#now I feel just as sleep deprived physically as I did when I hadn't eaten in well over a week and hadn't slept more than a couple hours-

[wingedbeings]

I'm such an absolute mess right now, I need to just take my meds and go to sleep but I cant because what if they try to do something while im asleep

#don't rebl//g #moss.exe #suicide tw #im flaring up rlly bad too bc ive been up for way to long #i slept 3 hrs and now ive been up for 24 since then other than the brief half sleep nap I had full of trauma nightmares #I had to be up early to be available for them and that #they dont even give half a fuck about me #all they ever do is use me #if i dont go to sleep soon im just going to end up flaring up so badly i'll need emergency care instead #i genuinely feel like im just about dying #why do my chronic illnesses cause this bs #i used to be able to stay up for several days #when they werent so bad yet #now I feel just as sleep deprived physically as I did when I hadn't eaten in well over a week and hadn't slept more than a couple hours- #throughout the same week while still going to school #I know its also bc of my medication now to some degree and being rlly sensitive to withdrawal symptoms of them after not having taken them #for over 26-30 or so hours #bc of my chronic illnesses #and the flaring up worsens the symptoms and vice versa #but I just hate this bc I need to stay awake more than ever now and I just feel like I'm dying #my body is just straight up giving up so I really have no choice but to soon #but I wont be able to live with myself if they do anything while I'm asleep #i just basically begged them to be there when I wake up and im going to set my alarm at as little sleep as my body is willing to let me- #survive on which is abt 6 hrs and thats rlly rlly pushing it as thats barely manageable on a good day but yea #i honestly dont think its doable to set an alarm at all bc my body is just begging for at least 12 hrs of sleep to maybe keep the flare up- #from worsening still so maybe I shouldnt set an alarm because if I wake up i wont be able to just go back to sleep #and I feel like I'll actually genuinely have no choice but to contact emergency services if this worsens even the tiniest bit #im actually genuinely worried if I'll even wake up in the morning with how genuinely bad im doing physically lol #lets just hope for the best i guess #i wish i had a mother who would hold me and comfort me rn so badly