#oh my god hdfjaksldfjsd when i think of how i cld always make better use of my time i can't let myself rest properly

[noxtivagus]

hdkfjalskdf just thinking of. video games or wtvr stories in general n my heart is just so full of them :((

#🌙.rambles #thinking of hermes again T_T n then.. gbf oh my godddd wmtsb WHAT MAKES THE SKY BLUE #i wna write. like. original stories or idk stuff w characters i like or. idk really just anything ! #bcs everyday when i go through every single day there's just. so much in my mind that #last year managing all that was so tiring esp bcs my sleep was so messed up but this year is different #since i've been sleeping much better so i have more energy to manage it better but #it's still. very overwhelming but yeah basically i can manage it better #being productive w school or wtvr but at the same time idk! there's so much i want to do n so much i do at the same time #whenever i just go through my day normally i notice mundane things that give me inspo? n then everything in me or around me invokes like #idk i think a lot of stories n i really soar high w that but i'm also firmly rooted to the ground n #it's just confusing bcs it's overwhelming but i manage somehow wtf i think maybe i'm just more sensitive to all these things rn #i don't know how to write it properly bcs i can't relate myself to others that much bcs i don't. interact w a lot of kinds of people #mostly just observing n then even w the friends i have #i'm srs not very social i don't typically go out of my way to message ppl but it's not bcs i don't like it. nah i really genuinely like it #but. IDK HOW TO SAY IT BUT YK.. i'm introverted fr n also rlly shy n anxious at times :c #but honestly it also depends bcs ik i have apollo after all n i think our relationship as twins is. really special in this lonely world :^) #idk what i'm saying anymore but. i'm just overwhelmed oh my god #I SHOULD PROBABLY LET MYSELF REST PROPERLY EVEN FOR A BIT BCS THAT'S NECESSARY BUT #oh my god hdfjaksldfjsd when i think of how i cld always make better use of my time i can't let myself rest properly #it's not just. taking time off doing stuff that's rest. it's also resting the mind bcs i can't. goddamn rest. w my mind like this #most of the time when i do things i srs can't help but think of how i cld always improve or do better #stuff that r more.. creative? idk but like less than school assignments or. achievements in video games #while that gives me a sense of satisfaction i want to sort of 'complete' everything #thinking of stories n what they mean to me n only me comforts me more bcs there's no true right or wrong w them #just.. me. that sort of freedom n escape from those systems or wtvr that drain me so much #either way i still perform well enough BUT ITS SO DRAINING I SHLD STOP THO BCS I HAVE SMTH TO DO AAAAA #i'll fix myself later. i cld say that better bcs it's not like there's exactly smth 'wrong' with me? idk i'm not sure #tbf emotions r Irrational n human so all in all i'm being too harsh on myself but still hfkdajfklsdfj #life's just. so complex. its depth is so. yh. oh my god that said though i do have to do some school stuff rn so i'll put this away for now