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mysugarstory-hw1 · 3 years

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It is really difficult to avoid sweets as a child and I have always had a sweet tooth. I have a skinny fat body type and after years of training and working out I was able to gain weight, but I am unable to lose the fat regardless of the training because of my unhealthy diet plan. A common rule for bodybuilding is that the body is built 80% in the kitchen. My goal is to reduce fat while gaining overall weight, which is a specific type of weight loss by reducing my sugar consumption. I have been trying to lose my upper body fat, but I am unable to control my sugar cravings. This summer I had finally made a decision to reduce my sugar and monitoring the consumption for the assignment was particularly beneficial. The plan to achieve the goal was regular weightlifting, running and a high protein diet with a minimal sugar quantity.

I have experienced various harmful effects of sugar on my body including weight gain, increased acne and an increase in anxiety/depression. A survey conducted of 8000 people shows that men consuming more than 67 grams of sugar a day were 23% more likely to develop depression than men who consumed less than 40 grams per day (Kubala,2018). In the U.S added sugars accounts for 17% of the total calorie intake for adults while dietary guidelines suggest limiting added sugars to less than 10%. If I have a can of coke with both my meals, that itself is 78 grams of sugar. I used to have sugary drinks multiple times a day which were the main source of sugar in my diet. My morning coffee from Starbucks is a medium size Caramel Macchiato which alone has 33g of sugar. I have completely stopped drinking any of the aerated drinks and have switched to alternates such as vitamin water and a dark roast with no sugar.

The application I used was MyFitnessPal as it allows me to track my calories in an effortless manner. I was able to quickly add all my meals and never had a problem finding a specific food item. The application has the nutrition data for most fast-food diners and it also allows you to save your own custom-built meal. I could find every food item on the app, even if it was a traditional Indian cuisine dish.

I usually cook my own breakfast, so I created a custom-built breakfast meal on the application containing different dishes so that I am able to add my meals every day without selecting all ingredients individually every time. In college, it is difficult to have all ingredients at home, so I had to custom make some of my meals according to the ingredients used in the meal.

Another major benefit of MyFitnessPal was that it allows you to input your workout details in your main page calorie count. This feature helped me track my overall calorie deficit or surplus. The application automatically detects my total steps and reduces the calories burned appropriately from my remaining calorie goal. This makes it really easy for me to track my caloric deficit diet as I don’t have to calculate my calorie intake – calories burnt separately. I wear an apple watch which tracks my workouts and MyFitnessPal reads that itself as I allowed the application to do so while setting up.

A feature which made me decide that this application is right for me was the nutrition data. It provides me with all the nutrition where I can set a goal for my protein and sugar consumption quantity and see the total amount of sugar I have consumed in the day/week. I have not used the application for more than 3 weeks, but I believe that this feature is fundamental in the long-term use of the application. This is what allows the user to track their progress for a period of time while seeing the days you did not meet the goal separately. I would be able to see the specific days I did not follow my diet plan well on the weekends. The bar graphs displaying the data are also very efficient in easy tracking of the users weekly nutritional data.

After tracking my meals on MyFitnessPal for 2 week I realized that I did not follow my diet for 1 or 2 days in the week, which were usually weekends. I decided to dedicate 1 day as cheat day or day off as I was unable to track my consumption of sugar for the days I went out. Tracking my sugar consumption for the week and not inputting the correct values would lead to a misrepresentation of my progress in the long run. I feel my body has reacted well to being on a no sugar diet for 6 days a week.

Another situation where I found difficult was actually inputting my meals every day. From the 4th day of me tracking my meals, I usually forgot to add my meal either because of a busy schedule or maybe I just forgot. I did input 2 or 3 days of meals at once, in such a situation I don’t remember exactly the smaller meals I might have had but only added the bigger meals for those days. This leads to a case of misrepresentation for example, if I had a lemonade but forgot to input it, that could make a big difference in my total sugar consumption for that day or week. The application however is actually very efficient as it sends you multiple to add meals and meet the daily goal.

How the calorie count works on MyFitnessPal is Calorie goal – food + exercise = calories remaining. Instead of viewing the total number of calories remaining I would rather see calories consumed. Knowing about the number of calories remaining was not of much help as I was not able to tell my right calorie goal. The calorie goal was decided while setting up the application according to personal goals, height and weight. I don’t think I built my calorie goal just right by including the correct details. I do not know the exact number of calories I should be consuming to gain weight but be low on sugar and fat. It is a complicated diet plan and I believe that the application could have a smarter and more efficient way of calculating the calorie while explaining the reasoning behind that number. The reasoning motivates the user to meet the goal once they are aware of the reasons to consume or burn those specific numbers of calories for the day.

A feature which might help the application improve could be a junk burn feature. The user can input a cheat meal and the application should send a reminder saying, “Walk an extra 468 steps for the medium fries” or “get in that workout to earn yourself a lemonade”. If the user is having the craving for a specific unhealthy meal, they could input it and know the extra work they have to put in to earn it. Personally, I would have benefitted from this feature as I would be motivated to exercise better to earn my craving for the day. This keeps you consistent with your goal and motivated to keep tracking your calories.

My expectations going into the assignment were very different from my actual experience. I believed that using the application would make me more conscious of my eating habits, looking back at my meal consumption. In the past I have followed a meal plan, but I have been unable to be consistent for a long period of time. I was expecting that the application will help me be consistent with constant reminders and with the nutritional data. However, I don’t think that MyFitnessPal was able to motivate me to be consistent. The intrinsic motivation is fundamental to achieve goals like mine. I had quite the opposite experience as I stopped inputting the unhealthy food I had as I did not want to see that on my weekly data. When someone is aware that they are breaking their diet plan and eating something sugary, the self-acceptance demanded by the application is difficult to meet. In such situations I usually input only the healthy meals leading to misrepresentation.

