#or whatever. like kim is just constantly barraged with other people's opinions of her actions that more often than not involve jimmy's

[debbierhea]

"#in my opinion the am i bad for you scene belongs in a different category of kim reacting to jimmy questioning their relationship#in this essay i will" tell me more!

okay. here goes

the "if you go to howard, you and i, we're done" "so, we're not done now" scene and the "come on. this guy?" scene are about jimmy doubting himself. he is worried that his actions are irredeemable, especially in the face of someone as ~virtuous as kim. he doesn't see himself on the same level as kim, knows that she is so far out of his league that he just doesn't understand why she would hang around, why she doesn't just pack it in and leave him. he pushes himself to be a better person for her and when he inevitably falls off course, in both of these instances specifically, he can't wrap his head around the fact that she still cares for him, loves him enough to stay, or, in rhea's own words, loves him "...not in spite of everything...she knows who he is and she loves him."

the "am i bad for you" "are you bad for me" scene is less about jimmy doubting himself but more about him doubting kim. the subtext, in my opinion, is not "wow i can't believe this amazing woman loves me and is choosing to stay" it's more "kim, should you really be letting me do this to you? should you really be with me?" her reaction, the crinkle in her brow, is not the sweet and tender disbelief of the first two scenes mentioned. it is not "jimmy how can you not see how good you are? how can you not see how much i love you?" it is kim's surprise and maybe even a bit of betrayal that, of all people, jimmy is now questioning her choices.

and isn't asking "am i bad for you" not another way of questioning kim's agency as well? after every other man on the show makes their opinion known of kim's choices—often implying that she doesn't know what she's doing, that she is somehow under jimmy's spell and he is driving her to ruin, that no woman like her in their right mind would make the decisions she is making and therefore she needs saving, needs to be shown the light—jimmy, her jimmy, the one person she thought understood her, is now doing the same thing. every person in her life has questioned her like this about jimmy (and probably countless other things too). everyone has their own idea about who kim is and what she should be doing.

she is not touched by this question. i think she is taken aback by it. how could he think that? how could he imply he is bad for her when she is the one making the choice to stay. why can't anyone trust her to know what's best for herself? why can't anyone see that she knows who jimmy is and loves him because of that?

the question "am i bad for you" gives jimmy all the power and agency in the relationship and implies that kim is somehow incapable of choosing things for herself. it implies that kim is participating in scams for jimmy and not because she wants to, not for herself or her own reasons. it takes away her ability to be an active participant in the relationship and in her life and i think that kim is sick to death of people doing that to her.

#i am NOT saying that jimmy in any way MEANS for all of this subtext to be layered into that question. not at all. i think he truly is #worried and wants to protect her. the thing is though that kim does not need anyone's protection. every single character in this show tells #her to her face who she should be and what she should do. it goes back to the quote about 'sometimes people only know who you are TO THEM' #or whatever. like kim is just constantly barraged with other people's opinions of her actions that more often than not involve jimmy's #~influence over her which takes away her agency and no matter how earnestly and lovingly jimmy is asking this question it still strikes the #same tone for her. it falls into the same category of howard and chuck and schweikart and kevin and ada ericson who have her inextricably #tied to an idea of jimmy they have in their minds and then proceed to tell her what they think of her because of it #kim knows she is her own person who makes her own choices. this also harkens back to bad choice road. maybe this question has been building #in jimmy since then. since kim quit mesa verde and mike told him that kim is in the game. jimmy tells kim what she SHOULD do #and kim tells him it's none of his damn business. i think everything she tells howard in something unforgiveable is pent up from every #single time someone has done this to her - taken away her agency - with their opinion #ANYWAYS..........this is why i think the 'am i bad for you scene' is in a whole other category. okay byeeeee #asks #anextrapart #bcs #better call saul