#and yes I realize the irony of saying that on a post like this

[skania]

OnK Chapter 149

I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me because I’m always complaining about Aka’s writing, but…

And I mean it when I say that I expect nothing 😭 This was literally my first ever OnK-related reblog and its tags are more relevant than ever lmao

These, too:

#honestly I didn’t think too hard about any of this during my first read #because the romantic endgame seems so obvious that it kind of discourages guessing lmao #but re-reading these chapters has made me appreciate Aqua’s side of his bond with Akane a lot more

Back when I first got into OnK, I mentioned that Akane was the entire reason I kept reading the manga. I didn’t care about the romantic subplot, found Aqua/Kana extremely obvious and predictable, and Aqua plain boring.

It’s only during my second read that I paid close attention to Akane’s interactions with Aqua and I ended up playing myself into both, caring about Aqua and shipping him with Akane lol

This chapter has made me realize that despite everything, I'm not emotionally invested in whether they end up together or not. I’d prefer it, obviously, because Aqua truly is at his most interesting whenever he’s around Akane, and their dynamic has the best development in the manga (so far).

But it’s just like I said before: If they don’t end up together, that’s just Aka’s loss, not mine. I’m just here for Akane 😂

And as an Akane fan, I feel like the best thing for me to do right now is to just take a step back and watch things unfold, because Aka will do whatever he wants regardless of how any of us interpret his manga lol

So instead of posting the long post I originally wrote about this chapter when the leaks came out, I'll just share a a clown gif because in hindsight it was silly of me to expect Kana out of all people to have any sort of meaningful insight into Aqua 🤡

And a couple of things that caught my eye because I can't help myself:

Kana didn't even see Aqua and Akane have any sort of meaningful moment, just those two standing in each other's vicinity was enough to make her throw herself a pity party. How many more times is she going to pity herself and give up? How has Aka not tired of writing her this way? Where did her development from the Scandal arc go? 🤡

So Chapter 147 featured Kamiki thinking Ai doesn't love him and Kana thinking Aqua likes her. It even had a helpful "Cut 139: Misunderstanding" panel and everything. Will this mean something? Who knows!

Kana used guilt-trip! It was super effective!

Oh the irony! Poor Akane looks like she's been hard at work convincing herself that she's over Aqua. And you know what? I cheer for her and respect her energy 100%. I'd rather see her doing her mightiest to help him without any ulterior motives than to have her crying for him and hoping to get back with him every other chapter lol

Akane calling Kana out for her pity-party and for being cowardly was so cathartic that if I didn't already stan her, I'd have become a fan right now 😭 It also means that Aka is 100% aware of the way he writes Kana, so when will she finally be allowed to grow?

Kana's praise to Akane made me so sad though because yes, Akane is pretty and she's talented and she's kind. That's sweet of her to say. But that's not what made Akane someone special to Aqua: it was the way she understood him. The worst part is that Kana ends her praise by saying that Akane is a "goody-two-shoes" but... that's the opposite of how Akane views herself. She sees herself as someone who's not decent and not normal. So it's no wonder that while she gets flustered (it's her dear kana-chan praising her), she seems to get a bit sad/frustrated afterward. After all, for Akane it's probably the opposite. Men would prefer a decent, normal, bright girl like Kana - Aqua included.

I wish someone would tell Akane that she is too ignorant of her own charms and that she doesn't have to act like an adult all the time. Truly the pot calling the kettle black! Sadly, unlike Kana, Akane seems to have no one in her corner in this manga. Aqua was the only one there and the poor guy is barely even a character anymore lol

Overprotective mother or controlling ex-girlfriend? Take your pick!

The English translation left something pretty important out in these panels. Akane doesn't just say "if you have a girlfriend", she says "if you have a precious/important girlfriend". This distinction is very important because it goes to show that... as expected, Akane doesn't think she was an important girlfriend to Aqua. It's like she didn't count and Kana would be the real deal. Oh, Akane...

Which takes me to her very silly, very convoluted yet very predictable plan (in true Aka fashion).

When Akane thinks “I know exactly what you hate”, I imagine she means that Aqua hates hurting and endangering those he cares for. So I'm guessing Akane thinks that if she plays matchmaker and quite literally throws Kana at him, someone he has a soft spot, then Aqua won't be able to go through with his revenge because that would mean breaking Kana's very fragile heart.

In other words, it looks like Akane is going to try and use Aqua's guilt-complex against him and her weapon of choice is love. But not her love, obviously, because as far as she's concerned, her romantic love already failed to save him.

Granted, using Kana's romantic feelings to her advantage is kind of... well, wrong. To quote Akane herself, [Kana] is neither her pet nor her property, but a person. But I'm guessing that Akane may be falling victim to the same loophole she got caught in in Chapters 96 - 98. She thinks she knows what's best, so she's putting her own beliefs aside for the time being.

Kind of like Aqua, actually.

And, ironically, it's Aqua himself who first realized how easy Kana is to use.

So! All in all, I'm here for Mastermind!Akane but I hope that Aka will actually make it worth our while. Will Kana realize that she's about to be used as a chess piece in this Proxy War? Who knows, characters in this manga seem to walk in circles, only being allowed to grow when it fits the plot 😂

Last week we wondered whether Aka would subvert expectations or go the predictable route, and down the predictable route he went. His way of making it less predictable is by including a twist in the form of Akane's ulterior motives, but will this be enough to allow this ol' used trope to lead us someplace new? I guess we'll have to keep reading to find out, but given the quality of the writing lately, I'm not expecting much lol

#my aquakane meta #except not quite #being constantly let down by aka is so bittersweet because there's a part of me that's like hahaha I knew it! #while another is just like: sigh why is he always like this #I thought my expectations were already ground level but I'll lower them a bit more just in case #just please let akane keep serving #that's all I ask for #and if someone can at some point in the manga actually #you know #help her #that would be pretty cool too #because she's basically carrying the entire plot on her shoulders right now yet no one offers her any kind of emotional support at all lmao

[kaninchen-reblogs]

I’m not entirely sure how to word this correctly cuz brain currently scrampled egg but I feel like being on the aro/ace spectrum as a transfem is incredibly frustrating when the majority of online transfem spaces are very hypersexual

Like on one hand, trans women are constantly told by society that they’re undesirable except when they’re objectified and chased, so the act of taking their sexualization into their own hands is super important and I’m legitimately glad that trans girls can find spaces online where they can be unabashedly horny in a liberating way.

On the other hand, you can’t look up “transgender” on this site without getting 80% porn bots and 20% discourse, I can’t share [animal]girl[bodypart] blogs to my ace friends without them being jumpscared by the most recent post being uncensored explicit imagery, and a big chunk of the online white anglo-centric transfem culture now is being super horny, alongside NEET-posting, blahaj, and striped socks.

Like I’m on the ace spectrum but I’m sex-positive and not bothered by the horny stuff so it doesn’t affect me too much. But I cannot imagine how alienating it must feel to be aromatic, asexual, and/or sex-repulsed as a transfem and your only other option is the sanitized, infantilized “uwu im anxious eepy baby with shark plush” meme-space. And I’m aware that HRT affects libido — ever since I started it, it’s definitely gone up, so I can’t blame people for needing an outlet.

I mean I guess that speaks to how you can never be “truly” inclusive in a space because something will always be exclusive to another person. Idk I just wish the world was safer for transfems from all walks of life, and there were more spaces for us to be proud of ourselves without it falling into “super horny”, “discourse”, or “ultra-sanitized”.

#I’ve had these thoughts for a while now #like for the past month or two I’ve kept thinking about all this stuff #partially inspired by the fact that one of my best friends is a sex repulsed ace transfem #(if you’re reading this hi i love you) #and just feeling … idk. like she deserves better I guess? #I can’t speak for how the transmasc culture is since I’m not transmasc #from what I’ve seen it appears somewhat the same? #of either ‘you’re a smol bean uwu’ or ‘you’re a hunky sexy man’ with no in between #but I won’t assume that’s how it is just from those few things I’ve seen #idk it just really seems like being aro/ace/sex repulsed means that the internet is actively hostile to you #and you can’t engage in your identity without it being discourse in some way #and yes I realize the irony of saying that on a post like this #‘20% of transgender posts are discourse’ I complain as I write up a discourse-bait post lmao #please don’t actually discourse on this post I’m just tryna get my thoughts out

[inkskinned]

i had not been taught love, so i couldn't apply it to myself.

i liked the idea of self-love, but it felt sanitized, opulent - white. it was always depicted by pretty people with lots of money; vaguely familiar but entirely at-odds with my lived reality. it was "treating" yourself, long vacations, taking time off of work, reminding yourself that grades cannot hurt you.

but i did get hurt if my grades were low. i could not take the time off from work. i couldn't stretch the budget to run-off-into-the-sunset.

my life is not full of peaceful morning coffee. my life is a string of ants, crawling over the abandoned mugs i've left out for weeks. it is stepping over broken glass over-and-over rather than just picking it up. it is spending a huge amount of money on food because i can't make myself just remember to cook. i have bought a pair of earrings pretty much every week for a month, i keep losing just-one. at the same time, i can never remember that i need to buy a new toothbrush.

self-love was presented to me as a sort of - end goal. a variant self. what the kids are calling "becoming that girl." she works out while drinking smoothies and running around her large apartment in the city. i understood why she would have self-love; she clearly had her shit together. if i also could get my shit together, maybe then i'd be worthy.

i always thought of it as important for others to strive towards, but not really meant for me. when i sit in a long bath, i feel weird and cheesy. i'm not particularly drawn to meditating. i drink water because it's just a necessity. i know my own personality - i am never going to be someone wholly-at-peace. a lot of self-love approaches aren't comforting for me. any time i engage with them, i hear my cuban father scoffing gently: this is greedy. latins don't waste time by sitting in idyllic locations reading poetry - that's a white-people thing.

i am almost 30. i have only just-now realized that i didn't believe i can find self-love because i simply didn't believe i was deserving. that i grew up without an image of what being-loved would even look like, much less how to apply it on a daily basis. that any form of self-love feels false, defiant - because it's foreign to me, and i have always been denied it. i thought it was "not for me" because nobody had ever provided it.

i learned almost a self-tolerance instead - a gritted-teeth approach. i will do the things i have to do in order to prevent my mental illness from dominating my life.

i am treating myself, more and more, like a scared animal. i don't force myself to keep everything perfect. i clean up the glass, but i let myself leave the pile of clothes until later. i let myself "half-ass" things. i treat self-love as the protection of my future self - as taking care of someone who will be here, later. it's okay if i mess up in the process. it is often ugly and unrefined and. absolutely glorious. i am training myself what it is like to have someone care about me. i am training myself to trust in safety.

i am training myself - there is no one image of finally being happy.

