#over 160 a day and back in total lockdown so fuck them we should have left our borders closed from the start theyre ruining our housing

[demoness-one]

Welp im laid off for the forseeable future heres hoping this CRB ive heard of is actually useful. Fucking thanks to everybody in motherfucking ontario and british columbia that couldnt keep their diseased asses in their own fucking province. Mfs have been caught forging emails and signatures to get in since we had the lowest covid cases in the country, fast forward to now and theyre calling nova scotia the new ontario. GEE WONDER WHY

#our housing market is completely fucked #houses that were worth 50 and 70k before are going for double and triple that bc ppl from other wealthier provinces are buying them up #en masse and sight unseen. nobody from here can actually afford a house now its all anybodys been talking about on job sites and stuff #fr houses are on the market for like 2 days!!! then cars with ontario plates show up in the yard its like a gd infestation lol #like idc if ppl from other provinces want to move here legit but they arent fucking isolating. we had ZERO. cases. and now we're getting #over 160 a day and back in total lockdown so fuck them we should have left our borders closed from the start theyre ruining our housing #market our economy and our livelihood i might not be able to afford rent next month ffs

[theuniversitychallengereview]

UC 50.29 - Magdalene, Cam vs Warwick

I tweeted last week, at the height of the mania surrounding the Handforth Parish Council Meeting of Thursday December 10th 2020 (HPCMOT10D2020), that I was going to try and do this week’s review in the style of said meeting (if you haven’t seen the video, you’d be better off watching it than reading this, because it is possibly the purest nuggest of funny this side of the pandemic). 

Now, that may sound impossible - how does one write a review of a television quiz show in the style of a cantankerous parish council meeting - but you are talking to someone who has previously reviewed University Challenge in the style of the movie Tenet, and the book Ducks, Newburyport. Notwithstanding the relative success (or failure) of those endeavors, there is nothing to say that I cannot at least try to do this.

However, given that I failed to get my review out on Monday (a mere three days after the initial virality), and am instead writing it on the following Saturday (eight days after the event), it is quite possible that I have missed my moment. The meme-geist (and I have carefully considered my choice of invented word here. Given that zeit means time and geist means spirit, perhaps the more linguistically correct option would have been zeit-meme, but that doesn’t quite capture the geist of what I was going for, and is a less satisfactory portmanteau, which is where the real meaning is gleamed in English) moves quickly. 

And though I harbour hope that this meeting lives long in the cultural memory, so that years from now I can reference quotes from it in pleasant company, it will probably be lost within weeks, along with other such heroes of the Lockdown Internet as Lawyer Cat and Tiger King. 

Already we have seen the rise and fall of Jackie Weaver, the erstwhile main character of the video, who was interviewed on TV news channels all over the world, but who was later revealed to be a Tory Councillor, much to the chagrin of many of her most vociferous fans, who had proclaimed her a modern feminist icon for her no-nonsense approach to Aled’s iPad and the imposterous PC Handforth Clerk.

This volte-face from Mrs Weaver’s staunchest early supporters comes about as a direct result of the need people have for everything to mean something, and for all people to always be total good or total bad. Yes, there is a conversation to be had about men in a position of power and privilege treating women poorly and speaking over them as if they are not there. But when that conversation feels the need to place one party as angelic and the other demonic (no matter how clearly that appears to be the case) it leaves no space to examine the nuances involved in the way people live their lives (this may seem like a grand way of discussing what seems like a cut and dry case of a male superiority complex, but when, for Mrs Weaver’s actions to be commendable, she also needs to be ‘of sound character’ in every other sense, it leaves us all open to inconsistencies and illogical systems of thought), which is not something that we need to do for silly videos anyway.

In reality, it wasn’t that surprising that she turned out to be a Tory - she is a councillor after all, and a large proprotion of councillors are Conservative Party Councillors. That doesn’t mean she was wrong to kick those men out, but it is further evidence that there is nothing to be gained from painting people as heroes or villains - or at least there is nothing to be gained from acting like those paintings carry real world currency. You either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself somewhat unsurprisingly outed as a member of the Conservative party...

Anyway, by now you’re probably thinking ‘when do we plan to start?’, and (~fUcK oFf~) I think we could start any moment. Though I will mention that if anyone if being disruptive, I will have to throw them out of the review, and if anyone has a point of order to raise they will have to wait until the episode starts.

This quarter-final was a qualification bout, between two sides who had already won one match at this stage, with Magdalene having beaten Birkbeck and Warwick taken down Imperial only last week. The winners would claim the first semi-final spot, while the losers would have to play again to make it through.

The first question of the evening was ‘what is the difference between a Clerk and a Proper Officer?’, which Magdalene’s Davies correctly identified as a trick question - there is no difference between a Clerk and a Proper Officer. At this point the recording had to be stopped to settle a dispute, as someone pretending to be the Warwick captain believed this not to be the case, and claimed that Paxman was breaking the law by accepting the answer. 

This imposter suggested angrily that Paxman should read the standing orders, and another of his sidekicks yelled out that he should not only read the standing orders but understand them also. These gentlemen went onto claim that the quarter-final was being staged illegally, but this was not the case, and Paxman was forced to remove the false captain from the recording, though they claimed that he did not have the authority to do this (you have no authority Jeremy Paxman! No authority at all). But he did have the authority, and the false captain was removed from the meeting.

This did not initially aid the smooth continuation of proceedings however, as there remained some troublemakers in the audience, who started speaking in tongues and who loudly proclaimed to someone off screen that they were ‘trying to record an episode of University Challenge, you fool’ on not one but two occasions, before trying to assert that in the absence of the false captain it was they who should take charge.

Members of the Magdalene team then raised the question of how it was that the false Warwick captain had come to be known by that moniker. Paxman informed everyone that he had simply declared himself to be the new captain, and that he, Paxman, could also, in a similar fashion, declare himself to be Britney Spears, which solicited giggles from all those in attendance. 

With these issues dealt with, the match could be continued, and Warwick, this time under the rightful and competent leadership of Andrew Rout, raced off into a hundred point lead. Magdalene looked a little stunned by all of the earlier excitement and stuggled to get into the game in the first half. 

They had a brief resurgence when Paxman asked if anyone would object to the banished troublemakers being readmitted. Naturally Magdalene felt strongly about this and buzzed in with the correct answer - no. Two more starter questions followed, and they closed the gap to forty five. 

Rout stopped the Warwick rot with the picture starter (on dressmakers) - an inspired guess of Mary Quant. In his previous episode he had guessed Mary Quant incorrectly, so he was delighted, and amused, that this time he had been right. Another brilliant guess of Versace gave them a bonus as well, but their luck ran out with Coco Chanel, who was dead by the time the next dress had been designed.

Another starter, this time from Braid, put Warwick out of reach going into the final few minutes. A quick run of back-to-back starters, with near perfect bonusing, wasn’t enough for Magdalene, who ended the match forty points adrift.

Final Score: Magdalene 160 - 200 Warwick

Jackie Weaver 1 - 0 Handforth PC Clerk

Phew! What an episode/meeting that was. Congratulations to Warwick on their win and to Jackie Weaver for keeping order. I don’t have much else to say other than to reiterate the advice from earlier than all standing orders should be both read and understood.

#university challenge #bbc2 #warwick #magdalene #cambridge #handforth parish council #jackie weaver #Jeremy Paxman