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debbieker-blog · 7 years

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This, I will never forget

(( I’m super late, I know!!! I’m sorry, but good things were happening and then really bad things happened, so, that’s why this took a lot of time. It has been written a long time ago in my head and it’s finally here! yay Thank you to @isabellafaulkner for the rp. I loooove yooouuu, girl! I also did a little mention of other ladies, but I don’t want to annoy them with a tag :) ))

Closure.

People say that very few can get it, and that if you want to do yourself a favor, you better pretend that you did get one.

I woke up really early that morning. Another restless night to add to the collection. Confusing thoughts had been hunting me since my birthday and they were getting harder to deal with. I had heard of existential crisis, but this is getting ridiculously annoying. Seems like all the important things in life that I had been leaving aside all this months, suddenly, decided to come back together at the same time. Thank God that despite all that torture, I was able to come up with the social project they asked us to do. It was a hard task but I was pleased with the result of it, no matter what happens to me in this competition I hope they consider my proposal.

I entered to the palace again taking my sneakers off, trying not to leave much sand in the immaculate carpeted floor after my morning jog at the beach. I opened my door’s room and I found three sad faces in front of me, staring. I froze at the frame of the door while my mind did a quick research in my memories. There had been rumors that we will have news of other eliminations soon…

Oh God.

My heart suddenly felt like a heavy rock inside my chest and what’s this in my throat? I take a deep breath, burring with it the feelings threating to get out. I forced my face and the rest of my muscles to look relaxed and I entered the room closing the door behind me. “Well… I guess we have much to do this morning, am I right?” I said smirking.

“We are going to miss you, Lady Debbie” Lisa said with a hardly perceptible tone, playing with her hands. I put my hand on her shoulder “Come on, ladies, we knew this would happen someday. I will miss you all too, but I need you to help me maintain a positive mood around here” I look at each one of them “Please?” They nodded, but kept their sad faces for some more minutes, until I started talking about all the good things I missed from Sota and that I will finally get to see again. All the talking was meant to cheer them up, but deep inside I knew it was to convince myself this was for the best.

I wasn’t surprised of this elimination, everyone knows Dom and I were just not compatible, at least I knew it since the beginning, but unfortunately, not being compatible doesn’t stop your feelings, even when they didn’t even have a name. I arrived at the palace feeling a simple attraction for the Prince. The mystery that always had involved him made that attraction grow; the way he easily and unconsciously made me forget my internal debates with myself when I spent time with him, was starting to make me wonder if … but I guess if this was love I would’ve been devastated by then, and I wasn’t. I just felt terrible sad. Endings always are.

I took a long shower and then I had my breakfast by the balcony of my room. The sun was making the garden flowers look brighter like it used to do every day. I was going to miss that view, and the perfect Angeles’ weather.

“Here’s what you asked for, Miss” said Nadine standing behind me.

“Thank you, Nadine” I stood from the table and took the wine bottle and the glasses with one hand, then quick my steps towards the door “I’ll be right back to finish packing, ladies”

I stood in the hall hesitating, looking at the door in front of me. I had thought of not saying goodbye to any of the ladies because I have never been good with emotional moments, but I just couldn’t leave that place without seeing my favorite selected.

I knocked, and she opened the door immediately as if she was about to do it anyway.

“Debbie!” Isabella shouted giving me a big hug.

This isn’t going to be easy.

I pet her back with my free hand taking another deep breath as it would give me the strength to stay in one piece. “Yes, it’s me! But I didn’t come alone” apparently it was working. “Look!” I showed her the bottle of wine and the glasses I was hiding behind my back.

She chuckled giving me a disbelief gaze “You want to celebrate that you’re leaving?”

I entered to the big room, it looked like mine, but without the amount of dresses here and there. “We are going to celebrate you are winning this thing!” I exclaimed placing the glasses on the small fancy table and pouring the wine into them. “We can talk about my departure later” I handle her one of the glasses. “…So, here’s for the future queen” I raised my glass and instinctively she did the same.

