#no giant sword just yet but you can fling the he/him pronouns around like projectiles in a slingshot for the time being

[immanentise]

After a long lotta soul searching and psychoanalysing, I've concluded that I currently feel best about being he/him agender afab (& am likeee 65-35 fem-masc for presentation atm) which feels like a parody of tumblr users going too far with labels. And yet.

Like I can show you my working out here, and yeah, I think therapy might be helpful for me to get a more stable sense of self, but it's what I feel works best for me at the moment.

Now how do I integrate this self-discovery into the way I speak French....

#not transing my gender but de-gendering my self-concept and self-presentation #do you get me #my gender is me gently nursing my 9 yr old self back to life #who was not a tomboy but also was not a girl or a boy and was ugly as all hell but had no conception of attractiveness or refinement #who had a multi-year long daydream world which was based around having a) a huge sword and b) friends w matching swords #who only had second hand clothes but from both the boys & girls sections and who was obsessed w reenacting violence as playing #god she could've taken over the world #im coaxing her back to life #but to do that we have got to pass over the grave of the teenage me who was in a lot of pain that i cannot carry forward #and the she/her pronouns will to be laid to rest with her. at least for the time being #so welcome to the future little me dont mind the grave of 11-17 yr old us or the void where 18-22 yr old us used to be #no giant sword just yet but you can fling the he/him pronouns around like projectiles in a slingshot for the time being #and i bestow upon you the tentative name of 2 dumbass fictional guys whose gender is best described as 'bitchy' #even if no name is ever really going to feel right because 11-17 yr old took our name and buried it with her and that was for the best #so good luck nick #your playground is a graveyard and you do not stand on the shoulders of giants #and yet i think youve got it from here #degendering my self to re gender myself #tear it all to the ground and rebuild only what you want #be a feminine boy in a masc kinda way #him/him but elle qui s'accorde au masculin #impossible que tu sois prof de français comme ça mais tant pis #bark