

The fabric of the gray blouse made Elisabeth's skin itch. Her jeans felt tight and uncomfortable over her hips and belly, her bra felt like it was squeezing her. Even the heels she was used to wearing were hurting her toes. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she felt uncomfortable, strange...

Ugly.

— Fuck — she muttered, haphazardly pulling her blouse over her head and tossing it on top of the silver suitcase that was sitting open in a corner of the suite. There were three other blouses that had landed there, along with two dresses and a skirt.

As Toto stepped out of the bathroom, distracted by rolling up sleeves of his white team shirt, he was startled by the gray fabric flying in an arc toward the suitcase. Confused, he glanced at Elisabeth. She was sitting on the bed, wearing nothing but her bra and jeans.

— What's wrong, Liesl? — he asked, his eyes going between the pile of clothes and his girlfriend.

She grunted in frustration and fell back onto the bed, her hands over her face. She felt like she was in the midst of the most stressful situations she had ever been in, which was a feat, considering she had spent almost two years negotiating the purchase of an entire airline. She had no idea what to do.

After the incident with her Instagram, she ended up having to have the conversation with her father that she’d been putting off for years. It went better than she’d expected, so she was relieved. Things would finally be looking up, and she’d finally be able to live openly as Toto’s partner, in peace. So she thought, until the day they decided to go have dinner with her parents in Alsergund — a kind of formal introduction of Toto as her boyfriend.

The night itself had been pleasant. Between glasses of wine and laughter, Toto had the chance to know a little more about her, specially when Marlene started to tell some of Elisabeth's embarrassing childhood stories, like the time Niki took her to Maranello and, after returning from the bathroom, she decided to surprise her father with a hug. However, after jumping on the leg of the man in the red cap, she was startled to realize that it wasn't Niki, but Gerhard Berger, the team's driver. The story made Toto chuckle as he spoke of something similar that had happened to Rosi when she was younger.

After a few hours of living like a normal couple, reality came knocking on the door of Elisabeth’s parents’ building. Crowded on the sidewalk, photographers and videographers sought the best angle of the newest couple in the world of Formula 1. Squeezing Toto's hand as he led her to the car parked in front of the building, she wondered how they had managed to discover that they would be there. She also wondered how they would get out of the neighborhood without running over anyone without being blinded by camera flashes or distracted by indiscreet questions from journalists.

The media scrutiny was a living hell, and it never seemed to end.

With race week in Belgium fast approaching, there was a pile of emails in Bradley's inbox, asking whether she and Toto would be present in the paddock and whether or not they had any statements about their relationship. There was also a frightening increase in Austrian journalists and photographers requesting credentials for the event.

The circuit would be crowded with cameras, all pointed at them.

Movement on the mattress beside her snapped Elisabeth back to reality. She moved her hand from her eyes and noticed that Toto was laying next to her propped up on one elbow and with his head resting in one hand, the other brushing away a few strands of hair that were straying in front of her face.

— You didn't answer me, baby — Toto murmured.

She stared at him for a few seconds, pressing her lips together.

— I don't have anything to wear — Elisabeth replied in a low voice.

He sat up and glanced at the corner of the room where her suitcase was open. 

— Considering the pile over there in the corner, I think you have plenty of clothes, Liesl.

Elisabeth rolled her eyes.

— Those didn't look good on me.

— Impossible. You look good wearing anything — he said, bringing the index finger of his free hand to the strap of her bra — Even though I think you look better wearing nothing…

— Torger, I'm serious.

— So am I — Toto said, a smug smile on his face. 

Elisabeth huffed in frustration.

— You don't understand — she said, feeling herself starting to get anxious.

Toto put his fingers gently under Elisabeth’s chin, making her look directly into his eyes.

— Then explain it to me, Liesl.

— The problem is that nothing I put on looks good on my body.

— What do you mean by that?

— These jeans, for example, keep digging into my belly. All the shirts I've worn before seem like they don't fit me right. Everything looks ugly on me.

— If you don’t want to wear pants and a blouse, why not a dress?— he asked, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face — That turquoise dress of yours looks really nice.

— I already wore it in the paddock once. What will they think if I show up wearing it again?

— They will think you have a washing machine at home — he replied with a mischievous smile, which made Elisabeth laugh — Seriously, Liesl, nobody cares if you're a dress more than once.

— People do care, Toto.

— I don’t care. I think you look beautiful in it.

A smile appeared on her lips.

— Not everyone is as nice as you, darling. People can be quite — Elisabeth hesitated for a second — Cruel.

Toto brought his face close to hers, looking deeply into her eyes.

— I know, Elisabeth. I learned very early what people are capable of. And it's precisely because I know this that I won't let them do anything to you. I won't let anyone take the smile off your face.

— Toto...

— After the dinner with my mother, after everything that happened with you and your brother, I made myself a promise. I promised that I would never let anyone steal your happiness, Elisabeth. I told myself I would do everything possible and impossible to never see you upset like that again, and I will keep that promise. Not just for you, either, but for Ben and Rosi, for me, for what our future holds.

Tears were already streaming down her temples, a smile held back on her face.

— I love you — Elisabeth said, bringing one of her hands to his cheek. Toto lowered his head slightly, bringing his lips to hers, in a delicate and tender kiss. A few seconds later, he pulled away, smiling.

— I love you too, Liesl. Very much — he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose — Now let's get out of this bed and pick out an outfit for you, okay?

Elisabeth sat up and watched Toto go to the corner of the room and pick up her suitcase, bringing it to the bed. After holding up the things she had already tried on and Elisabeth telling him why she wouldn’t be wearing them, she finally agreed to try on a white dress shirt. It was similar to Toto’s, but without any of the embroidered sponsor logos.

Elisabeth buttoned the shirt and tucked it in. She examined herself carefully in the hotel room’s mirror. She saw Toto approaching through the reflection. He stood next to her, taking her arm gently and unbuttoning the shirt cuffs, carefully folding the sleeves up until Elisabeth's entire forearm was exposed. He did the same thing with the other sleeve, then looked at her through the mirror, a smile on his lips.

— Perfect — he murmured.

Looking back at her reflection, Elisabeth smiled.

— We're dressed alike.

Toto positioned himself behind her, wrapping his hands around her waist.

— Yes.

— Was it on purpose?

— What if it was?

— Maybe it's your way of telling everyone that I'm yours — she tilted her head a bit, indicating that she wanted to be kissed. Instead, Toto took Elisabeth's right hand and lifted it a bit, the diamonds on her ring finger gleaming in the soft light from the window.

— I don't think I need to say much to let everyone know you're mine, Liesl — he replied, kissing the spot below her ear, sending a shiver over her skin — Can we go now?

Elisabeth felt him kiss her head before releasing her. She picked up her black flats from where they were sitting next to the door, sitting down at the bed to put them on. Meanwhile, Toto placed her bag beside her and told her that her paddock pass and her phone were already inside.

— Thanks, dear — Elisabeth said, quickly unzipping the bag to check. Everything was inside. She stood up and slung her purse over her arm, and then looked at Toto. He was standing in front of the mirror, running his fingers through his hair.

— Just a moment — he said, walking over to the bedside table and picking up his round-framed glasses.

— Are you going to put on your glasses? — Elisabeth asked.

— What do you think? — he returned, putting them on and taking them off — On or off?

— On. You look smarter with them.

He put his glasses back on, looking at Elisabeth quizzically.

— Is that your way of saying I'm stupid?

— No, darling — she laughed — It's my way of saying I love men with glasses.

— Well, remind me never to take them off, baby.

— I will — Elisabeth smiled, lifting her head slightly so that he could kiss her softly — Shall we go?

— Yes, Liesl.

They left the room and walked down the deserted hotel corridor to the elevator. Inside, she adjusted the collar of her shirt and noticed Toto’s attentive gaze in her direction. He had a small smile, his eyes directly on her cleavage.

— Is there a problem, Toto?

— No, baby.

— You're staring at my boobs.

— What can I do if they're pretty?

— You could be more discreet.

— I'm being discreet, Liesl.

— No, you are not.

He brought his lips to her ear, sliding one hand down her back, his fingers dangerously close to her breasts.

— If I wasn't being discreet, I would have ripped that shirt off of you by now and would be sucking on your nipples the way I know you like it, right in this elevator.

— And how do you know I like that?

Toto smiled maliciously, his hand sliding further down until it cupped one of her breasts, squeezing it lightly. Seeing their reflection in the polished metal wall of the elevator made her swallow hard, a shiver passing over her skin.

— Because I know you, baby. I know you very well.

She rolled her eyes and attempted to ignore the heat building between her legs. She turned toward the door and reached for the strap of her purse. The elevator’s robotic voice announced they were on the ground floor and the doors slid open. She gripped the strap of her purse tighter, nervous about what awaited them in the lobby of the hotel, never mind en route to the paddock, or god forbid, in the paddock itself. Each possibility seemed more catastrophic than the last.

— Liesl? — Toto said beside her, noticing her hesitation.

— Yes?

— Shall we go? — he asked as he reached out and laced his fingers through hers, his thumb sliding lightly over the back of her hand in a tender caress. His simple gesture gave her a little bit of confidence, beating back the nervousness she’d started to feel.

— Yes, let's go — Elisabeth replied, tightening her grip on his hand.

They crossed the hotel lobby with a certain ease. There were a few familiar faces that they saw, greeting them with a smile or a polite good morning. As they left the hotel, they spotted Mark Webber, who was talking to a woman wearing a Red Bull T-shirt. The ex-driver waved at them, smiling. She smiled back, holding tighter to Toto’s hand. 

Contrary to what Elisabeth imagined, there wasn't a crowd waiting for them outside the hotel. There were a few groups of people milling around, most of them team or track employees, all heading to the gate to the first curve of the track, a few meters away.

However, the peace was short-lived.

When they arrived at the paddock entrance turnstiles, something made Elisabeth's heart race. As she passed the badge through the reader, the gate unlocked, and her eyes found the dozens of people that accumulated near the team motorhomes. They all had cameras in hand and attentive gazes, as if they were waiting for someone. She was sure that the person they were waiting on had just arrived.

— Toto! Elisabeth! — someone yelled, drawing everyone else's attention. The mass of photographers began to move, closing in on them, shouting their names. She felt like a deer in the headlights, stuck in place. 

Elisabeth only returned to reality when she felt something warm squeezing her hand.

— Liesl? — Toto said, making her look at him – Is everything okay?

She blinked, seeing how many cameras were already trained on them. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest it felt like it was going to burst. Elisabeth mustered all of the strength she had to crack a smile.

— I'm fine, yes — she said, trying to hide the tremor in her voice — Can we go to the motorhome? I'm craving an espresso.

Toto laughed.

— Then we'd better hurry before you start feeling withdrawal from the lack of caffeine.

She gave his arm a playful pat.

— Dumbass.

— See? The symptoms have already started — he said. She shook her head.

She relaxed a little, despite the presence of the cameras. However, as more media personnel gathered, she began to feel a knot forming in her throat. As the reporters shouted more questions, she felt increasingly uneasy, with the reporters shoving their microphones in her and Toto’s faces, desperate for them to make some statement.

— How long have you been together?

— How did Niki react to the news, Elisabeth?

— Are you living together, Toto?

With her jaw clenched and her head down, she was focused on taking deep breaths and telling herself that they would soon be safely in Mercedes' hospitality, away from all of the madness. She could sit and relax, drink a cup of coffee, and make small talk with Barbara. 

“We're almost there”, Elisabeth thought, looking ahead at the silver and turquoise structure.

However, her plans to get to the motorhome as quickly as possible went down the drain when a familiar voice shouted Toto's name. She saw Aldo Costa, the Engineering Director for the team, squeezing his way through the crowd of reporters. He seemed uncomfortable with the amount of people crowding around the team principal. Finally, he managed to get past the crowd.

— I'm glad you're here, Toto, we've been waiting for you.

— Waiting?

— Bono and Lewis want to talk to you about a few things...

— What's the problem?

— Some decisions to be made about the setup for his car for this race.

Toto looked at Elisabeth with an apologetic expression.

— Is that okay, Liesl?

She blinked. She definitely didn't expect him to ask her opinion about that, after all, Toto was the team principal and who ran the show at Mercedes, but him consulting her made her feel special.

— None, Toto. You go with Aldo, I'll go to hospitality for my coffee.

He smiled.

— Can you order my coffee with yours?

— But it'll get cold — Elisabeth argued.

— I won't be long, Liesl — he replied, lifting her hand and placing a gentle kiss on her fingers — You get my coffee, and wait in the office for me if you want. 

She nodded, a shy smile on her lips. Toto let go of her fingers and followed Aldo towards the team's garage. Elisabeth watched them walk away through the crowd, with some photographers following them. However, most of the cameras and microphones remained trained on her, following her as she walked back through the paddock, taking a deep breath and trying to ignore the reporters’ questions

— How was the family's first dinner, Elisabeth? — one asked.

— Does your father like Toto? — asked another.

However, it wasn't long before the questions began to sound invasive. Disrespectful, even.

— What's it like dating a man with a background like Toto's? — a woman shouted.

— Were you the pivot of Toto and Aurélie's separation? — another asked.

— What do you have to say about snagging Austria's most eligible bachelor, even though you’ve been called an ‘ugly duckling’ in the past? — someone said, loudly.

Elisabeth stopped in her tracks. As she turned around, looking for the reporter that asked that, her heart felt like it was going to burst from how quickly it was beating. That phrase landed like a knife plunged into her chest, opening a healed-over wound that she had painstakingly tended.

— What? — she stammered, still looking for who had asked that question.

— Here, Elisabeth — a blond man with a beard and an almost cruel smile waved at her from behind a cell phone camera — You're not going to tell me it's not impressive for a woman like you to get a man like Toto Wolff.

She blinked, feeling her eyes fill with tears.

— Like me?

— Yeah, well… Ordinary. 

Elisabeth remained silent, staring at the man for a few seconds, as if she expected him to say he was kidding or that this was a bad joke. But the man didn't say any of that. In fact, as if he realized he'd touched a sore spot, he went a step further.

— You know, Elisabeth, you're not the prettiest woman he's ever appeared in public with. Most of his previous girlfriends were pageant winners or models.

“Enough”, she thought, turning around again and quickly toward the direction of Mercedes hospitality. Her eyes burned, her throat was tight, but she was determined not to cry. Not there, in front of the cameras. Elisabeth was determined to deny them the show they were after.

The questions continued to be asked, until she reached the stairs that led to the interior of the motorhome. Her eyes met Bradley’s as he came out of the door. He must have seen something on her face. Bradley was charged towards her, yelling at the photographers to get away from her. He put his arm around Elisabeth and led her into the building, yelling something she couldn’t make out over the sound of her pulse pounding in her ears. The door slid closed behind them, enclosing them in the safety of the Mercedes motorhome. Bradley turned to Elisabeth, his expression changing radically when he saw that her lower lip was quivering and her eyes watering.

— Are you all right, Elisabeth? — he asked quietly — Did you need anything?

— I need to be alone — she said, darting toward the stairs that led to the second floor. Climbing the steps quickly, she thanked God the hallway leading to the office was empty. She didn't want anyone to see her like she felt. Completely broken.

She practically sprinted into Toto’s office, closing the door and dropping her purse on the armchair in the corner. Then, Elisabeth leaned against the wall beside her, and allowed her body to slide down her as the tears streamed down her face, loud sobs escaping her lips as her chest tightened. She felt like she was struggling for air.

She had tried so hard to put that traumatized pre-teen behind her. Elisabeth had wrestled with her demons over the years to move on from the things that the press said about her when she was younger, the things that her classmates laughed at her for. She had hidden, brooded in silence, worked on her own evolution, transforming that awkward little girl, passionate about numbers but lacking any social grace, into a successful businesswoman.

However, hearing the nickname she had gotten as a pre-teen flushed all of that progress to go down the drain. The Elisabeth from before was back, all of those wounds open and stinging.

— Stupid, stupid stupid — she snarled, hitting herself in the head with her fists, her sadness giving way to anger. She was angry at herself for being so vulnerable, for being so sensitive, for being so fragile. Elisabeth kept hitting her head, muttering the same word.

She felt stupid.

Sinking her fingers into her own hair, she dug her nails into his scalp. She wanted to peel off her skin, get rid of the abominable thing that was her face. She wanted to get rid of Elisabeth Lauda forever. Free herself from the disgusting person she was. She started punching herself in the head again, until she felt something wrapping tightly around her wrists, keeping her from attacking herself.

— Liesl, Liesl — someone was calling her, the voice far away, like an echo. However, Elisabeth's body didn't seem to want to respond to what the voice commanded as she tried to wrestle away from whatever was holding her back.

— Stupid, stupid, stupid — she muttered between sobs.

— Stop, stop, please stop it — the voice said, fingers tightening around her wrists — Elisabeth, stop it, please, stop it, stop it, Elisabeth, please. Listen to me, my love.

Hearing “my love” made her grind to a halt, as if someone had suddenly slammed on the brakes of a runaway car. Feeling her arms go limp, Elisabeth slowly opened her eyes, focusing on the familiar brown eyes in front of her.

Toto kneeled in front of her, holding her wrists tightly, his knuckles white with the strain.  He looked devastated. Worried. Elisabeth hated making him feel this way, her eyes filling with tears again as guilt flooded her chest.

She spoiled everything she touched.

Elisabeth was a wreck.

— Toto — she stammered. He let go of her arms and cupped her cheeks in his hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears that had already left trails down her cheeks.

— Yes, it's me, Liesl. I'm here, I'm with you.

— They... They said... I'm... You — she sobbed, searching for words as her lips trembled.

— Breathe. Take a deep breath, my love —  Toto said. He turned around briefly and told the person behind him that they would speak later, thanking him for letting him know what was going on. His eyes met hers again — Come on, breathe with me, Liesl. That's right, first through the nose, then through the mouth. Focus on me, don't think about anything else but me. I’m here, I’m with you.

Elisabeth felt her pulse slowing down, the tightness in her chest lessening. She stopped crying. With her eyes locked on his, it felt as if the raging storm inside her was slowly dissipating, with the rain easing and the dark clouds pulling away. He kept telling her to take deep breaths, to focus on his eyes, on the sound of his voice. He kept reassuring her that he was there with her, that he was there for her.

It took some time for her to calm down and stop crying, for her breathing and pulse to return to normal. Once she had calmed down a bit, Toto wiped her tears away again.

— Feeling better, Liesl?

— Yes — she said softly.

— Can you tell me what happened?

She pressed her lips together.

— The reporters — Elisabeth began to say, noticing something change in Toto's eyes. There was no longer just concern in his expression. There was anger too — One of them asked me what it was like to have… Hooked Austria's most eligible bachelor by being…

She hesitated for a few seconds.

— Being what?

— Mediocre. Ordinary — Elisabeth replied in a low voice — An ugly duckling.

The mention of the nickname made Toto clench his jaw.

— Liesl, you know that's not true.

— Yes, it is — she murmured, looking away.

— No, it’s not, Elisabeth — Toto replied, brushing a lock of hair away from her face — You're not mediocre, or ordinary. And we've already talked about the story of the ugly duckling.

— But…

— The only opinion that should matter to you is mine. And my opinion is that you are far from ordinary or mediocre. You are extraordinary, Elisabeth. Unique. And I love you exactly the way you are.

She blinked, silent. Elisabeth wanted to believe him. She wanted to feel extraordinary, and unique, just like he thought she was.

— Why don't I feel like that? — she whispered.

— Like what?

— Extraordinary… Or unique.

— Because you see your image based on what you've always heard. You haven't allowed yourself to see the woman you've become, Elisabeth. But I see her. Your father sees her. The team sees her. Everyone in this paddock sees that woman, and respects her… admires her.

She looked down at her lap, where her hands were resting, she could see that her palms were marked with red crescents from where her fingernails sunk into her skin. Elisabeth wanted to believe Toto, every word he had just said, but at the same time, it was like someone whispered in the back of her head that he could only be blind to say something like that. How was he unable to see her flaws? How could he not see the way she sulked, rolled her eyes, and cried all the time?

He sighed, as if sensing that she wasn't convinced by his words. Instead of saying anything else, he wrapped his arms around her, cradling Elisabeth's head on his own chest, kissing the top of her head. Silence fell over the office.