A lot of unexpected benefits of the following experience were reduced anxiety and a better sleep cycle. If I experience any kind of exam stress, sugar can trigger anxiety for me or possibly aggravate it. Reducing my sugar intake clearly improved my sleep cycle as I was able to fall asleep earlier and had no broken sleep. Consuming sugar at night could make me stay up for hours while in the day, once the sugar rush went, I could suddenly feel sleepy. I was able to monitor such behaviors only because I was tracking my sugar intake which I could later compare to my sleep or stress behavior for the previous day. I realized how I should consume sugar in a smarter way and avoid it at specific times.

Overall, the experience with MyFitnessPal was really beneficial as I learnt a lot of new facts about my diet details. I did not know how unhealthy some foods were which were high protein, rich in fiber and no sugar. There were days where I did not meet my calorie requirements for the day and I realized how I need to change my diet plan by adding more meals with a higher calorie count. I have almost reached my goal of reducing sugar as I can see results of losing fat. I will definitely continue using MyFitnessPal as I work towards my goal.

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perfectirishgifts · 3 years

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Authenticity Fuels Greatness: 4 Lessons From Jeff Blue And Linkin Park’s ‘Hybrid Theory’

New Post has been published on https://perfectirishgifts.com/authenticity-fuels-greatness-4-lessons-from-jeff-blue-and-linkin-parks-hybrid-theory/

Authenticity Fuels Greatness: 4 Lessons From Jeff Blue And Linkin Park’s ‘Hybrid Theory’

Authenticity Fuels Greatness: 4 Lessons from Jeff Blue and Linkin Park’s ‘Hybrid Theory’

“I knew intrinsically I had the qualities to be an A&R person, but I didn’t have them on paper. I didn’t have the connections. I didn’t have the experience. But I knew that I had the talent and the drive.”

That’s Jeff Blue, the guy who saw before anyone else did the genius in a group of young musicians ultimately known as Linkin Park – who were combining genres and creating a hybrid mix of rap, rock, hip-hop, metal and electronic music that propelled them to the top of the charts. Their first studio album, “Hybrid Theory,” became the biggest-selling debut album of the 21st century. The Grammy-winning group remained one of the most successful acts for nearly two decades, and is one of the few who can truly claim to have created an iconic sound.

Do you think that would have happened if they’d worried about having the proper credentials on paper? No touring experience, no press, no radio? Do you think they ever would have been discovered if Blue believed the people rejecting him and the band, telling him he didn’t have the right background or experience to recognize talent when he saw it?

I’ll answer both of those questions: no, and no.

It’s easy to see the potential for success in hindsight. We can look back now and think, of course Linkin Park made it. They were doing something so original. Who would say no to that?

Nearly everyone, it turns out. Blue and the group faced down 44 rejections from labels, producers and managers. Think about what it takes to fall down and get back up again 44 times, and to continue believing in what you’re doing.

When artists break the rules and smash the standards of the past with an individuality that takes everyone by surprise, it can be easy for us business-types to write it off as something that artists do – in fact, as something that artists are expected to do. We tell ourselves: But I’m in the corporate world where there’s a path to follow, a fit to match, certain education and experience expected, specific credentials to acquire.

But that’s why I respect Blue’s story. Because music is still a business, which requires recognizing a vision, amplifying and nurturing talent, marketing and branding authenticity and believability, and selling it worldwide. Blue has his own story of breaking through the standards of the past to find a way to recognize and activate his own capacity.

Blue has a new book out: “One Step Closer: From Xero to #1: Becoming Linkin Park,” published by Permuted Press and distributed through Simon and Schuster. Blue is a multi-platinum A&R executive, producer, award-winning songwriter, music publisher, attorney, journalist, and manager whose acts have collectively sold more than 100 million albums. In addition to Linkin Park, he’s worked with Macy Gray, Limp Bizkit, Korn, Daniel Powter, the Last Goodnight, Hoobastank, Better Than Ezra, DJ Ashba, and co-music supervised Aaliyah’s Queen of the Damned soundtrack.

But he didn’t achieve all of that by being on the “right” path. He achieved it by creating his own individual path, remaining authentic to himself and avoiding the traps of assimilation.

“You have one life to live and everything leading up to the present moment sets you up for potential future success,” said Blue. “All dreams are riddled with roadblocks. Otherwise they wouldn’t be dreams. The only way to deal with roadblocks is to set up a map with many alternative routes. The longer route will take you out of the way, but the road will be less crowded. And while the competition is taking the crowded road straight to the middle, you will forge your own road that will lead you to the top.”

When the Front Door is Slammed, Find a Back Door

Blue was in law school when he discovered what A&R was. An A&R rep is someone who’s responsible for scouting and nurturing talent, and bringing those musicians into a record label. (A&R stands for artists and repertoire).

He decided that’s what he wanted to do with his life. He learned that the accepted path to A&R was to start as someone’s assistant.

“I was working as an intern at MCA records,” said Blue. “I asked every single executive there if I could be their assistant. And every single one told me: ‘You’re in law school, you can’t do anything creative. Plus, you’re the type of person who would take my job.’ I got tired of hearing that, and it was frustrating because I was working so freaking hard. And all I wanted to do is be the assistant, because that was the springboard to A&R.”

Blue was determined to make himself indispensable to the people who could help him get a foot in the door. He was open enough to look for opportunity in unexpected places.

“One day I was in this guy’s office and I noticed something that I’d remembered seeing in every executive’s office: music magazines. I started reading those same magazines, and noticed they all had reviews of new bands. And I realized there were journalists writing these reviews, and these executives were relying on these journalists to help them discover new artists.”

So, rather than continue trying to get an assistant job that no one wanted to give him, Blue set out to become a music journalist.

“I had no experience whatsoever,” he said. “I called up every single magazine there was. They kept telling me no, because I had no experience as a journalist. But I kept calling.”

