#none of my friends would ever know i have NPD because i’m not a fucking stereotype - i’m not an evil monster - i don’t want to hurt anyone-

[forcedjuggalofication]

narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real n

#vent/rant in tags #some people are JUST ABUSIVE. #i’m not gonna lie - it hurts so fucking bad to have done so much work all by myself - untreated - unmedicated - no resources - #just guesswork - just to have it not fucking matter because people discard me the SECOND they learn about my #TRAUMA BASED fucking disorder. #it’s not my fault. i was a CHILD. i was a CHILD who should have been cared for - not neglected - isolated - and abused. #i’m sorry that maybe some people take that and repeat the cycle - but everything about that told me that i HAVE to be BETTER - #i CANNOT repeat those same fucking behaviours that wounded me so deeply and ruined my fucking life #IT IS NOT MY FAULT. #and you know fucking what? my biggest abuser had NPD - and i rejected my diagnosis for YEARS. because of terms like narc abuse. #and because people demonized him on the basis of being a narcissist instead of on the basis of being an abuser. #rejecting my diagnosis only hurt me more - and hurt the people around me more. #i am so tired. i’m just a person. i am just a human being. i try so hard - i don’t even want recognition or praise for trying - #i’m just tired of being thrown away - i’m tired of being treated like my abuser just because of my diagnosis #he quite literally tried to murder me - believe me if you want - i don’t care - i was a child and he tried to murder me and i still think #that there is no excuse to demonize NPD just because he has it. #fuck all the way off - go die - i don’t care #none of my friends would ever know i have NPD because i’m not a fucking stereotype - i’m not an evil monster - i don’t want to hurt anyone- #the way i’ve been hurt - i NEED to be the best - i NEED to be as good as possible #stop demonizing my disorder - please - i am begging #screaming into the void #NPD #narc abuse #narcissistic abuse