Listening to his heartbeat, Elisabeth felt guilty — guilty for making him worry so much about her, guilty for not being able to control herself, guilty for not being able to be as happy as he wanted her to be. Guilty because she was broken, and she couldn’t be fixed.

— Liesl? — Toto finally spoke, his tone hesitant.

— Yes?

— Have you thought about going to therapy?

She lifted her head to look at him.

— Therapy?

— Yes. Therapy.

— Why?

Toto hesitated for a few seconds.

— Because it helped me. I was 18 when I had my first session and it was like… Someone opening a valve and releasing all the pressure that was building up inside me for years, especially after my father died.

— But…

— Liesl, you're not well. I see it in your face, in your eyes. I see how you’re suffering. And I can't bear to see you in pain, or to hurt yourself, especially when I know there’s nothing I can do to help you feel better.

She blinked. Elisabeth had never thought about going to therapy. Even in the darkest moments of her teenage years, when she thought there was no way out, she hadn't considered seeking help. She had gone through bad times, but her life had been far from being as bad as Toto's. Her parents had never considered getting divorced. Both of them were alive, and healthy, and hadn’t ever faced any major health problems, other than her dad’s kidney failure. She grew up financially well-off and wanted for nothing. She had an almost perfect upbringing. Why would she go to therapy?

— There is no need for that — she started, only to be interrupted by him.

— Please, Liesl — Toto whispered, resting his forehead on hers.

— Toto…

— You need professional help, Liesl. I am not able to help you feel better, especially when you’re suffering like this.

— I'm better. I just lost control for a few minutes, but I’m better now.

— Elisabeth, please. It's not the first time I've seen you having an anxiety attack. It's not the first time I've seen you scratch and punch yourself, trying to hurt yourself in the heat of the moment. It's not the first time I've felt completely helpless, not knowing what to do to help you. Please, Liesl, consider it, for me.

She felt tears fill her eyes again. Elisabeth had never stopped to think about how Toto was affected by her anxiety attacks.

— I don't want to lose you — he whispered, his eyes full of tears — I can't lose you, especially to something I can't fight, which is your mind. Help me, Liesl. Help me to help you.

Elisabeth closed her eyes. She couldn't bear the idea of seeing Toto cry, much less suffer, especially because of her. She needed to do something. He deserved a better Elisabeth. An Elisabeth who was strong, courageous, who deserved her place at his side.

The woman he had met at that restaurant in 2012.

— Okay. I’ll find someone to talk to. I’m at least going to try.

#toto wolff #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #wlffog #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter one — star-crossed

➝ almost 30 years after his last formula 1 world championship, elisabeth lauda's father decides to invest in the struggling mercedes f1 team. she joins him as his business partner in the investment. little does she know that it will change her life forever.

➝ word count: 1,8k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author’s note: well, it's time to present to you the new version of star-crossed, this time, exactly as i imagined. aside from obvious fixes, i made sure to add more details to the story. i hope you fall in love with elisabeth again, the same way i did.

SEPTEMBER, 2012

— Dad, we’re going to be late! — Elisabeth exclaimed, looking worriedly at her cell phone clock, the numbers six and 35 flashing on the lock screen.

In her mind’s eye, she remembered the details of the invitation sent by the assistant of Dieter Zetsche, chairman of Daimler’s board of directors. The message said that dinner would be at seven o'clock, on Friday night, at Edvard’s Restaurant. This meant they needed to be in the heart of Vienna in less than half an hour.

— Stop rushing me — she heard her father grumble, his voice muffled by the distance between the living room and bedroom.

— You can’t just keep people waiting, dad — she argued, putting her phone in her black bag. Something told her she’d already lost that argument. Her father was too stubborn to give an inch.

— Yes I can, Elisabeth — he replied.

She took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

— Dad, this is your first dinner as a non-executive director of Mercedes. 

Her father finally appeared in the room in a dark blazer, worn over a cream sweater. He held one of his trademark red caps, this one with the white Novomatic logo on the front, in his hand.

— Hat on, or off? —  he asked her, placing the cap on his head.

— On. Always — she said, smiling.

Seeing her father without his red hat always made Elisabeth feel strange. It wasn’t because of the scars that the cap hid with style and a certain irreverence, but simply because it had been his trademark for as long as she could remember. Even in preschool, everyone could tell which drawings were hers by simply looking for the one depicting a light-haired woman, two boys, a girl and a brown dog, all huddled around a man in a red cap.

For her, that accessory was an irrevocable characteristic of Niki Lauda. Not even the most formal of occasions could change that.

Her father smiled at her.

— Come on, Elisabeth.

— Finally, Mr Lauda! — she said with a laugh. Elisabeth headed for the entrance hall of the apartment, while Niki took the car keys — We have less than half an hour to get to the restaurant.

Without answering her, her father continued his way to the garage, where his beloved green Jaguar was waiting for them. Slipping into the passenger seat and fastening her seat belt, Elisabeth couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy about the whole situation, even if it wasn’t anything new to her.

Born into a traditional Austrian family with industrial roots, she was always proud to have inherited a taste for business from her grandfather, unlike her brothers, two rebellious souls like her father. However, with her business aptitude, as well as a diploma from the prestigious University of Vienna, Elisabeth soon became Niki’s greatest partner in his endeavors in the world of civil aviation.

But there were limits she never dared to cross. One of them was the Formula 1 world. That, only her father could take care of, as he always told her with a mischievous glint in his blue eyes. Considering that, since childhood, she had left the speed to Mathias and Lukas, Elisabeth was even happy to stay away from that mess.

Until now, that is.

Niki stopped at a red light, drumming his fingers lightly on the steering wheel. She took the moment to look for her phone in her small black bag and check the time. When the screen lit up, Elisabeth saw that it was 15 minutes before their meeting with the executives of Mercedes Benz Grand Prix Ltd.

— We still have fifteen minutes —  she said, putting her phone back in her purse.

— Mauslein —  he muttered, glancing at her — Counting the minutes won’t make me drive any faster.

— I thought this was what Formula 1 drivers did —  she said, jokingly — Count minutes and drive fast.

— I’m a former Formula 1 driver. And this is a street, not a racetrack.

— That didn’t stop you from racing to the Friesacher that day —  she muttered, raising her eyebrows at Niki. He pressed the accelerator as soon as the light turned green.

Elisabeth couldn’t remember how many times she’d heard the story of how her father met her mother, getting breathless as she listened to both Niki and Marlene recall their meeting at a party thrown by her mother’s boyfriend at the time, to the moment Niki asked her to stay in Salzburg. And, once she heard the story for the first time, Elisabeth couldn’t help but think about living a love story like theirs. The idea was breathtaking.

— Those were different times, Mauslein — her father said with a smile — And besides, I’m not trying to stop you from walking out of my life.

She couldn’t help but laugh.

— Which is a shame considering how late we are.

Niki shaked his head negatively as he turned right onto Schottenring Street. It was already possible to see the Palais Hansen Kempinski, the building that housed the restaurant where they would be having dinner that night. Pulling the green Jaguar to a stop in front of the restaurant door, a well-dressed valet hurried over to the car door.

— Miss —  he said politely, offering his hand to help Elisabeth out of the car. 

— Thanks — she said, nodding at the man. She took a moment to straighten her dress, an elegant gray garment which was slightly wrinkled. Then, she turned her gaze to her father, who was handing the keys to his Jaguar carefully to another man. He turned to his daughter after he skirted the car, approaching her.

— Mauslein?

— Yes, dad?

— What time is it?

Elisabeth pulled her cell phone out of her bag to check, and a shy smile appeared in her lips at seeing the numbers on the screen.

— It’s exactly seven in the evening.

— Too bad — he said with a shrug — I wanted to keep them waiting.

— Want to wait out here for a while? —  she asked, a mischievous look on her face as she put her phone back in her purse.

— No, no. Since we’re here, let’s go inside —  he said, walking towards the restaurant door. 

They entered and were greeted by the maître’d, who led them through the elegantly appointed restaurant. He brought them to a round table, located next to a window, where three men were sitting with perfectly arranged tableware and half-empty wine glasses. The two older ones were talking animatedly about something related to cars, while the other, slightly younger, was listening to it carefully. 

— Niki! —  one of them exclaimed, rising from his chair to offer her father a warm hug — We were waiting for you!

— I figured you would be, Ross —  he chuckled, patting the man warmly on the back. Then, the man Elisabeth assumed to be Ross Brawn pulled back and looked at her, a friendly smile on his face. His cheeks were already flushed with drink — Have you met my daughter?

— You must be the famous Elisabeth Lauda! —  he said, wrapping her in a hug as well.

— Nice to meet you, Mr. Brawn — she said, forcing a smile. 

If Elisabeth didn't inherit her father's love of speed, she inherited his aversion to social occasions. And, like a good daughter of her father, she had always preferred to avoid occasions like parties and events, limiting herself to attending business lunches and dinners, never taking longer than necessary to close a deal. 

However, the world of Formula 1 was completely different.  In her view, that was more than just 20 crazy men running around in circles. It was also a big showy ball, where whoever danced to the music came out ahead. And it was her time to finally learn the steps of that political choreography.

The other two men rose from their chairs to greet Elisabeth and Niki. First, a man she recognized as the host of the dinner, Dieter Zetsche, chairman of the board of directors at Daimler, simply shook hands with them, while thanking both for accepting his invitation. 

Then, the third man approached. Tall, with dark hair and eyes, he gave her father a hug, while Elisabeth looked at him with some curiosity. She could feel there was something about him that seemed familiar. “Where do I know him from?”, she asked herself.

— How are you, Niki? — he asked, his accent indicating that he was from Vienna.

— Fine and you?

— Great, excited to get to work.

Then he looked at her, smiling. “What a beautiful smile”, Elisabeth thought, while something warm was spreading through her chest.

— This is my daughter, Elisabeth — Niki said, pointing to the woman by his side — Elisabeth, this is Toto Wolff, the investor I mentioned.

Wolff. Hearing his last name made her face light up.

Of course she’d heard of him. Who in the business world in Austria had not?

— Nice to meet you — he said, as he approached. He placed a hand on her arm and pressed his face to hers in a quick greeting — Niki has told me a lot about you.

— Nice to meet you, too — she said — Likewise.

Elisabeth remembered Niki mentioning Toto on a few occasions, but she had never made the connection between the man her father mentioned while talking about his new adventure with Mercedes and the pictures she saw on the economics pages of Der Standard. Pictures that didn’t do the man in front of her any justice.

— I bet you’ll get along fine, you are interested in the same boring things —  her father said, making everyone at the table laugh, while Elisabeth's cheeks turned slightly flushed — Now, can we sit down? I want something to drink.

With everyone seated, the maître’d came to the table to begin the dinner service. The meal would consist of six courses of typical Austrian dishes, paired with national wines.

The next hour was filled with conversations about the ongoing Formula 1 season, against the background noise of silverware against china plates. However, as a layman in the world of motorsport, Elisabeth had no interest in hearing about the problems with McLaren's engines or the defective tires supplied by Pirelli that year. Her focus was on her father’s investments and only them. "I don't even know why I'm here," she thought, taking a sip of white wine.

However, between the third and fourth courses, something got her eye. Alongside her father, Toto talked about the changes planned for the team in the coming year. And Elisabeth couldn't help but notice subtle details in the way he conducted the conversation, as well as the gleam in his eyes. Soon she found herself watching the way his nose scrunched when he smiled, or the way he held his wine glass. 

Elisabeth was so absorbed in her observation that she didn’t even notice that, by her side, someone at the table was trying to get her attention.

— Yes? — she said, a little bewildered.

— What do you think, dear? —  Niki asked her.

— I think it’s great! — Elisabeth replied, having no idea what she was agreeing to.

— Then we’ll be in Singapore — her father smiled — Lewis will be ours.

It was only then she’d realized what she’d agreed to — going to a Formula 1 race.

“Shit”, she thought, picking up her wine glass and taking a big swig.

#wlffog #toto wolff #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter thirty-two — empty apologies

➝ some wounds are too deep for simple dressings.

➝ word count: 3,9k

➝ warnings: none

DECEMBER, 2016

The elevator in Niki and Marlene's building was more full than it usually was when Elisabeth came to visit. This time, she had Toto, Rosi, and Ben in tow. The kids were talking animatedly, something about how they were looking forward to their upcoming ski trip with their mother after the holidays were over. Elisabeth was leaning against Toto, both of them with bags in their hands, stuffed with gifts and a few bottles of wine.

She couldn't help but feel something strange inside her chest. There had been many times that she had come to Niki and Marlene’s by herself, riding up the small elevator in silence.

However, since the first time she and Toto kissed, going to her parents' house felt like letting a bull loose in a China shop. She felt like a bull, clumsy and thrashing, waiting for everything to come crashing down around her. All of the Christmas and birthday dinners she’d been to since then turned into tests of composure, especially if the subject turned to the man she loved. Discretion was the rule and she dared not break it.

However, her game of hide and seek was over. Their relationship had become public. Of course, the first few months were tricky with having to deal with the press all over them. With time, Toto's support, and sessions with Alma, her therapist, Elisabeth began to feel less uncomfortable with the comments and attention she’d received. 

Proof of this was an interview that Niki and Elisabeth did with Sky Sports. After Ted Kravitz had asked about several topics, Toto’s name came up in conversation, which made Elisabeth’s stomach churn from nerves.

— That the partnership of the three of you led Mercedes to success is no secret. But, one question I can't help but ask the two of you is whether  or not the dynamic between you has changed after… well, two-thirds of this trio decided to take a step forward in their relationship.

— The question is for you, Elisabeth — her father murmured, making her laugh.

— Okay, sure. I don’t think the dynamic has changed much. There is still room for disagreement and debate between the three of us, and, in the end, I am at Mercedes representing my father's interests, not necessarily Toto’s interests or even my own. We still try to keep things respectful and to keep an open dialogue between all parties. 

— The difference is that you have more ways of dialoguing with Toto than I do, don't you? — Niki said with a smirk, making Ted laugh. Elisabeth felt her cheeks heat up as a shy smile appeared on her face.

— Can you confirm, Elisabeth?

— I don’t mix business with pleasure, Ted. In matters of business, I only use my words.

— If they're the same as your mother's, poor him.

The memory made her look up at Toto, standing beside her. He seemed lost in his own thoughts, his brown eyes not really focused on anything. Then, he looked down at her.

— Is everything okay? — Toto whispered.

— Everything is perfect — she replied, smiling. Toto kissed her on the forehead.

The elevator door slid open a few seconds later, and the four of them stepped out into the hallway in front of her parents' apartment. After ringing the bell and waiting a few minutes, the door opened. Marlene and Lenny greeted them, accompanied by Shivas and Felix at their heels.

— Tante! — Lenny shouted, running past Marlene towards Elisabeth, hugging her legs tightly. Behind him came the dogs, barking loudly and wagging their tails, walking around everyone at the apartment door, sniffing them.

Elisabeth handed the bag she was holding to Ben and bent to pick her nephew up, hugging him and kissing his cheek tenderly.

— Mausi! How I missed you! — Elisabeth said.

— I missed you more — he replied, tightening his little arms around her neck. And she didn't doubt that statement, considering her presence had always been big in Lenny's life. She was his only aunt, as Claire had no sisters, and was one of the people he had the most contact with. Not seeing him for months on end was heartbreaking for Elisabeth and she couldn't imagine what it had been like for him.

— I doubt it — she said, kissing his hair. “Jesus, he's getting heavy”, Elisabeth thought, as she patted him twice on the back, signaling that she was going to put him back on the ground — Have you said hi to your Onkel yet?

Then, the boy seemed to notice Toto's presence, a wide smile taking over his little face.

— Hi, Onkel Toto — he said, throwing himself at the legs of the team principal, who asked Elisabeth for help with the bags she was holding to pick Lenny up.

— Good evening, young man, how are you?

— I'm fine. I'm helping Oma in the kitchen.

— You and Eli, right? — Marlene said, running a hand through the boy's blond curls.

— Eli's in the kitchen too, but he's too little to help — Lenny said, making everyone there laugh — He’s just eating the raspberries mommy crushed for him and he's still making a mess.

— And you don't make a mess, Mausi?

— No, Tante, I'm a very good cook, aren't I, Oma?

— The best cook in the family — Marlene answered her grandson, smiling, as Toto ran a hand through the boy's light hair. Then his eyes found the two teenagers who were there, distracted by the family dogs.

— Who are they? — Lenny asked, pointing at the two of them.

— Ah — Elisabeth smiled — They are Benedict and Rosi, Onkel Toto's children. Ben, Rosi, this is Lennon, my oldest nephew.

The two smiled, waving at the boy. He stared at them with his pale eyes before shyly waving back. Their first meeting was not what she had imagined, but it was still fantastic for Elisabeth to see the two spheres of her life finally together, interacting.

— Well, I guess we can go in, can't we? — Marlene said, while Toto put Lennon on the ground — Nobody wants to be cold out here and by the fireplace it's very cozy, isn't it, Lenny?

— Yes, Oma! Come in, Tante! — the little boy said, tugging on Elisabeth's coat. It was up to her to laugh and give in to her nephew's requests.

After everyone came in from the entryway, leaving their shoes and coats behind, they headed to the living room, where Lukas, Niki and Mathias were. Shivas and Felix had already trotted in to take their places back in front of the fireplace. Lenny came skipping along with Elisabeth at his heels, shouting to everyone that his aunt had arrived.

As Niki and Lukas immediately got up to hug her, she noticed that Mathias hesitated for a few seconds, as if thinking of the best way to greet her. In the end, as she approached him, her brother merely held out his hand for her to shake.

— Good evening, Elisabeth — he said, his voice oddly formal.

— Good evening — she replied. She didn’t have long to feel awkward about it, as her attention was drawn back to her nephew, who was pulling her hand insistently.

— Come see Elli, Tante! Come — he exclaimed, clutching at her fingers.

— I'll be right there darling, just let me talk to Onkel Toto first, okay? — Elisabeth replied, before turning to Toto, who was already talking animatedly with her father. As she approached the two of them he smiled at her.

— Need something, Liesl? — he asked.

— I just wanted to bring the wine into the kitchen.

He handed the bags he was still holding carefully to her, resting his hand on her waist next.

— Do you need help in there?

— No, dear — she replied — Mom and Claire must have everything under control. Besides, considering what happened at Ben's birthday dinner, I think you better stay away from sharp objects.

Toto chuckled, before leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. Turning her back to go into the kitchen, she caught a glimpse of Rosi. She was sitting on the couch watching Ben and Lukas talk about Shivas, a slightly bored expression on her face. “I can't leave her there”, Elisabeth thought.

— Rosi, do you want to come into the kitchen with me? — she asked the girl. Rosi smiled shyly at her. 

— Yes — she replied, getting up and following Elisabeth and Lenny into the apartment's kitchen.

The kitchen was chaotic. There were platters, plates, and bowls strewn about, pots steaming on the stove, and something that smelled delicious baking in the oven. On the countertop by the sink, Marlene was stirring something in a pan. At the table, Claire was trying to finish cutting up some cabbage, and a little boy with raspberries smeared all over his face was bouncing next to her in a high chair.

— Elisabeth! — her sister-in-law exclaimed, getting up to give her a hug — How are you?

— I'm fine — she smiled — And you?

— Tired but fine — Claire said — Nobody said raising two kids would be easy, but thank God Eli is a real angel.

— I hear those are the worst when they grow up — Marlene muttered, making them both laugh.

— Don't talk like that, Ellison will be very well behaved.

— I'm well behaved too, aren't I, Tante? — Lenny asked. Elisabeth patted her nephew on the head.

— Of course you are, Mausi. You're very well behaved — she smiled at her nephew.

— I know this conversation is riveting — Marlene butted in, putting a dish towel on her shoulder — But I need to finish dinner sometime tonight. Can you help me, Elschen?

— Of course — Elisabeth said. She strode over to her mother and picked up the pot of boiled potatoes from the sink. However, as she turned around, she noticed that Rosi was standing in the corner, looking a little out of place — Rosi, do you want to help too?

The girl nodded. Soon Marlene assigned a task to her, who was responsible for the sauce of the dumplings that would be made with the potatoes that Elisabeth would mash.