“Here’s to our friendship” she said before we both take a sip of wine

“I’m so happy for you!” I exclaimed. And I really was. I thought I would never find a real friend in the middle of this competition, because despite I wasn’t really competing for Dom’s heart or crown, sometimes things between girls can get tense after all that time hanging together in the same place, but it never was like that. This experience gave me the opportunity to meet very nice ladies. I smiled at the memory of all of them: Aricia, Cal, Fiona, Theia, Berk, Maddie, Emms, even Kat … I hoped I could get to see them again sometime, but Bella was the sweetest soul I’d ever met. I wanted her to be happy and if Dom was what she really wanted I would have been glad to see her marrying him.

“How does it feel to be in the top 4?” I finally asked pausing my thoughts.

He placed her free hand on her left cheek, she was clearly looking for the right word to describe her feelings “It feels surreal! It’s insane”

Since we first met I told her she had everything to be queen. I remembered it was the same day she promised me if she becomes queen, she would give me a personal cute guard to take to Sota with me. “I have always rooted for you, Bella”

Yep, the honest hour was coming

I cleared my throat trying to swallow the thing that has been there obstructing it since this morning. “I know- I know I’m not good at this, but I didn’t want to leave without thanking you for your friendship. Living this experience wouldn’t had been the same without you” I took the third deep breath of the day, fighting a tear back. It was getting harder every time. I wonder how long it would be before I crumble like a mazapan.

Hmm… I should take some of those with me for the trip… and cupcakes too

Isabella pulled me into a hug again “Debbie you are amazing! And I’m so grateful for your friendship”

I broke the hug to point a finger at her “I have to warn you, I will message you all the time, ok?”

“And I will call you at least 5 times a day” she chuckled

“You better! … Good luck with Dom” I crossed my fingers “I hope everything turns out as you want”

She sighed, letting go what seemed to me like contained stress

“Thanks! Let’s see how things go!”

Isabella, always worrying too much as if she didn’t have everything to be a great queen and make Dominic happy. He would be a real fool if he let her go. I gave her a little push with my shoulder trying to make her feel more relaxed “It will be alright!”

Great! Like if those were the words she really needed. Ugh. How do I have friends?

I didn’t know what else to say, so, I decided to go before I create an awkward silence and ruin the moment “… I have to go pack my things… See you later, Bella” I said with a heavy heart but smiling still.

She hugged me a third time, but this time I hugged her really tight too, even when I knew there was a risk to burst into tears. Hugs have always been uncomfortable for me, they are just a way to hide your face, and even when I have always been nice with the ones that have been nice with me, trust was a whole different thing, and a real problem to me. I only hugged my brother Keelan; my best friend Sophie didn’t like hugs too, so, it was never a problem…, but this time I was sure the person I was hugging was and always would be a loyal and true friend.

“I’ll miss you, I promise I will come visit your family’s farm in Sota!

“I will miss you too. I will wait for you there!” I walked towards her door and turned back to waved at her.

“Take care!” She said waving back.

Back in my room, the fairies and I managed to finish packing and get myself ready in the 15 min I had left. I felt pretty with the simple but beautiful pink day dress and beautiful shoes I was wearing. The car that was going to take me to the airport was already waiting for me outside. A blonde, tall, guard entered the room to help me with my only suitcase and I was carrying the backpack I had brought there with me. I look around the enormous, fancy room for a minute one last time and when my eyes met the wooden desk behind the window I walked towards it as an impulse, took a little piece of paper and a pen from the drawer and wrote:

“THANK YOU. GOOD LUCK FOR THE FUTURE”

I folded the paper keeping it on my hand then walked downstairs to the main door where my maids were standing in line to say goodbye. Donna gave me a small box from the kitchen staff. I took a quick look inside and saw a dozen of delicious macaroons. I smiled at her and took her hand and placed the folded little paper in it. She gave me a disbelief look and I articulated the name “Dom” and she nodded.

“Thank you” I said smiling as if I was thanking her for the box of desserts.

The driver helped me to get in the car and stuck my face to the window waving at the three lovely ladies. We were all smiling but our smiles didn’t reach our eyes.

“To the airport, Miss Varker?” The driver asked.

When he looked at my confused face he chuckled and continued “…some of the ladies have decided to stay in the province a little longer”. I raised an eyebrow. I hadn’t considered that option.

“… To the airport, please” Before that moment I hadn’t realized how much I had changed these days. I was sure in other times I would had choose to stay, to avoid going back to normal as much as I can, but this time I knew I had a life to face.

#the goodbye one #i wonder if i will write more...#no one is going to read this but i like it

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