#this loses the plot halfway thru i don't like #it #yes i realize the irony of saying that in a post about self love shut up #just come over and kiss me idk #edit: word change bc otherwise it looked like a typo but it wasn't a typo i am just #very annoying

[selchielesbian]

I hate Christopher from the Sopranos so much. Adriana ditch this loser and get with a real man (me)

#I LOOOOOVE ADRIANA. MY PRINCESS. #yes I realize the irony of kendall being my favorite roy sibling and hating Christopher bc they’re literally the same person #sopranos posting #also I can’t believe I’m only on season two this series feels like a fucking odyssey #edit: watch me say this and by the end of the series he’ll be my little meow meow

[drchucktingle]

Something I’ve been curious about if it wouldn’t break the bit: are you one buckaroo or several sharing a name and persona?

greetings bud thank you for asking FIRST OF ALL want to say to you or anyone reading this post that i am not upset over this question and i am not upset with you. you have kindness in your trot and i know you are just asking to prove love in your own way. buds reading this please do not harass this person in fact maybe give them a follow or a like, they are trying their best.

OKAY NOW THAT IS OUT OF THE WAY i will talk on my feelings of this with simple statement:

this is not a bit.

i understand it can be difficult to accept this for some, especially in world where absurdity and cynical humor is so popular, but i am very sincere. even though i make jokerman jokes sometimes, even in my writing, tinglers are not supposed to be funny as a concept. if you laugh at them that is TOTALLY OKAY i understand this way when confronted with something out of the box but that is not the point of them at all. the point is that LOVE IS REAL for everyone (there are other points but that is a broad one)

now on to why i trot my trot in this way. first off is to protect my privacy this is simple enough. when i talk on son jon or sweet barbara or any other way i am adding a layer of secrets by changing names or relations or towns but that is just a fancy outfit for the real truth. i am NOT creating a character, i am protecting myself.

second and more important is that when i TALK IN MY UNIQUE WAY i am expressing myself without masking, which is something old chuck does every single day out there in the world as someone on the autism spectrum. i am VERY GOOD AT MASKING you would probably not know chuck was autistic when talking to me unless you were a close bud. but unfortunately this masking way creates very real tension in my body. i have trotted with CHRONIC PAIN for most of my life heading to emergency rooms where kind and handsome t-rex doctors could not figure out what the heck was goin on. basically LIVED in the dang emergency room. eventually chuck learned i carried my body TOO TIGHT from masking all the time, but what i realized is that allowing myself a space to type freely without way of punctuation or other restrictions and LETTING MY HEART SING to just be myself without masking made this tension release. pain started going away. GRAND IRONY of course is that when im trotting as chuck i wear a pink mask to take off my OTHER MASK of a neurotypical bud.

that is why i protect my way of speaking freely as well. if someone says 'well you need to talk like this right now' i stand tall and say NO BUD THIS IS MY SPACE AND I WILL EXPRESS MYSELF IN THIS WAY AND YOU AN TROT ON IF YOU WANT. this is firm boundary for me and my health.

anyway buckaroo to sum that up again: yes i am one person and this is not a bit

if you want to know more about my way on the autism spectrum i wrote a tingler about how it feels to have others say you are 'playing a character' and not actually neurodivergent. i think tumblr buds might enjoy so i will add it down here LOVE IS REAL thank you for your question

NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DOUBT IN MY PLACE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM BECAUSE DENYING SOMEONE'S PERSONAL JOURNEY AND IDENTITY LIKE THAT IS INCREDIBLY RUDE SO NO THANKS

#chuck tingle #character #neruodivergent #masking #autism #autism spectrum #tingleverse #love is real #tingler #good talks with buds #buckaroo lifestyle

[magics-neptunes-things]

Feelings (5)

Hi guys!

New chapter for this Serie, I hope you'll like it too :) Don't be shy about telling what you think about it, or asking if you want to have something special in it. I had a request from here for this one, so I hope it will be ok like this :)

Please enjoy ♥

TW : Suggestive, sex talk (?)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

Saying goodbye to Alessia was hard, but you didn’t have the choice. You knew since the start of all this that it would happen, but that doesn’t mean it was making things easier.

You find your apartment like you left it, your friend Sofia came several times to ventilate it and take care of your olive tree. That you renamed Olivio, with all the imagination that is yours. The only thing that changed, is that there is no Alma laying on your couch like she was used to do when you were away. You always hided your keys under your doormat for her to come, but you asked Sofia to take it away for now. You still have things belonging to Alma in here though.

You send them to her by the post before going to your first training session. Your Spanish teammates look at you with friendly compassion when your arrived and you realize that you almost forgot that you lost a finale several days before. Alessia made you forget.

You find your habits really quickly, even if Laia Codina or Jenni are not part of the team anymore. But Ona being one to replace them, you’re pretty sure that Lucy isn’t too mad. You still have to talk to her about Alessia though, you knew that she went on holidays with Ona and didn’t want to bother her. And you teased her so much about Ona that you’re sure she won’t miss to tease you back for now.

Cata Coll is one of your closest friends here and it’s with her that you appear for the first time back on Fc Barcelona Feminin’s Instagram. The training was lighter the first days, but you soon go back to the real session.

“So. You and Less?” asks Lucy one afternoon where you are at her flat after the training.

“Yes?” you answer innocently.

You were playing against each other at Fifa on Playstation, Lucy’s actually crushing you with Manchester City. You’re still trying to figure how she can be good at everything.

“How did you get together?”

“What tell you that we are together?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe because you were making out in the plane when I came back to ask if I can borrow your earphones?”

Sitting on the other couch while scrolling on her phone, Ona can’t help but snort. You don’t mind her being here while you’re talking about your love life. You like her and she’s your mate’s girlfriend. You better get along and for now it’s working great. You smile too, to be fair, even if you blush lightly.

“We didn’t put a label on it, so I don’t know if I can call her my girlfriend” you answer, frowning softly.

It was the truth, even if you both said that you won’t go for someone else. You really hope that no one will catch Alessia’s eyes at Arsenal or even London. She’s starting again in a new environment; she doesn’t know everyone for now. You trust her obviously, but that doesn’t mean that she can’t lose interest in you.

“We did that at first too” Lucy answers. “Long-distance was hard, but really worth it if you’re meant to be.”

You hum, missing the complicit smile between Ona and Lucy. You sigh when Lucy scores another goal just before the end of the game. With a disgusted air, you let the controller fall on the couch.

“I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship before. It’s strange, to be honest, not being able to take the girl you like on date or something.”

“It is” Lucy smiles, patting your knee softly. “If you need advice or only talking, you can come to me. Or Mariona, she’s dealing with it for longer that I was.”

You nod. You somehow forgot that Mariona is dating Alessia’s teammate. Maybe you can take planes together sometimes, you think with irony.

“And Alma?” Lucy asks.

“Never heard from her again. I send her the things she left in my apartment and that’s all.”

********

You took the habits to call Alessia every night. She’s usually cooking her diner and put her phone against one of her kitchen walls to be able to cook while talking to you. You can really look at her for hours doing it. You only regret not being able to stick against her while she cuts some vegetables.

“What do you like to eat?” Alessia asks you that night.

You were silently observing her, lost in your contemplation.

“Oh uh… It depends” you shrug. “I’m not really difficult, I mean I think?”

Alessia laughs softly.

“I cooked for Leah two days ago, it was entertaining” the blonde says.

You smirk, knowing exactly what it could have been. You never met anyone as picky as Leah when it comes from food. You can guess her choice when you go to restaurant with her, it’s always the simplest dish.

“Why do you ask anyway?” you ask Alessia.

She looks genuinely surprise by your question, stopping to cut her carrots to look at you better.

“Don’t you come next week to London?”

“Yes?”

“Well I want to cook for you, obviously. We chose to get delivered almost at every meal we share when we stayed at home, but I really want to cook for you.”

“Ok” you smile softy. “Only if you let me take you on a proper date.”

“Is that even a deal?” Alessia smiles at you.

You feel your heart beating faster and God, how did you survive when she smiled at you that way in front of you?

Several days later, you were leaving training in hurry. You have two hours to go to the airport after your session and you came with your suitcase to go for it straight after your shower.

“Why are you in such hurry?” Jana asks from her cubby.

“She’s going to her girlfrieeeend” Cata sings from her spot.

“Girlfriend?”

Keira’s voice came from the other side of the room, and you flinch. Right, you didn’t talk to Keira about your new relationship. For your defense, you were thinking that Leah would. You grimace to Cata, grabs your suitcase and go for the exit.

“Say Alessia I say hi” Lucy shouts before getting hit by Ona on her arm.

“Alessia?”

You giggle when you hear the surprise in Keira’s voice but don’t take the time to answer, too scared to miss your plane. You jump in the taxi waiting for you and went for the airport.

It’s only when your luggage are taking care by the company that you take your phone off of your pocket. You wanted at first to write to Alessia to let her know that you were on your way, but you have some messages from Keira too.

Keira 🥠 Alessia??? Like in Alessia Russo? You better answer me right now, Kid.

You Who’s Alessia Russo?

Keira 🥠 You little shit. Bring back some Scones.

During the two hours and twenty-one minutes of the trip, you slept. You went to bed late this week, not being able to hang up with Alessia, even if you knew that you would see her today.

You are alert when you arrive in London, by dint of traveling from this airport, you know it by heart. There is an hour of time difference with Spain, so you feel like you have only left Spain for an hour and a half. The sandwich you snacked while waiting for your suitcase will allow you to wait until you arrive at Alessia’s, who promised to cook for you tonight. You know that you have at least one hour to go to Alessia’s house, London traffic jam being awful.

You were taping on your phone for an Uber when a voice next to you make you jump out of your skin.

“Hi stranger!”

You jump, turning around only to be face with the mischievous face of your gi… Alessia. She was supposed to be at London, not at the airport. You might look stupid when you look at her with wide eyes and your mouth slightly open. It made Alessia giggles, and you feel your stomach make a jump at the sound.

“Lessi? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I have a great visitor coming to mine this weekend, so I decided to come to take her home.”

“No, I mean…”

“I know what you mean” Alessia laughs before kissing your cheek. “I changed my media hours with Kyra to be here at the right time.”

“Oh.”

You blush and let Alessia takes your suitcase. You then follow her to the parking lot, slaloming between people. You want to take Alessia’s hand in yours, but you don’t want to make her uneasy. There are a lot of people here.

You are happy to be sitting on the passenger’s seat of her car, who is definitely more comfortable than your seat on the plane. You can’t stop to look at her and just because she’s just next to you right now, you softly stroke her cheek before taking her hand in yours.