With four more helping hands in the kitchen, it wasn't long before the family's Christmas dinner was ready. Soon, the dumplings prepared by Rosi and Elisabeth were on the table, along with the traditional roast goose, Claire’s coleslaw. It fell to Lenny to get everyone to settle into chairs for the meal. It was delicious, according to him.

After the whole family was seated, glasses poured with wine, juice and water, Niki stood at the end of the table and cleared her throat as a way of attracting attention. Soon, everyone was silent, attentive to what he would say.

— You know I'm not a speech-making man. In fact, I hate giving speeches. But, I have a few things to talk about and I'm going to take advantage of this moment when everyone is gathered for this, if you don't mind.

— I won't mind if you don't take too long, I'm hungry — Lukas said. Everyone at the table chuckled.

— I won't be long, Lukas, don't worry — Niki said, before continuing — Well, first I wanted to say how happy I am to have you all here. Marlene and I have always worked very hard to keep some traditions alive in this family, and the fact that we are still able to get together at Christmas is something that makes me particularly happy.

He paused for a second before continuing.

— Second, I'd like to point out how much this family has grown since the last time we were all together. At the rate we're at, we're going to have to buy a much bigger table for next year — Niki said, eliciting new laughter — Jokes aside, I've always wanted a big family and, after everything I've been through in this life, looking at all of you, I think I did pretty well for a half-dead man. I have an amazing wife, three wonderful children, an adorable daughter-in-law, and a somewhat stupid but still extremely competent son-in-law.

The good-natured mention of Toto had Elisabeth shooting a look at him, who was running a hand through his hair, nodding at Niki. Taking his free hand, their gazes met, a smile tugging at his lips.

— What about me, Opa? — Lenny asked, making everyone at the table laugh.

— How could I forget about you, Lennon? I also have wonderful grandchildren, who bring me great joy and pride. Of course, the number increased a little more than expected, since in addition to Ellison, Elisabeth also gave me two grandchildren who, despite not being of my blood, have all my affection since the first time I saw them.

Looking to the side, Elisabeth noticed that Rosi was looking at her lap and blushing, and looked like she was trying not to cry. Elisabeth took the girl’s hand in hers, giving it an affectionate squeeze. They never had the opportunity to meet the paternal grandfather as he was stolen by a cruel disease long before they were born. However, as fate would have it, they found that in Niki, who was as tender and affectionate to them as he was to his grandchildren by blood, who didn't hesitate to give his opinions and who was there to offer all the support they needed.

— But, I didn't want to talk about the good stuff. I really wanted to talk about the difficulties we face this year. These last few months have been very challenging for all of us, I have no doubt. But, I believe that it is in the worst moments that we find out who really loves us — he said — And the love I am referring to is not the one expressed in an 'I love you', a kiss or a hug. It's the one that's in a simple message asking how the other is doing or even in the eyes when you see the one you love. And this love, my dear ones, is priceless.

Elisabeth hesitated for a few seconds before looking up at Mathias, who was staring at her, an unreadable expression on her face. She knew her father was talking about the two of them and their shattered relationship. He had hurt her deeply with his words and actions, especially during their fight at Lennon's birthday party, when she had been called the lowest possible words simply for being in love with someone he didn't think was right for her.

— Therefore, I invite you to toast love with me. May he lead our family in this coming year. May he be the only feeling that is cultivated among all of us who are here. And may he be the strength that leads us towards even better days.

Raising her wine glass, Elisabeth just smiled at her father, while the sound of crystals touching sounded through the environment. After taking a sip, she looked at Mathias again. He continued to look at her, but at that moment, Elisabeth could see guilt in his eyes.

The family dinner was peaceful. Between conversations about Nico's retirement, the next trips to Ibiza and the anxiety of the dogs at their feet, waiting for crumbs to fall to the floor. However, the feeling of something heavy inside Elisabeth's chest continued, even with all the breathing techniques she had learned in therapy.

— Liesl, are you okay? — Toto whispered beside her, taking her fingers in his. She looked at him and smiled.

— Yes, I’m okay, dear — Elisabeth replied, picking up her glass of water and taking a sip. Toto kissed her hand and went back to his dinner, while she kept thinking about her father's words about love.

Elisabeth had never stopped loving Mathias, not even after he had called her a slut and thrown her and the man she loved out of his house. Mathias may have many faults, but he was a man who was true to his own values and opinions, something Elisabeth admired, in a way. Their bond had always been strong, through all the mishaps and disagreements, and it had never been tested until that damned Saturday in Spa.

After everyone finished eating, Elisabeth took it upon herself to take the dishes back to the kitchen and organize them in the dishwasher. There was something about the process that calmed her down, and she used the time alone to think. Occasionally, she was seized by some sort of mania about organization, and it had led to a few arguments with Toto. When it happened, Elisabeth decided to reorganize some room, drawer or space in the closet that belonged to him, and then he couldn’t find anything afterward.

She was trapped in her own thoughts about possibly rearranging the books in her Oxford office into alphabetical order, and jumped when she heard someone clear their throat behind her.

— Can we talk? — Mathias asked seriously.

Elisabeth hesitated for a second as she held a glass dish in her hand. It felt like deja-vu, just like the situation that had happened after Benedict's birthday. However, there was something in her brother's expression that didn't convey the same assurance that she had felt when she agreed to talk to Joanna.

Toto's mother had treated her completely differently that night, especially compared to the first time they had met. There was much more respect and even a certain affection. But Mathias hadn't shown any change in his attitude towards her and Toto. That was what scared her the most, especially because of Benedict and Rosi.

— I don't know if we have something to talk about — Elisabeth replied softly, placing the platter inside the dishwasher.

— Yes, we do, Elschen — he said — We have a lot to talk about.

Hearing him call her by her nickname made something clench inside her chest. It had been a long time since he'd last referred to her that way, and even though his voice didn't carry the same warmth as before, Elisabeth had missed it.

Looking back at her brother, she crossed her arms.

— Well, start talking, then.

Mathias pressed his lips together hesitantly. Then he said something Elisabeth didn't expect.

— I wanted to apologize to you, Elschen.

She blinked.

— Apologize?

— Yes.

— Why?

He sighed.

— Because I'm a shit brother. I was selfish with you, with dad, with our entire family. All because I couldn't accept that you also have the right to make your choices, no matter what they are, and to be respected for them, the same way Lukas and I were.

Elisabeth glared at him.

—Why couldn't you respect my choices? — she asked, dryly.

— Because I thought you were doing the wrong thing. I thought dad would be mad at you and I wanted to, I don’t know, protect you from his anger, because I already felt his anger. I didn't want you to be sad, or for him to be sad, either — her brother said, running a hand through his hair.

— So, you thought the best thing to do would be to blackmail me?

— I was trying to convince you that what you were doing was crazy. I had no idea that the relationship between the two of you was already so… Entrenched. I thought it was just an affair, just a physical thing, and that’s it. I really didn't think there was love involved. And I found out there was love involved when Toto walked into my office at Lenny's party.

— After you called me a slut, a cunt, a bitch, and a whore, you mean?

— I apologize for that too, Elschen. You are none of those things, quite the contrary. I've always been, and I'm still proud to have you as a sister. And nothing will change that inside of me.

— The way you've treated me these last few months, it didn't seem like you were proud of me. Actually, you made it pretty clear that you were disgusted with me — she muttered.

— Fuck, Elschen, can't you just see my side of this?

— Can you see mine? — Elisabeth countered — I was doing everything to keep my relationship with Toto protected, not just for us, but for the sake of his children. I didn't want to bring media attention to us and therefore them because I know how cruel the media can be.

— I know that too, Elisabeth.

— No, you don’t! — she continued, her voice rising — You don't know what it’s like because most press about you just relates to your driving. You’ve never had to read in a magazine that you're fat, that you're not graceful like your mother, that you're an ugly fucking duckling. You never had to hide during recess at school because you're a fucking joke to everyone.

Mathias blinked, a little shocked.

— I did what I did, I lied, I made excuses, I deceived everyone because I wanted to protect the people I loved. I wanted to protect Toto, his kids, mom and dad, you and Lukas. I did all this juggling for you, and when I needed you, you buried a knife in my back.

— Elschen…

— I really wish I could forgive you right now, Mathias. I really want to look at you and tell you that it’s fine and that I want to take our relationship back to where we were, but I can't. It's not like you don't really know me and you're acting on the wrong first impression. You've known me since the day I was born, Mathias. You know exactly how I am, what I think, and my weaknesses, and you used them against me.

Her brother swallowed hard, not saying a word.

— You always knew that I love dad more than anything in the world and that I’d never do anything to hurt him. The first thing you did after the shit that happened with my Instagram was tell him. You went to send a fucking audio saying that you were at dad's disposal to solve my situation the easy or the hard way.

— Did you hear the audio?

Niki played the audio for her and Toto during his first dinner with Niki and Marlene as her boyfriend. The anger in Mathias' voice, and the harsh words stuck in Elisabeth's mind, even though Niki seemed to think it was funny.

— Yes. And be honest, what did you think you were going to do to solve my situation together with dad? Would you go all the way to Oxford and drag me out of my house by the hair? Would you try to kill Toto? Or both of us?

— I thought I'd talk to you two — he murmured.

— Like you talked to me in Spa? I'm sorry, Mathias, but I don’t believe a word you say.

— Elisabeth…

She ran a hand over her face. She wanted to end this conversation.

— Look, Mathias, I only have one thing to say to you — Elisabeth said — Some things never change. You will forever be my brother and I will always love you. However, I can't pretend that you didn't hurt me with the worst possible weapon, which is the love I feel for our father. You destroyed my trust in you.

— I already asked…

— An apology doesn't change the past, Mathias — Elisabeth cut him off — An apology is like tearing a page out of a notebook after having written a wrong word with a pen. And, I'm sorry, but it's too soon for me to tear out the page you've scribbled through.

He stared at her in silence, absorbing what she had just said. Turning to the dishwasher, she loaded some more silverware and closed the door, pressing a button to start the cycle. Then, with her head high and her heart sinking, Elisabeth looked at her brother.

— Excuse me — she said, solemnly, before leaving the kitchen, as well as Mathias, behind.

#toto wolff #toto wolff fluff #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 x oc #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #wlffog #formula 1 x oc #natsversion #niki lauda #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter twenty-five — edvard

➝ an intimate moment between elisabeth and toto goes public. they decide they need to have a serious talk with niki.

➝ word count: 6k

➝ warnings: smut

MAY, 2016

Elisabeth absentmindedly tapped her fingers against the half-empty cup of espresso. The three-pointed star made from cocoa powder in the froth was now misshapen and distorted. She had already eaten breakfast at the Hôtel de Paris, where she was staying for the race weekend. However, she could never resist having one of Barbara's meticulously prepared espressos.

As she sipped the rest of her drink, she watched the yachts moored in the marina, gently swaying in the waves and sun. Elisabeth wasn't generally a fan of race weekends in Monaco because of the hustle and bustle, however, she couldn't deny that the place had a charm and beauty that she couldn't explain. She was fairly certain that her opinion of the little piece of land squeezed between France and the sea had been influenced by the fact that it had been the setting for some of the most important moments in her history with Toto.

It was there that she had celebrated the first victory of the new phase of the team, under his and her father’s command. It was there that she’d thought she had lost him forever. It was there that she had summoned the courage to face her fear of the public in order to impress him.

Monaco would always be special.

Elisabeth downed the rest of her coffee in one gulp and heard commotion coming from the entrance of the motorhome. Setting the cup down on the pale wood table, she realized from the clicks of the cameras and cries for a statement that someone important must be arriving in the motorhome. Considering she was in Monaco, it wouldn't surprise her if the visitor was a super model or a famous football player.

However, it was a familiar face that came into the hospitality area — the first face she’d seen when she woke up that morning. Toto burst into the hospitality area with Bradley, the team’s director of communications, hot on his heels. It didn't take her more than a second to realize that he wasn't at all happy about the crowd of photographers and journalists he’d had to fight his way through.

The current season was shaping up to be a bit different from previous ones. Before, the rivalry between Nico and Lewis was under control. This year, however, both drivers seemed determined to make the lives of everyone on the team a living hell.

As if the W07's reliability issues and the organizational changes carried out in the garage weren't enough, Nico was deeply committed to not falling behind Lewis for the third year in a row, while Lewis would never give up fighting for the title as long as he had the chance. It was a recipe for disaster.

Niki and Toto both noticed that there was something different between the two drivers and tried to intervene as soon as possible. There were numerous meetings with both of them, all with the aim of calming down the tensions between them and trying to keep them focused on a common objective, which was the team's success. 

When Elisabeth saw Nico lose control of the car and crash into Lewis at the third turn of the Spanish Grand Prix, she knew that they had reached a point of no return.

She had never seen Toto as angry as he was that day, to the point of almost getting into a fight with one of his drivers. After Lewis and Nico returned to the garage, he spent ten minutes yelling at them, with the entire team as witness. As if the situation wasn't tense enough, Nico thought it would be a good idea to give a wry answer to one of Toto's questions. It was enough for the team principal to lunge at the German.

— No, Torger — Elisabeth said softly, putting herself between him and Nico, hands flat on his chest, pushing him back slightly, a suggestion for him to back off — Take a deep breath. Calm down. It’s not worth it.

The effect of her words on Toto was almost immediate, and it didn't go unnoticed by her father.

— I wish I had your influence over him — Niki laughed, as they drove back to their hotel near Barcelona's Port Olimpic.

Watching Toto walk with heavy steps towards the stairs that led to the upper floor, she started to wonder what the press outside had asked to have made him so upset. However, Elisabeth was pulled from her thoughts when she heard someone calling her name. When she met the team principal's eyes, she didn't even have a chance to answer before he nodded quickly, indicating for her to follow him.

She got up and followed him up the stairs to his office, behind a frosted glass door. Toto held the door open for her and Bradley to enter. His office inside the motorhome was a cramped cubicle, with only a desk, an office chair, an armchair, and a small table in the corner.

There were two long shelves on the wall, decorated with potted plants, awards, some framed photos of the team, photos of the kids, and a photo of him with her and her dad. She stared at the group picture of the team taken the day they’d won the first Constructors’ title, and it took her a while to realize that the communications director was talking.

— Toto, I don't understand, why did you bring Elisabeth here with us? — he questioned.

— I need her opinion, Bradley.

— About what? — she asked, curious.

The team principal rubbed his face, sighing.

— Can you explain the situation to her? — Toto asked.

Bradley took his phone out of the pocket of his khakis.

— Well, Elisabeth, last night I got some emails from a few Austrian magazines and newspapers asking for official statements about some photos that had started to circulate…

She felt her hands go cold.

— Which pictures? — Elisabeth asked. She was surprised by how shaky her voice sounded.

— These pictures — Bradley said, handing her his phone.

The first image was a close-up shot of Toto walking on the deck of a boat. He didn’t have a shirt on, drops of water running down his body indicating that he had just come out of the sea. In the next image, he had a wide smile on his face and was accompanied by a woman who was laying on a futon, her back to the camera.

However, it was the third photo that had her stomach threatening to bring up her breakfast. Sitting with his back to the camera, Toto had the woman on his lap, while she had her head pressed into shoulder, as if she were marking the white skin with her lips, her hair covering her face.

— What are they asking? — she questioned.

— These are the first images of Toto with another woman since breaking up with Aurélie Droz, and there’s some speculation about who she could be, since the photos don't show her face.

Elisabeth looked at Toto, a lump forming in her throat.

— What did they ask you in the emails?

— If Toto has anything to say on the matter — Bradley replied — I've recommended that he make a statement that he won't comment on his personal life.

The team principal looked at her, an anxious expression on his face.

— What do we do? — he asked her.

— I don't know — Elisabeth whispered, her voice still tense and shaky.

Keeping the relationship out of the public eye and hidden from her father had taken a lot of effort from them. There had been countless excuses they'd come up with for their families and friends so they wouldn't discover that their friendliness toward each other was hiding something deeper.

She knew that, someday, her and Toto would have to face the consequences of the choice they had made that night in Sochi, but Elisabeth was hoping to be able to do it on her own terms, in her own time — not because the paparazzi had photographed her in a private moment with him.

However, the damage was done, at least for Bradley, who was staring at them. It finally dawned on him why Toto had requested her presence.

— It's you — he stammered, looking a little shocked.

Elisabeth looked at Bradley, a nervous smile on her lips. There was no point in denying it, especially when he had pictures of her straddling Toto's lap on his cell phone.

— Since when?

— 2014 — Toto muttered, glancing at the communications director.

— And you are…

— Together, yes — she said, trying to focus on the conversation and not on all the catastrophic possibilities that crossed her mind.

— Secretly, I assume.

Elisabeth nodded again.

Bradley stared at the photo on his phone screen for a few seconds, seeming to absorb the news. He turned his head toward the shelves, his eyes finding something that made him look back at her.

— Does Niki know?

She took a deep breath. Elisabeth knew he would ask that.

— No, he doesn't and I — she stopped, looking quickly at Toto — Well, we would like to keep it that way for the time being.

The communications director blinked.

— Elisabeth, you know I don't have the power to stop those photos from going around...

— No, I'm not talking about the pictures. I’m talking about you, Bradley. If you can keep this confidential, I would be very grateful. Not just me, but Toto as well.

Bradley looked back and forth between her and the team principal, as if he was trying to figure out if they were trying to convey the same message. The seconds of silence dragged on slowly, tension building with every movement of the communications director's eyes.

— It's okay, Elisabeth, I won’t say anything — he said, making her feel a bit of relief in the midst of all the agony that was settling in her chest.

— Thank you — she said softly, giving Bradley a grateful smile.

— What should I do regarding the emails asking for statements, though?

She turned to look at Toto, who was leaning against the pale wooden desk with his arms crossed over his chest. His dark eyes were glued to the floor, the concentration on his face indicating that he was considering the options and the risks that each one involved, like the good investor he was.

— We'll go along with your suggestion, Bradley — he said, finally, looking up at her, as if seeking her consent — It’s a simple and straightforward statement. I'm not discussing my personal life.

The communications director nodded, typing something into his phone before tucking it back into his pocket.

— Well, I'll try to handle the crowd outside — he said, heading towards the office door — You can relax.

She gave him a shy smile.

— Thanks, Bradley.

— I'm just doing my job, it’s no trouble — he replied, leaving the room. 

Elisabeth and Toto were alone.

The inside of the office sank into sepulchral silence. Toto was still leaning against the table, staring into space again. Her heart was still beating heavily in her chest. It felt like she was finally realizing the gravity of the situation they were in.

— Fuck — Elisabeth whispered, feeling her throat tighten again, her eyes filling with tears. She replayed the day before in her head, trying to understand where they had gone wrong, when they had been so careless.

She didn't want to leave the hotel that Friday in the first place. With fatigue taking over her body and two intense days ahead, her plan was to take advantage of the free day to disconnect from the hustle of a race weekend for a few hours. However, Toto had other plans for them.

— I thought you wanted to marathon 'The Godfather' with me — Elisabeth muttered, a little annoyed.

— Your offer is tempting, but mine is one you can't refuse — he replied, the Vito Corleone quote making her smile.

— E qual è la tua offerta, Don Toto Wolff? — she asked in clumsy Italian, reminiscent of the years she lived in Modena while her father worked as a consultant at Ferrari.

— My offer is a surprise.

— A surprise?

— Yes, a surprise — he said, a mischievous smile on his face.

— What kind of surprise? — she asked, her fingers caressing his cheek.

Toto laughed.

— If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.

Elisabeth sighed. “Well, he has a point”, she thought.

— And where is this… Surprise?

— Well…

— Don’t tell me it's in your suitcase like this one was  — she said, lifting her right hand, where the ring he'd given her the day she signed the Amira Air contract was nestled. The diamonds sparkled in the soft sunlight that entered the room through the balcony curtains.

— It's not in my suitcase — Toto said, lacing his fingers through hers — I don't think it would fit.

The hint made Elisabeth raise her eyebrows.

— It wouldn’t fit?

— No — he whispered, smiling.

— So, if it's not in your suitcase, where is it?

— Get dressed and I'll show you.

She placed a tender kiss on his lips before getting out of bed and going to her luggage, looking for something to wear. However, as she took the jeans out of the suitcase, Elisabeth heard a laugh behind her back.

