#not fully tagging cuz i got whiney again

[nanyoky]

It has been a week and A HALF and it’s only wednesday i deserve so much food and the drama BETTER BE GOOD this week

of course chic’s not a blossom he’s a whatever-alice’s-maiden-name-is/jones we all know this please let the confrontation be messy with alice and fp PLEASE LORDS OF MELODRAMA

oh my god. as much as i prefer season 1 alice to season 2 alice, this reaction is great. so great. “who’s his dad? who knows! it’s a mystery! highschool was so long ago i don’t even remember everyone i dated! doesn’t matter! no one needs to know who i rode like a pornstar in the back of his pickup after the homecoming game senior year! and no one needs to know i still think about it all the time! especially when he’s talking all sarcastic with his rough hewn charm! It was one time and I definitely don’t have dreams about it ever, okay? IT’S IRRELEVANT BETTY”

oh no you guys i just thought of the fact that alice cooper likely knows where fp’s serpent tattoo is and i don’t and now i’m DISTRAUGHT

okay- like i love it when they remember people i love are friends, but why is kevin sitting in on this register interview?

....i don’t know who this dude is but kevin is excited so i’m excited for him

also why is hal talking like there’s an audience to this interview? i know i bitched about the bad season one dialogue but now it’s just WEIRD

oh noooo.... veronica actually kinda thought her mom let her invite a friend just to be nice and then had to come crashing down to manipulative reality

jughead’s back on his bullshit again *claps hands aggressively in his face* ACTUAL. AT. RISK. KIDS. SUPPORT. THAT. SCHOOL. BEING. SHUT. DOWN. STOP. TRYING. TO. HIJACK. THEIR. LIVES. SO. YOU. CAN. FEEL. MORALLY. SUPERIOR.

god i really want there to be a falling out between jughead and toni where she finally tells him off for acting all martyred when he has essentially been a serpent for a hot five minutes and sees it as a novelty that can excuse his selfish actions when the rest of them live the reality of needing a gang to survive poverty and violence and i want that scene to HURT a lot because we like jughead! we genuinely do! but he’s been such a prime fucking pill this season and he’s not going to learn and grow until he gets hurt a little bit as a direct result of the shit he’s been pulling

um so i was excited that ethel was back..... and then a characterization 180 for zero reason other than they needed someone to throw a milkshake????? why

okay that was dumb but josie’s reaction was great

like- i’m still waiting to figure out how veronica’s long con with her parents is going to shake out. they better give her a great season three subplot to make up for this messy crummy mob malarky

that was a SOLID punch

also YASSS let her snap- give us some indication she’s been holding back and biting her tongue this whole time and now she can’t take it anymore

lol leaning HARD into the crimson peak vibe with that “special tea.” they know what we want.

i. am. so. glad. jughead’s hunger strike is a joke to everyone.

but also lol: jughead: why are you being such a bastard, v? veronica: my parents don’t want me to do the thing but i’m going to do it anyway. jughead: you are my favorite friend and i’ve always supported you.

and he’s back into anti mode because betty is being softcore up for some beronica

and a hard cut to toni killing it for no reason other than that we all forgot the vixens were a thing- and toni is a swell dancer so we’re all glad to see it

THE POMPONS ON HER SNEAKERS??????

“inner circle vixens- you know who you are” PPPFFFTTT

“MANDATORY SLUMBER PARTY” GOD I MISSED YOU HBIC VIXEN CHERYL

“you were only at southside high for like- four days” thank you. and i know jughead is tying it all to growing up in the neighborhood but like- come on. jug. he’s right. you didn’t hang out with toni and sweetpea and fangs and joaquin growing up. you hung out with archie and betty and kevin. you should not be speaking for the former just because you shared a zipcode in the part of your life you won’t even remember as an adult. and if you miss your mom and jellybean so much like- call them?! why are they not brought up more often?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! when am i going to finally see neeve campbell claim her right by combat to divorce skeet ulrich in dramatic fashion when she finds out about his lovechild?????????? she killed him twice in the nineties SHE’S EARNED THIS