“I missed you” you mumble when she looks at you.

She is driving and you should have taken the opportunity to kiss her before you left the parking, but you maybe will have plenty of time to do it at her home.

“I missed you too” Alessia smiles.

She asks about your trip; you ask her about her day and finally the journey for her house isn’t so long. Even if there are a lot of people on the road at this time of the day.

“Leah wants to meet you during your stay” Alessia said at one time during the trip. “I told her not today because you will be tired, but maybe tomorrow morning? She can come to have a brunch or something before the game?”

“It sounds nice” you smile, not mentioning that only seeing her is enough for you.

Alessia had a game tomorrow afternoon, but it let you all tonight, all day after the game and all the next day too. You will leave on Monday morning very early to be at training in the morning. And you are determined to enjoy it the most possible.

You are happy to find Alessia’s house too, looking around you, you notice that some things as changed since you came the last time. She added some decorations. Alessia showed you during one of your FaceTime, but it’s different like this. You just have the time to look at the picture she took in Australia during the World Cup, before you feel her arms around you.

“I didn’t have my hello kiss.”

You smile, putting your hand on her arms.

“That’s a shame. It needs to be fixed.”

“It does.”

You turn around in her arms, passing both of yours around her neck. You take the time to look at her properly, her eyes, her freckles, and her smile, before leaning in to kiss her. You can’t explain how much you missed that feeling. Alessia sighs against you and you get even closer to her, melting in her embrace.

“That’s better” Alessia smiles after the kiss.

She then kisses your nose, your forehead, both of your cheeks and finish on your lips again.

“Are you tired? Do you want to take a nap while I’m cooking?”

“Like I’m going to sleep instead of being with you.” you snort.

Alessia rolls her eyes but takes you by your hand anyway. She made you sit on a stool at the central island of her kitchen with a mug of tea. You listen to her, Alessia making almost all the conversation, but it’s always like this between you. You love to hear her talking, trying to remember every little thing she says to you.

Your eyes are going sometimes on her bum, you have to admit. But if she notices, she doesn’t say anything. You proposed to help her two times, but she refused, saying that you can help tomorrow. You will.

Her lasagna is amazing.

“It’s my Nona’s recipe” Alessia smiles when you compliment her.

You made the dishes for her, ignoring her protests, and end up cuddle with her on her couch in front of some film she chooses. But you don’t even try to look at it, you are way more interested about your girlfriend than Blake Lively fighting for her life. You try hard not to bother her too much, but you can’t stop yourself from kissing her cheek, her hair or playing with her fingers.

But Alessia doesn’t seem to mind, actually she has a small smile on her face every time you look at her.

“I missed your smell” Alessia mumbles after another kiss.

You smile, because you said yourself the same things a lot of time during the time you were at Barcelona. And you promised yourself that you will take one of her hoodies when you will leave.

You stroke the skin of her neck with your nose before kissing it several times. But then she softly bites your ear, and you feel your body being swept by electric currents. The sensations are hard to ignore.

They are so hard to ignore that you found yourself with your girlfriend, both naked, some hours later, laying in her bed. Alessia is laying on her back while you are on her belly. One of her hands is playing with your hair and you are trying hard not to fall asleep already.

“Can I ask you something?” Alessia whispers “But you have to promise not to mock me.”

“Of course you can Sweetheart. I won’t make fun of you, promise.”

You turn your head on her to have a better look at her and even if the light of her bedside lamp isn’t strong, you can see that she had blush. You watch her bite her lip and fight the want to bite at it, too. You need to stay focused; you are curious about what is in her mind.

“So… As you know, you are my first girl experiment” she begins waiting for you to hum before talking again. “Well to know how to do things right, I made some research and…”

“You made research?” you ask with a smile.

But Alessia frowns, slapping you softly on your arm.

“Babe, you promised!”

“I’m not making fun of you” you swear, still smiling. “I find it cute.”

Alessia groans and you giggle softly, moving a little on her to be able to kiss her cheek. She’s hot under your lips, attesting of your girlfriend’s blush. She smiles though and clear her throat nervously before talking again.

“So, like I was saying, I made some research and I saw that there is a lot of things to use when two women are, you know, having sex?”

“Yes?” you only say, not wanting to interrupt her again.

“It made me wonder if maybe you like to use them? And if what we’re making is annoying for you. And then I thought that maybe I should buy some of them, but I didn’t know which one you like, or you want?”

She stops talking, a little out of breath. She talked quickly though and that might explain that. She seems nervous so you take her hand in yours to try to sooth her a little bit.

“Ok, first, what kind of things did you see?”

Alessia blushes violently and you can’t help but smile again.

“Alessia Russo, did you watch porn?” you laugh.

“No!” she shouts, sitting up in the bed. “I went to website selling toys, I didn’t watch adult’s movies.”

You roll your eyes, asking yourself how a girl you just have sex with can be so shy about something like that. But that’s the innocent part of Alessia talking maybe. And you love it as much as you love every other part of her. You sat too when she sat up and you take support on her knees to lean on her and kiss her.

“Ok first of all, what we are doing is absolutely perfect to me. It’s special because it’s you and I love every second of it, every time even more.”

You are close to admit how much she affects you, but it’s not exactly admitting that you are in love with her for years. You want to reassure her anyway; you had your first time with someone before and you don’t want Alessia to feel insecure. Or worst, not enough.

It seems to work because she is smiling again, and you can’t resist to the want to kiss her again.

“But if you want to try some things together, we can do it too. Or if you miss something –“

“No” she cuts you, shaking her head. “I don’t miss anything I swear.”

She’s blushing again but you feel like she’s telling you the truth. When she talks again, she’s mumbling, looking at her fingers.

“It’s just that I never felt that way before and I want you to feel as good as I am.”

You could literally melt right now. You take a big breath, drawing her attention on you again.

“Lessi, you have no idea how good you make me feel. Really.”

She seems skeptical though, looking at you attentively. That girl will be the death of you.

“But I’m not experimented like the other girls you slept with” she points, frowning. “How can it be as good as you say?”

“I told you. Because it’s you.”

She looks at you for several seconds before smiling shyly, and you are smiling back. You are touched that she had this process and how much your well-being count for her. You sometimes struggle to realize that after all those years you are Alessia Russo’s… things. You really had to talk about it at some point, but the talk you’re having tonight is maybe enough for now.

“Do you want to buy some things though?” Alessia asks. “You didn’t answer about you having anything, but I don’t really want to use something you already… Well, you know.”

“I understand” you smile softly. “We’ll look together, ok?”

Laying down on the bed again, you take her in your arms this time, kissing her softly. She seems to be relaxed now and you let yourself go against Alessia’s mattress. You love sleeping here. Everything smells Alessia.

“By the way, please don’t tell Leah what we’ve done tonight. We’re not supposed to do something physically tiring the night before games.” Alessia smirks several minutes after, making you laugh.

********

You need a little bit of conviction to get up from the bed and your girlfriend embrace the day after. You are still a bit tired and it’s only the idea of Leah coming to find you both in bed because you are late that makes you get up.

“You are late” Leah grumble when you arrive with Alessia.

“Sorry, sleepyhead here had trouble getting up” Alessia smirks.

“I’m on the Spanish schedule, it’s not my fault” you yawn.

Leah don’t have time to grumble one more time, because the waitress came soon after to give you the menu to chose what to eat. You study it with seriousness, your stomach feeling a little bit empty.

“The usual Less?” the waitress asks to Alessia.

You frown, looking at your girlfriend who nod and give her menu back. Leah passes her command after her and you have to fight the strange feeling you have to ask what you want too. Leah seems to have forget about your delay when the waitress left, but you still have that mix of jealousy and discomfort. Alessia never hide what she does during her day, and she told you several time that she went to brunch or eat breakfast with some of her teammates, but you never imagined that there will be a pretty brunette who seems to know your girlfriend’s order by heart.

“I’m talking to you, Sleepy” Leah says, kicking you under the table.

“Wow, way to hurt your opponent?” you grumble while Leah rolls her eyes. “What was it again?”

“Keira. She asks me to remember to bring her Scones.”

“Oh” you smirk softly, remembering what happened in the locker room yesterday. “She told you that she knows about Alessia and I?”

You explain to Alessia yesterday what happened, and she’s smiling too. She didn’t look sad or hurt that you kind of forgot to talk about it to Keira.

“She told me she discovered because your teammates can’t keep their mouths shut” Leah smirk.

“It was Lucy to be fair.”

Leah rolls her eyes one more time while Alessia laughs, but your smile is quickly faded when the waitress is back. She once again turns in Alessia’s direction with a big smile at first, before giving Leah’s plate then yours. You don’t like the way she looks at your girlfriend or even how she smiles at her.

Your eyebrows are still frown when you look at your plate and suddenly the bacon in it doesn’t seems as yummy as it should. Being already concerned by your changing mood, Alessia discreetly take your hand in hers while Leah is concentrated in her plate.

“What’s up?” Alessia whispers.

“Nothing” you say, forcing a smile.

But that doesn’t work. Alessia frowns, looking deeply into your eyes.

“Communication, remember?”

You sigh softly. She’s right, you promised each other to always talk to the other is something is wrong. But you don’t want to do it here.

“Later, ok?”

Alessia nods, but she doesn’t let go of your hand and relax only when you start to eat. The food is delicious to be honest and you understand why Alessia keep coming here. You don’t know what you will say to her about your feelings, you feel bad at the idea of depriving her from this menu.

When you’re finish, you went right to the stadium. You follow Leah in the parking lot and then follow Alessia who introduces you to the different places and people who punctuate her training sessions. You meet almost all of her teammates too, even if you know some of them already. Like Laia Codina, who you know because she was at Barcelona and that you are happy to see again or Beth Mead with who you play for England.

You already know Lia or Jen because of Leah and you are kind of relax around the team. When they need to get training, Alessia goes with you to the friend and family section, holding your hand.

“So, what happened during the breakfast?” Alessia asks.

You sigh softly. You have forgotten that you were supposed to talk to your girlfriend about this. You look at her and she’s already looking at you, concern in her soft baby blue eyes.

“It’s nothing, it’s just… that girl from the Café? The waitress?” Alessia nods, so you continue. “She was looking at you like you are the most beautiful thing in the world and she’s right because you are, but it makes me realize that she can see you every morning if she wants to and I can’t. And that made me miss you, which is probably stupid because you were sitting right next to me, but…”

You shrug, not knowing how to end your sentence. But Alessia nods once again, seeming to understand what you were meaning. Which is already relieving at your eyes. She squeezes your hand softly before answering.

“It’s not stupid at all, I understand the feeling. I miss to have you next to me in the morning and falling asleep against you at night. I miss you almost every second of the day. But we chose to give us a chance and we knew what it would be. I’m sure it’s worth it.”