He finally got someone on the phone at a magazine that had already rejected him multiple times (just think about how tenacious you have to be to keep calling someone who’s already rejected you). This time there was an unfamiliar voice on the other end: a woman answered and said she had just replaced the former editor. She didn’t know Blue and didn’t know he wasn’t on staff.

“She asked me, ‘Oh, are you one of our writers?’ I knew instantly this is my moment and I have to jump. So I said yes. And she was relieved, because she needed someone right away to cover a band that night. So she sent me out on my first assignment, to the Troubadour in Los Angeles. I’d never written a thing in my life.”

Within 24 hours, Blue wrote his first journalistic piece ever, got a rave review from this new editor for his writing talent, and ended up becoming the manager and the drummer for a different band that he saw that night at the Troubadour. Ultimately, he became the top writer for this industry-leading magazine.

Writing music reviews wasn’t a lucrative gig. He was making $10 an article, and it cost him more than that just to pay for parking, for gas and for drinks. But people at record labels were starting to notice and appreciate his ability to assess talent, and they started requesting him specifically to review their bands.

One thing I appreciated about this early part of Blue’s story is that he didn’t just seize an opportunity to get his foot in the door. He used that opportunity to design a curriculum for himself to learn the skills he would need to learn to be a great A&R rep. When people in any industry cling to their outdated standards, often it’s because they have tunnel vision about what it takes to become great at something. But there are many different ways to acquire expertise and wisdom.

Opportunities are everywhere, yet few have eyes to see them. Clearly, Blue did.

“The skills I acquired by becoming a journalist were indispensable,” said Blue. “I learned how to analyze music, musicianship, star power, what makes a great song – because I had to write these things down in a way that I can communicate to other people. So when I sat in meetings later as an A&R guy, I could be specific and explain what I liked, what I didn’t like, what I would change, and how, both to the artist as well as the label. And that was all because of the time I spent as a journalist.”

But his ultimate goal was to do A&R. So he packaged his collection of about 80 articles in major music magazines and sent them to everyone listed in the Yellow Pages of Rock. He followed up by calling every company, manager, publisher and record label on the list, literally working his way from A to Z.

“I was rejected all over again. They told me, you’re a threat to us because you’re highly educated and you’re a lawyer. One person actually told me to take law school off my résumé. But it only takes one person to believe in you to affect your life. You can’t give up.”

He reached the last company on the list: Zomba Music Publishing.

The president invited Blue to come to New York for an interview. But again, it seemed that yet another leader was blind to his own standardization traps. In the interview, this president asked Blue what artists he would sign. Blue gave him a list of new bands that the president didn’t know. You would think that would be a sign of creativity, but no, the president wasn’t happy with that list. He asked Blue: “What about the artists you would sign to make us money? You didn’t even mention Pearl Jam or Nirvana.”

Blue pushed back: “Well, a monkey could just pick the Billboard top 10. I’m somebody who wants to go out and discover bands no one’s heard of and break new ground. The exec told me, ‘You’re not the right kid, you don’t have any experience.’ So I walked away heartbroken, my dreams were crushed. That was my last shot. I came back the next day, just to tell him, ‘I’m going to make somebody a ton of money, you’re making a mistake by letting me walk out of this office.’”

The president let him walk out.

But then: “Three months later, some of the bands on my unknown list were getting attention and the head of the publishing company offered me the job.”

Some of the first artists Blue signed were Macy Gray, Limp Bizkit and Korn. He then signed his intern, a nineteen-year-old UCLA student and his unknown band, to a development deal after the band’s very first show. That band became Linkin Park.

“Strive to create your own back door access while everyone else is attempting to cram through the front door,” said Blue.

Believe In Your Own Capacity

When you believe in your own capacity, you can free yourself to believe just as passionately in the capacity of others.

In “One Step Closer,” Blue chronicles the early days of Linkin Park, from their first demo and Whisky a Go Go performance as Xero, through their tireless efforts to perfect their iconic sound and the discovery of Chester Bennington as front man. Blue was there when no one else believed – first as their publisher, then as their A&R guy. This is his memoir of that incredible journey.

“Every single A&R person, every producer, every manager, every record label major and indie, told me Linkin Park didn’t have any of the qualities of a hit band and I should run the other way because it was making me look like a failure since I was the only believer. It was the same thing that happened when I developed Macy Gray.”

Blue trusted his gut, but he was also willing to listen and adapt. Here’s his advice for all of us.

Listen intelligently. “Listen to the reasons people are rejecting you, evaluate those rejections, and make an educated decision whether you should adjust your direction. I had to listen to what everybody was telling me. I knew Linkin Park’s original lead singer wasn’t great. But I kept him there for a while because that’s what the band wanted.”

Adapt. “Part of Leadership is making tough decisions. I had to make the tough decision to fire the original lead singer, knowing that the rest of the band had the talent but the missing ingredient was still out there. I searched high and low for a new front man and eventually found what would turn out to be Chester Bennington.”

Attach yourself. “When I had four major label job offers, I made it part of my employment agreement that Linkin Park must go with me anywhere I went. I believed in the band and never gave up. In fact, I doubled down and bet my entire career on five individuals that no one else believed in.”

Follow your gut. “When you follow your gut, you can only blame yourself. Even before we were successful, I could sleep at night knowing I was following my heart and failing, as opposed to following the masses and failing. In any business, you make your name and legacy on staking everything on the horse that no one believes in. People don’t remember the guy who went along with the masses. They remember the leaders who went against the grain, who stuck it all on the lines when others didn’t believe, betting on themselves against the odds. That makes the success that much more memorable and legendary.”

The Individual Defines the Business

Blue experienced what many of us experience in the corporate world. The path up the ladder is predetermined, and anyone who tries to go their own way will meet a lot of resistance. But he shows us how much more meaningful it can be when you discover ways to accelerate your own capacity in your own way.