— What's the problem? — she turned to face Toto, finding him sitting on the bed, a smirk on his face.

— I don't think this is the best choice for where we're going — he replied.

— Any suggestions on what would be better?

— That bikini of yours would be nice.

— Which one? — Elisabeth raised her eyebrows again.

— The black one. You look beautiful in it.

With flushed cheeks and a smile on her face, she found the bathing suit Toto had mentioned and went to the bathroom to change. Elisabeth put on a light white linen dress over top of the swimsuit, and put a pair of sunglasses on while taking one last look in the mirror before turning back to Toto. He was in the process of pulling a white t-shirt over his navy blue shorts.

— How’s this? Good? — she asked.

— Perfect — he smiled.

They left the Hôtel de Paris through different entrances, getting into the car Toto had rented for the weekend — a black Mercedes-AMG S500 Coupe with tinted windows. As she settled into the passenger seat, Toto looked over at her and smiled.

— Where to, Miss Lauda? — he asked Elisabeth, his tone formal.

— With you? Wherever you like, Mr. Wolff — she replied, her voice thick with certainty. It didn't matter where he wanted to go, whether it was Oxford, Vienna, Monaco, or even hell — she was willing to go with him.

Driving through the narrow streets of the Principality, Toto took her away from the crush of race team employees, celebrities, fans, and journalists who were crowding downtown Monte-Carlo. When she saw signs indicating that they were approaching the French border, she couldn't stop a question from escaping her lips.

— Are we getting close?

— Yes — he replied, carefully going around a roundabout to enter a narrow alley. A few meters later, the team principal parked the car in a tight space along the sidewalk, near a marina. 

As he switched off the car’s ignition, he looked at Elisabeth with a smile.

— We’re here. Shall we?

After a short walk along the pier, where boats of different sizes and levels of luxury were moored, Toto stopped in front of one of them. As she took a closer look at the white yacht, she noticed an Austrian flag attached to the top canopy, flapping in the ocean breeze.

— Toto…

— Yes?

— Is this your boat?

— Well… I would prefer to say that it’s our boat.

Elisabeth looked at him, eyes wide.

— Did you buy a boat?

— Yes, I did.

— Why?

— Because I saw how much you enjoyed sailing with the kids in Porto Cervo. You were so happy that day, I thought it was a good idea to have a boat of our own, so we can sail whenever we want.

She cracked a wide smile as she looked at the vessel. It was smaller than many of the other yachts in the harbor, but it was elegant, with clean lines and light-toned decor. As she took a few steps along the dock, she glanced at the side of the boat, where there was a single word written in elegant handwriting.

— ‘Edvard’?

— Yes.

— Did you choose that name?

— Yes. The previous name was something in an aboriginal language from Australia, I think. It was nice, but for us, it didn’t mean anything. I wanted to give it a name that meant something to us.

— So you chose the name of the restaurant where we first met?

— Exactly — Toto said with a smile, placing his hands on her waist, his eyes scanning her expression — What do you think?

Elisabeth paused for a few seconds, searching for the right words. It was one thing to get a dress or a ring chosen by Toto, but to get a boat named after the restaurant where they had met was quite another. It was unique, just like him.

— It's wonderful — she stammered, bringing her hands up to his face — You're wonderful, Toto Wolff.

— I try to be — he replied with a smug smile, before capturing her lips in a slow, gentle kiss, one capable of making her melt in his arms, completely inebriated by the love she felt for him. It was deliciously intoxicating and she wanted more, always more.

After a few seconds, she pulled her face away from his, looking at him with a smile.

— I love you, my dear.

— I love you too, baby — Toto replied, kissing her forehead — Shall we set sail?

Elisabeth nodded, and the team principal loosened the vessel’s mooring rope from the dock tie. He took her hand and helped her step carefully onto the yacht. Crossing the deck towards the cockpit, she couldn’t help but feel a little tense as she saw Toto sitting at the helm.

— Do you know how to pilot a yacht?

— I do — he said, pressing some buttons and fiddling with some levers. It didn't take long for the engine to roar to life below them.

— Do you really? — she asked, putting her hands on his shoulders.

— Do you think I'd buy a boat without knowing how to pilot it, Elisabeth? — Toto asked, slowly maneuvering the yacht out of its slip and out of the marina. She leaned in, bringing her face closer to his.

— Never, Captain Wolff — she whispered, kissing Toto on the cheek.

Leaving the docks behind, she stood alongside him as they sailed along the coast, exchanging laughs and knowing looks. They had left behind the cameras and prying eyes, and it felt like they could step out of the roles of “just coworkers” they played and assume their true places in each other's lives, if only for a few hours. In a way, doing it outside the walls of their Oxford house and of their penthouse walls in Vienna was liberating.

As Port Hercule came into view, Toto began to slow the yacht down. Elisabeth was practically mesmerized by the sight of the crowded vessels and left her spot at his side to walk across the deck, towards the futon that sat at the stern. She sat down, settling herself amongst the blue, green, and turquoise cushions, and heard the boat's engine turn off, leaving just the sound of the waves lapping against the yacht’s hull. A comforting warmth spread through her chest — she felt like she was finally at peace and could relax.

Elisabeth was so relaxed that she didn't hear Toto drop the vessel’s anchor, or his footsteps right behind her.

— I'm going for a swim, do you want to join me?

She turned around to face him, smiling as she realized that he had already removed his white shirt, leaving his toned torso exposed.

— I'll stay here. I want to get some sun.

— I think you'd better take off that dress of yours — Toto smiled, walking past her, climbing over to the edge of the boat.

— Why?

— Well, you don’t want to get any strange tan lines — he said before jumping gracefully into the sea, splashing water onto the deck.

Smiling, Elisabeth took off the dress she was wearing as a coverup, tossing the fabric into a corner of the futon before settling back into the cushions. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sun. The high, wheeling calls of shorebirds and the motion of the waves gently rocking the vessel was lulling her into a state of deep relaxation.

She had no idea how much time she spent laying there, enjoying the kiss of the warm sun on her skin and the cool breeze that kept her from getting too hot. However, she was almost dozing when she felt something cold fall into her belly. A drop of water. Elisabeth grumbled a little as she ran her hand over her warm skin, trying to dry it off. But then another came. And another. Each one made her skin crawl a bit from the chill.

Opening her eyes, Elisabeth discovered the source of the cold water that was dripping onto her. Sitting next to her, Toto had his wet hand stretched out over her body, wiggling his fingers to make droplets fall onto her skin.

— Toto — she growled, running a hand over her abdomen, trying to dry herself off.

— What, Liesl? — he purred, teasing her.

— Could you stop? — Elisabeth asked through gritted teeth, a shiver running through her body after more water dripped onto her.

— Stop what?

— Stop getting me wet.

He chuckled as he placed a cool, wet hand on her stomach.

— I'm just bringing the sea to you, baby — Toto replied, his thumb caressing her skin.

She sat up on the futon and felt the last drops of salt water that had fallen over her body slide down to the bottom of her bikini.

— If I'd wanted to get wet, I'd have gone with you, Mr. Wolff — she said, trying to ignore the goosebumps erupting over her belly.

Toto smiled smugly as he looked down at her.

— Well, there are lots of ways to get wet out here — he whispered, as he bent down, taking her lips in a soft, salt-flavored kiss. The slow exploration Elisabeth made with her tongue was accompanied by her fingers as they slid along Toto's arms, feeling the muscles move beneath the wet skin.

Before she knew it, Toto had his hands around her waist as he sat down on the futon, maneuvering her body so that Elisabeth was with one knee on either side of his leg, straddling him. His hands roamed down the curve of her ass and he gave her a less-than-gentle squeeze that had her moaning against his lips, heat coursing through her body toward her pussy, wetness pooling between her legs. The power he held over her never failed to impress her.

— Toto — she stammered, her nails gently raking over the back of his neck.

— Yeah?

— Did you buy a boat just for this?

He turned his face away slightly, confusion clear in his eyes.

— Just for what?

— To fuck me on it — Elisabeth whispered, the word sounding even dirtier coming out of her mouth.

A mischievous smile broke out on his face.

— Oh, you like that idea, don't you? — Toto asked, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

She bit her bottom lip.

— I don't think so — she said softly, feeling his fingers caressing her skin.

— You don’t?

— It rocks too much — Elisabeth replied, trying to mask the excitement in her voice.

Without saying a word, Toto brought one of the hands that was on her thigh to the bottom of her bikini. As he pushed the black fabric aside, his fingertips slipped into her folds, finding that she was already wet. A gasp escaped her lips as his fingers sent a surge of electricity through her body.

— I think your body disagrees — he said, his tone husky and sensual.

Elisabeth wanted to sass him a bit. She wanted to give Toto a response that would get him to give her one of his scolding looks, maybe a smack to her ass. She wanted him to whisper that good girls don’t talk like that. But, with his fingers at her pussy, she couldn't think of anything other than the delicious feeling that his touch was giving her. Elisabeth wanted more.

She tried to lower her hips, moving in search of more friction. However, he moved his fingers away from where she wanted them. Elisabeth looked up and found Toto with a smirk on his face, the kind of smirk that could only mean one thing.

He wanted to see her beg.

— What do you want, baby? — Toto asked, lifting his middle finger a bit to lightly brush her clit. The sensation made her gasp, eyelids fluttering.

— Toto — she stammered, trying to move against his hand. It was to no avail, as he pulled away again. A groan of protest escaped her throat. He was provoking her.

— I asked you a question, Liesl — he whispered, his brown eyes analyzing every detail of her face, taking in how she was responding to him. 

— You, I want you — Elisabeth said in a thin voice.

He smiled.

— You need to be more specific, Elisabeth — Toto said, causing her to whine a little — There are so many ways you can want me…

— Please — she said, pressing her lips to his, as if a kiss from her could convince him to give her what she wanted. 

However, Elisabeth was mistaken.

— What do you want, baby? — he whispered, his lips brushing hers — Do you want my cock inside you, filling you to the brim with my cum? Do you want my mouth, sucking your clit until you scream loud enough for all of Monaco to hear? Or do you want my fingers, touching that spot inside of you that only I can reach?

His words made her heart race and a hot sensation surge through her belly. The desire to feel him any way she could was overwhelming, almost painful. 

— Fingers. I want you to use your fingers — Elisabeth managed to say, her hands gripping his shoulders tightly, as if her life depended on it.

— As you wish, my pretty little girl.

As Toto touched her clit again, a wave of heat spread through her body, a groan of relief escaping her lips. His fingers moved in a slow but steady rhythm while her hips moved almost involuntarily, trying to maximize the pleasure she was feeling. Elisabeth started breathing heavily, her heart pounding in her chest. 

— Do you like that? — Toto asked, testing some circular motions with his fingers against her clit. Her response came in the form of a loud groan, which he muffled with his own lips as he kissed her, his fingers slowing considerably. Her moans of pleasure turned into moans of protest.

— Faster — Elisabeth stammered as she pulled her face away from him, her desperation evident in both her voice and the erratic motion of her hips  — Faster.

— Oh, you want me to go faster? — Toto asked her, his brown eyes turning dark.

— Yes, yes, yes — she replied, nodding fervently.

— Funny, I thought you didn't like speed — he chuckled.

— Toto — she whimpered, trying to slide her clit faster against his fingers — Please, please, please.

— Then you'll have to be quiet. Can you do that for me, Liesl?

She gave him another vigorous nod.

— Words, baby.

— Yes — she sighed.

That was the key for him to move his fingers with increasing intensity once more. Elisabeth squeezed her eyes shut. It didn't take long for her thighs to start shaking and she threw her head back, smothering her own moans by pressing her lips together.

— Just like that, Liesl — she heard Toto mutter — You have no idea what a mess you're making of my fingers. So wet. And it’s all for me, isn't it? I’m the only one capable of making you feel this way, aren’t I?

She wanted to answer him. She wanted to tell him how much he turned her on, about the things those long, slender fingers made her fantasize about, simply because of the power he held over her. Toto was the only man she'd been able to completely let her guard down with. He was the only one she felt comfortable enough to shed her fears, apprehensions, and inhibitions with. He was the only one who had managed to disarm her enough to give herself over to him completely, body and soul. Elisabeth had yet to regret it.

— I'm yours — she gasped, before placing her hands on his face and pulling his lips against her in a hot, urgent kiss. His hand was still between her legs, his fingers left her clit and snaked up to her entrance, slowly penetrating her. A moan escaped her lips at the sensation. The sound made Toto smile.

— Are you my pretty little girl?

Leaning her forehead against his, Elisabeth nodded silently, eyes squeezed shut as her hips moved more, trying to get the friction she so desperately needed.

— Does my pretty little girl like to ride my fingers?

— Yes — she groaned.

— Show me how much you like it, baby. Come on my fingers.

His words urged her on to increase her pace, tears building up in her eyes at the effort she was making not to scream with pleasure. She was so wet that his fingers slipped easily inside her, massaging the right spot each time she moved her hips forward.

Her legs were shaking.

Her muscles started to contract.

— I can feel you squeezing me, baby — she heard Toto whisper. His voice sounded far away and muffled now as her pulse started to roar in her ears. Elisabeth felt the delicious pleasure building up in her abdomen, and she was still trying not to scream.

But then, a wave of pleasure ripped through her as she came at last.

Dropping her head forward, her mouth found Toto's shoulder. She sank her teeth into his warm skin, muffling her cries into something like a quiet growl. Elisabeth could feel her whole body shaking, her heart pounding in her chest, ringing in her ears, drowning out all other sounds. Between her legs, she felt Toto's fingers starting to move more deliberately, trying to draw out her orgasm as long as possible.

It took a long time for her to come to her senses. Toto held her in his arms, tenderly, as she came back down to Earth. After a few minutes, Elisabeth felt the sun warm her skin again and the sound of the ocean waves and Toto’s voice in her ear. He had already removed his hand from between her legs. Her orgasm was so intense, so all-consuming that she hadn’t actually noticed him remove it.

— Yes, relax, Liesl — he purred, his hands resting on her hips, caressing them gently — You did so well for me. You managed to keep quiet for me the way I asked you to. You're so amazing, Elisabeth. You deserve to feel good. I love to make you feel good. I love you so much.

Raising her head again was a Herculean task. She felt completely spent from her orgasm. All she felt like she could do was lie there, falling asleep in the sun, but Elisabeth didn't want to close her eyes. Closing her eyes would mean that she wouldn’t be able to look at the man who just had given her another mind-shattering orgasm.

— I love you — she whispered, looking into those chocolate-colored eyes.

— I love you too — he replied, nuzzling his nose against hers.

Nestling her head in the crook of the team principal's neck, she allowed herself to close her eyes and relax, enjoying the lapping of the sea and the seagulls flying over the Mediterranean.

However, the memory of that moment had just been destroyed.

— Elisabeth — Toto said. However, his voice sounded distant, a whisper in the corner of her reeling mind. Questions piled up, faces multiplied, suspicions grew. She just couldn't understand where they went wrong.

— Fuck, fuck, fuck — she repeated. Her voice was loud and clear, now.

Her chest hurt. She felt like she was hyperventilating. Her cheeks were wet.

Suddenly, she felt something warm enveloping her body in a tight embrace.

— Liesl — Toto sighed, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

— We should have never left the hotel, we shouldn’t have, we shouldn’t have — she stammered, as hot tears streamed down her face — We should have stayed in the room, watching a movie and eating pizza, we didn't have to leave…

— Elisabeth — Toto said, his voice stern.

— Now there's a fucking picture of me having sex with you all over the magazines in Austria, do you understand how serious that is? — she turned her face away to look at him. 

His expression was a mix of sadness and resignation.

— No one knows it's you, Liesl.

— But I know! And now everyone's curious who is with you, and they're going to pay more attention to you, and they're going to connect the dots and I...

Toto brought his hands up to her face, directing her to look into his eyes. His hands were gentle, but firm.

— Elisabeth — he said, stiffly, making her fall silent, her bottom lip quivering — When we started our relationship, we knew that, at one point or another, it would go public.

— But…

— Just listen to me, please — Toto said, moving his right thumb to one of the tears that had been standing on her cheek — We were lucky enough to have some time to ourselves outside of the public eye, but I always knew this would, one day, end.

— I didn’t want…

— We can't live in hiding forever, Liesl. It's more comfortable to live without the attention and scrutiny, but to be honest, I was getting tired.

— Tired?

— Yes. I’m tired, Liesl. Tired of not being able to hold your hand when we walk down the street. Tired of not being able to take you out to any new or interesting restaurants. Tired of not being able to share a hotel room during races with you when we literally share a house. Tired of hiding how much I love you every time I look at you.

Elisabeth lowered her head. She couldn’t think of anything to say in response.

— I know you're tired of all this juggling too.

— Honestly, I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore, Toto — she said, eyes staring blankly at the floor of his office.

— My guess is that you’re tired, you’re stressed out, you’re afraid — Toto said. He gave her a sympathetic smile that she couldn’t return.

— Some days I want to shout about how much I love you from the rooftops — she said — But the idea scares the hell out of me.

— Why? — he said, raising an eyebrow.

— Because — she hesitated for a second — I feel like I'm betraying my father.

Toto sighed.

— Liesl, you're not betraying your father. Do you know why?

She shook her head.

— “Because the strength of a family, like the strength of an army, lies in the loyalty each has to the other.”

A smile formed on her lips.

— Quoting 'The Godfather' again?

— Soon, you're going to realize that your loyalty over the years to your father has made your relationship strong enough to withstand any impact. And yes, I’m quoting 'The Godfather,' again — the team principal said, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Elisabeth looked up at him, staring at him in silence for a few seconds. He wasn't wrong — she’d proven her loyalty to her father time and time again. She fought her own feelings for years to avoid even the possibility of hurting him. Would that trust, that loyalty, be broken by something as strong as what she felt for Toto?

— What now? — he asked her.

— What do you mean?

— What do we do?

— Well, I don't know about you. But I…

— Are you going to tell him?

Elisabeth pressed her lips together, clenching her jaw a bit.

— Yes, dear. It's time to tell him.

#toto wolff #toto wolff smut #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #wlffog #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter thirty-one — when the party is over

➝ benedict's birthday dinner had everything to be a happy moment for the family. however, there were still things to settle between elisabeth and joanna.

➝ word count: 4,6k

➝ warnings: description of superficial wound

➝ author notes: happy new year to all of you!

OCTOBER, 2016

Elisabeth sighed in frustration. She was bent over the dishwasher, trying to fit the dishes nicely into the racks. However, it clearly couldn't stand the amount of plates, cutlery, cups, platters and pans that had been used that night.

"It's going to have to be two cycles", she muttered to herself, removing the two pots she had precariously balanced on top of the plates, as well as the three platters and a couple of glasses. Putting the detergent in the dishwasher and pressing a button, she closed the door, and started the wash cycle.

After standing back up, Elisabeth began to place the utensils she had left on top of the counter inside the sink. She was putting some glasses inside one of the platters when she heard some footsteps behind her — footsteps somewhat familiar to her.

— I think we're going to have to buy a new dishwasher if we're going to have dinner parties like this more often, my love — she said, smiling. It was Toto’s habit, whenever she was in the kitchen, whether in Vienna or Oxford. He always walked up behind her, wrapped his hands around her waist, and placed a kiss right on the curve of her neck, before resting his chin on her shoulder to watch whatever it was she was doing. Elisabeth thought it was adorable, and had become comforting at that point.

However, the footsteps stopped before she felt Toto’s hands wrapping around her body, which she found strange. It was the silence that followed that made her turn around.

— Is there a problem, Toto? — Elisabeth asked, only to be met with a familiar pair of brown eyes, but not the ones she liked so much.

It was Joanna standing in front of her instead.

Toto's mother.

— Well, I'm not Toto, but I do believe I have a problem. Actually, we have a problem — the woman spoke, in a measured, almost careful tone — Can we talk?

She swallowed hard, not knowing how to answer that question.

Elisabeth didn't know how to answer almost any question Joanna asked that night. However, she had struggled to come up with a polite and cordial response to the woman who had called her a whore, a bitch and a gold digger within minutes of meeting her.

“This is all for Ben”, she thought.

As October began, Benedict started to get excited. After all, he would be turning 16 that month, which was a milestone for any young person. He wanted nothing more than to celebrate with the ones he loved the most, like he always did.