You feel your heart fluttered once again and you look around you to be sure that no one is near you, before taking her tight in your arms. She holds you as tight as you are doing, and it help you to feel better.

“I have nothing to worry about, right?” you whisper with your chin on her shoulder.

“Nothing.”

She backs her head to have a look at you and she’s smiling softly. You trust her, of course you do. She’s like the sweetest and the gentlest human being. And then she kisses you, not long but softly.

When Alessia left you in the family and friend section, you go to look for your seat, but you are soon spotted by Amanda, Leah’s mom. She waves at you and makes sign for you to come to her, which you do because no one can refuse anything to Leah’s mum.

“Hi darling!” she says happily when you are at her level. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Oh, uh…” you mumble while she hugs you.

“Leah told me why you’re here, but don’t worry your secret is safe with me.”

She smiles at you, taping your cheek in a motherly way before making you sit next to her. You recognize next to her Leah’s nan, who you salute too. Amanda looks at your shirt, raising an eyebrow.

“Not wearing an Arsenal jersey?”

“Alexia would probably kill me if I do something like this” you laugh. “Maybe she would make an exception for Alessia’s, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“Why that? Everyone seems to think that Less and you are good friends.”

Amanda seems to know what happened in the social media, with the video of you going to recomfort Alessia after the finale in Australia. Everyone said how much you are a good friend, choosing to make your friend’s feelings better rather than being focused on yours.

“I’ll think about it for the next time” you promise.

“Great. In the meantime, wear this.”

Without letting you the time to look at what it exactly was, Amanda put one Arsenal scarf on your shoulders. Leah’s face is print on it, and if you don’t see at least one twitt or one TikTok editing you with your friend, it would be a miracle.

#woso imagine #woso x reader #woso fanfics #alessia russo imagine #alessia russo x reader #alessia russo

[onelocket]

cuddles, please?

sick fyodor d. x sick reader

requested by -- sweet anon! (click here for more context)

involves -- domestic relationship, a touch starved gn reader, scenario held place in summer & possible russian mistakes ;_;

headcanons

you feel as if it was your fault sometimes

Because each one brings you a shock, honestly. How was Fyodor also sick with you? One day you just woke up to the sound of him quietly blowing his nose on a tissue, jolting yourself up to sit as you see him sat on the desk, head turned to you in surprise of your wake.

“I’m sorry, milaya. Did I wake you?”

“…Fyodor? Wait- why are you sick?!”

‘Why’ as if he wanted it in the first place. Your sad little face and teary eyes would make him a little startled at first—perhaps even a bit amused as the process went ahead, but eventually would he coo to you how he’s okay, and that it wasn’t your fault regardless if you had the fever first.

endless mutual worry and care

Now that you both were sick, it was kind of hard to balance out who should take over for who. But now, it’s as if the care rocks back and forth a little too quickly… yet who were you to complain? He didn’t seem to complain either.

“Really, (Name). I’ll be okay. I’ll make us a cup of tea, you sit there.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do all the work.” You frown out, peeking from his behind as he was already holding two cups. “Mm.. how about I make you your cup while you make mine? I promise to add your jam..” You deal out, a small smile copying his that eventually came out too.

“Want me to tell you a Russian bedtime story?”

Sometimes, when the nights were difficult to sleep through and boring since you still don’t get to hold Fyodor because of his ‘reasons’, you end up staying awake in these hours. He obviously realizes this, at first just watching you in hopes you’d close your eyes at it. But when you just can’t,

“Mm, (Name). Come closer.” He whispered, catching your attention.

“Yes, why?” You ask, although doing as told whilst you scoot closer, both of you on your sides as you look up at him curiously. “Will you finally give me a hug?”

He shook his head, but before you get to complain again—“I want to tell you a bedtime story. Would you like me to?” he strikes up the question, earning your excited nod.

Those nights end up easier to go through as you hear his lovely, addicting voice. You’d, albeit faint, sometimes hear him say ‘Я тебя люблю’ a lot during the ending of each story, sometimes even hear it add up with ‘так сильно’ after the ‘Я’, which made you really curious about what he actually said. Unbeknownst to you though, your lover was saying ‘I love you’ and ‘I love you so much’.

you’re too cute for him to resist.. sometimes…

Despite how you know Fyodor prefers to be warm, he actually denies your touch still, reasoning that “We’ll sweat together” or “I might cough on you”. Personally you saw these reasons unlikely of him, but instead of arguing, you improvised.

“Fyodor… I want to take a nap.” You whine out, placing your head carefully on his lap as he sits there leaning on the bed frame, gazing at the afternoon sky.

“Then nap,” He replied, tilting his head though still not facing you. “You want to sleep there, don’t you? Just this once, milaya.”

“Hehe, okay.”

You knew he knew your tricks, but if he lets you? You’ll take it all the way. It made him happy too, seeing you want him even if he already said for you to feel otherwise.

scenario

“(Name), you shouldn’t use your phone so often.” You hear whilst you do as digressed—finger scrolling through the endless sea of posts and rants your friends flocked your feed with.

Despite summer being this new opportunity for a big blank canvas to paint with vibrant and eye catchy colors, they’re instead using their time to click through letters upon letters and share rants about how they’d be doing better things right now like ‘making life more colorful’. What irony, huh?

Speaking of, what about you? Why were you scrolling through these rants? Well, you had your reasons. One of which was because of somebody’s state right now.

“I’ll be okay, Fyodor..” You whine out, rolling on your back as the soft mattress hugs it just right, you able to let out a quiet sound of satisfaction from it whilst you kept your hands on the phone.

It’s only been a few minutes since you even had your phone screen unlocked, so you found it quite irritating that he was already telling you to get off. “Meanwhile, I personally think that you stop worrying and get-” You’d trail, momentarily pausing when you hear Fyodor’s coughing interrupt you; “…more rest.” finishing with a sigh.

“Mm, and what does that make you, milaya?” He replied, slowly putting down his hand which was just covering his mouth a few seconds ago. “Aren’t you going to rest?”

“I don’t want to.” You pout, once again rolling against your stomach as you swing your feet up and down, your toes hitting the pillows. But you weren’t that petty to hit your lover, so you also slowed down a bit, turning your head back to him. “I can’t find my eyes sleeping.”

“That’s because you’re on your phone.” He points out with a small gesture, his own head tilting to the side before he sighed—“My.. come here.” patting the spot beside him whilst he carefully sat up. You wondered if you should play around a little with your boyfriend, but because he was sick, you denied the taunt.

So you press your palms on the bed sheets as you get yourself sat up, one hand moving to click your phone shut. You crawl back to Fyodor, pout softening to a normal gaze as you considered to hold him, but his body language didn’t seem to match the thought. Instead you sit beside him, hugging your knees a little.

“You’re upset with me, (Name). Isn’t that right?” He cooed, a finger delicately brushing strands of hair away from your face as your cheeks peach up, although react no further than that. “Why should I be?” You question, fingers finding themselves holding onto your kneecaps.

“Let’s see… because I keep refusing to hold you?” He immediately had a response to, a soft smile on his face. To the normal sight, Fyodor might even be seen as charming and such a gentleman for smiling like that for his lover, but to you—oh you knew… that his smile was definitely a taunting, teasing one.

You groaned at the knowledge, a frown coming back rather than a pout. “I don’t understand why not? We’re both sick.” You tampered, tapping onto the bedsheets like an impatient customer.

“That’s exactly why.” He replied almost in a fake surprised voice, putting his hand down as he picked up the bottle of sanitizer on the bedside table, spraying alcohol on the hand that he coughed on earlier before showing the bottle to indirectly ask if you want to do the same. You take it, mainly so that he can rub both of his hands together. But you also end up spraying a bit on your hands, plopping the bottle on the beside table on your side before facing him again.

“What do you mean ‘that’s exactly why’? I want to hug you, Fyodor. It doesn’t matter if you’re sweaty! Don’t you wanna warm up from the air conditioning?” You contrast, spreading your hands a little in desperate request for his hug. “You know it’s you who’s the main reason why I hug you, not just because of how it feels.” You even add, hoping it’d move his heart.

He quietly chuckles at your claim, which honestly boosted up your hopes… for a moment, until you see his gaze back to normal without even a hint of change in his answer. What- did he seriously just laugh at you because he takes pity on your desperation?

“O-or just forget it..” You scoff out, your arms crossing each other as you turn around, your stuffy nose deciding that now would be the great time to embarrass you as you sniffle, although try to hold it back just to appear more… oh, what even was the proper word?

You were just petty. And upset that you can’t hold your lover. “I don’t need your hug anymore.” You add whilst laying down, to which you wouldn’t know how it’d affect him as your back was turned to him.

He was quiet for a little bit—Fyodor resting on his elbow with a faint smile as he indulged a bit more into your reaction. You were always either so attractive or so cute to him, now being the latter as he moved his elbow away, lying down on his side with his body facing you.

You refused to initiate the talk again, although your arms would slowly fall back from crossing each other, pressing against the smooth mattress as you hum in delight.

At least the bedsheets felt nice. It was one of the more lighter coverings, one silkier and nice to the touch so it’d ease the both of you to sleep.

And it worked exactly as it’s purpose.

Before you and even Fyodor knew, he’d hear quiet snoring coming from you, your body’s tension gone and melted as the cold of your air conditioning eased the sweat off.

His smile fades, although face keeping a soft look on it while he thought, “I couldn’t even get to move yet… but you’re already sound asleep.” left to look at your beautiful hair and your back hinting your slow breathing.

But quickly would he grow sleepy of watching you, his eyes glancing at the door for a bit before they fall back to you.

He planned to go outside the bedroom to get a hot cup of tea, even more so excited earlier as he thought of sharing the sudden idea with you, but found himself discarding it.

“Tomorrow..” Fyodor tells himself, closing his lips as he moves closer to you, wrapping his arms around your waist as careful as possible without you waking up.

He’d close his eyes at your scent, his love for your smell never leaving even if the both of you were sick. At that moment, he had genuinely hated how his nose was stuffy as well—loathing it to disappear just so he can indulge more in you.

But him in your arms was enough. To see you asleep and peaceful kept him calm and satisfied.

Fyodor scoots closer so his head meets your shoulder, resting it there comfortably as he kept you warm. “Good night, (Name).” He hummed out, pressing a kiss on your shoulder before rubbing your skin softly with his thoughts lingering—“Get well soon for me. Because I’d rather see you feel better than see anything else right now.”

