#people widespread the idea that i was arophobic for so fucking long even after the fact and constantly took what i said in the worst way-

[dyketubbo]

making posts on here is like trying to navigate a minefield sometimes bc i swear this fandom has given me like upgraded paranoia about being misunderstood/taken in the wrong way bc of my wording. like i already grew up with this fear bc autism and disorganized speech esp w having a speech impediment etc etc but while i get the instinct to try and bite back i feel like sometimes i can never just say personal feelings or mess around without it being made into a Big Deal. like sometimes im not making takes or super indepth analysis im just talking at the air about my own experiences and frustrations yknow. being scrutinized over word choice is fucking scary when you have like 50 fucking things that make it incredibly hard to be able to get your point across in a concise and understandable manner

#still have such intense leftover fears from the qpr drama #people widespread the idea that i was arophobic for so fucking long even after the fact and constantly took what i said in the worst way- #-possible and im not even sure if its stopped yet considering even like in. what was it early june. i had someone say they heard i was- #-arophobic #n like nowadays yeah i see where there were points where i messed up with wording #but other times it was like. definitely Intentional misreading #like somehow claiming i thought the word relationship wasnt connected to friendship and then mocking me (an aro person.) for supposedly #not having friends #or claiming i was calling ppl misogynistic/racist/fatphobic bc i . said i felt weird about kristin being shoved to the side #or ppl who fucking somehow got the idea that i was arguing that qp relationships were inherently platonic #when the whole point was that i felt like people were using qprs as a way to hide that they were just doing romantic shipping #and were putting qprs behind a /p tag or talking abt them as if theyre not much more than 'platonic spouses' #when the entire point . is that they arent strictly platonic. and that was what i was trying to address was that i felt #they werent just headcanons. because theyre committed and intimate relationships with a wide variety of descriptions #based on the individuals in the relatio ship. and making it into a 'two bros who kiss' thing and nothing more was yeah! a bit weird! #like disregarding the discussion of cc boundaries n if ccs should get involved with that esp bc i dont feel comfy talkin abt that point #nymore. the point was just. that i felt like reducing qprs to 'close friends but More' or Just Headcanons was disingenuous #and that in the dsmp fandom for a good fucking while yeah people would slap /p or the qp label onto a relationship that they clearly just- #-shipped so they could pass it as just headcanons and Not Shipping #but instead it got misconstrued into the idea that *i* thought qprs were strictly platonic relationships #slash just another word for best friends. when that was what i was actively Against labeling qprs as #and then i went down as arophobic and had people fucking harass me over it for like a month like #it felt fuckin shitty to be put in a situation where i was (even if indirectly) the center of attention in such a large negative way #with a bunch of full grown adults dismissing my actual concerns and points while widespread vaguing me to a point #where i would have to doublecheck posts even ppl I followed reblogged .bc i had 2 check if the person i agreed with secretly was vaguing me #and i got told i was playing the victim card for saying as a teenager that was stressful for me to go through #like even now i still feel intense anxiety around emduo fans that i dont already know are chill bc that shit ruined me for a good while #i couldnt even enjoy the characters themselves. and i always feel like itll happen again #i know a lotta ppl hold me as som1 good w words but its scary to be held to that standard when ive so many mental problems tht make it hard #mask mews