Once he stopped trying to “fit,” that’s when he achieved success for himself and for the artists he championed.

Each of us has our own way of navigating, exploring, learning and inventing that doesn’t fit a specific box. We shouldn’t wait in that long line of people trying to cram in the door. We have to find our own way in – and that individual journey that we take will help us make an even greater and more authentic impact on our organizations and on our world.

If Blue had been threatened by standardization, if he’d gotten sucked into those traps, the rest of us would have missed out on music that inspired us and surprised us, challenged us and delighted us.

The same is true for the impact that you can have on the rest of us. If you remain trapped in standardization, holding yourself back because you don’t quite fit someone else’s definition of experienced – then you’re depriving yourself, your team, your organization and the world of all you have to offer.

As Blue told me, for himself and for the artists he’s assessing: talent is essential, but there are a ton of talented people. Resilience, drive and the ability to overcome adversity are the qualities that create stars.

Adversity may make or break you. But adversity primarily reveals you. In the case of Blue and Linkin Park, it revealed greatness.

From Leadership Strategy in Perfectirishgifts

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allondonboy · 7 years

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Medicine for the Soul (Ch 6)

Chapter 6 - Allegro molto appassionato: fortissimo (Ch 1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

My half-disappearing off the face of the earth was because I thought my main academic deadline for this year was the end of February. Turns out it's the end of November, which required a brain-aching switch into academic writing mode and...yeah.

Thank you for your patience, comments and kudos, I couldn't have got through this term without them. The next chapter is 80 % written and should be up for mid-December. That and this one are my favourites so far, and I really hope you enjoy them!

Sanvers is 100 % endgame in this little universe.

Thanks as always, Sky, for your help.

Maggie is already back at Stanford when Eliza and Kara drop them off. Physically being near her again takes more getting used to than Alex expected – the stories of couples being reunited with passionate kisses and more had prepared them for more than an awkward wave and the sensation of not being wholly present in the room.

They’ve grown uncomfortably used to Eliza’s misgendering such that Maggie’s gender-neutral language knocks them off kilter. After the emotional whiplash from going from college to Midvale to college again their brain is learning to relax once more, safe and validated next to their girlfriend, but it still lags as they get used to hearing the right pronouns again.

Not that Kara and Lucy didn’t try, they muse as Maggie leads them to her next gig in the gay bar down the road, but the house in Midvale always held a feeling of unease when they were called they.

The bar is lit with multi-coloured lights and it’s early enough in the evening that the buzz is present but not overbearing. Maggie, chewing ferociously on a mint, makes a beeline for the mic in the corner. Alex heads for the bar and orders two beers, setting one on the floor by Maggie’s feet next to her bottle of water.

Alex finds a quiet corner from where to watch Maggie, raising their bottle at her when she searches for them. She sends them a smile, dimples flashing, and they grin back.

The audience around Maggie grows, obscuring their view of her. They slide closer with their refilled drink, eyes fixed on their girlfriend as she puts her guitar away. Maggie smiles as she talks to the people, the girls, who come up to her.

And Rao, they don’t want to be possessive but winter break is still too fresh in their mind and the doubts are sticking to their mind like burs on a coat and they don’t take Maggie’s hand when she offers it, they don’t return her eye roll at another girl’s simpers, they turn their cheek into her kiss, and they stop before Maggie’s door is within arm’s reach.

“Danvers, you coming?” With the gleam in Maggie’s eye, they know she’s expecting a quip and at another time they might have provided one but there’s blood pounding in their ears and something bubbling behind their eyes and they turn, and they run.

In the week since they’d been back, they’d studied, worked their way through the remaining bottles of beer in their room, and moved through all the practice rooms in the music block to try and find the best acoustic.

In the end, it’s the smallest room in the corner of the second floor that they choose. With just enough room for the upright piano tucked at the back, it has a small window out of which a tree is just visible, tall and stark against the neighbouring building. They work through their old exercise books, making the most of the week before classes start to scrape their way to a tone that doesn’t make them cringe in embarrassment.

The practice room is where they run when they leave Maggie’s.

It’s partly because Lucy is in all evening, and Alex isn’t in the mood for a conversation that isn’t moving fast with their feet slamming the pavement: the only way they can dampen the stifling beat of their heart in the base of their throat without damaging a hand that they need to squeeze out double stops and furious glissandi.

Some of them wants to go back to the punching bag they’d hung in Midvale, where they’d taught Kara how to throw a punch.

Some of them wants to go back to the bottle of vodka stashed in their sock drawer.

Most of them wants to scream at Eliza for filling them with all the emotions they’d spent three years trying to bury.

So, they settle for the violin.

Steady hands with an unsteady mind, drowning out the ringing in their ears.

Black notes on white pages, blocking out Maggie’s face.

It’s day three when they find the bottle of scotch their dad brings – brought – out when they have guests over.

It sits unopened on their desk for days four and five, and on day six, they twist the lid off and take a cautious gulp.

Day seven is the funeral.

Half of the remaining scotch slips down easily and it takes them two attempts to screw on the lid.

It’s hard to notice its effect when they’re already so numb.

Weeks two and three are the most drawn out weeks of their life.

At first, they sleep more than they ever have, willing this nightmare to be over each time they open their eyes to a new day and a fleeting second of normality before the eerie silence of the house hits them like a sledgehammer to the chest and they know it’s real, know they can’t be dreaming the vacuum inside them that takes all of their breath and none of their pain.

Then they don’t sleep at all, to put off freefalling through his absence every morning, to put off the dreams where he is alive and happy and joking, to put off another day of the whispers at school.

They don’t surf. He isn’t there to see it.

They study, and they drink, and they practice their violin.

They try to practice.

It’s hard.

