#not to mention the fact that wearing headphones is basically Completely Off The Table™

[miodiodavinci]

feeling tired and weepy , , , ,

#this really belongs on that hypothetical side-blog i keep saying i'm going to make but #i feel like i need somewhere to vent and twitter is. dubious at the moment. #plus i'm trying to wean myself off using it in the event it implodes overnight #but anyway skjhflgdfj #finally seeing a doctor today after two ER trips and over a month of waiting #and the horror sure has become a horror hh #it turns out i stopped taking photos of it around mid december after i nicked it and started needing to bandage it full time #so my photo album where i was documenting its progress cuts off there #but i took another photo last night on the slim chance anything happens today and just #the gut punch of seeing it go from this tiny pearly red bump #to a massive 3cm wide lump of ever-bleeding ever-weeping flesh #sure is hard to take hh #like if i thought it looked like it'd been rendered by a concept artist for a horror game before #h o o boy does it look like it now #like i'm patient zero in some sort of mutagenic plague hh #i'm really desperately hoping i can get an urgent referral to a specialist #because at this point i can't sleep for more than 4 or 5 hours without being soaked in blood and serum #no matter what i do #not to mention the fact that wearing headphones is basically Completely Off The Table™ #either way hh #i'm weepy because i haven't been in a proper doctor's office since high school #due to family deaths and insurance fuck-ups and bigger priorities #and also the fact that my last two doctors (who i each only met once) were incredibly fatphobic #one used to act as though i didn't know what a vegetable was #and the other said the chest pains i was having were because i was having ''''silent panic attacks'''' about my weight #this was all back when i weighed a max of 130 pounds wet #so needless to say It Was Very Fucked Up™ #and it has me scared that i'll be lectured again today about my body #or shamed for having the gall to exist over 120 pounds #i'm scared they won't give me the referral i need to have the horror removed