⚘

#krei headcanons #bsd dostoevsky #bsd imagines #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor imagines #bsd fyodor #bsd x gender neutral reader #bsd #bsd x you #bsd x reader #fyodor fluff #fyodor x reader #fyodor headcanons #bungou stray dogs fyodor #fyodor hcs #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor x y/n

[rius-cave]

You started appearing ALLLLL OVER my fyp! So I decided to ask a Q, (it's not a request btw but u can draw it if it motivates you.) Ahem, I kinda wanna see some Adam angst, why? Cause.. yes. Anywho I had a random idea of like, how would luci react to seeing Adam having a breakdown about his life? I mean I assume Adam might have some self hate and might question everything that is happening in his life right? So I wonder how luci would comfort Adam in said situation. (Also I tend to be the one answering questions for people since im also a artist and idk if i should post on this app- and so this is my first time ASKING so I'm really excited!! Your arts so good keep it up!)

*rubs my little sinner hands together* HO-HO! Welcome, friend! Thank you for asking! I love Adam angst I inject it into my bloodstream every day.

At first, Adam is just fucking pissed at EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. Lucifer especially, of course. At first, he doesn't even take responsibility, of course. I'd like to think Adam would go through the five stages of grief basically lol. He's in denial, absolutely can't believe it, thinks he'll go back to heaven any second now. He's a prick, he doesn't take anybody's help and flips everyone off, saying he doesn't need any redemption. Then he gets even more angry, like I said, especially at Luci, he's whining and kicking and blaming everyone for his destiny. Then he finally accepts either having a deal with Lucifer, or going to the hotel to try to find some communication with heaven so they can get him out of there. That doesn't work of course, so now his only option is to try and get redeemed. Oh the irony. But then, at night, when no one's looking, he just fucking stands there and thinks about everything that's happened to him. Yes, he is still angry and blames everyone else, but the thought that maybe, just maybe, this might all be his fault, is starting to creep into him. This makes him depressed to no end, but he tries to hide it from the rest of the hotel.

This is when Lucifer notices that he's going through a bad time, and yes, he scolds him some more. But also I think he'd try to get a page from his daughter's book and, begrudgingly, tries to cheer him up and encourage him to give redemption a real try (he was only half assing it until then). He tries to talk to him about the time they spent in Eden, before Lilith was even created. I like to think they had a little bit of a friendship back then, or at least, Lucifer could see some positive attributes in him from afar. He tells him that he just needs to try, and listen, and that soon, he'll understand why these sinners have formed such a tightly bonded family.

Obviously he doesn't exactly change his ways right away. It takes time, effort, a lot of patience, but he starts seeing how caring, fun and good everyone really is. He doesn't realize it, but he wants some of that too, even if he might relapse again and again.

#sorry i wrote a whole drabble here dfsDSFSD #i got struck #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #adamsapple #ask #also thank you so much!!!! am glad you enjoy!!

[pokegalla]

Heeeey.

Surpriiiiise!!!✨

Yes I finally made some headcanons.

I know a lot of people have been wanting some headcanons but please read my pinned post before requesting? I will also put a link to it on this post. Thank you and enjoy the headcanons!

Trade/Request by @tryslogic

I owe them this one✨

Warning: Slight nsfw? Also it can be masc or fem with the ecto body. It’s up to your personal preference/interpretation honestly-

How would these skellies react to their S/o using their chest for hand warmers?

Killer:

* At first he was like, “Babe. I’m all bones. It ain’t gonna work silly~✨” but then he realized you meant his Ecto chest. To which he immediately teases you for being a little perv (the irony and AUDACITY of this man-)

* But ok ok he honestly doesn’t mind and summons it anyway! Well….while still being a tease with that shit eating grin. He even lifted his shirt just a tiiiiny bit to show off his Ecto. “Come warm yourself up cutie~” please bonk his head. He deserves it-

* But his red Ecto looks quite pretty! Like a shiny ruby! Kinda hard to stay mad when he’s flaunting off that waist. (He’s pretty and he knows it-)

* Once you do put those freezing hands there, he does jump a little as he didn’t expect you to be THAT cold. Ooooo but it was too warm to ignore✨ you had to give the booba a squeeze and for a bonus revenge. Which hilariously makes him squeak a little-

* Oop but now he’s giggling and looking back at you with a look of pure mischief. Better run because he’s putting those ice cold Skellie hands on YOUR chest now. And cold bones feel like death💦

* At least you both get a good laugh in! It’s always expected when you’re with Killer!

Lust:

* The offer was actually something he suggested as a joke. A flirty joke but he didn’t think you’d follow through with it. He’ll be pleasantly surprised and tease you for being so bold in trying to cop a feel~✨

* All jokes aside, he summons his Ecto for you! “Must be that cold hm~? No worries….I’ll warm you right up~” makes you question if he’s flirting or joking. Might be both if you’re lucky~

* His ecto is a lovely shade of lavender and quite curvy in general. It’s quite the attention grabber without him even trying. Will be very flattered if you praise him!

* Ah but he has the cutest reactions when he feels your cold hands. He’d do a little squeal and giggle from the surprise coldness. And squeezing the chest makes him laugh even more. He knew you were messing with him but dammit it was working.

* He’s not used to being held though without uh….yknow. “Favors” in return. But you being all cuddled up to him just unlocked him to a world of affection✨

* He couldn’t stop smiling even when you both dozed off.

Blue:

* Honestly at first he had no idea what the hell you asked him for- buuuut when shown an example? A blushing lil blueberry. Sure you didn’t mean TOO much harm in saying that but gosh how bold of you to ask this of him!

* But huh?! No he’s not scared! The magnificent Blue will not back down! Just….give him a minute to hype himself up💦 and try not to die of embarrassment-

* His Ecto is like a blue ocean in a tropical climate. It’s quite the sight to see. Best part? He had the perfect mix of muscle and a little fluff. Extremely comfy-

* He is just cute to begin with. But look at him now, getting all flustered✨ though he was more worried about how cold you were and poor thing was ready to buy you gloves and everything. But he lets out a loud “MWEH?!” Upon feeling you give him a few squeezes.

* He’d giggle just to turn around and give you a big ol hug! “Oh you tease! Come on….lets cuddle on the couch and drink hot chocolate together!”

* Ah what would you do without him?

Fell:

* Deadass he thought you was joking. He even laughed and went to see if you were laughing. Wait….seriously? You wanna do THAT??? “Well damn shouldn’t yah take me tah dinner first-?”

* He was stalling at this point but enough begging will finally make him crumble and give in. You are so lucky he likes you and so on with his grumbling and mumbling.

* His ecto reminds you of a garnet due to the much darker tones along the edges (*Ahem* Fits him because he’s a edgelord *Ahem-*) plus he’s a lil chunky. He’s so soft 🥹

* Oh man but as tough as he tries to act, he immediately shrieks feeling your hands- “ARE YAH FUCKING DYING?! WHY ARE YAH SO DAMN COLD?!” Then you squeezing him just makes him blush all over-

* Yeah he’s definitely getting you a scarf, gloves, and extra jackets and sweaters. Buuuuut…..he still said his chest was still an option if that’s not enough.

* Ah he’s a sucker….and a sucker only to you.

#my writing #undertale au #self insert #funny #cute #killer sans #lust sans #swap sans #underswap sans #fell sans #underfell sans #undertale au headcanons #sans x reader #sans au x reader #killer sans x reader #fell sans x reader #lust sans x reader #swap sans x reader #fluffy headcanons #sfw #writing trade #request answered #gender neutral reader

[ruinedsam]

I wish this was how the Gadreel arc was revealed: https://www.tumblr.com/casmcqueen/657105126390185984/having-thoughts-that-were-inspired-by-this-post. We don’t know what’s happening and why there are all these weird time skips, Dean is insisting everything is fine as Sam gets increasingly concerned about this and Sam is skeptical but we hear Dean saying he is stone number 1 so Sam believes him because he trusts Dean more than anyone, and there is a scene where Sam confesses that the last time he experiences this kind of time loss, he was possessed. Dean assures him that’s not the case, but he weirdly looks guilty and pained as soon as he thinks Sam isn’t looking. As the season progresses, it grows more and more ominous, reaching the climax with the reveal. And for irony’s sake, it needs to happen like it does in canon, with Crowley giving Sam the panic word and pushing Sam. So we think this is an ordinary case, and it’s weird we don’t see Dean but Sam doesn’t notice it due to the angels so it’s not explicitly on screen that it’s odd Dean’s absent, until Crowley enters and warns Sam. We get the reveal montage after Crowley makes Sam realize and Sam kicks Gadreel out, and possibly Crowley mentions that they see how Sam is the guy who overpowered Lucifer during this scene. Soon after Sam wakes up freshly unpossessed, we get the horrific sense of betrayal Sam feels when he discovers Dean was lying to him every time Sam brought up his concerns over his losses of time. I think this should also feature Hallucifer—and there’s this really good snippet I saw but can’t find of Hallucifer being ready to throw down over this angel possessing his vessel and he is about to tell Sam who this angel is but Gadreel intervenes before he can so that would be fun to have early in the reveal sequence where the only person who told Sam the truth was his hallucination of Lucifer to have a delicious reverse parallel of Dean being how Sam knows Lucifer isn’t real vs Dean helping to gaslight Sam for months while Lucifer told Sam the truth of it—so Sam is now no longer able to rely on Dean for his grasp of reality. As Sam fully processes the scale of Dean’s betrayal, we get a scene of Lucifer that mirrors when Hallucifer was telling Sam that everything he was seeing was just psychological torture from Lucifer in season 7. I think the scene or episode should end there

YES I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOREVER

The gadreel arc had so much potential it's insane. Shifting the POV to Sam makes it such a good horror story and it's so, so frustrating that the writers chose to pretend it's not bc they were too afraid to make Dean look bad instead of going for it. And from a storytelling perspective it would be so much more effective and honestly a breath of fresh air that spn sorely needed. This is why Carver is my nemesis it could have been so good!!!! Imagine if we had gotten the horror Sam experienes instead of Dean's annoying self-pity. As it is, this edit of S9A from Sam's perspective is the closest thing we got, you should check it out :)

And yesssss throw Hallucifer in!! Lucifer being the only one who told him the truth...truly delicious 👀👀👀 Sam completely adrift, unable to trust anyone, his sense of reality fucked 👀

#ask #gadreel arc

[lovelytayforce]

Why Oogway from Kung fu panda is the most supportive grandpa and not a huge bitch! And your fave villain is actually a huge bitch! <3

Now, I know what you’re thinking? Why the inflammatory and very obviously vague post? Because it’s being spread everywhere like wildfire and I’m tired of it. We get it, you all love your men like Tai Lung and Kai but they're not the UwU babies you HC them as, and blaming Oogway isn’t making them look cool or cuter. So, without further ado, I, Oogway’s lawyer will step up to this fandom’s unjustified hate for him just cause they got hit with the consequences of their actions. Now, let’s start with the first movie because you people can’t seem to grasp the simple lesson in the film that “Your actions have consequences.” Okay, remember that? It’s very important. And I need you to remember it okay? I’m counting on you! Alright, let’s start with the literal first scene with MR. PING AND PO: Yes, this is important, just stick with me okay? Po asks his father right at the beginning if he ever wanted anything else in his life outside noodles.