After all, what use is a shaking hand from the burn of liquor down your throat and the burn of something else entirely in your heart?

The next day, they sit on the other side of the lecture hall. As soon as they’ve pulled out a pen, the lecture starts, and they look across at Maggie exactly once to see her three rows down, watching the lecturer intently.

They don’t sit in their usual library seat, instead finding a secluded corner. Maggie arrives five minutes later at their usual table and they see her slow as she finds it empty of both Alex and a Tuesday sandwich.

She sits anyway.

Alex comes out of the lab and stops in their tracks. Maggie is leaning against their locker, arms folded and ankles crossed, and she pushes off with her shoulders to walk towards them, concern on her face.

They push past her. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering my texts or calls. I was worried.”

“I – I’ve been busy. I’m sorry.” They yank on their sweater, head still inside the locker.

“Is this a bad time?”

“Yeah, yeah it is, kinda.” Alex grabs their bag and slams the door shut, spinning around to find Maggie closer than she sounded. “I’m in the middle of an assignment.”

They focus on a spot on the wall just above Maggie’s head. “It’s a challenging one and I’m not sure any of our class get it, to be honest.”

“If anyone can figure it out, it’s you,” says Maggie in a way that makes them meet her eyes and they wonder, briefly, how they thought they deserved someone so supportive and with so much confidence in them.

“I knew this was going to happen, I knew it,” mutters Alex and they bolt for the stairs, Maggie chasing after them.

“What are you talking about?”

“I was happy for like, five minutes.”

“What?” Maggie lands at the bottom of the stairs first and stops in front of Alex.

They readjust their bag and shake their head. “I – I’m sorry, this isn’t going to work. It was a mistake. I’m sorry. I can’t.”

A professor slips past them and Alex nods at her. When they turn back, Maggie’s face is unreadable and Alex panics that she’s answered and they’ve missed it.

“Okay.” Maggie takes a breath. There’s a split second where they could jump in and take it all back, but they don’t. “Got it. See you, Danvers.”

No. They wouldn’t miss that.

The implications of what they said don’t sink in until they’re opening their door. They freeze in the doorway. Lucy is on the floor in the middle of a plank and Alex stares at the back of her head.

“What’s the difference,” says Alex slowly, “between a fight and a break up?”

Lucy hits the floor and rolls over. “Well, I didn’t see that one coming.” She sits up and Alex inches further into the room. “You think you broke up?”

“I don’t know.” Alex rubs their eyes. “I don’t know, Lucy.”

“Sit.” Lucy points them to her bed and they sink into it. “Start from the beginning.”

Alex recounts it all, monotonously, twisting their hands.

“What do you want to happen now?” Lucy asks when they’ve finished.

“If I knew that, I wouldn’t be here,” says Alex. “I need a drink.”

Lucy watches wordlessly as they open their sock drawer and unscrew the lid of their vodka.

They don’t drink immediately. “I told her we were a mistake.” Alex takes a swig, staring at the scratches on the wall. “I don’t want her to think it’s her that’s the mistake.”

Alex takes a smaller sip then points at Lucy. “You and me, that’s the only remotely normal relationship I’ve had in my life.”

“Watch who you’re calling normal,” Lucy murmurs, her eyes tracking Alex as they start to pace.

“I have an alien for a sister. My dad died in a freak accident which no one is ever going to tell me about, my mom is only interested in me following in his scientific footsteps, and I haven’t spoken to Vicky in years. Maggie is the first person I’ve ever wanted to date, Luce, but she’s too good for someone who can’t balance romance with the rest of their life.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“No.” Alex sips again.

“Call her,” Lucy says. Alex twitches. “Call her and talk to her. Tell her what you told me and give her a chance to respond.”

Alex examines the chemical stains on their hands. “She won’t want to talk to me.”

“And you know that how? With your magical crystal ball?” Lucy reaches for Alex’s phone and scrolls through until she finds Maggie’s number. “Call her. The Alex Danvers I know owns up to their mistakes,” she says frankly, “so go and do that.”

They take the phone but don’t press call. Maggie’s face stares up at them, dimples on full.

“Call her, you useless gay,” Lucy calls from the other end of the bed, and Alex finds the bottle of vodka being prised from their grip. “And therapy time with Lucy is now over.”

“Al, it’s your girlfriend.”

Alex takes Lucy’s place at the door and curls their head around it. Maggie’s arms are crossed and she looks like she’d rather be anywhere else than in front of them. When they look at her eyes and see them resigned, they can’t blame her.

“Thanks for coming.”

Maggie’s fingers tighten in the folds of her flannel and she stands straighter. “I almost didn’t.”

Alex takes a step backwards as Maggie barges through and their arm brushes against Lucy, jacket in hand.

“I’ll let you talk,” Lucy says. It’s a good idea, Alex knows, but they want to drag her back and make her mediate this conversation with Maggie, who looks like she’s trying not to slam the door and get of there.

Maggie fixes them with a cold, unwavering stare and they release a long breath. The room behind them is still and quiet, the corner they’re standing in dim with artificial light, and Maggie’s determined, tilted head is silhouetted against the quietly closing door behind her.

“Do you want a drink?”

“Cut to it, Danvers.” Maggie’s voice is tight and Alex isn’t sure what she thinks they’re going to say. They try to school their features into something less terrified and more reassuring. It feels like a pained grimace so they duck their head and grab a beer for themselves, returning to their serious expression.

“I feel like the universe is magically smacking me down from being happy.”

Maggie scoffs a dry laugh. “That’s it? You gotta give me more than that.”

They sort through the speech they prepared, some of it with Lucy, and pick a new starting place.

“Okay. Okay, I,” they nod slowly and try again. “In the bar.”

“Okay.”

“There were all these women coming up to you. Beautiful women, and yet you still came over to me and that - that is confusing.” Alex takes a deep breath. “And I can’t, I just need to know: what do you get out of this relationship?”

