#ohhh ur a puritan bc u think cp is bad parts of the net

[bellincurl]

Maybe I'm just desensitized from dealing with like cptsd probably ocd neurotic soup unchecked for my whole life and finding ways to just phase out the chatter of it but seeing ppl here talk abt moral ocd and stuff in a way where they refuse to be reminded of racism or anything is baffling to me. Like I don't get how that's helpful for you, instead of separating thoughts and morals from yourself and your actions you're just going oh no my religious ocd is triggered when ppl talk about me having privilege or benefitting from systemic oppression so therefore I'm never going to interact with marginalized people who talk about it ect ect ect. Or proship ppl being like it's too hard to take a stance against incest and age gap ships so they're just no holds bars for it now. Like again maybe I'm being mean, being online is hard I do think the way ppl talk is especially triggering for ocd and the whole born good born bad self flaggelation for forgiveness stuff never be wrong takes especially eat at me but they are symptoms ultimately and letting it box you out from ways you can actually genuienly improve as a person feels wildly unhelpful to me. Sitting with guilt and understanding what is real harm thats been done by you and actual bad things you believed and what is the brain chatter is crucial.

#ig it's just that unpacking that and ingrained beliefs and the urge to be centered and coddled is #something you have to be doing regardless and i kind of jsut cant respect not doing that #like i care abt ballroom there is a ballroom scene here and my ruminations can play up on anything like #i absolutely cannot engage with the ballroom scene here its not a space for pakeha reslly and i dont want to come off as a white drag race #fan who isnt aware of privilege and wants to be inserted everywhere egotist ect maybe even being into drag at all is problematic ill never #understand ballroom bc i didnt go thru enough and bc im white and z and x and x #and like THAT is disordered thinking that is feedjng off scraps of white fragility and online discourse #but there is truth that the scene here is intimate and new and primarily for maori and pacific and takatapui and that is how it needs to be #like i hope im not wildly off base. idw be one of those ppl who are like just found out abt opression im going to make myself the singular #voice and educator on it coughing at breadtube phenomena kinda thing right right right #like just white ppl bouncing obvious things they just learned back and forth to feel more progressive #i just think ocd isnt a good reason to feed into the left cannibalizes itself cant say anything these days isms of it all and the like #ohhh ur a puritan bc u think cp is bad parts of the net #my self analyzing and ruminations are a thin line but it has genuienly improved me to understand that #your shame and guilt whether it's rational or disordered or not isn't the center of the world and does not need to be coddled #anyway LMAO it did spend 5 hours writing this bc it is disordered and got stuck on it #long post