It was practically a family tradition to reunite to celebrate Ben and Rosi's birthdays. Every year since their divorce, Toto and Stephanie came together to celebrate their children’s birthdays, along with their grandparents, uncles, and cousins from both sides of the family. However, for his sixteenth birthday, the need to adapt the celebration arose, due to security and logistical issues.

Normally, everyone would go to a restaurant of Ben's choice for dinner. But that year, it was decided that the celebration would be held at Toto's penthouse, in order to avoid any issues with the press that continued to follow Toto and Elisabeth. Another problem had been the date of the celebration, as the boy's birthday fell precisely during the week of the race in Mexico, which meant that Toto would not be in Vienna for Ben’s birthday. The solution was to postpone dinner until the following Friday, in order to allow time for everything to be prepared.

— Who are you going to invite, Ben? — Toto asked, leaning against the kitchen island.

— I thought of inviting Mom, Aunt Lili and Uncle Gérard and Babcia — he replied, completing in a low voice then — If Liesl doesn’t mind.

Benedict learned of the incident with Joanna a few days after it had happened. He had asked Toto about it after speaking to his grandmother on the phone, when Joanna had asked about Elisabeth. The boy found it strange — Joanna had never asked him about his father's girlfriends, much less about their well-being. It didn’t take him long before he understood the gravity of the situation, as well as how upset Elisabeth was about it.

— Well, it's your party. You can invite whoever you want, Ben — Elisabeth replied, a reassuring smile on her face — And I can spend the night at my parents' house to give you that space, no problem.

— But I wanted you to be there too, Liesl — Benedict countered.

— You do?

— Of course. You are part of our family now.

The boy's words echoed in Elisabeth's head as she chopped the onion and garlic for the spaghetti alla bolognese that Ben had chosen for the evening's dinner. Beside her, Toto grated the carrot that would be incorporated into the sauce, his eyes fixed on her.

— Are you okay, Liesl?

She looked up at him.

— Yes, I’m fine.

— You seem distant — Toto murmured.

Elisabeth pressed her lips together.

— I was just thinking about what Ben said.

— About you being part of the family?

— Yeah…

There was silence between them for a few seconds.

— Don't you feel like part of the family?

— It's not that, Toto... I feel like part of the family...

— But?

She sighed.

— I can't feel comfortable knowing that the most important person in your life, or rather, in your life and your children's lives, hates me. It's like I'm running into a wall that I have no idea how to climb, and that’s frustrating. 

— Elisabeth — Toto murmured, going back to grating the carrot — I've told you many times that the only people’s opinions you should consider are mine and the children's, and nobody else’s. 

— Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away, Toto.

— Well, I don't remember you saying that when the person that we ignored was your father — he muttered.

Elisabeth blinked.

— The situation is quite different.

— Maybe, but your approach should be the same. You ignored his possible opinion of us and had sex with me the first night we spent together. Why can't you do the same to my mother? What's so different about her?

— Toto...

— Honestly, tell me. I don’t understand.

— Because you weren't the one she called a whore and a gold digger less than 30 minutes after meeting her.

— Your father called me an idiot when I first met him — Toto exclaimed.

— Because you wanted to set a record on the track where he almost died!

Toto snorted.

— Honestly, you're the one who missed the point here — she said.

— And what is the point, Elisabeth? — Toto said, as he stopped grating the carrot again to stare at her.

— The point is, your mother hates me and my father doesn't hate you. She didn't even want to meet me before deciding that she hated me, whereas my dad had known you for years before we started dating. My father had always liked you, and now he sees you as his son-in-law. Your mother didn't even give me the opportunity to introduce myself before she passed judgment on me.

— What if your father didn't give me this chance, Elisabeth? What if he hated me as a son-in-law? How would you handle it? What would you do, Elisabeth?

Elisabeth looked at him in silence for a few seconds.

— I would defend you, Toto. I would have stuck up for you, and tried to refute any negative words he might say about you. I would show him how important you are to me. Because my love for my father is not the same as my love for you. I chose you. I chose to love you.

He stared at her in silence for a few seconds.

— Then you understand my reasons — he murmured, before going back to grating the carrot.

More silence.

— You — Elisabeth stammered, the memory of the day after dinner with Joanna clear in her mind. Toto had left early, said he had something to do, but that when he got back he would bring breakfast. She never knew the reason for his departure — You talked to your mother about me…

He didn’t say anything. 

— You didn't go fight with her about me, did you?

Yet more silence.

— Answer me, Toto, did you fight with her because of me?

Toto continued to grate the carrot in silence, his lips pursed.

— Torger Christian Wolff, did you go and fight with your mother that morning after dinner? — Elisabeth said sternly, her voice getting loud, her patience hanging by a thread.

— God damn it, Liesl — he roared, before letting out a cry of pain, dropping the carrot and grater and clutching his thumb tightly. Blood bloomed bright red over the skin of his thumb. Moving quickly, Elisabeth grabbed a dishcloth that was lying on the counter and placed it over the wound, putting pressure on the cut to staunch the blood.

A few seconds of silence later, they heard quick footsteps coming from the hallway. Then, Benedict appeared in the kitchen doorway. His eyes were wide, and he looked alarmed.

— What happened? I heard a scream.

Elisabeth and Toto looked at each other.

— I cut my finger — Toto muttered.

— Oh. How?

— He was grating a carrot for me for the sauce — Elisabeth replied.

— And I got distracted — he added.

The boy walked over, asking if he could see the wound. Toto tried to dissuade him, saying that the cut was too ugly, but it was to no avail. When Elisabeth removed the bloodstained dishcloth from Toto's finger, it revealed a large cut crossing his thumb. However, the bleeding already appeared to be  slowing down.

— I'm going to need to clean it to see how deep it is — she said, tilting his hand toward the light to get a better look at the wound — Could you get me the first-aid kit, Ben?

Benedict nodded, heading towards the bathroom. Elisabeth asked Toto to sit at the kitchen table and continue pressing the cloth against the cut, while she washed her hands. She had pulled out a chair to sit across from Toto when the boy returned with the white box marked with a red cross.

Elisabeth worked quickly and wordlessly, and sighed in relief when she realized that the wound wasn’t very deep and would not require stitches, and the bandage would allow him to use his thumb.

— Done — she said, crumpling the paper that protected the adhesive part of the bandage she'd just put on.

— Thanks, Liesl — Toto murmured, eyeing his thumb.

— No problem — Elisabeth replied, getting to her feet — Ben, would you mind taking this back to the bathroom?

— No, not at all — the boy replied, picking up the white box from the dining table.

— Thanks, dear — she said, smiling.

After Ben left the kitchen, the two stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. Both seemed to be hesitant, afraid of the other's reaction. However, it didn't take long for one of them to break the silence.

— You didn't answer me — Elisabeth murmured.

Toto sighed.

— Can we talk about this after dinner, Elisabeth?

She pressed her lips together.

— Okay. Fine.

After trying to grate the carrots again and with no success, Elisabeth took over that step of the process while Toto filled a pot with water and put it on the flame to boil. He also chose the wine that would be served that night. After she finished preparing the ingredients, Elisabeth asked if he could start making the sauce while she took a shower and got ready for dinner.

— Leave it to me, Liesl — Toto replied, smiling at her.

When she returned to the kitchen, with her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and wearing a cream-colored casual dress, she found Rosi helping Toto stir the pasta while he studied the contents of the pot he was preparing the meat for the sauce in. Meanwhile, Ben was busy setting the dinner table, arranging the glasses and cutlery.

After insisting on helping finish the sauce and Toto insisting that he finish it, she decided to help Benedict with setting the table. After the table was set, they went to the living room and started straightening things up, picking up anything that was out of place. Benedict and Rosi's backpacks were thrown into a corner, the throw pillows on the couch were out of place, the colorful throw blanket was on the floor. There were empty bowls and glasses — all traces of the afternoon they had spent together, watching movies that Ben had chosen before it was time to start getting the apartment ready for the party.

As soon as Elisabeth had finished straightening out the books on top of the coffee table, the doorbell rang. She didn't even need to lift her head to know that Benedict, who was returning from the kitchen, had bolted towards the door. After all, those were his guests.

Stephanie was the first to arrive. Upon hearing her mother's voice, Rosi appeared at the entrance to the kitchen, crossing the living room to the hall, where the woman was received by her eldest son. Upon arriving in the living room, the woman approached Elisabeth and greeted her cordially with a kiss on the cheek.

Their relationship would best be “friendly”. Elisabeth, from the beginning, tried to show herself as a support for the well-resolved family structure of Toto and Stephanie, trying her best not to collide with both with regard to the education and discipline of the two teenagers. She and Stephanie had met for the first time when she took Ben and Rosi back to their mother's house in Kaisermühlen after they had spent the weekend with her and Toto, and Elisabeth knew she had made a good impression on Stephanie, when the woman had given her a hug when they said goodbye to each other. The warm, kind look on Stephanie's face was branded in her memory.

— Where's Toto?

— I sent him to the kitchen today — Elisabeth said, laughing.

Stephanie giggled as she made herself comfortable on the sofa, with Rosi taking the seat next to her and Ben in an armchair. After asking if she wanted something to drink and Stephanie politely declining, Elisabeth returned to the kitchen, where she found Toto crouched in front of one of the cupboards, looking for something.

— Need some help, dear? — she asked.

— Do you know where the pepper is?

— Which pepper?

— The red one.

Elisabeth opened a cabinet above his head and took a small bottle from inside, placing it on top of the counter. Toto stared at the spice for long seconds, before looking at her.

— Where…

— The spices are always in the cupboard over the sink, darling.

He got up, a small, bashful smile on his face.

— Thank you, Liesl.

As she watched him season the sauce, Elisabeth's mind went back to the moment when he had implied that he had spoken with his mother about the situation at the dinner where they had met. The thought of being the center of a fight made her feel far more than just anxiety — she felt guilty, too.

She knew how difficult Toto's road to rebuilding his relationship with his mother had been. Listening to him talk about how alone he had felt after his parents' divorce and the realization that Joanna didn't see herself exactly as a mother broke Elisabeth's heart. As a person who had grown up with parents that were present and active in raising her, she couldn't imagine what it would have been like if she had grown up without Niki and Marlene.

Now that Toto’s relationship with his mother seemed to finally be on the mend, she, even inadvertently, had become the one who had ruined everything between them, all because she couldn't bear to hear a few words from the woman.

— Toto — she began quietly.

— I told you, Liesl — he murmured, before tasting the sauce — We'll talk after dinner.

Elisabeth pressed her lips together.

“That is, if I can make ‘til then”, she thought.

After Toto finished the sauce, the two went into the living room to talk with Stephanie, who was telling her children about something she had seen on television. Some time later, Lili arrived with her husband and daughter, followed by Joanna, who Toto greeted at the door. When Joanna came in, her eyes met Elisabeth's almost automatically. Elisabeth couldn't help but feel a chill run over her skin.

Time seemed to move slowly from that point on. She tried to be a good hostess and get involved in the various conversations happening, but Elisabeth couldn't shake the feeling that she was an interloper amongst the rest of Toto’s family. Joanna's gaze, fixed on Elisabeth while she was listening to Eloise, who was sitting on her lap, talking about the new color of her bedroom walls, made her feel completely suffocated.

— Elisabeth was thinking of redecorating the penthouse too — Toto said, taking her hand. The gesture made her look away from Joanna, forcing a smile — You were thinking next summer, right?

— Yes. Rosi said she was tired of the color of her room. Ben said the same thing, so I wanted to take the opportunity to change some things, paint some walls, breathe some new life into the place — she said.

— Are you criticizing my skills as a decorator, Liesl? — Toto asked, raising an eyebrow.

— I just think you, as a decorator, are a great team principal — she said, making everyone in the room laugh.

— I think you've already brought some life back here, Elisabeth — Lili said, after catching her breath — I remember one Christmas we spent here when I mentioned to Toto that this place looked kind of dead. There were almost no pictures, decorations, nothing. Then, the following year, I noticed that they already had different things scattered around the house, some new paintings, some cushions. It finally looked like someone lived here.

— I remember asking where Toto got the throw on the sofa — Joanna commented, tucking a strand of Eloise's pale hair behind the little girl's ear — It was striped, very colorful.

Elisabeth knew which throw she was referring to.

— It's a Peruvian blanket my Uncle Tillman gave me when I moved into my first apartment and I brought it with me when I moved here — she said, smiling.

— It's a beautiful blanket, Elisabeth. You have good taste — Joanna said, the corners of her lips curling in a friendly, almost surreal smile.

As surreal as her asking to talk to Elisabeth after dinner.

— Do you want to talk to me? — she cooed, holding one of the glasses she'd retrieved from the dishwasher in her hand.

— Yes. I'd like to talk to you. Well, if you want.

She blinked. Part of Elisabeth wanted to talk to Joanna, to understand her reasons for having that attitude throughout the dinner they had met. However, another side of her was sure that conversation would end in what Elisabeth most abhorred in the world - conflict.

— Fine by me — she said softly.

Toto's mother gave a shy smile, the silence stretching between them for a few seconds, as if both were looking for the right words to start that dialogue. “If they exist at all”, Elisabeth thought to herself.

— Can I sit? — Joanna finally asked, looking at the stools at the kitchen island.

— Of course, feel free — she replied, extending her hand toward them as she leaned back against the counter. Once Joanna was seated, she looked up at Elisabeth again, her hands folded on the marble countertop.

— I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to start this conversation. Where to begin, really — Joanna began — But I think the best place to start is our dinner in December.

Elisabeth crossed her arms in front of her chest.

— When Torger asked me out to dinner and I accepted, I remember him saying he was looking forward to finally getting the women in his life together. When he said that, I assumed he meant only me, Lili and Rosi. I even asked why Benedict wasn't included and he just said the kids weren't coming that night. So it would just be me, Lili and him. Well, that's what I thought.

Elisabeth pressed her lips together.

— Then I arrived and saw you next to him. Beautiful, elegant, well dressed, flawless makeup, a huge ring on your hand. I won't deny it, I was surprised. But worse than that was realizing in my son's eyes that he was completely in love with you. It was like the entire backstory wrote itself in my head, Elisabeth — Joanna continued — You had seduced Torger and were reaping the rewards of your conquest. Your not answering my questions only made me more certain that that was the case. And I found myself facing the mission of saving my son.

Elisabeth remained silent.

— I said horrible things. I said things that even in the worst circumstances I had not said to a person. And I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was saving my son. But really, I was condemning myself, Elisabeth. And I found out my sentence the next day.

— Did Toto go to your house? — she asked quietly.

— Yes. I explained my concerns, my fears, my reasons for saying those things and he…

She had the word on the tip of her tongue, but it was almost like she couldn’t think of what the word was in German.

— Exploded?

Joanna looked at her.

— Yes. He exploded.

Elisabeth felt something heavy inside her chest. He had done exactly what she had asked him not to do. He had come halfway across Vienna to fight his own mother over her.

— He said I had been hasty. That you were shy in social situations and that you were nervous so you hadn't been able to answer my questions properly. Torger made a point of listing each of your qualities for me. He stressed your kindness, your intelligence, your achievements — Joanna said, a rueful smile on her face — There was even a moment when I saw his eyes fill with tears when he talked about the day he had the bike accident and you left him alone even after he asked you to stay.

She hated remembering that day.

— I haven't seen Torger cry since the day Sven left the house. And he was standing in front of me teary-eyed simply because he was talking about you. And, in that moment, I realized that it wasn't just a casual thing. I realized in that moment that my son loved you and that his every word had been true. And that hurt, Elisabeth. It hurt, but no more than what he said afterwards.

— What did he say?

— I asked him about your relationship not being public and he told me that it was because of the closeness you had with your father, but that would be something we would never understand, due to — she stopped for a few seconds — The nature of our relationship as mother and son.

Elisabeth looked down at the kitchen floor, swallowing hard.

— I wasn't the best mother in the world. I wasn't even close to being a decent mother. In fact, I had never seen myself as a mother until the day they put a little bundle wrapped in a light blue blanket and said that was my son. And even looking into those expressive brown eyes, I didn't feel like a real mother. And that hurt a lot.

Her eyes met Joanna's. They were wet.

— Unlike me, Sven was born to be a father. He was a perfect father to Torger and Liliana. He always made a point of picking them up from school on Fridays in his company truck. And whenever they entered the cabin, there was a package of Manner Schnitten waiting for them to share on the ride home. It was no use saying that they couldn't have sweets before dinner, Sven insisted on contradicting me and indulging them. But after the diagnosis, he just… Changed.

— On account of the illness? — she asked quietly.

— I don't know, Elisabeth. I never really understood. I just know that, after I had put Torger and Liliana to sleep, I found him packing a bag. I asked why he was doing that, where he was going and he just told me he was setting us free — Joanna said in a thin voice, a tear running down her face — I loved him. I loved him so much. I gave up so much for him. I became a mother to fulfill his dream of becoming a father. And then, he just left.

Elisabeth had no idea how to respond. Running a hand quickly over her face, Toto's mother tried to compose herself, taking a deep breath before continuing.

— I had to get back up. I had two children to take care of. I went back to work. I did everything to keep Torger and Liliana dressed, fed, and in school. I stumbled countless times while accumulating more and more shifts in the hospitals. I worked for the public hospital because I couldn’t get a job at a private hospital that would have paid more. We lived on social welfare for a while, school fees were late, I barely saw them, but I was sure I was doing the right thing. I was being a good mother. I had to be.

She pressed her lips together.

— I saw my children walk away from me. Torger went to Warsaw to work. Lili went to France to study. And it was on my own that I realized that I had been wrong with them. Wrong in every way. And that morning in my apartment, with Torger spitting that if I'd really cared about him I wouldn't have offended you, I realized I'd been wrong again.

Joanna lowered her face again, as if she were ashamed of her feelings. Elisabeth felt paralyzed by the scene, her face an expression somewhere between shock and pity.

— I know I hurt you deeply, Elisabeth. I know I judged you too quickly. I know that nothing I say now will erase what I did that night. But I need to try. Not just for you, but for Torger, for Benedict and for Rosa — she said, hesitating for a few seconds — I apologize, Elisabeth. Sorry for offending you and judging you too quickly. I'm sorry I didn't treat you right. Sorry for causing you so much pain.

Elisabeth had no idea what was moving her at that moment. Leaving the sink behind, she walked around the kitchen island and approached Joanna, who was watching her with her eyes still wet and her lower lip quivering. Then, taking Toto's mother's hands in hers, Elisabeth stared into the woman's brown eyes, with no trace of the coldness that frightened her so much.

— I know the difficulties you went through. I know the challenges, the problems and the conflicts. I know you blame yourself for not being a better mother, but I believe that Toto has in you a mirror of dedication and sacrifice — she said — Regarding what happened at dinner, I… have to say that I forgive you. I apologize and extend my hand so that we can start over in a more appropriate way. Not just for me, but for Toto, for Ben and for Rosi.

The two stared at each other for long, hesitant seconds.

There wasn't much to say at the moment.

Nothing that could replace the meaning of a hug.

Wrapping Joanna's shoulders, she felt the woman rest her head on her shoulder, her hands resting on her back. The two remained silent, holding each other, until Toto's mother pulled away slightly and looked at her.

— Now I understand what my son saw in you — the woman said — You're fantastic, Elisabeth. You really are.

#toto wolff #toto wolff x oc #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 x oc #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 x oc #wlffog #natsversion #scwlff

[totowlff]

chapter twenty-six — quan estem separats

➝ distance is painful for elisabeth. however, worse than that is the uncertainty about the future.

➝ word count: 5,1k

➝ warnings: slightly smutty talk

➝ author notes: finally, a new chapter for you! I hope you are as excited as I am for the sequel to the story of toto and elisabeth. always remembering that my askbox is open for feedback and requests (btw, I apologize if you sent something and I didn't respond; it means it's on the list to be written).

JUNE, 2016

The gentle breeze made her hair flutter. Sitting on the porch floor, leaning against one of the white pillars, she watched the horizon, deep in thought. The sun was shining brightly, illuminating the lawn stretched across the backyard of the mansion and the trees that covered the hills in front of the white houses scattered along the coast, right up to where the sands dipped and bathed in the deep blue of the Mediterranean.