He even calls his own dream stupid, and you can see he slightly regrets it in the scene if you watch closely enough. This was the first mistake Ping made, he was repeating a cycle of denying the younger generation of their own dreams and needs without even realizing it. Now, we can actually get to our favorite turtle. Two things we have to talk about before we move on is the fact, this second scene is dedicated to foreshadowing mostly Shifu’s character, every little reaction to Oogway is a means to tell us why Shifu needs to calm down and think before he acts. Remember? “Your actions have consequences.” Now, you're probably looking at the scene like, this was just a funny joke scene but no. Shifu is distressed expecting nothing but the worst news while Oogway is calmly accessing the situation at hand, he doesn’t reprimand Shifu because he knows the pain his friend is going through, he was there for it and stopped it before it could kill him. Shifu here displays everything about the quote below, had he not rushed Oogway and merely listened to the very end he would have understood what to do. 

This is one of the rawest quotes that follow Shifu and his son throughout the first film, they are both avoiding the inevitable, trying to stop what must come. Life doesn’t bend to your will and that’s what Oogway is telling Shifu right here in the present. But what does this dummy do? Try to ruin what Oogway was doing from the get-go. 

Had Shifu not panicked and quickly told Zeng to leave then Tai Lung would have never escaped. IT'S IRONY AND say it with me, the consequences of his actions. Oogway even tells him this in the scene where he reveals it is time to pick the Dragon warrior, and Shifu makes so many assumptions that Oogway never speaks of the legend itself. Shifu makes the Dragon warrior seem bigger than life itself but Oogway never says that. If you haven’t realized: Shifu assumed things. 

He’s not actually seeing the true picture Oogway is laying out for him, he’s just waiting for that big moment, uncaring of how it affects others. (Aka the five cough his own daughter cough and even his own son cough) He’s clouded the water for everyone and only Oogway is the one who sees it for what it is. Oogway does nothing but tries to guide Shifu away from this mentality that not only destroyed his own son but himself in the process, remember the Ping scene I showed you at the beginning This is the same thing. Shifu has done nothing but projects himself onto others and that’s not only an aspect in the films, it was in the short “Secrets of the scroll” too. 

“You must let her grow into what she must be.” - Oogway. This isn’t the first time he's said this to Shifu and surely will not be the last. Shifu is by all means a stubborn character who leans very heavily toward how traditional Kung fu is taught along with its ideals. He focuses on strength, speed, and endurance above all else which is also shown in the film's training course. He does not divert from tradition, just like Ping. Oogway doesn’t hold the same ideals but respects Shifu unconditionally despite their differences. Because he respects and cares for Shifu along with his children. He does the very same with Po, never outright disagreeing because that’s not helpful to them, that won’t allow them to grow as people. Into who they are meant to be. Po goes on and on about how he sucks and Oogway is understanding, he doesn’t say “Oh you’re great just the way you are.” He allows Po to vent the way he wants to and gives him actual support when he needs it most.

Po shouldn’t be concerned with how he sucked today, because he can try again tomorrow and get better as time goes on! And that’s the truth when you start something, especially something as difficult as Kung fu with a teacher who's comfortable bullying someone 40+ years younger than them is HARD. But what Po needs to focus on is the PRESENT. He tells that to EVERYONE. To focus on the now instead of the past or the future, that’s why it’s a gift. Because you can choose who you want to be at that moment. The past is already gone, decided, and written, and the future is uncertain and leaves you with nothing but anxiety at what could be. But right here, right now. You have a choice. And now we get to the main man himself, Tai Lung aka the loser stuck in the past: Now again, you’re probably pausing like “Really man? Calling Tai a loser from the get-go, do you have no shame?” And I reply with a “No, I do not.” Because he is a loser and the film shows that. Very clearly. I know we all love the awesomeness of the escape scene but think about the context of it real quick: This FORTY-YEAR-OLD MAN, let me say this again FORTY YEAR-OLD MAN, was hard-pressed to release himself for one thing and one thing only, The scroll saddled with his revenge for something he was never promised after endangering innocents in the past and then endangering more guards for a scroll. Take that in for a moment. Doesn’t that sound like loser behavior? Don’t you think maybe he could have taken that time to, I don’t know, think about why he wasn’t chosen or if he wanted literally anything else in his life. He had no one to talk to, so he should have been using that noggin’ for something useful but he didn’t. 

Oh, lookie here! It’s “THE CONSEQUENCES OF SHIFU’S ACTIONS NEGATIVELY AFFECTING THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM!” 

Also, this man is out of his goddamn mind. Like we have to move forward here so we can realize the full delusion in this single frame. But I’m getting off-topic, we have to talk about when he was rightfully denied the scroll. Now we have to note two very important lines here because Tai Lung fans have very selective memories, so we need these screencaps

Okay, that is the first line, the second is Po’s line before this, it’s very clear even to the common folk in the Valley, Tai Lung was an ambitious, selfish, and one-track-minded fella. With the line: “He turned bad and went to jail.” Now, let’s think back for a minute about Oogway’s morals. He supports people who are kind and uplift others even though sometimes they do questionable things, Shifu bullying Po-but that’s for another conversation. But he obviously would not pick someone who is solely focused on such a selfish goal. We all know the scroll is blank, and you have to love and accept yourself for who you are in the present. Tai Lung would not be able to understand much less accept that because he wanted the scroll to change him into something Shifu told him about, not Oogway. Oogway had every right to refuse Tai Lung, that’s his school, his house, his scroll and without him, he and Shifu would be without a roof. Now, remember what I said about Shifu’s beliefs in traditionalism right? You're supposed to listen to your master as they guide you, Shifu albeit a stubborn student and Master, listened to Oogway, and Tai Lung should have followed suit, he grew up there. But no he CHOSE to ruin everyone else's day, and let me show those innocents by the way. 

HE'S LITERALLY ASKING FOR SHIFU TO COMMIT FRAUD! Tai Lung showed what his ambition truly was and Shifu didn’t see until it broke right through him literally, Tai lung doesn’t even hesitate to swat his father aside before going for the scroll before Oogway stops him and spares his life for his old friend, Shifu. Because he cares. Oogway cared about Tai Lung and let him choose who he wanted to be. Remember? Actions have consequences. Tai lung has had two instances of his life where he could have chosen to do better and what did he do? He fucked it up. Just decided to be a bitch ass sore loser instead of bettering himself which is what Kung fu is about, it’s what Po did. But you know, that’s life.  Speaking of, Shifu is mostly at fault for this. I think everyone knows that? Oogway as I said above with the short, tries his best to guide Shifu on his horrid parenting journey but such is life. I’m sure we all know someone who shouldn’t be a parent and if we could we would ban them from being around children in general. Back on topic, Shifu has a problem of not listening to Oogway as we’ve established: - Didn’t listen til he got sick to let Tigress be herself - Bullied Po and didn’t listen until Oogway died - Filled his son and daughter’s heads with untrue folklore of the Dragon warrior missing key elements such as Kindness in the memo… - Also, he tried to “Well, ACK-TUALLY” him in an argument about control. Shifu is not a very bright man. And neither is his son. Po and Ping are a direct mirror to this though in the fact that, unlike Shifu, Mr. Ping stops and realizes his son is in distress about the whole situation and does something special. He tells him the secret ingredient which is nothing but believing something is special because he believes Po is special. Shifu stopped believing in his son, which is why Oogway asked him to promise to believe and even took his meek reply of “I’ll try.” When Shifu and Tai Lung met again they couldn’t mend what Tai Lung destroyed, not even an apology could heal what his son broke inside Shifu. And Oogway knew this. Because you can’t force a peach tree to grow into anything else but what it was meant to be. No one in the Jade Palace was meant to be the dragon warrior, they should have been training for themselves but they followed Shifu. Nothing was ever promised to anyone. And again, that’s the beauty of life, you can change. Every day you change, every time you look into that blank scroll you see every little change you worked for and some you got along the way figuring it out. Tai lung does not have that though, all he has is Kung fu and that’s Shifu’s fault. Not Oogway’s, you cannot blame someone who never promised you a thing and simply told you no. You have to move on.  Tai Lung even naively states, he only thought of Shifu’s opinion, never the Master who bestows the scroll itself. He was not in the present, all he wanted was the future he was never promised and blamed everyone else for it and hurt his own father, in the process. Not once, but twice. Shifu only admitted Tai lung was not meant to be the Dragon warrior and that it was never his decision to make and even goes so far as to ask Shifu to falsify the results of who the Dragon warrior is. Shifu was too late in allowing his son to dream. Oogway had nothing to do with any of their dramas. They decided to push themselves so far instead of cherishing the present. And that’s why Oogway is the best grandpa because he doesn’t force his ideals down your throat because he listens to your troubles without downplaying how bad you feel because he believes in the power of change that we all have but accepts we don’t always take the right path. That is the true gift. The gift of change. As for Kai um idc, he was stealing people’s chi, aka killing them, and being a horrible person to people who helped Oogway in his darkest hour, so fuck him. I still love his theme but again, Kai’s actions caught up with him and he caught them tortoise's hands for being an asshole.  Bye~! Also, Shen's a bitch too.

#Kung fu panda #Master oogway #long post #I am so sorry #Master Shifu #Tai Lung #Mr. Ping #Po Ping #character analysis #can i count this as movie analysis? #Look I need this fandom to chill out with the its Oogways fault when Shifu is right there #Its always Shifu's fault #taylor talks #fandom critical #someone save me #would you believe me if I told you this was longer?

[y2kbugs-moved]

As I re-read Viktor and Jayvik fanfiction, I’m seeing a pattern in which people try to make Viktor insecure and self-loathing about his own looks. This is not Viktor. I think a lot of fanfic writers are doing some form of projection (especially if they are also disabled), or in the case of abled fanfic writers, falling back into ableist tropes that Arcane specifically averted with Viktor.

Viktor is not a man of publicity, this much is true. Being someone who is reserved and not fond of much publicity doesn’t equal someone who is introverted in a way that means they’re self-loathing, insecure, or anything like that. From everything else we have seen on Viktor, he is confident in his own skills and intelligence, he has strong will, and is not afraid to take risks. Indeed, his lack of self-preservation and willingness to take risks is often cited as his fatal flaw. You can be self-confident and have a strong will without wanting to have too much publicity. He just likes the privacy.

