#or to die immefiately cause if i was dead i wouldnt need to fix any Mistakes or endure the awful torture of a panic qttack

[mejomonster]

I'm so stressed I need an off button

#rant #i abolutely wish i was one of the people who like dissassociated when stressed or vomited or something #instead i just get imminently closer to a panic attack #and once i GET the panic attack i get very self harmy and suicidal like actively grabbing objects suicidal #i tell ya what i FEEL tense and i do not want my hands grabbing pans to try and beat me with #i do not wanna go into a panic attack and feel my entire brain screaming to bash myself into walls at full strength #in an illogical attempt to pass out and no longer have to endure the goddamn panic attack #panic attacks feel like a demon actively torturing me and my brain is offline and i only have vague control of my arms and legs a little #and all i want at those points is to either fix Mundane Mistake which launched the pamic attack #(and is unfixable during a panic attack cause rational thought is offline AND i cant breathe anyway) #or to die immefiately cause if i was dead i wouldnt need to fix any Mistakes or endure the awful torture of a panic qttack #i think in a past life maybe i was a fucking warrior or wilderness bitch idk #but for all the logic in the world i have and calm in Actual emergencies #when a little life mistake happens with looming disaster my brain short circuits to panic attaxk and then i have 30% chqnce or #of killing myself #and im NOT happy about it!!!! #i hate panic attacks!!!! #i am my own biggest danger on earth man #nothing tries to kill me as much as my own brain and body