HOMO EROTIC BRAID TRAIN

what is cheryl wearing is that a dress? a slip? a nightgown? I DON’T CARE I WANT IT ON MY BODY

also HOLY SHIT DOES SHE HAVE HER “BURN IT TO THE GROUND” DRESS ON DISPLAY ON A DRESSFORM GOD LOVE THAT WOMAN

“wait- is this real or a game?” i stand by the headcanon that not only did joaquin tell the gang about “this is riveting-” but secrets and sins and the whole night so toni like- has tangential second hand knowledge of season 1 cheryl’s bullshit and is trying to reconcile that with the vulnerable but emotionally stunted hottie she’s learned to love

god i’m still FURIOUS that we will never see teen serpents all together i would kill for a flashback of them all hanging out on the night of jughead’s birthday and joaquin bursts through the door at 2am like “I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST FUCKING NIGHT OF MY LIFE INCLUDING THAT TIME I STUFFED A BODY IN A FREEZER LET ME TELL YOU *EVERYTHING*”

also i just realized toni has primarily male friends so her confusion might be partially due to the fact she’s NEVER BEEN TO A SLEEPOVER?!?!?! she’s just sitting there like “oh shit- ‘i don’t feel safe in my home’ is this a game??? i haven’t seen this in any teen flicks how do you play??? are their pillow fights involved?????”

SHE JUST CALLED HER TT. LIKE JJ. as a messy bitch who loves questionable things in her suburban gothics: FUCK. YES.

there is.... something both HILARIOUSLY implausible, but also HILARIOUSLY realistic about this. “i invited you all here because i fear for my life in my own home.” “omg same let me tell you MY family drama.” sleepovers just be like that.

they just turn in after thiss???? okay THAT i don’t believe. sleepovers are the time for plotting convoluted and dangerous plans to solve your life problems, not vent for 30 seconds and then go to bed

THEY MADE EVERYONE ELSE SLEEP ON THE FLOOR BUT CHERONI IS BATHED IN SEXY RED MOOD LIGHTING I’M CACKLING

i’m trying to picture cheryl announcing the sleeping arrangements and i can’t stop laughing. “as the newest vixen, toni will have the privilege of a mattress. not alone of course. i AM the hostess after all. there is plenty of room.” toni: oh that’s so nice and not weird or suspicious of you cheryl i would love to bone- i mean sleep on the same bed three feet apart from you. everyone else: we’re still here stop being nasty.

cheryl and toni are meant to be because they both don’t remove their makeup before bed like some kind of goblins with naturally perfect skin no matter what hell they put it through

BLOSSOMS! BACK AT IT! THERE’S MY FAM! BRINGIN HOME THE GOLD WITH ATTEMPTED MURDER AND SOME CLAUDIUS/GERTRUDE- I MEAN PENELOPE ACTION

((i can’t tell if this episode is actually better or if i’m just in a better mood tonight. don’t care. having fun.))

molly ringwald!!!! missed you boo

.....who is that boy veronica just snubbed on his cupcake and kiss i only saw the back of his head but i know my TYPE when i see it

“right now i’m only interested in one girl, you.” ethel shifts uncomfortably because no one could resist that gay shit right there no matter how hard we may try

also tho- for the record, i’m with ethel, sexualizing your student body president campaign is tacky and archaic af

oh my god jughead you look like a freshman delivering his first speech at the regional finals

also lol they got like Other Serpents to fill in the club so that it’s not just the snakey core four

AND HE’S BACK USING THE TRIBE FOR HIS OWN NARRATIVE GODDAMMIT JUGHEAD YOU’RE MAKING IT SO HARD TO LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW

KEVIN THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS NONSENSE I THOUGHT YOU AND I AGREED YOU WORK ON JUST BEING YOU FOR AWHILE AND THEN IF JOQUIN COMES BACK THEN YOU HAVE A LOVE INTEREST?!

oh kev i can’t stay mad at you not when you can’t keep a secret to save your goddamn life. sweet bean. precious pea. too good for this world.

oh i like this. i like betty getting FEROCIOUSLY protective of kevin- even though i’m not even entirely sure chic is as dodgy as they’re trying to make us think

ahhh there she is josie- my ambitious girl.

oh my gooooooddddddddddd. serpents why are you listening to jughead- with that edit away from the scene i thought they were gunna let him have it. why do they suddenly think he’s right????? THEY HATED THAT SCHOOL! THEY WERE HAPPY TO GO TO RHS! THIS IS CANON AND IN THE DIALOGUE! I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS SEASON!