Regret tickles their tongue when Maggie flinches away from them.

“What do you get from this relationship, Maggie?”

It’s more of a snap this time and they expect Maggie to flinch again but her eyes soften and no, no, they don’t deserve soft.

“Alex, what are you talking about?”

Maggie reaches for Alex’s hand but they snatch it away and point a finger at her.

“You, you could have had any woman in that bar, any of them, but you settle for me? Me, who - ” They break off and raise their head to glare at the ceiling.

“Alex.” Maggie’s voice is gentle and Alex steels themselves. “What’s going on?”

“I – I – I just need to know why you’re doing this, why me, why – you could have anyone, and I…” they trail off, blinking angrily as their vision starts to blur with tears.

“Being with you isn’t settling, Alex,” Maggie says, voice low, and Alex’s lip curls into a snarl.

“Yeah? I don’t even know what I am or who I am and you don’t deserve that, you deserve someone normal and, and – and not me.”

“Alex.”

“So I figured, I realised, that you’ve got to be in this for another reason, right? There must be something I can give you to make this,” they gesture to themselves in disgust, “worth it.”

“Alex.” Rao, they didn’t mean to hurt her, they didn’t, but there’s pain in Maggie’s eyes now and they can’t look at her because that’s all they do, they are pain, pain for the ones they love and they can’t, they shouldn’t have even tried – “Alex, look at me.”

It takes a deep breath and their knuckles starting to burn from too tight fists for Alex to finally look at her.

“What’s going on?” Maggie repeats, gently, and Alex starts shaking their head. “You can tell me anything.”

They dip their head and their lip trembles but they don’t answer.

“Did something happen at home?”

How. How did she know?

Alex raises their eyes and Maggie gives a small nod, taking a tiny step forward.

“What happened with your mom?”

There’s so much they want to tell Maggie but saying it out loud sounds like a confession of not being able to cope. Not being strong enough.

They roll the words around their mouth. Off-script words now that Lucy may suspect but never hear, they don’t know, they can’t tell if these words are obvious to anyone but them. They tug at them, arranging them into an order that burns like a brand on their tongue and then they can’t hold them in any longer.

“It’s relentless in that house,” they whisper. “It’s constant. She and her and sister and daughter and I get back here and suddenly I can be they again and I can be happy being me without feeling like I’m supposed to be ashamed of it. You make me so happy, Maggie, but spending time in that house makes me wonder how much I deserve it.”

“Alex.” She sounds like she wants to jump in but if they don’t get this out now they never will so they hold up a hand, a tiny wave, and she nods.

“You know, I have always felt so…responsible. Like, weight of the world responsible. And my parents always relied on me to watch over my sister, so the few times that I did anything for myself, it ended badly, and now I remember why.”

Alex runs a hand through their hair. They’ve never talked about this before. They can’t tell Kara about it. They don’t want to tell Lucy about it and chance pointing out even more differences between them and Kara, and Lucy and Lois.

“My sister… she deserves the world. And when I can give that to her, a safe home away from whatever the kids at school do or say, that’s huge, and I’ve always, always known that I will do anything to protect her including forfeiting myself because when Mom and I get going, it effects Kara. I can’t protect Kara when I’m putting me first.”

It feels like Kara’s squeezing all the air out of their chest and they wrap their arms around themselves, before shaking their head in bewilderment.

“I’ve never doubted myself so much, you know. And I want to be able to say that what my mom thinks doesn’t matter to me but it does. I’ve never doubted that I know myself but…” Alex exhales and shrugs. “Maybe she’s right and this is just a phase.”

“No,” Maggie says firmly, so firmly that Alex’s heart settles instantly. “This is real. You are real. And you deserve a real, full, happy life, as you, in the identity that fits you best. None of us can tell you what you’re feeling, Alex, but whatever it is, it is valid. It is real.”

They search her eyes for the caveat, but there’s just earnest, ferocious, fiery love.

“So.” They puff out their cheeks and gradually blow them out. “That’s what happened. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Maggie steps back and looks at them for a long time before speaking. “We’ve both got ghosts,” she tells Alex, and Maggie’s eyes glaze over briefly as though one of those ghosts has materialised behind them, “but I don’t want this to become one of them.”

Alex reaches for Maggie’s hand. “It won’t.”

“It will if we don’t start talking about this stuff.”

They don’t respond immediately. They run their thumb over the back of Maggie’s hand and let the ripples in their stomach die away.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Maggie squeezes their hand. “Because when you went running off on me, saying we were a mistake, I thought I’d done something wrong.”

Alex’s eyes widen in horror. “Maggie, no - ”

“You made my decision for me, you decided it would be better for me to not be with you, and I didn’t get a say.” Maggie takes a deep breath. “That’s not fair on me. I deserve more than that.”

Alex tries to imagine what happened to Maggie to make her words hold a note of uncertainty underlined with pride. They nod. “I know.”

“And you don’t have to tell me the details, okay? Just don’t run without an explanation. I can’t stop bad things happening to you but I can help you through them and I deserve to be allowed to make the choice to do that.”

There’s a moment of silence, Maggie steadfastly holding Alex’s gaze as firmly as she’s holding their hand.

“You were never the mistake,” says Alex quietly. “You’re not a mistake. You’re real too.”

The hug Maggie draws them into feels more real than anything they’ve felt in the last week and they melt into her arms, suddenly and brilliantly completely in the moment.

Alex stirs and tries to roll over to look at the time. A weight pinning them down stops them and they freeze. Looking down at where dark hair peeks out of the top of their duvet, they smile at the sight of Maggie curled tightly on top of them, nose squished into their chest.

Alex snakes out an arm and flaps it towards their phone, little finger snagging the charger and sending it crashing to the floor. Maggie opens one eye, sees Alex where she expects them to be, and closes it again.

