#nevermind ill stop killing myself for that pipe dream now lol

[ironmanstan]

I am coming to the realization i have been slowly killing myself with work i think oops

#m thinking now and im like #i havent read ... anything consistently .. or watched anything .. or had time to like do anything #in genuinely so long #and i was like kinda becoming ok w it #my brain issues .. nothing matters i dont need anything all i need is me i dont need to have anyone or anything with me <- bad. stop it #part of this was the i need my dad to be proud of me braincell but well i win award i have 4.0 gpa and he still yell at me #deciding now to stop caring so much (i still do but ill ignore it) i need 2 be alive again i dont care #im so mad i dont even know .. im so viscerally angry like actually i dont even know what to do with that lmfao #my brother does shit all and u give him sm slack have NEVER treated him as bad as youve treated me #and nothing i do NOTHING is good enough or changes how u look at me #like idk he called me and i cried so much i got so fucking upset i fhkdhdkf ok. ok. #he will b like omg im so proud of u i love u so much ive always believed in u and i just think back to when #he yelled at me once like fiiive years ago and i was like u just make me feel so worthless all the time #and he was like yeah bc you are worthless #and im like hmmm idk bestie i dont think youve ever changed from looking at me like that and it is insanely obvious lmao #i dont even know bro im crazy. m insane got given an inch and tried to take a mile like omg i can actually be recognized as worth something #nevermind ill stop killing myself for that pipe dream now lol #m not even upset im just mad lmao i dont wanna hate my dad and i dont but every day i feel more and more like i should #vent