WUT THE FUCK BETTY. i kinda love it tho

oh lordy- heavy handed girl power political twisting- COMPLETE WITH SONG

i mean- i know that ethel has always been a very minor side character, but i’m still disappointed they’re using her for this plot when the last we saw of her in season one was her being very mature and understanding that veronica does not control her parents actions and now she’s the exact opposite with like- no new personal story to back this change up. you either get put on a bus at the end of season one or you stick around long enough to be handed a sloppily put together new personality that no one wants.

JOSIE?! honestly i know i keep saying it but this is so messy what even is this show anymore

((sorry i’m whining again- i really liked the sleepover bring that bit back))

that was a well done breakdown from mendes good job girl that built really nice

also was that a spark of season one hermione i saw???? please?????

“she wears it when she has sex with jughead” oh my. oh dearie me. this is. goodness.

betty you fell into one of the classic blunders- never admit anything you’re accused of until they have proof lol even chic is surprised that worked

alice needs a system reboot at the thought of jughead and betty boning for various reasons- not least of all the generational echo of her life

JUGHEAD AND FP SCENE. these are the only times this season that remind me of my love for that skinny little twerp. their interactions remain golden and heartbreaking and i love themboth to bits.

boys- wake up and smell the custody papers. jellybean aint comin back. good or bad idea. also jug- you’re sixteen? two years you’ll be out of here on a scholarship anyway- stop acting like people don’t move out of small towns anymore

OH GOD THEY’RE GENTLE SNUGGLING HLEP ME just bury me in scenes of these boys bonding over their pigheaded natures

like this annoys me that they’re couching this in archie drinking hiram’s koolaid because “i don’t think jughead’s fighting FOR anything.” is the smartest thing archie’s said all season

archie deserved that now go after jughead, molly ringwald i trust you to dress anyone and everyone down as you see fit

“i’m.... very well acquainted with how alluring the jones men are” yes.... yeeesssss..... yaassssss YASSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“woah- wait-” keep up betty we all knew this from alice and fp’s first interaction in season one

there she goes- puttin it together. “absolutely not” my lumpy ass

“don’t forget what he did.” “i will never forget” ......i’mma confess i honestly forgot about the murder that’s how fucking messy this season has been.

jesus christ this mutual blackmailing but also gaslighting between chic and betty is just nightmarishly stressful 

YASS BACK ON CHERYL BEING THE TRADITIONAL GOTHIC HEROINE OF EVERY MOOR-SET PAPERBACK EVER PRINTED i missed this. i missed the trational gothic heroine trapped in an american/suburban gothic.

*sigh* i’ve spent all season holding out hope- giving varchie the benefit of the doubt that they were both playing close to the chest and pulling long cons on mama and papa lodge, but i don’t know. i think it’s just bad writing now.

yeah hiram like anyone would ever believe that the bulldogs would go to disband a protest of their peers with wire cutters completely of their own volition. NO ONE is going to think the developer who is essentially the only one with a personal stake in the demolition of the school might have twisted their arms. solid plan. no one will suspect you’re pulling the strings of these teens.

god they’re making this so dramatic but i hate this plotline and the lack of consistency with the serpents plot so it’s just laughable

omg omg- can we just forget the unfortunateness of this episode’s plot for jughead and instead get fucking PUMPED to see him try to get votes for student council i am READY FOR THIS TRAINWRECK

lol- if this was anyone but jughead i’d be laughing at him agreeing that she stay in the trailer without consulting- you know- the adult who owns the trailer and is his legal guardian, but this is fp we’re talking about he’s gunna be so stoked. he’s gunna buy like all new pillows and sheets and curtains and like a “welcome home” teddybear and stock the fridge full of healthy things he imagines people like betty eat. like smoothies. fp needs all the strawberry smoothies as jughead’s dowery to seal the deal

MORE MOLLY RINGWALD?! YAYYYY!!!

HOLY SHIT???? i mean- i was all for cheryl being the typical gothic heroine trapped away and called mad once she wised up to her shady family but this is... hmmm. wow. that’s..... a lot. nto sure how i feel about it.

#nell liveblogs #riverdale spoilers #not fully tagging cuz i got whiney again #sorry guys