They swear under their breath when Lucy grunts at them and hope she doesn’t notice Maggie repositioning herself.

“Danvers?” says Lucy groggily.

“Lane?” Alex answers as quietly as they can. Maggie’s hand flops onto their mouth and sleepy eyes peer up at them.

“Shhhhhhhh,” she says with the coherence of someone still half-asleep. Lucy is suddenly awake and peeling the covers off them both. Alex pushes her away with their free hand and Lucy dodges it, snickering.

“Cosy.”

“Cold!” Maggie complains until Lucy’s presence registers in her mind and she stiffens. She squirms around as Alex’s hand rubs her arm reassuringly and she tries to pull the covers back over her head to shield her eyes from the harsh light of the lamp Lucy had decided to turn on.

“Lucy, what are you – no!” Alex half lunges towards Lucy as she grabs their phone from the floor and pulls up the camera.

“Smile,” says Lucy. Maggie groans and mumbles something that neither of the other two catch, holding onto Alex as they spill out of bed in slow motion. Maggie clings to Alex like a koala and they end up in a heap with their legs still tangled in the sheets.

“Lucy fucking Lane,” Alex starts, spitting out a mouthful of hair. “You delete that right now.”

“You kiss your girl with that mouth, Danvers?”

“Yeah,” Maggie declares from Alex’s neck. “They do.”

Lucy watches as Alex’s gaze softens and their entire body melts into Maggie. “I see you two have made up.”

Maggie stiffens again.

“Yeah,” says Alex quietly. “We talked.”

Lucy smirks. “Looks like more than just talking.” Alex throws a pillow at her head. “Can I interest you two nerds in coffee, or should I get my books and go?”

Maggie wriggles into a sitting position and clutches the sheets to her chest. “Coffee.”

“We could get coffee later.” Alex hooks their foot under Maggie’s knee and tries to pull her back down.

“Coffee,” Maggie says more firmly, glancing up at Lucy who squints at Alex with an unreadable expression. Alex looks between them and sighs. They roll onto their side and prop their head up with their hand.

“Fine.”

Alex walks between Lucy and Maggie on the way to the café. They keep hold of Maggie’s hand even as they slide onto the bench after her.

Across the table, they see Lucy not so subtly take another photo of them but as they inhale the heavenly coffee fumes they find they don’t care – or at least, they care less than they did that morning, because Maggie’s hand in theirs is small and warm and Lucy’s knee knocking against theirs is so Lucy and familiar, and the messages appearing on their phone screen from Kara in response to what they can only assume is Lucy’s photos is so expected and sisterly and they’re not really okay, but they’re happy, and that’ll do for now.

#nb!alex #sanvers #sanvers fic #sanvers au #alex danvers #medicine for the soul #my fic #*internal screeching*#i swear one day i'll be able to write the end of chapters

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mnefaulkerson · 7 years

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6 Tips When You’re Stuck with a Deadline

(Image: wan mohd)

Are you currently stuck trying to meet a deadline? Do you feel like nothing is moving even though you’ve been spending days and weeks on this task?

If so, welcome to development hell. In the past 9 months, I’ve been stuck in development hell working on the latest upgrade for Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program. When you’re stuck working on a project, it can feel like the most debilitating thing, because nothing seems to move no matter what you do. Here are my 6 tips to get through this difficult period!

1. Chunk it down

It’s easy to feel intimidated by a project task when it’s a very abstract task, like “write a book” or “write a thesis.” Chunk down the task such that it becomes a series of very simple action steps. After all, our goals are really the sum of a hundred different action steps, strung together to create the final outcome. When you dream, think of your visionary goal; but you execute, think of the tiny baby steps you need to take.

So for example, if you are currently working on a presentation, break it down into little steps. Maybe your presentation has 4 sections, and each section has 3 sub-sections. Create a simple outline of what to do, then work on Section 1.1 first. Focus on Section 1.1 and only Section 1.1, and don’t worry about the other parts. If you find the task too intimidating still, break it down further. Keep breaking it down until you don’t feel intimidated by the task anymore, then focus on the immediate baby step. Before you know it, you’ll be at the last stage of your goal!

2. Simplify

Are you a perfectionist? Well I am, and as a perfectionist I have a habit of overcomplicating my tasks (don’t we all??). After working on countless projects in my business, I’ve learned that when you increase the number of variables in a goal by two times, you don’t just increase the complexity of the project by two times — you increase it by an exponential factor. Instead of trying to do every single thing, keep only the things that serve a role and that add actual value to the project.

For example, when I was working on the website redesign for PE last year, I realized that many elements of the old layout required frequent maintenance. Also, every time I introduce a new feature to the site, there is always the risk of something else breaking down the road, because so many things on the web are heavily interdependent nowadays.

I decided to make things simple — create a layout that’s easy to read, and cut out anything non-essential to that. With that I eliminated the sidebar, switched to a very minimalistic black & white look, switched from WordPress multi-site to the standard site installation, removed all popups, and removed other “nice to have” but draining elements. I also removed the blog comments and forums which were taking up a lot of my time while adding little value to PE readers. After a week, I completed the new layout, and this simplification means that I now spend much less time maintaining the site each month.

As much as possible, simplify. Use the 80/20 rule to help you. What are the 20% key tasks that make the biggest difference in your goal? Focus on them disproportionately. Cut down as much of the unimportant stuff as you can. The more you cut down, the more time you have for the most important parts of your goal, the greater the impact.

3. Delegate and Get Help

Often times we think that we need to do everything alone. You don’t have to. Unless this is a goal that you 100% need to do by yourself — like a school assignment, though you can still consult your professors — try and see if you can delegate or ask for help, especially for the parts you are stuck in.

