#or at the end when they're promising to make artemis a widow

[a-a-a-anon]

not a lot of people care about the prophecy anymore but here are my headcanons for a chardee macdennis double wedding:

they had to get married in a joint wedding, obviously. neither party would agree to getting married after the other. the topic was brought up and it led to hours of fighting and the threat of arbitration. each party presented their case to frank so he would be a deal breaker and pick who would get married first, but frank refused to get into that mess. they eventually agreed to do a simultaneous wedding

they frantically plan the wedding in one night, treating it like another scheme. during the course of that night they realize they don't really know a lot of people to invite. in the end dennis is appointed as dee's bridesman and dee as dennis' groomsmaid. mac's appointed as charlie's groomsman and charlie as his. they’re really pretending to treat it like a civilized affair. it's franks job to finance and to walk dennis and dee down the aisle (he's really involving himself for mac and charlie's sake. mac because he's proud of him because of MFHP and charlie because he's been his best friend for the last 20 years. he still thinks the twins are bastard crackheads)

they have 4 separate bachelor/bachelorette parties which are like mini versions of dee/charlie/mac/dennis days. frank complains he should be getting a party too and the gang yells at him that only people getting married get bachelor/bachelorette parties.

on the wedding day, the twins get ready together and charmac get ready together:

the twins are snide - "jesus christ sweet dee u should've gotten something with sleeves. that dress does nothing for ur fat bird arms" "well that blazer makes u look like a duck. it's too small" (she's right, the lapel bulges. for a moment dennis stops applying mascara:) "wha- i- why would you say something like that to a man on his wedding day..." or something like that. they're also weirdly competitive and are trying to have a Better wedding than the other, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve in a joint wedding

charlie and mac are in the other room, incredibly anxious and sweaty and trying to keep each other from freaking out. they're trying to huff glue without getting any on their tuxes. dee made mac promise he won't let charlie eat so much cheese before the wedding because it makes his breath repugnant. mac ignores this and actually decides to try stress eating cheese too in an attempt to quell his pre wedding anxiety. they also helped each other dress in their tuxes (they’re used to getting someone from a non-'white trash' background to help them dress for fancy events)

dee's vows include a bunch of bad dirty jokes, tailor written for the occasion. they are groan inducing

before the wedding, charlie was afraid his vows wouldn't come out good (because sometimes words get blocked up in his mouth and he don't say it no good). he felt pressured to write something and writing words in itself is scary to him. in the end, he does a short simple sweet song for his vows. he got artemis (artemis is there, obviously) to pull out a keyboard when he cued her.

a good chunk of his vows dennis devotes to himself

mac pulls out a goddamn STACK of cue cards when it's his turn to say his vows. the gang expects a repeat of the Gang Texts situation where mac has way too much to say. instead it plays out like this post

during the wedding frank does a speech for all of them and it's just like his awkward speech on the boat in thunder gun express. he somehow brings up the topics of the waitress and mandy and banging etc and the gang is like COME ON FRANK

afterwards they play chardee macdennis and all the fantastic points in this post takes place

none of them spend their ‘first night as a married couple’ uh consummating their marriage or anything. no, they get hospitalized because chardee macdennis always ends in disaster

and a bonus crack idea: artemis gets called in as frank’s emergency contact and the gang is like oh? we didn’t know she was your emergency contact. frank replies that of course she is, the wife is always the emergency contact. he nonchalantly explains he got married that morning before all of them. the gang is greatly angered because they had a whole discussion on who should get married first and they had agreed to do a Thing! but they’re stuck in their crutches/beds/neck braces/etc and are incapable of unleashing their fury on frank without immense pain (not that this stops them from attempting to do so)

and afterwards frank promises them ice cream or something

#these are all silly i KNOW especially those last few vdjskafksh let me live #iasip #chardee #macdennis #the prophecy #iasip headcanons #it's always sunny #nina.rambles #soulmates of pain #also if a chardee macden wedding were ever an episode (and i know it'd never be but for a second imagine) #they'd have to play Wedding Bells Are Breaking Up That Old Gang of Mine at SOME point #because a) its quite fitting b) it would make for great emotional dissonance if played it during a chaotic scene #since the song is quite sweet #like if they played it at the chaotic violent climax of chardee macdennis #or at the end when they're promising to make artemis a widow #etc