He says it himself in the second episode, making a comment on how no one believed in him, in a way that I think is misinterpreted by the fandom. He isn’t saying that he thinks he is a poor, and visibly disabled person from the Undercity. He is saying that in a tongue-in-cheek sense on how other people perceive him as a poor and visibly disabled person from the Undercity.

He knows he is dying, and he’s understandably depressed over the fact, and we see that in episode 6 he specifically talks about how he won’t be around long enough to leave a legacy, and that he feels he’s only accomplished a fraction of what he could do. He realizes he might not be remembered as anything more than a Zaunite scientist who was Jayce’s co-worker and therefore couldn’t prove himself to be more.

Additionally, he does not seem like the kind of person who is self-conscious about his own appearance due to disability. I definitely don’t mind that I have a deformed ear or that my gait is uneven, this is just a part of me and how I have always been, and I personally think Viktor sees it that way too. The only thing that he would be self-conscious of is his augmented parts and the rune scars he carved into his flesh, because that’s a sign of his own desperation and extreme risk-taking behavior that he knows people (especially Jayce) will freak out over, not disability that he was born with.

Look at how Viktor is introduced. He’s an intelligent and studious man who works for the academy. He happens to have a cane, and stands tall and has sharp eyes. He tells Jayce that he’s broken the rules and makes a little comment about it. Seems like a guy you don't want to get in trouble with. But it turns out he likes what Jayce's talking about and joins him in this dream AND he's actually taking risks and getting into trouble! He steals the book, and unlocks the key to the laboratory, all without a second thought. We have a man who is smart and crafty and will do what it takes to get him to his goal, even if it means taking risks, contrasted with Jayce. There's literally nothing about his disability beyond the fact he uses a cane, and the single comment he makes, which is punctuated with irony. There isn’t a single thing about how he should be pitied and that he’s sad and disabled. Even post-timeskip we see him working together with Jayce and showing their inventions, and only at episode 5-6 does worsening condition come into light, then it becomes a part of his story. Nothing is brought up about the fact he looks different, and has switched from cane to crutch. This is also a testament to Arcane’s excellent “show, don’t tell” approach and visual storytelling. We don’t need to be told that Viktor’s health is getting worse. We can see it.

To my understanding, he only really becomes more secluded and desperate after his stay at the hospital and knowing he is living on borrowed time,and that is when Heimerdinger points out that he's changed. (Yes, he was right on that part, admittedly).

He is frail, he has low muscle tone and is underweight, but the fandom has flanderized this to the point where they write him as if he’s going to shatter like glass. This man knew he was actively dying and he knew Zaun had intensifying threats of an attack against Piltover, and yet he walked his way to Singed’s laboratory. He also lifted his stool high above his head, but briefly and this may just be adrenaline, but point is, he walked all the way to the Undercity fully knowing his condition and the political tensions. (Granted, he likely left early in the morning because he is smart, had enough energy at that time to go and return, and is keenly familiar with the Undercity). There’s a kind of preseverance in this character that people are choosing to erase when writing him. There are things he can’t do, yes, but if you take those things and exaggerate them to the point where he becomes a carciature of himself, that’s a problem.

People are doing this wonderful character a disservice.

"When you're going to change the world, don't ask for permission."

#viktor #viktor arcane #arcane #long post

[aziraphales-library]

Hello wonderful people!!!!

First off, I'd like to say your fic finding and recommending skills are absolutely divine, and I just want to express my appreciation and love for this account. /gen

Secondly, I'd like to ask if you have any post s2 angst heavy fics yet? I'm talking hurt, minimal/no comfort. If not, that's perfectly alright! ( I wouldn't say no to some post s2 fluff fics though <3)

Thank you so much!

Hi! Here are some post-series two angst hurt/no comfort fics. Mind the tags and read at your own risk!...

Forever is the Sweetest Con by flwrscn (G)

As the Angel enters the elevator Crowley realizes he’s looking at a stranger. That night there were no nightingales anywhere near Berkeley Square, and even though the Ritz was overbooked until closing, one table remained completely empty for some, what one might say, ineffable reason.

This Angel Has Flown Away From Me by CircusBug (T)

"Crowley needed to go home. The problem, of which there were many, was that “home” was being run by Muriel. No, that’s not entirely true. Muriel was at the bookshop, "home" was currently on his way up to Heaven in a fucking elevator. Crowley couldn’t go home, not really, so he went to his flat instead."

Christ is Coming (it doesn't fix us) by ikeasebastian (G)

“If I do this, Angel,” he begins, cursing himself for using that nickname. “You don’t ask me for anything again. Ever.” “Oh yes, of course! Of course, thank you, thank y–” Aziraphale says, sighing in relief. But Crowley, he hadn’t finished yet. “Hold on, Aziraphale. If I do for you, I’m gonna ask you one thing.” His tone is serious – serious enough that Aziraphale hesitates. He can probably feel something, some sort of gravity, in Crowley’s voice. “I suddenly have a feeling I’m not going to enjoy what you’re going to say.” “I don’t want to see you, again. As long as we’re alive, on this Earth, I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to see the bookshop, or the Ritz. I don’t want to drink wine with you or sit in St James’s. We won’t – don’t see each other. It’s over.” Or; Crowley agrees to help prevent the Second Coming, but the T&Cs are heavy.

Whale Fall by cyankelpie (G)

When Aziraphale finally left him for good—When, it had always been “when,” although in recent years, in the kind of cruel irony that only God was capable of, “when” had briefly turned into “if”—When Aziraphale left him for good, Crowley had always figured it would hurt.

the armageddon contingency plan by applekitkats (T)

heaven is as spotless as they'd imagine it to be. aziraphale is given a personalized office that they estimate could be fifty meters wide. they think they should be more appreciative of the given space — imagine how many books and shelves they could fit in here — but metatron sternly instructs them that the room is to be used only for work. aziraphale immediately clams up to contain all excitement, not wanting to seem unbecoming of an angel. such a shame, but aziraphale can make do. they’d have to.

Every Version of Us, Dead and Buried by stinkybarnacles (T)

Aziraphale told himself Crowley was kind deep down so that he could love him with less guilt. Crowley thought that was the extent of it. But now he wondered if there was more to it. Had Aziraphale told himself that Crowley was still an angel in spirit? If he had, he couldn't have been more wrong. Or A short(ish) fic about Crowley after Aziraphale returns to heaven. Including a time when Aziraphale came back. Angst lovers, this one's for you. (TRIGGER WARNING for suicide, suicidal thoughts, and everything that's in the tags. Proceed with caution, pals.)

- Mod D

#good omens #good omens s2 #ineffable husbands #angst #hurt/no comfort #heed the tags #mod d

[pippin-katz]

Red, White, & Royal Blue is a cake.

Yes, I'm aware of the irony, but this metaphor actually works very well here. I wrote it at the end of my essay, but I realized that it deserved its own little post with some expansion.

Let's look at the base story of Red, White, & Royal Blue: Alex, first son of the US, and Henry, prince of England, don’t get along and end up knocking over the cake at the royal wedding. They’re forced to pretend they’re friends, but then actually become friends, then fall in love.

That is the basic premise of the story. Let’s say that the main story line is a chocolate cake.

The book can be a chocolate cake, with buttercream between the layers, pink icing, and sprinkles. The movie can be a chocolate cake with chocolate mousse between the layers, blue icing, and flowers.

They are both chocolate cakes. They are the same and different at the same time. Most people are going to have a preference, but that does not mean you can't enjoy both.

You have two chocolate cakes! It's a win-win!

Seriously, a lot of people need to take a breath and relax. There’s no loser here.

You have two chocolate cakes sitting in front of you, (or whatever flavor you like best). You can take a slice from just one of them, take a slice from both, take a small slice from one and big slice from the other. There’s unique flavors and textures to each, but they are both fundamentally a chocolate cake.

And think about it! There is no rule saying that there can be no more cakes! If you want another cake, there’s a possibility you could get one, but the baker has to have enough customers to do that.

This metaphor is getting a bit ridiculous, but you know what I mean. Supporting the movie, supporting the book, or supporting both is the best way for executives to see that this is a story people want to see told, in multiple ways.

However, if you prefer one over the other, please do not spread negativity around the one you don’t prefer. Focus instead on sharing all that love and positivity you feel for the one you do prefer.

Anyway, that’s my silly cake metaphor, and I hope this maybe helped some people’s perspectives. Thanks for reading!

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwrb movie #rwrb book #rwrb thoughts

[jennyboom21]

In 2023 actor Sophia Bush made headlines when she filed for divorce one year after a storybook wedding. By the fall it was public knowledge that she was in a new relationship. With a woman. The internet seemed to be foaming at the digital mouth for a scandal, but to those who knew her, it was clear she’d never been more herself. Here, in her own words, Bush speaks to the power of finally learning to listen to her intuition.

In April of 2022 I was close to calling off my wedding. Instead of running away, I doubled down on being a model wife. In 2023 my now ex-husband posted a lovely tribute to our first anniversary on Instagram. When I saw it, I felt the blood drain from my face. Fans and friends were telling me how exciting this milestone was and how happy I looked. I felt nothing. Things hadn’t been easy at home, but everyone says marriage is hard, right? As the day wore on, I felt mounting pressure from strangers online waiting for me to post something—what a strange part of public life to have to navigate—so I sat myself down and chose a picture.

It was a black-and-white photograph of us running away from the camera. Yes, I see the bittersweet irony now. I wrote a really nice story about the people in that picture. Except it was just that: a story. I typed something about how incredibly happy I was and tried to drown out the familiar voice in my head. Make it look easy. Make it look perfect. If your smile is shiny enough, maybe no one will notice that up close all of your teeth are broken. But sometimes broken is just broken.

I hit post. And then I walked into the bathroom and threw up.

I believe in people and ideas so deeply—and those feelings are often so powerful to me—that I hadn’t realized I’d spent the last two decades moving through life showing up for others but often turning my back on myself. This time things felt different. Maybe it’s just cold feet, I told myself. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe this was the feeling you get when you settle down later in life and have to make space for another person. There have been moments in my life when it feels like the universe is screaming at me to pay attention. This was one of them, but I didn’t listen.

I kept repeating the adages we all know so well: Relationships are hard. Marriage takes compromise. You know the rest. And so I got married. We threw one of the greatest wedding weekends ever. We had an amazing time with our closest friends and family. It was truly one of the best parties I’ve ever been to, and we raised a ton of money for charity. I don’t regret any of that.