This was Ibiza. Most of the world knew it for electronic music festivals and parties during the summer. It was one of the most popular destinations in Europe, especially for young people looking for sun, drink, and fun on the lush beaches and nightclubs that dotted the island.

For Elisabeth, though, Ibiza was simply home. 

Her affection for the island was her birthright. Her maternal grandmother, Elena, was a Spanish woman, and she loved it there. She often spent time in Ibiza with her husband, the Impressionist painter Robert Knaus. After the death of Elisabeth's grandfather in 1975, Elena decided to take up permanent residence in Ibiza with her two youngest children, Renate and Tilman, while her eldest daughter, Marlene, was building her modeling career on the mainland.

Shortly after the family moved to the island, Marlene went to visit her mother and siblings, to see how they were faring during those first few months without Robert. It was at that time that the family met Niki, who was a friend of Marlene’s — at least that’s what Marlene said. Of course, her mother did not believe a man who had traveled all the way from Vienna to Ibiza just to see her daughter was merely a friend, but she didn’t question it.

During those days under the Spanish sun, not only did Niki fall even more in love with Marlene, but he also fell in love with the island itself. Life in Ibiza moved at a different pace — everything was slower, more relaxed, warmer, tender. It was a harsh contrast to his normal schedule, driven by long bouts of travel, focusing on results, and the danger of his sport. It was as if Niki had been introduced to a whole new world, where he had found something new. It was normally something he avoided at all costs, for fear of it affecting his racing performance.

Happiness.

He and Marlene got married a few months later, in a registry office in Vienna, practically in the dead of night. A few months after that, they purchased a mansion on the island. It was built in the Balearic style and had a stunning view of the main city, with its white houses dotting the coast. Niki took refuge there after his accident at the Nürburgring. He had his children spend the first few years of each of their lives here as well, away from the spotlight and the media pressure that came with having a famous father.

Out of all of Niki’s children, Elisabeth had spent the least amount of time on the island, due to the fact that Lukas and Mathias were of school age at the time she was born, and their father insisted that they be educated in Vienna. However, this did not stop the youngest Lauda sibling from developing a special fondness for Ibiza, and making her own memories there.

Her childhood had been filled with walks on the beach, playing with Tasso and Luna on the front lawn, and riding lessons with Uncle Tilly on the pony he'd gifted her for her fifth birthday. There were escapades with her father, diving in the Mediterranean when they should’ve been at the market in Santa Eulària, running errands for Marlene. Elisabeth’s happiest memories all took place on that little piece of land, until a particular man stepped into her life and turned everything upside down.

Thinking of Toto gave Elisabeth a strange feeling in her chest, a feeling that she wasn’t used to any more after they’d been dating for nearly two years. It was the feeling of something she was lacking, like someone had stolen a piece of her.

After photos of him surfaced in Austrian tabloids with a “mystery woman”, the two of them agreed that they needed to lay low until the press lost interest in Toto, because he’d been targeted by the paparazzi more often these days. The only solution they could think of was to travel separately and to avoid appearing in public unless they were in the company of another person. 

It would even have worked… But, then they were spotted walking into Toto’s penthouse late in the evening after arriving back in Vienna after the Canadian Grand Prix. It was dumb luck that Elisabeth’s face was obscured in the pictures, covered by the hood of the team jacket she’d stolen when the chill of the Viennese nighttime caught her by surprise. It was dumb luck that shit hadn’t hit the proverbial fan.

Bradley emailed them both the next morning, requesting they consider a response of some kind. They both agreed that the best thing to do would be for them to remain apart for a while, just until the press’ fervor died down. They could do anything they wanted once things calmed down. Since the season was underway, it was agreed that Toto would stay in Oxfordshire, close to the factory, and that Elisabeth would stay in her apartment in Vienna. She was glad she hadn’t sold it yet, like she was considering for a while.

She hadn’t expected their period of separation to be so difficult, though. The first few days were easy. Her flat hadn’t been inhabited in a while, and things needed to be organized. Work took up a lot of her time as well. But after a few days, she became keenly aware of Toto’s absence, and started feeling lonely… almost empty inside. Elisabeth realized, while she was away from him, how important he’d become to her. He was an essential part of her life now. 

It wasn't like they didn't communicate via text and phone calls. Truthfully, they spent far too much time on the phone with each other, giving each other the most mundane updates about things that were going on. They even saw each other at the Azerbaijan GP in Baku, but they limited their contact to conversations in the garage, so other people would be around and nothing would look too suspicious. Being so close to him and so far away from him at the same time felt like torture to Elisabeth. Worst of all, there was no end to it in sight.

Niki seemed to notice Elisabeth's restlessness and suggested that his daughter come with him and Marlene to Ibiza for a chance to relax before July’s packed race schedule. It sounded wonderful, and Elisabeth would have jumped at the chance… If it weren't for the fact that her parents had invited her brothers as well.

The prospect of seeing Mathias again after everything that happened at Lenny’s birthday party gave Elisabeth pause. Since she and Toto had been kicked out of his apartment, she hadn't been in contact with her brother or sister-in-law. Even the news of the birth of her new nephew, Ellison, arrived through third parties, as Mathias did not make a point of even reading the WhatsApp messages she’d sent asking about the children. The idea of sharing a house with Mathias, even for a few days, seemed like it would be impossible.

After some jostling around a few dates and snide comments from her brother, it was agreed that Elisabeth would spend a few days on the island in June, and Mathias would come in July. That way, they could avoid any friction or fights, considering that their last argument had ended with her slapping her brother in the face.

Elisabeth’s first few days in Ibiza were filled with re-discovery. It had been almost two years since she had visited because of the frenetic routine of travel and meetings that her life had become. Visiting the places that were part of her childhood were special to her, and felt even more special when she imagined what it would be like to have Toto, Ben and Rosi there with her, exploring the island with her. It would be fun, she thought, to show them Ibiza through her eyes, telling them stories about spending time there during her youth. 

The sound of something buzzing pulled her out of her thoughts. Elisabeth glanced to the table next to her and realized that her phone was ringing. She picked it up and looked at the screen, smiling when she realized who was calling her.

— Hi, honey — she said softly.

— Hola, guapa — Toto greeted, in slurred Spanish, which made Elisabeth laugh — Como estás?

— You know that they don’t really speak Spanish here in Ibiza, right?

— But isn't it part of Spain?

— Yes, but they speak Catalan here, dear, not Spanish.

— Then correct me, Professor Lauda.

— You should have said “Hola bonica, com estàs?”.

He repeated the phrase carefully, pulling out some vowels in an exaggerated way, making her laugh again.

— We’ll work on it, dear.

— What matters is that you understood my question, and I'm waiting for your answer.

— I'm fine, Toto — Elisabeth replied — I would be better if you were here, of course. What about you?

— I'm fine too, baby. Lots of meetings, trying to solve some problems that popped up here that would have been fixed in five minutes if you were here.

Elisabeth smiled.

— Are things that chaotic in my absence?

— You know, trouble seems to respect you, Liesl. It's actually very funny — Toto laughed.

— Sounds like I'm going to have to fly straight over there to help you, Toto.

— Nothing would make me happier than that, baby. I miss you here.

— At the factory?

— No — he replied, in a low voice — Well, yes, that too, but I miss you here with me. I miss you being close to me. I miss having you by my side at meetings, supporting me. I miss having you at home, laughing while sipping your coffee in the kitchen. I miss you in bed, lying on my chest, your fingertips caressing my skin.

— I miss you too, dear — Elisabeth murmured.

— I miss your kisses. I miss the way you like to nibble on my neck and ears. I miss the way you sigh and moan. I miss your body. I miss you the way you twitch all over while I make you come in every way possible — Toto continued, his voice gaining a mischievous edge to it. It caused Elisabeth to press her legs together involuntarily as a wave of heat rose through her body.

— Toto — she sighed, feeling her cheeks heat up.

— Do you miss that too, Liesl? Do you miss me making you come?

She pursed her lips the memory of the last time they'd had sex coming to the forefront of memories. The way he'd taken all the time in the world to bring her to orgasm more times than she could keep track of had etched itself in her mind, and she missed it so much.

— Yes, dear.

— What do you miss? Tell me baby. I want to hear you say it.

Elisabeth took a deep breath, trying to ignore the tingling feeling low in her belly — an impossible feat, considering that Toto Wolff was muttering obscenities on the other end of the line. She quickly looked around to make sure that nobody was nearby, and brought the phone closer to her face.

— I miss your eyes locked on me, watching me. I miss you telling me that I’m your pretty little girl. I miss your hands squeezing my breasts, your kisses between them as you move inside me. I miss you pinning my arms above my head to gain leverage. I miss the way you leave me completely at your mercy. I miss the weight of your body on top of mine after you come inside me, the way you breathe, and the way your sweat mixes with mine — Elisabeth said. She could feel her heart start to pound as the memories of those moments were making her more and more excited. 

On the other end of the line, Toto sounded like he was out of breath.

— Did I go too far, dear?

— I'm seriously considering taking a flight to Ibiza right now.

— My father would say that you're crazy to show up for no reason.

— But… I have a good reason.

— You do?

— Yes. To hear you whisper in Spanish that you want me inside you.

She laughed, rolled her eyes. 

— It's Catalan, honey.

— Could you tell me the difference? — he asked, his tone teasing and malicious.

— No puc esperar per sentir-te dins meu, amor meu — Elisabeth spoke, pronouncing the words carefully. However, before she even heard Toto's answer, the sound of someone clearing their throat made her whip her head around, her eyes going wide.

Leaning against the doorway behind her, arms crossed, Lukas was staring at his sister with a raised eyebrow. Considering the way his expression was now twisting into an impish, gleeful smile, he had definitely heard what Elisabeth had just said. “Fuck”, she thought, not realizing that Toto was muttering something on the other end of the line. It was probably some equally dirty phrase in one of the five languages he could speak.

— I'll have to hang up, I'll talk to you later — she said quickly, her tone cold and businesslike. She didn’t wait for a response before she pressed the “end call” button on her screen.

Lukas walked over to Elisabeth slowly, sitting down beside her on the porch. Then, after a few seconds of silence, he looked at his sister.

— I really didn't expect you to have such a foul mouth, Elschen.

Elisabeth felt her cheeks burn, her mind searching for some good excuse as to why she was saying those things that didn't require her to mention Toto's name.

— It's not what you're thinking, Lukas — she said softly. She was a little nervous. Mathias' reaction to her relationship had been bad enough that she had prevented anyone else from finding out at all costs.

Lukas chuckled.

— Do you read minds now, Elisabeth? — he asked, the corner of his lips curled into a mischievous smile.

— No, I just know you well enough to know that you must be thinking the worst of me right now.

— Not the worst, Elschen. I was just thinking about who could possibly be on the other end of the line.

Elisabeth took out her cell phone and looked at the screen, making sure the call had ended.

— It was nobody — she muttered — Nobody important, I mean.

— He seemed important to you, considering you told him you wanted him inside you.

She clenched her jaw, casting her eyes to the ground. Her brother sighed.

— I thought you trusted me — he muttered.

Something tightened inside Elisabeth's chest. Despite Lukas being seven years older than her, and having the same rebellious tendencies as their father and Mathias, it hadn’t prevented the two of them from cultivating a deep affection for each other. It was reflected in the fact that whenever somebody asked who their best friends were, they’d each give each other’s names without hesitation. They each had the same personality and the same blue eyes, and they shared a lot of life with each other. Whenever either of them had a problem, they would turn to the other for advice, to vent, or to get comfort or encouragement as needed. Lukas was the first person Elisabeth told about her first boyfriend, and Lukas sought out Elisabeth to ask about how best to surprise the girl he liked when he was in university. Even after 30 years, that bond was still strong, even if the conversations weren't as frequent as either of them would have liked because of their maddening routines, with Lukas helping Mathias in his racing career, and her helping father manage the family business and his interests at Mercedes. Elisabeth wanted to keep their relationship close, above all else, even if it meant not telling him how happy and fulfilled she was with the man of her dreams.

She didn't want to lose another brother.

— And I do, Lukas — Elisabeth murmured.

— It doesn't seem like it, Elschen.

— I know, but I trust you — she said, looking at him for the first time since he sat down next to her.

— So tell me, who's the guy?

Elisabeth raised an eyebrow.

— How do you know it's a guy?

— You've only told me about guys before now.

— I could be bisexual.

— I think you would have told me that, Elschen — he countered, giving her a wink.

Elisabeth smiled a little, looking at the horizon. As much as she tried, she could never hide her feelings from her brother. Lukas could read her like no one else.

— Is it Toto? — he asked, after a few seconds of silence.

— What makes you think it would be him?

— You didn’t answer my question.

— You didn’t answer mine.

— I asked first.

— But your answer is important to mine — Elisabeth said, looking at her brother. Lukas smiled wanly at her. 

— Well, if you're so keen to know, I assumed it was him because I was with him and dad when you and Mathias were arguing in his office during Lenny’s party. As soon as we heard Mathias raise his voice, I noticed that Toto's posture changed completely. He looked worried and angry at the same time. As the two of you got louder and louder, he looked more and more irritated. His jaw got really tight, and he was gripping his glass of juice so tightly that I thought he was going to break it.

Elisabeth looked at her hands. She still didn’t say anything. She fiddled nervously with the ring Toto had given her after the Amira Air deal, the diamonds glittering in the Ibiza sun.

— Lenny started crying a few minutes later, because he got scared by the shouting. Claire asked mom to stay with him while she went to see what was going on. While all of that was happening, we heard something that sounded like a slap, and Toto dropped his glass on the table and marched straight into the office.

— I understand…

— But, I think the most obvious giveaway was when mom asked me to help her with Lenny. He was inconsolable. I tried talking to him a bit, trying to cheer him up, you know, so I took him over to the pile of his birthday presents and asked him which one he wanted to play with, and he asked for Onkel Toto’s red car book.

Elisabeth swallowed hard.

— I even asked him to repeat who the gift was from, because I didn’t think I heard him right. But, he said that Onkel Toto had given a book with a red car and that’s what he wanted.

— Did mom hear? — Elisabeth asked in a low voice.

— Did she… Hear Lenny?

— Yeah.

— No, she didn't.

She sighed, twirling the platinum circle on her right ring finger.

— So, Elschen, is it him?

— Yes.

Silence stretched for a few seconds between them as they looked at each other.

— If I said I was surprised, I'd be lying — Lukas muttered, causing Elisabeth to look at him, one eyebrow raised.

— What do you mean by that?

— When dad introduced me to Toto, during the New Year's party at his house, we talked for a while. I remember thinking that he seemed a lot like you, and that I would get along with him for that reason.

— Are we really that much alike?

— You both are focused, stubborn, and intelligent. You both have a similar sense of humor and a way of dominating an environment just by being in it — he replied, looking at the horizon — You make quite the striking pair.

— Thanks, I think — Elisabeth said, a shy smile on her lips.

— Is this a recent development?

— Not really.

— How long?

— Almost two years.

Lukas looked at his sister with wide eyes.

— Almost two years?

— Yes.

— And nobody knows?

— Very few people know.

— Who?

— His kids, his mother and sister, Bradley Lord at Mercedes… You. Mathias…

Lukas looked outraged at the mention of their brother.

— You told Mathias before you told me? I thought I was your best friend!

— I didn't tell him.

— But…

— He caught us in a… Compromising position in Toto's office last year in Spa.

Her brother was quiet for a few seconds.

— How compromising?

— Compromising enough that there was no hiding what we were actually doing.

His blue eyes widened. The impish smile returned to his face.

— Were you fucking in the motorhome?! — he asked. He was louder than Elisabeth would have liked to have been, so she slapped him on the arm.

— Lukas! — she exclaimed.

— What?

— Don't say that out loud — she scolded under her breath.

— Well, were you?

Elisabeth nodded, pressing her mouth into a thin line. Lukas laughed.

— I honestly didn't expect you to be that kind of girl, Elschen.

— Neither did Mathias, I guess — she muttered.

— Well… The thing about Mathias is that he’s completely oblivious to anything that’s not racing, Elisabeth. A few days ago he told me that Freddie Hunt asked him about you, and he didn’t understand why he would have.

— I guess you didn't tell him that Freddie and I…

— Nope.

— I’m glad. His reaction would be worse than it was when he caught me with Toto.

— What did he do when he walked in on you?

— Well, after practically dragging me by my hair to another room, he started lecturing me about how wrong it was, how I was crazy to have an affair with him, that I should be ashamed of myself for it. Oddly enough, it wasn't the worst thing he said that day.

— What else did he say?

— He threatened to tell dad about our relationship.

Lukas' jaw clenched.

— He did… What?

— Yes. He said that someone had to take dad’s side and that someone was him.

— And what did you do?

— I reminded him of when we helped him get back into karting and didn’t tell mom and dad, and that we gave him the money to do it. He couldn’t argue with that.

— So... Did he tell dad?

— I had to threaten him with his sponsors to keep him quiet.

Lukas chuckled.

— Oh, that makes sense…

— What makes sense?

— At the end of last season, he asked me to look for new sponsors and asked me to not tell you about it. I asked him why, and he said you were too busy with Mercedes things to handle it with the attention he thought it needed.

— That son of a bitch — Elisabeth muttered — Did you help him?

— I looked some things up, but you know, I don't understand finances like you do. I would have asked for your help whether he wanted me to or not.

She sighed. Things couldn’t go on like this - Elisabeth needed to find a solution to the situation she had gotten herself into with Toto.

— So, dad doesn't know? — Lukas asked after a few seconds of silence.

— No — she muttered.

— When are you going to tell him?

Elisabeth was about to respond when a female voice interrupted her.

— Tell what to whom?

Elisabeth turned her head and realized Marlene was standing behind them. Dressed in a crisp cotton summer dress, with her hair tied back in her iconic bun, she was standing in the doorway of the house, her face frozen in a serious expression. “Fuck”, Elisabeth thought.

— Nothing, mom — Lukas replied quickly when Elisabeth didn’t, realizing that his sister was completely frozen. However, the eldest son's words only served to make their mother even more suspicious.

— Nothing at all, Elisabeth? — Marlene looked at her. When her daughter didn’t answer she slowly approached where they were sitting — Lukas, could you give us a moment?

Elisabeth's brother looked at her with pity in his eyes, as if he knew that a difficult situation was about to get worse. Giving her shoulder an affectionate squeeze, as if to say “good luck”, Lukas got up and walked back into the house. Marlene sat down in the spot recently vacated by her son.

— Elschen, you know you can trust me, don't you?

— Yes, mom — she murmured.

— So are you going to tell me?

— Tell you what?

— What are you hiding from me.

Elisabeth sighed.

— I’m… Dating someone.

Marlene smiled.

— That’s nice, dear. Is it someone I know, by chance?

— Yes.

Her mother gazed thoughtfully at the horizon.

— Would this person be a coworker of your father's?

— Yes.

Marlene looked at her daughter seriously.

— It's Toto, isn't it?

Elisabeth's eyes met her mother's.

— Yes.

Elisabeth fixed her gaze on the distance.

— Look, mom, I know it's not right, but I tried to avoid it, I swear I tried to avoid it — Elisabeth started talking quickly, trying to justify herself — I wanted to keep him away as much as I wanted to be with him, but he said he wanted me and I couldn't resist...

— Elschen…

— I know he's friends with dad, I know he's older, I know he has two kids, I know all of that, but I couldn't help but fall in love with him...

— Dear…

— And I'm willing to fight for what I feel for him. I love him, I want to be with him. And I'll fight for it because I'm tired...

— Elisabeth…

— I'm tired of pretending I don't love Toto. I'm tired of not being able to hold his hand, not being able to walk with him on the street, not even being able to take a boat ride without being afraid of getting caught with him...

— Elisabeth Renate Lauda, would you be quiet and listen to me? — Marlene snapped, her voice sharp. 

Elisabeth stopped mid-sentence, looking at her mother, her eyes filled with tears.

— A long time before you were born, I had come to Ibiza to help my mother and siblings settle here after your grandfather died. Then, one afternoon, I got a call from your father saying that he was leaving Vienna right then, and he was on his way here. I asked him why, and he said he would tell me when he got to the airport.

Elisabeth swallowed hard.

