#please don’t actually discourse on this post I’m just tryna get my thoughts out

[kaninchen-reblogs]

I’m not entirely sure how to word this correctly cuz brain currently scrampled egg but I feel like being on the aro/ace spectrum as a transfem is incredibly frustrating when the majority of online transfem spaces are very hypersexual

Like on one hand, trans women are constantly told by society that they’re undesirable except when they’re objectified and chased, so the act of taking their sexualization into their own hands is super important and I’m legitimately glad that trans girls can find spaces online where they can be unabashedly horny in a liberating way.

On the other hand, you can’t look up “transgender” on this site without getting 80% porn bots and 20% discourse, I can’t share [animal]girl[bodypart] blogs to my ace friends without them being jumpscared by the most recent post being uncensored explicit imagery, and a big chunk of the online white anglo-centric transfem culture now is being super horny, alongside NEET-posting, blahaj, and striped socks.

Like I’m on the ace spectrum but I’m sex-positive and not bothered by the horny stuff so it doesn’t affect me too much. But I cannot imagine how alienating it must feel to be aromatic, asexual, and/or sex-repulsed as a transfem and your only other option is the sanitized, infantilized “uwu im anxious eepy baby with shark plush” meme-space. And I’m aware that HRT affects libido — ever since I started it, it’s definitely gone up, so I can’t blame people for needing an outlet.

I mean I guess that speaks to how you can never be “truly” inclusive in a space because something will always be exclusive to another person. Idk I just wish the world was safer for transfems from all walks of life, and there were more spaces for us to be proud of ourselves without it falling into “super horny”, “discourse”, or “ultra-sanitized”.

#I’ve had these thoughts for a while now #like for the past month or two I’ve kept thinking about all this stuff #partially inspired by the fact that one of my best friends is a sex repulsed ace transfem #(if you’re reading this hi i love you) #and just feeling … idk. like she deserves better I guess? #I can’t speak for how the transmasc culture is since I’m not transmasc #from what I’ve seen it appears somewhat the same? #of either ‘you’re a smol bean uwu’ or ‘you’re a hunky sexy man’ with no in between #but I won’t assume that’s how it is just from those few things I’ve seen #idk it just really seems like being aro/ace/sex repulsed means that the internet is actively hostile to you #and you can’t engage in your identity without it being discourse in some way #and yes I realize the irony of saying that on a post like this #‘20% of transgender posts are discourse’ I complain as I write up a discourse-bait post lmao #please don’t actually discourse on this post I’m just tryna get my thoughts out

[copper-16]

why do you reckon mapi and ingrid may be being more private with their lives? im not tryna be a freak or anything like that, im just curious if something happened for them to do that? or is it just a suspicion you have? again, not tryna come across as weird, i just wish the best for them and totally understand why they wanna be more private considering the eyes on them and especially more if something happened x

Okay so we did end up getting a birthday post (I’ve never been more thrilled to be wrong about something!), but I definitely have seen some discourse about Mapi and Ingrid becoming a little bit more private on social media. Not a whole ton, obviously they still post each other quite a bit (I haven’t really noticed a difference to be honest), but I have seen some people discussing it for some reason.

I think it feeds into a bigger discourse of footballers and the line between their private versus public lives, and where fans fit into that.

Mapi and Ingrid both have been very open in the past, but they are both getting more famous. And with more fame, comes more online abuse and just overall more dialogue about their lives and choices. Perhaps they just want to live their lives as they please, without having to appease or perform on social media, or be subjected to any sort of abuse/homophobia/whatever it is. Everyone has their limits.

I think it’s important for people to remember that these are real people, with real lives, and we cannot grow so attached to people or the idea of a person in our mind that we aren’t still respectful of their boundaries. I probably sound like a huge hypocrite saying this, but as much as I enjoy writing about these women, I don’t find myself in any sort of like para-social relationships with them, and I caution anyone against growing so invested. When I write about them, I’m not attempting to write about real people, but more along the lines of a character that is based off of that person (utilizing the fact that my audience already understands the characters and often the setting, and I don’t have to do that myself). Thats one of the reasons that fanfiction can be so enjoyable for people to write and read, is this idea that it’s easier to understand because both the author and audience already have an idea of the world/people/setting, and the author doesn’t have to spend the time and word count setting that up. It’s not that writing about these people is us trying to invade their lives or change history, but rather utilize our own creativity to think of our own stories. No writer, including myself, should ever claim in this sphere of writing to be writing the truth, because we don’t know these people!

I know there has been a lot of discussion on invasions of privacy, and I might get some push back on this but I figured I would state my own thoughts. People are more than allowed to disagree, I think there’s room for healthy discussion without being cruel toward one another:

I don’t see that big of a problem with writing about or discussing football and footballers on platforms like Tumblr and ao3, where the chances for these people to actually view what is being discussed is very, very low. In my mind, players would at that point be seeking out that information, and that is their choice and within their boundaries to do or not do, as they see fit. People are naturally curious, they have questions and want to connect with others about things they enjoy, and I see platforms like Tumblr and ao3 as a way to do so. People can learn, discuss, debate, etc with the freedom that these players are not on the platform, and will therefore not see what they are saying. I think it’s healthier that way, for all involved, to have a level of disconnect. I do think there are still lines to be drawn on these apps, I’m not saying it’s a free for all, but I tend to be more forgiving of potential mistakes or more risqué posts because I doubt that these people will ever see them.

I personally see a much larger problem being had on platforms like Instagram and Twitter and TikTok, with heavy amounts of abuse and overly harsh criticism about honestly all aspects of their lives. There is a difference between discussion and constructive criticism and bashing someone, or being abusive. Players see these things, we clearly know this, they are people too with feelings and bad days and people need to respect that and have some empathy. I find fault with Tumblr posts when someone on twitter/instagram/tiktok pulls a post and put it on one of those platforms. Why people would do that and open players up to seeing these things is beyond me, and feels disrespectful to all parties involved honestly.

I also see a lot of issues on those apps with invasion of privacy. My take on the issue has always been if a player has posted something, that is public knowledge that is allowed to be consumed, because they have made the choice to post and share that with the world. There’s a difference between scrolling back a few years to find a funny picture of a player when she was younger on her instagram page and ending up on her aunts friends Facebook page, digging up pictures from 2012 to use in some facet. Or taking something that someone has since deleted, or somehow getting a photo from a private account that might be a personal photo. There’s a line, and sure, it might fluctuate a little depending on the person because we all were raised differently and have different boundaries, but I still believe there is still a universal level of respect that can be upheld. We are not entitled to anything, the fact that we get to engage with these women and learn about their lives is a PRIVILEGE, and not a RIGHT. I think people often forget this.

Anyways, this got very long and waxy, which I apologize for. I’m sure I’ll get some pushback for this, because everyone feels a little differently on the subject, but this is simply where I stand. People are welcome to disagree and discuss as long as it is done so respectfully!