#pls understand this is just as much a roast of my own viewing habits as like

[morethanonepage]

hello. do you have any anti-recommendations for movies and/or tv shows? what should one avoid at all costs? I eagerly await your roasts. thank you.

do not watch any aaron sorkin property, ever. the good ones will make you Believe In Things & that is like, utterly cringe and twitter leftists won’t like you. the bad ones will make you scream about how a 59 y/o man with less technological literacy than a facebook dad thinks he’s With It when it comes to The Internet & also somehow thinks the 50s were the height of democracy, decorum, and civil responsibility bc all the men wore suits or w/e.

don’t watch knives out, unless you’re really DYING to see some the-parents-in-Get-Out level virtue signaling COMBINED with a loving reinterpretation of the Ultimate Bootstrapping Myth (being RAISED with money makes you shit but being the one to EARN money makes you like, the best & kindest ever, apparently). 

i mean watch LOT if you must but i don’t know if you should be encouraging whoever it is that continues to siphon the money out of the costuming, make up, and set design and also the writers room budgets.

stop rewatching parks and rec, or at the very least leave off before the last season that puts for the hilariously earnest contention that Gentrification Is Good, Actually; All Love Is Valid, But Traditional Hetero Marriage + 2.5 Kids Is The Most Valid; and What Are Gay Men But Ridiculous Buffoons for Our Enjoyment? 

stop watching anything put out by disney co. you don’t need disney plus. you don’t need to pay for another star war property. yes that includes baby yoda. there is no ethical consumption under capitalism etc but honestly advocating for the importance of representation in media and railing against the media monopolies and capitalism in general while also marching right into the next MCU release and investing emotionally (& financially) in it like the good little corporate sheep you are is uhhhhh hypocritical as fuck and also like. they’re not that good, and by paying to go see them, again and again, you’re encouraging them to still be shit. STAR WARS IS THAT BAD BECAUSE YOU KEEP PAYING FOR IT.

also while we’re here: just because the dceu isn’t as bad as the mcu doesn’t mean it’s good. just bc you feel bad about the dceu being the scrappy underdog trying to do something ~new doesn’t mean you have to pretend the movies are good or deep or anything but a cash grab for the grumpy white fanboys who hate the MCU because iTs FoR BaBiEs. mostly -- they are not good. sometimes, they are fine. and if they are bad, you don’t have to watch them. like, the WB and its $5 billion net worth will survive, i promise.

all the xmfc movies are bad. You know how Jeremy Renner brings such straight bro energy to Clint Barton that he ruins the character? That, but Michael Fassbender as Magneto. Disgusting! Homophobic! An insult to the good name of Ian McKellen!! No thank you! 

oh wow a Superheros Are Bad, Actually deconstruction? No thanks, I'll just catch the next one

More Movie Types To Avoid: do they whitewash Oscar Isaac? Then say no fuck you and be on your way. Just Say No to Dune, W.E., that Robin Hood movie w/ Russell Crowe, Life Itself, etc. (see also: movies that claim Adam Driver is Jewish. I mean...don’t see, also. and yes i do count star wars in this!!!)

Also congrats to one N*il G*im*n & Amazon dot com for turning a book that was hugely formative to me and a genuinely an optimistic but clear sighted allegory about the Cold War in specific/meaningless divisions between people in general, into a miniseries that’s thirsty, over- acted and produced, thematically messy, twee, and doesn’t even properly commit to it’s try-hard wokeness. Like I would say don’t watch it but everyone already has so 🤷🏻‍♀️

and finally, ultimately, my most earnest/beseeching plea: you 👏don’t 👏have 👏 to 👏watch 👏something 👏just 👏because 👏Everyone 👏Else 👏Is 👏Watching 👏It. it’s 2020. we’ve all got other shit to do. your friends will understand, and if not, you can fake it based on gifsets alone. 

#wow i worked late at the hot takes factory tonight #pls understand this is just as much a roast of my own viewing habits as like #anyone elses #i stand by my good omens take tho #Anonymous