But after the wedding I found myself in the depths and heartbreak of the fertility process, which was the most clarifying experience of my life. It feels like society is finally making space for brutally honest conversations about how hard and painful any fertility journey is, but I kept mine private. I was trying to get through months of endless ultrasounds, hormone shots, so many blood draws that I have scar tissue in my veins, and retrieval after retrieval, while simultaneously realizing the person I had chosen to be my partner didn’t necessarily speak the same emotional language I did.

As I lost track of how many examination tables I had lain on alone, I felt something in me seismically shift. Six months into that journey, I think I knew deep down that I absolutely had made a mistake. It would take my head and heart a while longer to understand what my bones already knew.

And that’s why, when I got an opportunity to do a play in London, I had to go. I had to get out of our house. I had to get onstage. I had to get back in my body. Maybe that could shift things. Maybe that would jump-start the joy I’d been chasing. The play slowly began to put me back together. It was grueling, and it was also the most exhilarating experience. I loved every second of it.

But the book doesn’t lie. The body does, in fact, keep the score. When half of our company went down with a virus, everyone recovered fast except for me. I continued to decline. I would put every fiber of my being into my performance onstage, and then be packed in bags of ice as soon as the curtain closed. I spent multiple nights in the hospital, I was pumped with endless amounts of fluids, I underwent cardiac testing and organ monitoring. It was clear that my body was screaming and I had to listen. It was hard for me to accept. I was part of a team. But I needed to go home, where my doctors (and, truthfully, my health insurance) could get a better handle on my symptoms. My time in London was over. So was my marriage. It all came crashing down at once.

During the summer of 2023, I moved back into my empty home in LA. I was separated and preparing to file for divorce, and groups of women in my life started opening up about issues they were going through in their own homes. It seemed like every week there were more of us, including [former US soccer player] Ashlyn [Harris], whom I’d first met in 2019 and who was in the process of figuring out her own split from her wife. She’d been such a kind ear for those of us who opened up about our problems during a shared weekend of speaking engagements at a fancy conference in Cannes, and soon it became clear that she needed our ears too.

For those of us who had no solution in sight or Hail Marys left, having this community changed everything. We really wrapped one another up in support. It was tragic and hard. But it was also beautiful. There were moments of incredible sadness because no one signs up to get married thinking it’ll end. The days when we knew people needed to laugh, we sent inspirational memes and silly TikToks. We read books written by great therapists and shared emo quotes from poets. Our “Begin Again” Amazon shopping list, which we created for the ones moving out and starting over, has now been forwarded to so many other women.

I didn’t expect to find love in this support system. I don’t know how else to say it other than: I didn’t see it until I saw it. And I think it’s very easy not to see something that’s been in front of your face for a long time when you’d never looked at it as an option and you had never been looked at as an option. What I saw was a friend with her big, happy life. And now I know she thought the same thing about me.

It really took other people in our safe support bubble pointing out to me how we’d finish each other’s sentences or be deeply affected by the same things. When you’re so in the trenches of hardship—plus you have the added weight of having to go through it on a public stage—it can be hard to see anything but what’s right in front of you.

It took me confronting a lot of things, what felt like countless sessions of therapy, and some prodding from loved ones, but eventually I asked Ashlyn to have a non-friend-group hang to talk about it.

And that meal was four and a half hours long and truly one of the most surreal experiences of my life thus far. In hindsight, maybe it all had to happen slowly and then suddenly all at once. Maybe it was all fated. Maybe it really is a version of invisible string theory. I don’t really know. But I do know that for a sparkly moment I felt like maybe the universe had been conspiring for me. And that feeling that I have in my bones is one I’ll hold on to no matter where things go from here.

But there was a lot that quickly turned ugly too. People looking in from the outside weren’t privy to just how much time it took, how many painful conversations were had. A lot of effort was made to be graceful with other people’s processing, their time and obligations, and their feelings. What felt like seconds after I started to see what was in front of me, the online rumor mill began to spit in the ugliest ways. There were blatant lies. Violent threats. There were accusations of being a home-wrecker. The ones who said I’d left my ex because I suddenly realized I wanted to be with women—my partners have known what I’m into for as long as I have (so that’s not it, y’all, sorry!).

The idea that I left my marriage based on some hysterical rendezvous—that, to be crystal-clear, never happened—rather than having taken over a year to do the most soul crushing work of my life? Rather than realizing I had to be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been, on a public stage, despite being terrified to my core? It feels brutal. Just because I didn’t want to process my realizations in real time on social media and spell them out for the world doesn’t mean the journey wasn’t long and thoughtful and exhaustive.

It’s painful to be doing deep work and have it picked apart by clueless strangers. Everyone that matters to me knows what’s true and what isn’t. But even still there’s a part of me that’s a ferocious defender, who wants to correct the record piece by piece. But my better self, with her earned patience, has to sit back and ask, What’s the fucking point? For who? For internet trolls? No, thank you. I’ll spend my precious time doing things I love instead.

I don’t believe it’s my place to discuss details of Ashlyn’s circumstances or her children, but I will say that I am absolutely in awe of her relentless integrity. The way she prioritizes and centers her kids, not only in her life but in the core of her being, is breathtaking to behold. Falling in love with her has sutured some of my own childhood wounds, and made me so much closer to my own mother. Seeing Ashlyn choose to not simply survive, but thrive, for her babies has been the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed a friend do. And now I get to love her. How lucky am I?

I sort of hate the notion of having to come out in 2024. But I’m deeply aware that we are having this conversation in a year when we’re seeing the most aggressive attacks on the LGBTQIA+ community in modern history. There were more than 500 anti-LGBTQIA+ bills proposed in state legislatures in 2023, so for that reason I want to give the act of coming out the respect and honor it deserves. I’ve experienced so much safety, respect, and love in the queer community, as an ally all of my life, that, as I came into myself, I already felt it was my home. I think I’ve always known that my sexuality exists on a spectrum. Right now I think the word that best defines it is queer. I can’t say it without smiling, actually. And that feels pretty great.

Would I have liked to make the public part of this journey a choice for myself, and not have it taken from my lips and set ablaze by gossip blogs and bottom-feeder online bots? Of course. I’m very aware, though, as we discuss bullying and harassment and being outed without consent—that I’m incredibly lucky this happened in my adulthood. I really love who I am, at this age and in this moment. I’m so lucky that my parents, having spent time with Ash over the holidays, said, “Well, this finally looks right.” I know it could have gone differently.

We’ve all learned about kids who have taken their own life after being outed or who have been killed simply for being who they are in a place or time that is threatened by their expressed joy. I am so lucky to be here, now. I have real joy. It took me 41 years to get here. And while I marvel at it, I will also make space for people’s pain. But I will not carry anyone’s projected shame. When I take stock of the last few years, I can tell you that I have never operated out of more integrity in my life. I hope that’s clear enough for everyone speculating out there, while being as gentle as I possibly can be.

After the news became public, my mom told me that one of her friends called her and said, “Well, this can’t be true. I mean, your daughter isn’t gay.” My mom felt that it was obvious, from the way her friend emphasized the word, that she meant it judgmentally. And you know what my mom said? “Oh honey, I think she’s pretty gay. And she’s happy.”

I finally feel like I can breathe. I don't think I can explain how profound that is. I feel like I was wearing a weighted vest for who knows how long. I hadn’t realized how heavy it was until I finally just put it down. This might sound crazy—but I think other people in trauma recovery will get it—I am taking deep breaths again. I can feel my legs and feet. I can feel my feet in my shoes right now. It makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time.

It is so, so scary to do the brave thing, to say, “I’m just not happy.” Especially if you’re in a partnership and you have to say it first. But if you do it, you get the chance to be happy. To find your joy. I turned 41 last summer, amid all of this, and I heard the words I was saying to my best friend as they came out of my mouth. “I feel like this is my first birthday,” I told her. This year was my very first birthday.

#sophia bush #her gf is an ass but I’d be hypocrite with any hateration #happy lesbian visibility week #coming out #the celesbians are restless

[married-to-google-translater]

dorm leaders reaction to their female s/o ahegao face

I know what you're thinking, but who said ahego face would always result in nsfw. Mc could very well have learned with the help of the internet how to make that face just so she could troll boys.

So joke's on you.

With imagination you can even write aheago face without it being nsfw.

Riddle would be horrified. How dare you do something so inappropriate? rule 69 forbids all such things in his dormitory area. ( He probably hasn't heard of irony. ) Yes, I believe that Riddle knows what an ahegao face is. Surely that was one of the examples his mother showed him. Because you have to protect your child with a thing called memes. And traumatizing them is the best solution. (sarcasm) Riddle will surely punish you for this. He would also blush profusely.

Azul would try to remember where he has seen that face before. And when he realizes he blushes really badly. Now Azul is really confused. Is this some sign? Maybe you want to do things like that with him. Now he's really excited. Azul is a bit disappointed when he finds out that you just want to troll. Besides, he doesn't like the fact that others might have seen you like that.

Malleus would be interested. What face is this? Is that the way people say hello? How can he learn it? The virgin dragon does not understand the obvious reference. Instead, Malleus wants to learn it. And if you are a masochist who hates Sebek you will teach him that. Because you have to be a masochist to survive Sebek's anger when he also learns what that face refers to. Malleus doesn't understand why you're laughing at his confusion. He will certainly learn more on the subject. You can thank the Otaku god that Malleus doesn't know how to use the internet. Otherwise you'd be in trouble. Malleus simp can be very protective when it comes to the innocence of their lord and savior.

Leona would laugh. Even if he respected women, he would find this funny. Especially if you upset other people at the same time. He would really enjoy this with you. Since Leona drinks the "I respect a woman juice" she wouldn't tease you as much after this. But he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't want to see that look again "under different circumstances." If you understand what I mean.

Vil would be shocked. He really didn't think you could do this in public. Why? Vil face is 90% traumatization and 10% enthusiasm. However, Vil wouldn't want other people to see this. And god bless you if you do this in his dorm area. It's definitely not good manners.

Kalim would really laugh. He would say that your face is really funny. Yes Kalim is 110% innocent boy. He really doesn't understand these things. Soon Jamil is protecting him from realism. Jamil will surely come up with some white lie to explain your expression. And Kalim believes it. He is also a bit naive.

Idia would have died. This is exactly the reason why he does not dare to post about his dormitory. Idia would surely blush a lot. No, this isn't the first time he's seen a face like that. But the first time he sees them irl. There would be no coming back from this. idia locks herself in her room and refuses to come out. He is really red and tries to avoid disturbing thoughts. (And it doesn't really succeed.) Idia won't be able to look at you normally for weeks.

And here I am. Trying to dance on the line between nsfw and non-nsfw writing without leaning towards nsfw.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland imagine #Malleus Draconia #malleus draconia x reader #kalim al asim x reader #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #Riddle Rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #Leona Kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud #azul Ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader