#personality obv bc thats not productive and honestly a great way to keep urself in a trauma loop but i think its also important for me to br

[lepidopterium]

Why did I think I was ugly growing up? Even when I was like 11 and going through puberty it's like,,,,there's not a single person who doesn't look awkward during puberty but even after, why did I keep hating how I looked? Not to say I love how I look now, though I def have more confidence than I used to but like. :< Why was I so mean to myself?

#like i was ESPECIALLY cruel to myself. i cant look through old text messages or posts without going like wow what the fuck #i was self depricating every other sentence like i was....so mean to myself #even when im in a depressive episode now i still manage to act kinder to myself than back then even when id be feeling 'normal' #im glad that ive changed. but i cant help but feel like its just another injustice i put on myself #does it ever sound like im playing the victim? i don't mean to. im more just talking out loud i guess but i worry that opening up looks like #me complaining. i think i should be allowed to feel like a victim when i was and am a victim. im not going to like. make it my entire #personality obv bc thats not productive and honestly a great way to keep urself in a trauma loop but i think its also important for me to br #able to look back and say WOW that was fucked up and the fact that that happened had a very real impact on my life #if that makes sense