For example, online businesses have become incredibly complex in the last few years. While it was possible for me to do everything alone in the past, there are too many moving parts today for me to take care of them alone. After being stuck in development hell for many of my business plans, I realized that I needed to outsource parts of my business to specialized service providers, even if I need to pay more. From using specialized all-in-one shopping cart services to upgrading to a better host to using a third-party course portal solution, doing these has freed up significant amounts of my time and worry. Instead of spending countless late nights fixing problems, I can now get back to what matters — helping others grow and solve their problems. In fact, I wish I sought for help right from the start!

If there’s something you are not sure about, ask for help. Consult experts who have experience in this field. Get advice from people who know what they are doing. Consider hiring someone to help you. Even if you don’t know anyone, there’s really no excuse — there are many Facebook groups today for all topics imaginable — business, book writing, video creation, training — and many users are quite helpful in giving advice. Simply search a topic, look for the groups that fit you, and click “Join.” I have learned a lot from just reading people’s comments in Facebook groups. Don’t feel like you need to do this alone, because you are not alone. There are many people willing to help, if you’d just let them.

4. Get a change in environment

Sometimes if you’ve been stuck for a while, maybe it’s the environment stifling you. Getting a change in environment, talking to different people, and hanging out in different social groups can give you different inspiration.

As a writer, the environment greatly affects me and my writing. I’ve learned, through trial and error, that being in nature greatly fuels my writing, while being in a stifling environment restricts my thoughts and flow. I know that when I’m stuck writing and rewriting the same thing, it usually means that I need a change in environment, and doing the same thing (trying to push through with my writing despite my lack of inspiration) is just a waste of time.

Similarly, if you are working on a creative project — a drawing, a comic, a book, a course training, web design — get a change of space. Find ways to feel positively inspired. Try a different routine, visit different places, and hang out in a different environment. Do this until you find a space that helps you create quickly and easily, then recreate this in your work/home environment as much as you can.

If you’re suffering from writer’s block, check out my podcast on How to Overcome Writer’s Block [PEP008].

5. Create a first draft

If you’re stuck with too many considerations, create a first draft version first. A first draft is a bare bones version of what you’re trying to create — stripped to the bare essentials. Instead of trying to create a perfect output the first time round which is actually impossible, aim for a lousy, crappy version.

The way I launched my blog from the start was I simply wrote and posted articles that I felt would change people’s lives. I planned what I was going to write and reviewed my posts before posting anything, but I didn’t spend weeks or months perfecting my work beforehand. When I look back, I cringe at some of my past articles, which is partly why I’ve been revising my old articles in the past 1-2 years. But it’s precisely from allowing myself to post imperfect pieces of work that I could grow and build PE to where it is today. If I kept obsessing over that perfect first article or first 10 articles, I don’t think I would have launched my blog even today.

Let go of the details, and just aim to get a first draft out first. If you’re developing a software, work on a simple prototype first. If you’re writing a book, write the simplest manuscript you can. You can always add the details in the second, third, and fourth iterations.

6. Don’t neglect your health

Last but not least, don’t neglect your health. Maintain a healthy work rhythm, where you have a list of things you don’t compromise on such as your sleep, rest/break times, and meal times. Don’t skip your meals, shower, and sleep even if you feel like it. Don’t work until you feel exhausted — rather, set a clear cutoff, like stopping work at 8pm or 2 hours before you sleep.

This is important because you are the heart and hardware of your project. When you neglect the heart and hardware, you compromise on your project output. While you may feel that you are spending less time on work since you are taking time out for rest and all, after a few weeks you will see that your output starts to change from short-term to long-term focused, and you start to work smarter because you have the mind space to do so. That’s because work tends to expand to fill the time available for completion (Parkinson’s Law). Allocating an infinite timeline often decreases per hour productivity rather than help you get more done. By safeguarding the key pockets of your life — self, rest, relationships — you gain way more in return than spending 100% of time on just work, which interestingly ripples back and helps you 10X your output.

Read:

Law of Diminishing Returns

The 8 Habits of Highly Productive People

New Release of Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program!

After MANY months of hard work, I’ve finally launched the upgraded version of Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program, my 30-day character transformation program! The material has been hugely upgraded, with the guidebook expanding from 230 pages to 308 pages, over 100 participant verbatims added in, workbook updated, and many parts heavily rewritten.

For those of you who have purchased/upgraded, thank you! I love reading updates from you guys, and here’s a lovely note from Sarah who did 30BBM way back in 2012:

Dear Celes, thank you so much! I just bought the new edition. Last night I re-read my whole 30BBM workbook from 2012. So much has changed since then! I completed my PhD, married my boyfriend whom I mentioned so much in my previous 30BBM run, and have had a very happy few years working in university teaching and researching in Japan and then again back home in the UK. I can’t wait to start 30BBM again as I work on my next challenge — securing a permanent job in a very unstable sector. Thank you, Celes.

THANK YOU Sarah and for all of you who have been reading PE all these years!

If you haven’t gotten the program, read about 30BBM here, read the FAQs, or head straight to checkout.

For recent customers (2016 to July 2017), I’ve sent out the email on how to get the upgraded version of 30BBM on Aug 1. Check your mailbox for the email titled: “New Release: Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program.” If it’s not in your inbox, please check your spam folder.

For past 30DLBL/30BBM buyers (pre-2016), you can upgrade your 30DLBL/30BBM upgrade for a small upgrade fee, as detailed in my Aug 1 email. I’ve extended the upgrade window to 30 August. Both programs have been hugely improved with improved writing, and an addition of over 140 pages and 200 hand-picked verbatims/user results. Please upgrade before then as upgrade requests will not be handled after 30 August!

Thank you to everyone who has purchased the upgraded 30BBM — enjoy the program and your character transformation journey! Any questions on 30BBM, let me know here!

The post 6 Tips When You’re Stuck with a Deadline is first published on Personal Excellence.

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