#particularly the line about meaningful fear vs meaningless joy

[theribthatgrewback]

had a nightmare i was goofing around with cars with friends. and my mom was standing between two parked cars. except one of them wasn't actually parked, and it rolled back into her, and pinned her lower body between the cars and i watched her die.

my friend tried to distract me to pull me out of the trauma and told me to follow them. i did follow, but i was trailing behind, and i lost track of them. when i saw them again, they were soullessly assembling a stack of trashy tabloid magazines. i asked what was up with that, and they told me in a mindless zombie voice "The opposite of meaningful fear is meaningless joy." (meaningless because theyre stupid magazines) i remember thinking at the time "But you don't look happy." so i just left

and then my mother came back, and it was just the two of us alone, and she said "I am going to show you what that death meant." she made the floor start to move, leading into an upward escalator. i tried to get away, but i couldnt. the escalator led straight into a wall, and when i passed through it, everything was just white static. it was just static for a long time. loud static for what felt like five straight minutes, and i couldnt even see my own body. by this point i knew i was dreaming and i thought "maybe if i try hard enough to kick and thrash and scream, I'll do it in the real world and either wake myself up or someone else will wake up and help me" and i tried and tried and i could hear my muffled screams so i thought it was working.

i did manage to wake myself up but it turned out i wasnt actually doing any of that thrashing or screaming irl so idk. i think just the stress overloaded until i couldnt stay asleep.

#i just wanted to get this down somewhere #particularly the line about meaningful fear vs meaningless joy #feel free to psychoanalyze this if you care btw #i think it was caused by like. we had a stupid argument about how the laundry should be done just before i went to bed #and i was like 'grr i hate you' but the dream was probably just 'but i dont hate you. i would be fucked up if something bad happened' #idk what's up with her scary static ghost though. that felt like a vengeful act in the dream. 'oh ill fuckin show you' type thing #shes not at all like that irl #anyway. #dream journal #nightmare description #dream description