— He came in a Cessna 421 from Vienna to Ibiza. He got here at midnight. When he got off the plane, I walked over to greet him, and he kissed me — Marlene smiled — So I asked him why he'd come and he just said he missed me. My heart melted right away.

— I can imagine — Elisabeth muttered.

— I took him to your grandmother's house and introduced him as a friend I'd met at a party at Curd's house. She didn't question me, but I could tell that she was suspicious of both of us. The next day, I took him to see the island. After all, I grew up here. Of course, we didn't just walk around, we also hugged, kissed, even had sex once or twice on a deserted beach near Caló de s'Illa…

— Mother!

— What?

— I don't need details!

Marlene raised an eyebrow.

— You’re acting like you don't have sex, Elisabeth.

— That doesn't mean I need… Or want, for that matter, to know about your sex life with dad.

Her mother rolled her eyes.

— The point is, that night after dinner, your dad and I went out to sit on the porch, and we ended up kissing. Your grandma saw us. I will never forget the way she looked at me as she said that she knew the moment I arrived on the island that I was in love with someone.

Elisabeth immediately understood what she meant.

— Elschen, mothers know. They always know. I knew that Christmas Eve when you left the table to take a call. You, always disciplined, always toeing the line, breaking a rule? It needed to be someone very important. Someone you would drop everything for. Someone you love.

— Mom…

— Of course, I didn't immediately assume it was Toto. You know a lot of people, it could’ve been any one of them. But, you were very interested in going to the Prize Giving Gala in Qatar, and that made me realize who you were in love with. Hopelessly in love, judging by the photos I saw.

Elisabeth fixed her gaze on the trees, which were swaying slightly in the breeze.

— I will admit, I had reservations about him. I knew that he was a polite man who respected you deeply, but I wasn’t sure if he liked you as much as you liked him. But watching him run into that office after hearing you yell at your brother convinced me that he really does love you.

Elisabeth was silent, her throat tight.

— I just can't understand why you didn't say anything before, Elschen.

— I was afraid of your reaction. I was afraid you'd get mad.

— Why would I be mad, Elisabeth?

— Mathias did.

— And since when do you care about what your big-headed brother thinks?

— And there's the whole dad thing — Elisabeth replied, her fingers fiddling with the ring on her right hand — Toto is his friend, his only friend. And… I just fell in love with him. Falling in love with your dad’s only friend sort of feels off-limits.

— Do you remember how I met your father, Elschen?

— At Curd Jürgens' party —  she said.

— I was Curd's girlfriend at the time. When I met your father, I fell in love with him, even though I shouldn't have. When I realized it, I was on the edge of the cliff, with him by my side. Attraction is the path to the precipice that is love. And the moment you jump with someone, it's because the two of you trust each other enough to know you're going to fly. Your dad and I jumped. And you and your brothers are the results of this leap we've taken.

Elisabeth looked at her mother with tears in her eyes.

— I would never be mad at you for following your heart, my love —  Marlene said, putting an arm around her daughter’s shoulders — You are my daughter. My daughter, as well as your father’s. In the end, you are here because you father and I followed our hearts.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she leaned her head on her mother's shoulder. Elisabeth realized how exhausted she was from fighting the whole world to keep her relationship with Toto hidden. It was all too much — too much effort, too many lies, too many secrets, too much time. What they had was too beautiful to remain hidden within the walls of their Oxfordshire home.

— Mom — she sobbed.

— Yes, darling?

— Does dad know?

— If he does, he’s never said anything to me. I’ve never said anything to him, not least because I wasn't sure of anything, despite you two being very… Obvious, at least in my opinion.

— Do you think he'll be mad at me?

Marlene sighed.

— You won't know until you tell him, Elschen.

#toto wolff #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #wlffog #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[totowlff]

extra — spür was liebe mit uns macht

➝ everything was a blur. nothing seemed to make sense in toto's head. in his mind, just a thought. a person. liesl.

➝ word count: 4,4k

➝ warnings: mentions of accident, broken bones and concussion

➝ author’s note: this was one of the news i was most excited to share with you! nat's version has some extra chapters, with toto's point of view on some of the narrated situations. they are one-off chapters, but they will be important for the understanding of the story and that, in a way, will deepen it. all of them are written by my dear editor ally, whom I thank for her dedication and care for my characters. enjoy!

AUGUST, 2014

Everything happened so quickly.

One minute, Toto Wolff was talking to some friends of his while they were on their weekly bike ride along the New Danube canal by the Jedlesser Bridge, and the next, he was flat on his back with a horrible pain in his right arm and a splitting headache.

— Toto, my god, are you alright? — a man said. He was standing over Toto, which is what made him realize that he was on the ground. 

Toto was trying to remember what he was thinking about. The last thing that was clear in his mind was… Her. Elisabeth was her name, but he always called her Liesl. It started as a joke, a silly name to tease her with, but after a while, he couldn’t help but say it with such genuine affection. 

It didn’t matter anyway. 

She’d already told him that she didn’t feel the same way about him, so he started dating another woman, just so he could stop feeling so alone all the time. Her name was… Well, he couldn’t remember what her name was, but she was nice enough, and she was pretty. Better pretty than not, he reasoned.

— Toto? Can you hear me? Are you with me? — the man above him said.

— Yes, I can hear you. My god, why is it so…? — Toto said, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt like he was dreaming, but it wasn’t a good dream. Everything was too loud and too bright in this dream. 

— Julian, he’s coming around! He’s talking! — the man above him yelled — Don’t worry, Toto, Julian is calling an ambulance. We’re going to get you some help.

— What… Help for what? What happened? — Toto groaned. He forced open his eyes, looking at the man standing over him. Toto thought he looked familiar, but couldn’t remember his name. He felt like he knew it a second ago. He had to ask, or it would bother him — Who are you?

— It’s Emil, Toto. You had a bad fall. We were biking and you went over your handlebars. You hit your head pretty hard.

— Oh. My arm hurts. And I have a really bad headache.

— Just relax, stay calm. Help is on the way. We’re going to get you taken care of — The man, Emil, apparently, said. Toto wasn’t sure why he was telling him to stay calm, he felt plenty calm. Actually, he felt…

Tired. Maybe, if he closed his eyes for a minute, he’d feel better.

By the time he opened his eyes again, he could see a woman with light brown hair was leaning over him. She almost reminded him of… 

— Liesl?

For some reason, she shined a bright light directly into his eyes.

— Agh, what the hell? — he said, shrinking away from it. It hurt, for some reason. 

— Mr. Wolff, you’ve had an accident — the woman said — We’re taking you to the hospital. Is there someone we should call? Do you have an emergency contact?

Oh. An emergency? That sounded bad. If something bad happened, though, maybe Liesl would be able to fix it. Toto always called her with issues he was having at the factory with things like supplier issues and cost overruns. She was incredibly creative, smart… And beautiful, so she usually could find a solution to things. 

— Well, if it’s an emergency, call Liesl, she’ll be able to take care of it — he said.

Toto closed his eyes again. He just needed some more sleep. Maybe his head and arm would stop hurting so much.

Toto woke up again. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep, but he definitely didn’t remember falling asleep in a room like this. He didn’t feel any more rested, but his head and arm didn’t hurt as much anymore. Actually, everything felt… Kind of nice. He was pleasantly warm, like he was laying under a blanket that was fresh out of the dryer. The world felt softer around the edges, like he was seeing everything from a camera lens that was out of focus. But it was still really, really bright. He wondered if there was a way he could turn off the light. He was in a bed… Not his bed, though. And he wasn’t wearing the same clothes he remembered putting on earlier. He was wearing a loose white shirt with blue dots. Where was his cycling gear? 

He looked down at his hands and was a bit startled. One of wrists was wrapped in a thick, stiff white bandage and kept his hand at an odd angle. The other one had some IV tubing stuck into it, secured with tape, and a white plastic bracelet on his wrist.

“Why am I in a hospital?”, he thought.

Flashes of things came back to him, all at once. 

The color of the river being the same blue as Elisabeth’s eyes that day. The stray piece of wood he’d tried to avoid but it got caught in his wheel. Elisabeth. Laying on the ground. Loud noises and bright lights. The woman with brown hair that shined the light into his eyes. An ambulance siren. Elisabeth. Laying on his back in a dark room with a big white ring in it, like a giant American-style donut. Elisabeth.

Toto stared at the white sheets that were covering his legs, trying to remember what the hell happened to him.

Someone knocked on the door to the room he was in, and a woman wearing a white coat walked in. She had short brown hair, the same color as…

— Liesl?

He wasn’t sure why he said that. This woman wasn’t Elisabeth, he knew that.

— Ah…  No, Mr. Wolff. I’m Dr. Stergar-Brennar. I’m an orthopedic surgeon here, I’ll be taking care of you today. I’m glad to see you’re awake. Do you know where you are and what happened?

It felt like a trick question to Toto, but he thought he’d try and guess anyway. 

— I… I'm in a hospital, right? But I don’t know how I got here, or why I’m here.

— Yes, that’s right — the woman in the white coat smiled kindly at him — You’re in the hospital. You were in a cycling accident, you had a bad fall. Your friend Julian called the ambulance for you, and they brought you here. We did some tests and we’re just waiting on the results. What we do know is that you hit your head quite hard, and you broke your arm. Do you understand, Mr. Wolff?

Toto thought for a moment. That all seemed to make sense. It certainly answered a lot of questions he had. 

— I fell off of my bike, Julian called the ambulance, I hit my head, and I broke my arm.

Dr. Stergar-Brennar smiled.

— Yes, that’s right. We’re going to admit you overnight for observation, at least. We did some imaging studies on your head and your arm, just to see if there are any issues that require any further treatment. In the meantime, we’ll do our best to make sure you’re comfortable. Do you have any questions?

Toto had more questions — so many, but all he could think to ask was one.

— Can you turn off the lights? It’s so bright in here. It’s… Hurting my eyes.

— Of course. You may be experiencing photosensitivity from a concussion, that is normal — the doctor said. Toto heard a click, and one of the two overhead lights in the room turned off, making the room darker. He was relieved — Do you have any other questions?

— Yes… Why are you speaking German if we’re in Hungary?

— Mr. Wolff — the doctor sounded concerned, suddenly. Did he say something wrong? — What makes you think we’re in Hungary?

Toto was worried he said the wrong thing, but for some reason, he could have sworn he was in Hungary, for the Hungarian Grand Prix. He wasn’t in the hospital in Budapest, apparently. Then again, why would Julian be in Budapest with him? Some things still weren’t making sense.

— The Grand Prix? I’m the team principal for the Mercedes — Toto trailed off, realizing that he didn’t actually know what day it was — Sorry, what day is it?

— It’s Wednesday afternoon, Mr. Wolff. We’re in Vienna. You’re in the emergency ward at Rudolfinerhaus. Someone should be in soon to take you into your room. Feel free to get some rest until then. We have you on some medication to help manage your pain, so you may feel a bit drowsy.

Toto settled back into his pillow and closed his eyes. He was really tired, come to think of it, and the warmth of the blanket that was over him wasn’t helping. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off to sleep, only stirring a little when he felt his bed moving. He cracked his eyelids open and saw nothing but a stream of lights passing over him, and closed his eyes again. 

He woke up again some time later, he wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep. It was hard to tell — the room Toto was in now was dark with the blinds in the windows drawn tight. It was a mercy for his headache. Things were starting to feel a little less foggy now — he remembered falling off of his bike, he remembered that he was in the hospital with a broken arm and a concussion, he remembered that it was Wednesday, and he remembered that he was in Vienna, not Hungary.  

What Toto didn’t know, however, is where his things were. Where were the clothes he was wearing before? Where was his phone? That was the more important question. He had to tell Elisabeth — or, someone, at least, he was here. 

His thoughts were interrupted by hearing two knocks on the door to his room. He sat up a bit in bed, but not too much — moving made him feel a little dizzy. He looked up at the door, expecting the doctor or a nurse to come in when it opened, but there she was, as if she was the answer to a prayer he didn’t even know he was making.

— Liesl? — he said. He couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t really be her, could it? All day, he’d seen things that reminded Toto of her. This was another one of those instances, he was sure of it. How had she even known he was here? 

— Yes, it’s me — Elisabeth said. She approached his bed. It was all the confirmation he needed. He couldn’t help but smile. He wanted to jump out of the bed right then, pull her in close and tell her how much he needed her, but he barely felt like he could summon the strength to lift his head much further.

She set her bag on the small bedside table, and sat down on the edge of his bed. He felt his mattress dip slightly as she sat down. They talked quietly for a few minutes. He said something that made Elisabeth laugh, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. He loved hearing her laugh. 

He finally pieced together how she’d found out about his accident — Julian managed to get ahold of her, apparently guessing that she was one of his emergency contacts from whatever nonsense he’d said immediately after-the-fact. Toto thought about making it a point to thank him later, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to remember to. 

Elisabeth asked why she was his emergency contact, which confused him. Why wouldn’t she be? He thought it was a foregone conclusion. He trusted Elisabeth more than most people — maybe even more than her father. She asked why Aurélie wasn’t his emergency contact instead. 

— Why would I choose Aurélie to be my emergency contact?

Aurélie was a nice woman — a beautiful woman, too, but she was in France most of the time. What was she going to do from there in an emergency? Fly all the way back for him? Toto didn’t want to make her do that. 

In the last two months, Toto had realized that he didn’t feel the way about Aurélie the way he thought he did. He was planning on breaking things off with her soon. After the weekend of the Monaco Grand Prix, when Elisabeth came to dinner at the Restaurant du Métropole Monte-Carlo dressed in a low-cut black dress and crimson lipstick he’d never seen her wearing before, he realized that Elisabeth was the love of his life. He would never feel the same way about Aurélie. He realized that he was only with Aurélie to try and heal the wound Elisabeth had left when she told Toto she didn’t have feelings for him, and it didn’t work. It was fine when Toto was alone with Elisabeth, or alone with Aurélie, but Monaco was the first time he’d been around both of them. 

It wasn’t fair to Aurélie — she deserved to be with someone that could love her, and Toto realized that he was not that someone after all. 

Toto wanted to explain all this to Elisabeth, but he couldn’t manage it. 

— I don’t like her, Liesl — Toto said. It seemed simple enough.

— You don’t like her?

— No. I like you — finally, he managed to say it. He didn’t tell her how he actually felt, that she was the love of his life, he didn’t want to scare her. It didn’t matter, though. Why did she look so upset about it, like she didn’t believe him? Toto took her hand in his. It was warm, and soft, just like he’d remembered it being on that New Years’ Eve they’d spent together, hiding from the commotion of his party, just the two of them, in his home office. He waited for a moment, just to make sure she wasn’t going to snatch her hand away, and started stroking it with his thumb when she didn’t. 

— Why? — Elisabeth whispered. 

The question confused Toto — how could he not love her? She was the woman of his dreams. But, he had no problem telling her, if she needed to hear it.

— I like you because you are beautiful. Intelligent. Funny.

A memory from earlier that day surfaced in Toto’s mind, fuzzy as it was — the way the Danube looked, reflecting the perfect summer blue sky over the city that day. It reminded Toto of her, the sun glinting off of the water reminded him of the way her eyes looked when she was happy.

— I like you because your eyes sparkle when you smile. They look like the Danube under the sun, but even a more beautiful blue.

— My eyes are not exactly blue — she said, her voice becoming soft. 

They weren’t a bright blue, not an indigo, but a steely light blue-gray. Elisabeth might not have thought much of the color of her eyes, but Toto loved looking into them. He could do it forever.

— They look blue to me. The most beautiful blue I've ever seen.

Elisabeth’s expression turned soft, and she started leaning in close to him, her eyes closing. She was going to kiss him. They were going to kiss. Finally, finally, after so long, after so much pain, so much yearning, they would have a proper first kiss instead of the fevered, grasping kiss they’d shared in that conference room in Brackley. 

But then, she stopped, and sat back up. 

— Liesl…? — Toto said. He was confused, why had she pulled away? 

— Toto, I think you need to rest.

What? No, he didn’t — he needed her. Since she came in, he felt better than he had all day. The fact that she cared enough about him to drop whatever she was doing to come see him was strong medicine on its own, but, of course, he didn’t know how to explain that. 

— No, Liesl.

— Yes, Toto.

He was desperate. Elisabeth was moving to stand up, to leave. He panicked. He’d spent all day disoriented, in pain, confused, scared — all of that went away when she walked into his room. Knowing he wasn’t alone, knowing that she still cared enough about him to drop everything to be by his side — he needed it more than he’d realized. He couldn’t think of what else to do, so he made a desperate grab for her hand with his good hand, free of the splint. He squeezed. He needed her to know he meant what he was about to say.

— Please, please listen to me — he said, even as she continued moving away.

It felt like he was losing her.

— I need you, Elisabeth — he avoided using his nickname for her so she would know exactly how serious he was. 

— You don’t know what you’re talking about, Toto — the expression on her face was sad, almost like… She pitied him, or something. He was getting frustrated. Toto knew he hit his head pretty hard, but it felt like he was thinking clearly for the first time all day. He knew exactly what he was talking about. 

— Yes, I do — he said, firmly. Maybe if he spoke with enough resolve, it would convince her. 

It didn’t work. Elisabeth slung her bag back over her shoulder, turning around and walking towards the door. A familiar feeling surfaced, like he was watching a movie that he’d seen before. Watching Stephanie walk out the door after they had a fight, knowing that she wouldn’t be coming back. Waking up one morning to see his mother, sobbing at the kitchen table, telling him his father left and took all of his things with him. He couldn’t go through this all over again — the thought of being alone again scared him more than anything else in the world.

— Liesl — he said, a final, desperate plea. He couldn’t muster much more than that. His voice wavered. He could feel tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes, his vision was going blurry. 

She gave him one last look, her hand on the door handle.

— Feel better soon, Toto.

The door closed behind her. She was gone.

Toto squeezed his eyes shut, laying back into his pillow. He didn’t even try to hold back the tears as they rolled down his cheeks. He sniffed, and swiped at his eyes with his good hand. He felt pathetic and small, like he was a kid again — he hadn’t even cried when his father left, but now, he couldn’t help it. 

— Liesl — he gasped, between sniffles — Please… Come back. I need you… I love you…

He would give anything to have her come back, but what could he do? He couldn’t even sit all the way up without feeling dizzy. It wasn’t like he could run after her. All he could do was cry, and hope she would change her mind. 

A few minutes later, there was another knock at his door — Toto perked up. Maybe she’d returned? Or maybe…

His room briefly filled with light as the door opened. Julian was in the doorway, with the doctor behind him. Julian looked relieved to see him.

— Oh, thank goodness, Toto — he said, crossing the room and sitting down on a chair near Toto’s bed. 

Toto could hear the clack of his stiff-soled cycling shoes on the tile floor. He also noticed that Julian was still wearing his cycling gear.

— I was so worried, you were knocked out for a few minutes, and you weren’t making any sense when you finally did come around, and, oh, I grabbed this for you, before the paramedics took it — Julian said, standing up and rooting around in his pocket for a moment. He leaned over to set Toto’s phone into his good hand.

— Oh — Toto said — Uh, thank you. And… Thank you for calling for help. I’m sorry I gave you such a scare.

— Oh, it’s alright. I’m just glad you’re — Julian looked him up and down — Mostly okay. Are you in a lot of pain? If you don’t mind me saying, your eyes are red, so I wasn’t sure if…

Toto could feel his face flush a bit. 

— Um, a little. But it’s not… The worst I’ve ever felt. Not like that time at the Nordschleife, certainly.

Julian stayed a while and chatted, imploring Toto to call him and let him know when he was discharged from the hospital to let him know if he was okay. Talking with his friend made Toto feel a little better, but the room felt too quiet again once he left. Before long, though, Dr. Stergar-Brennar came back in, bringing another visitor behind her. 

— Lili? — he smiled again, as his sister crossed the room and hugged him gently — How did you know I was here? Did someone call you?

— Yes — she said, gently ruffling his dark hair, as if she were his older sister and not his younger sister — Elisabeth Lauda got my number from your assistant, apparently. She called and told me you were here, and what happened. She said you were awake and talking, but a little confused, so I came right over. Are you feeling okay? You don’t seem that confused to me.

Toto chuckled. 

— I think I was earlier, but things aren’t quite as fuzzy, now.

Lili sat in the chair next to his bed. 

— I’m glad you’re feeling better, Mr. Wolff. I just came in with your sister to discuss the results of the scans we did — Dr. Stergar-Brennar said.

Toto nodded, and the doctor continued.

— The good news is that your cranial CT was clear. We didn’t find any fractures or bleeding. It’s very fortunate that you were wearing your helmet, or it would absolutely be a different story. However, the bad news is that we will need to perform surgery on your wrist.

— Oh — Toto said. 

— The fracture will need to be surgically repaired. We will make an incision in your wrist, clean out a few small bone fragments, and reduce your fractures with screws and a titanium plate to stabilize them as they heal. It’s a rather common procedure for this type of injury, fortunately, but if we just put a cast on it, it’s not likely to heal properly and could mean a lot of pain and mobility issues in the future.

— And… When will this surgery take place? — Toto asked. 

— I’m scheduling it for tomorrow morning, first thing — the doctor said — Since it’s not an open fracture, we can wait for the swelling to go down a bit first since you’re not at risk of developing an infection. But, it’s an outpatient procedure, so you should be able to go home afterwards if there’s no complications post-op.

Toto’s heart lurched. He thought he was in Hungary earlier, but he was three days ahead of himself. He needed to be in Hungary this upcoming weekend.

— Would I be able to travel? I have to be at a race in Hungary this weekend…

Dr. Stergar-Brennar frowned.

— Yes, that’s what your friend said… Elisabeth, I think? While I can’t prevent you from going, it’s not something I recommend. You will need time to rest and recover, especially with your head injury. I know it won’t be a very long trip, but my professional recommendation is that you limit your activities for a while.

— I see — Toto frowned, but he wasn’t going to argue. He was fairly resolved to still go if he could manage it, but he wasn’t going to tell his doctor that — Thank you.

Lili stayed with him for the rest of the evening. It got his mind off of things, at least for a little bit. It had been a while since they’d seen each other, so it did feel nice to catch up.

— How’s Gérard? And Eloise?

— Oh, they’re wonderful! Eloise is excited to start school soon. Gérard has been busy at work, but we managed to spend a week in Grenoble with his parents, and we rented a cabin in the mountains. It was lovely. How about you? How is your girlfriend… Uh… Aurélie, was it?

Toto sighed. 

— She’s fine. She’s in Paris right now, on business.

— Did you call her and tell her what happened?

— No, not yet. I don’t want to make her fly all the way…

— Toto! She’s your girlfriend, she would probably want to know that you’re in the hospital! — Lili said, exasperated. 

Toto clenched his jaw a bit, frustrated.

— I know, but I'm going to break things off with her soon. It’s just… She’s very nice, but I just don’t feel the way about her that I thought I did — Toto sighed again. This was his sister he was talking to, they’d always been close, and he felt like he could tell her anything.

Maybe if he told Lili, and got this off his chest, it wouldn’t feel like it was crushing him so much.

— Lili, there’s someone else. I’ve… Had feelings for her for a long time, but she said she didn’t feel the same way, but there's part of me that thinks there’s something between us still.

— Oh? Who is it? — Lili asked. She leaned in a bit, her expression curious. 

— It’s… Elisabeth Lauda, actually. She’s the first one that came to see me. Julian said I kept saying ‘Liesl’ after I was waking up, so he found her in my emergency contacts on my phone. That’s what I call her, Liesl. It started a joke, but… anyway, she came right away. She was here right after I was admitted to the emergency ward. She said she doesn’t have feelings for me, but would you do that for someone you didn’t have feelings for? For someone that was just your coworker?

Lili looked at him thoughtfully.

— Well, probably not. If she said no, I wouldn’t keep pressing it. At least, not forever, but I think you should have an honest talk with her once you’re feeling up to it. Now, as far as Aurélie goes, if you don’t feel like that relationship is going anywhere, you should break it off sooner than later. It would be cruel to hold on to her just for the sake of it.

Toto nodded. She was right, of course. 

After a while, a nurse brought Toto a light dinner and gave him some more pain medication. He finished eating, even if he wasn’t all that hungry, but he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast and wouldn’t be able to eat anything until after surgery tomorrow and talked to Lili a bit longer, until he started nodding off to sleep. 

His sister gave him a kiss on the cheek before she left, promising that she’d be there early the next morning before his surgery and would be there as he went into the OR. She was going to stop at his apartment and get him a change of clothes as well, then she would take him home afterward he was discharged, just to make sure everything was okay. 

Almost as soon as she shut the door behind her, Toto drifted into a deep slumber. 

All night long, he dreamed of Elisabeth.

#toto wolff #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #wlffog #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[totowlff]

extra — intention and redemption

➝ all it took was a black dress and red lipstick for toto to realize the mistake he was making with aurélie. and he was determined to fix it.

➝ word count: 3,2k

➝ warnings: smut

➝ author’s note: i swear this was meant to be a well-behaved extra, with sexual tension and conflict. however, my hand slipped on ally's wonderful work. enjoy!

JANUARY, 2016

They came to the Salon International de la Haute Horlogerie Genève separately — at least that’s what Toto and Elisabeth wanted people to think. It was fortunate that Elisabeth was invited in her capacity as an unofficial member of the board of directors of the Mercedes Formula 1 team, and that Niki didn’t want to attend. It made it easier for them to explain why they were seen together.  

Elisabeth, as usual, checked into her room at the InterContinental Genève, but didn’t spend much time in it — any, really. 

Instead, she was getting ready for the “Come Fly With Us” gala dinner, put on by IWC, one of the team’s main sponsors, in Toto’s room. 

They arrived in Geneva earlier that afternoon and took some time to relax together after arriving on their respective flights — Elisabeth had been in Vienna for the past few days, trying to finalize the Amira Air deal, and Toto had been in Brackley. He suggested they take advantage of the generously-sized bathtub in the suite and take a hot bath together, and so they did. They soaked in the hot water, scented by the sachet of rose and ylang ylang bath salts from the hotel’s welcome package. Elisabeth was lying against Toto’s chest, sitting between his legs. They took the time to carefully touch and tease each other before taking things to the bed. They made love like they had been apart for months instead of just four days. 

Afterward, each of them needed to get ready for the gala. Toto took a quick shower before changing and combing his hair. Elisabeth took a bit more time, of course — drying and styling her hair, applying her makeup, and changing into her dress and accessories she’d chosen for the evening. 

After she had put on her dress, Elisabeth opened the bathroom door. A rush of steam came out. Toto, who was changing into his suit for the evening, turned his head to look at Elisabeth as she busied herself with the hair dryer. He caught a glance of the dress Elisabeth was wearing. It was black, strapless, and fitted such that it emphasized her hips and waist. Toto didn’t usually pay close attention to Elisabeth’s clothes, because everything she wore looked amazing on her. However, there was something specific about the dress she’d chosen that jogged something in his memory, like she’d worn it before. It wasn’t recently, but…

“Oh… right. Monaco”, he thought.

The 2014 Monaco Grand Prix. It was the weekend that Toto realized he was in love, but not with the woman he was with at the time.

He’d met that woman at this exact event, two years prior — she was a model for Cartier, and was there to showcase the Ballon Blanc. It wasn’t the watch that caught Toto’s eye, but the woman wearing it. She was very beautiful and elegant-looking, but looked a bit bored, which was why Toto started talking to her in the first place. She introduced herself as Aurélie Droz, and had honey-brown eyes and silky blonde hair that hung past her shoulders. She started their conversation by giving the official-sounding marketing speech for the watch she was wearing, but it didn’t interest Toto very much. He asked her what watch she liked best, because she didn’t sound very passionate about the Ballon Blanc. They talked for a while, and he found himself enjoying their conversation enough that he gave her his contact information and said they should get dinner the following week, when he would be in Paris. 

Aurélie was a charming woman — pretty, too. He’d noticed that while he was talking to her, the heartache he’d been feeling since Christmas Eve wasn’t quite as present as it had been, after Elisabeth had told him that their clandestine encounter in a conference room in the factory had been a mistake, and that she didn’t have any feelings for him after all. 

It felt good to be wanted, Toto realized, as his one dinner with Aurélie became two, which became her visiting Vienna over a long weekend, which became them actually starting a relationship.

Things were still relatively fresh by the time the weekend of the Monaco Grand Prix arrived. Toto hadn’t been nervous about seeing Elisabeth again at the group dinner for the board at the Restaurant du Métropole Monte-Carlo, as he was sure that the idea of being anything more to him than a business associate was well in the past by now.

Once she came into view, though, he realized how wrong he had been.

She was dressed in a way that Toto hadn’t ever seen before. Her dark brown hair, normally pinned back in an elegant bun or a sleek ponytail, swept away from her face, was tumbling in soft waves around her shoulders, which were bare in the black, strapless dress she was wearing. Normally, her makeup was soft and subtle, but she was wearing smoky, dramatic eye makeup and crimson lipstick that captured Toto’s attention immediately. While they were eating, Toto almost couldn’t take his eyes off of her. 

He was a bit startled when Niki asked Aurélie a question about her modeling career, and he remembered that Aurélie was still sitting next to him, holding his hand. He gave the woman a peck on the cheek, and not a minute later, Elisabeth mumbled an “excuse me” and bolted from the table. Reflexively, Toto almost went after her, just to see what was wrong, until he realized how that might look to Aurélie. So, he waited a few minutes, and asked Aurélie if she would mind checking to see if Elisabeth was in the women’s restroom, and to see if she was okay.

Aurélie returned to the table a few minutes later, but Elisabeth was nowhere in sight.

— She said she’s not feeling well, and she’s heading back to the hotel — she told Toto and Niki, quietly — I told her we could give her a ride back, but she said her hotel was close enough to walk.

Toto didn’t see Elisabeth again for the rest of the weekend. Saturday, during qualifying, Niki said she’d come down with something. He wasn’t sure what, but he said that she had caught the first flight back to Vienna that morning. Toto’s heart sank. He couldn’t get Elisabeth off his mind for the rest of the day, and couldn’t seem to settle down that night after heading to bed. He tossed and turned, unable to sleep. 

The image of Elisabeth was etched in his mind — the lipstick she was wearing and how it would look smeared across his face, his neck, his chest, and… Other places. He thought about the graceful line of her neck, down to her collarbones — places where he wanted to leave delicate kisses and not-so delicate ones. He could feel himself growing increasingly frustrated, trying to figure out if there was a way he could relieve the pressure without…

— Toto, what’s wrong? — he heard Aurelie say. Toto turned over to look at her, feeling bad about the places his mind had been going while she was laying next to him. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes — You keep tossing and turning.

— Oh, I — he said, feeling a bit ashamed at how his imagination seemed determined to lead him to betrayal. He certainly hadn’t meant to wake her — I was just thinking about how qualifying went.

He was lying through his teeth, somewhat — qualifying was something else that was on his mind, but not as presently as Elisabeth was.

— The whole thing with Nico and Lewis — he continued — I know Nico was cleared of actually impeding Lewis, but something doesn’t feel right about the way those two have been driving lately. It’s starting to become concerning.

— Oh non, mon loup — Aurelie cooed — We can’t have you stressed out before your big day tomorrow. Let me help you relax.

— No, you don’t have to do that, I’ll be — he was interrupted by Aurélie pressing on his shoulder a little to get him to lie flat on his back. She slowly climbed on top of him, sitting on his hips.

— Please, mon loup — she purred — I can make you feel so good.

— Well… Okay — Toto whispered. 

Aurélie leaned down and started kissing his face and neck. Her kisses were soft at first, but quickly became more urgent and a little forceful, with her biting his lip a little bit. Toto didn’t dislike it, per se, but all he could think about was the frenetic, passionate kiss that he and Elisabeth shared in Brackley. 

If he closed his eyes, he could practically place himself at that moment in time again — the moment their mutual anger with each other morphed into mutual passion. He could almost feel the way Elisabeth’s hands felt on the back of his neck, grasping at him as if to draw him impossibly closer than he already was after he laid her down on the conference table. He could feel the relative coolness of the wood of the table on the back of his hands as he cradled the back of Elisabeth’s head. He remembered everything about those few minutes in sharp detail — the way her perfume smelled, the texture of the fabric of her woolen winter coat, the way the crimson red pashmina scarf she was wearing felt like it was in the way and how badly he wanted to take it off to mark the delicate skin underneath. 

His hands traveled down Aurélie’s back, feeling the way the satin fabric of her nightgown hugged the delicate curve of her spine, all the way down to her butt. But his mind kept picturing Elisabeth, with her charming smile, the sweet scent of her perfume, and the way she touched him so passionately.

Things progressed, and Aurélie shed her nightgown. Her body was perfect. But, Toto had recently seen pictures of Elisabeth at the beach with her brothers. In the photos, she was wearing a black bikini, and her curves, always covered by well-tailored dresses and blazers, were fully visible. So, too, was her perfect ass. The thought of touching Elisabeth there made him sink his fingers into Aurélie's skin. He kept his eyes closed. In his mind, Toto could see Elisabeth on top of him, grinding against him, her face flushed with arousal, a devilish smirk on her pretty face.

It didn't take long for him to feel the woman on top of him reposition herself and sink onto his cock with a long, satisfied sigh. He held back the urge to moan her name as she slowly moved her hips. Her blue eyes stared at him intensely, as if they wanted to capture every change in his expression. Then, he finally realized if he concentrated hard enough, he could see Elisabeth riding him, moaning at every thrust of her hips, massaging her clit against his public bone. If he kept his eyes closed, he could see himself inside of Elisabeth, feeling her contracting around him. If he kept himself focused, he could feel Elisabeth’s beautiful breasts, with their rose-colored nipples, bouncing in his hands. 

— You’re so good for me, my pretty little girl — he said, quietly. He was getting dangerously close to his release, doubtlessly being pulled along by the vision of Elisabeth on top of him, her brown hair falling in front of her face as she picked up her pace, supporting herself on his abdomen.

However, the answer was not what he expected.

— Yes, mon loup, just for you — he heard a French accent instead of Elisabeth’s Austrian accent. Taken by surprise, Toto opened his eyes, seeing Aurélie, with her cheeks flushed and lips open in a moan as she came. The feeling of her contracting around him pulling him over the edge. Toto held back the urge to moan Elisabeth's name, biting his tongue and allowing just a grunt.

Seconds later, she collapsed onto his chest, both of them sweaty and breathless. 

— That was amazing, mon loup — she said, encircling her arms around his neck, her lips brushing over his — You were so amazing for me. I am so glad that you’re mine. 

“But I’m not… Yours”, he thought.

He kissed her back, but it felt like he was going through the motions.

It didn’t help him relax as much as it physically tired him out, but it was all the same in the end. Toto laid awake a little longer, staring at the woman sleeping across his naked chest. “You’re so beautiful, and so kind to me”, he thought. “It’s a shame, because I already belong to someone else. She just… Doesn’t feel the same way”. He stroked his fingers through Aurelie’s blonde strands until he was finally able to fall asleep.

The sound of a muffled clack snapped Toto out of his daydreams. It came from the bathroom. Elisabeth must have just set something on the bathroom counter — her hairbrush, perhaps. He had been mindlessly fussing with his cufflinks, and he wasn’t sure how long he’d been in his daze. He checked his watch — they had a bit more time before they had to leave, but it felt like she’d been in the bathroom for a while. 

He smiled, realizing that the woman in the bathroom was the woman he was supposed to be with all along. It had taken a while to get there, and the wait was painful… But he couldn’t say it wasn’t worth it. 

Later on that night, they were back in their room. 

They had divested each other of their clothes, and Elisabeth straddled Toto’s lap, making sure to leave a trail of lipstick marks down his neck and chest. When she took off his pants, Elisabeth laughed when she saw that his underwear was stained with lipstick. So was his dick.

— So… Help me clean off the stains, baby — he said, with a smirk.

— Of course, Mr. Wolff — she answered, lining her hips up before sinking onto his cock, a long sigh leaving her pretty red lips, followed by his name, just a whisper. She let herself relax around him for a moment before starting to move her hips, gasping at the pleasurable sensation. Beneath her, Toto brought his hands up to her thighs, enjoying the sight of her moving slowly over him, his lower lip between his teeth.

— You look so pretty like that, Liesl — he mumbled, his fingers digging at her skin.

— Like what? — she gasped, as she started to move up and down his shaft.

— With my cock inside you.

She smiled.

— You don't look bad inside me either, my love.

— And how do I feel, baby? — Toto asked, thrusting up to meet the movements of her hips, going even deeper. A moan escaped her lips, the nails scratching his abdomen.

— Good — Elisabeth whispered, her eyes rolling back in her head — So good. So fucking good.

It didn't take long for her to establish a rhythm, leaning forward with her hands on Toto’s shoulders to give her leverage. Toto was completely absorbed in the sight of her, with her hair hanging down in brown waves over her shoulders, her cheeks flushed and her lips parted. The sounds leaving them each time she lowered her hips almost angelic. 

Her breasts were something else. Firm and rounded with rosy, sensitive nipples, they made anything she wore look sexy. Sliding his hands down her body, Toto's hands reached for her chest, his thumbs circling the sensitive skin until her nipples perked up. 

He looked up into Elisabeth’s face and was immediately consumed by the pleasure she was drawing from him. He was sure he had died and gone to heaven. As he was listening to her moans, Toto was surprised as her fingers found his wrists, pressing his hands against her breasts.

— Harder — she whined, breathless — Harder.

Massaging and kneading her skin, he could feel himself getting close. Elisabeth was too, if the way she was squeezing around him was any indication. Her thrusts became faster and sloppier as she started using her own fingers to stimulate herself.

Elisabeth had always been an independent woman, and it even showed in the way she made love to him. For Toto, there was nothing sexier than a woman who knew her body and knew what she liked, and could show him exactly how she liked to be touched and stimulated, whether it was with his fingers, his mouth, or his dick. However, he couldn’t ever remember ever seeing her touch herself in the middle of sex. Her face was contorted into a mixture between agony and pleasure. She was getting close, but her release still eluded her.

— Want help, baby? — he whispered. One of his hands slid down her torso, taking her hand away, using his thumb to make circular motions against her clit. Elisabeth’s moans and whimpers grew louder.

— Yes, yes, like that — she mumbled, her eyes completely shut, her head thrown back. While the sight of her completely surrendered to pleasure was wonderful, something was missing.

And Toto knew exactly what it was.

— Baby, I want you to look at me — Toto said. He was out of breath. Her eyelids fluttered and her blue eyes soon met his, darkening with desire. Toto watched her, enraptured, while meaningless words escaped her lips.

— Yes, yes, yes, oh my God — she moaned, her eyes threatening to close — I’m… I’m coming, I’m coming…

— Yes, my pretty little girl, eyes on me — he said before she came, her eyes rolling and a broken moan leaving her lips. Her climax tipped him over the edge and he practically chanted her name as he came inside of her like he always did, his legs quivering and his hands squeezing her hips. Toto’s eyes were on her face, absorbing her expressions while the aftershocks rocked her body, making her muscles twitch.

It still felt good to be wanted.

They laid in bed afterward, entangled in each other. Elisabeth was laying on Toto’s chest, her head resting on his sternum, listening to the sound of his heartbeat slowing down as they both relaxed.  He ran his fingers softly down her spine, chuckling at the way it made her skin erupt with goosebumps. 

— Toto? — Elisabeth said, quietly. She moved her head to look at him as she spoke — Can I ask you something?

— Of course — Toto said, bending forward a bit to kiss Elisabeth’s forehead — Anything.

— You always want me to look at you while we’re having sex, to keep my eyes open. You’ve insisted ever since the first time we did, in Sochi. I don’t mind, but… Why?

Toto smiled, bringing one of his hands to cradle Elisabeth’s head in his palm, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

— I guess… It's because when I’m with you, I feel like I’m in a dream. I like to keep my eyes open so that I know that you’re real, and so I can see how I make you feel. You look so beautiful, and seeing you so happy and knowing that I make you feel so good… It makes me feel good, too. And I want you to see how you make me feel every time I’m with you. I know it sounds a bit… Silly, maybe, but it’s true.

Elisabeth smiled. 

— That’s one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard — she turned her head to kiss his palm — I love you, honey. You are a dream come true for me.

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