#plus jajaja my dudes when i think of who i want physical comfort from it's chan all the way and i hate feeling like that???

[metanoia-adventures]

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#i think im broken #or more messed up than i thought #this drop in mental health has really shown me that i am.... a very needy and hypocritical (???) person #i kinda talked abouy it earlier but like... i need comfort? i need a hug from a non family member that i trust and respect and whom i know #loves me and i dont have anyone lile that #and it's shitty as fuck because when i think about being in a relationship with someone like that i panic #i say why the fuck would i do that and i try to think about something else because the reality of being with someone else terrifies me #the surface idea of it is really nice and i think i really want that but once i think further on being in the relationship i think #no way in hell and i hate it because i feel like a fucking hypocrite #but im lonely #im so lonely and have no one to physically comfort me because of my hypocritical issues and my physical aint big on physical touch #(nor would i actually go to them woth this) #and it sucks because my anxiety has been making me feel like if my friends arent texting me then yhey hate me and im wasting their time #and i know thats wrong but it also feels like it isnt and i just.... fucking hate it #plus jajaja my dudes when i think of who i want physical comfort from it's chan all the way and i hate feeling like that??? #i hate feeling like im depending on him too much and whatever because im some delusional person that doesnt see it but like fucking shit #i want a hug from him #a really long hug so i can stop being a needy stupid and annoying person and so i stop feeling sad and lonely #but that will never be ppssible which makes me sad and then mad that im even sad about iy and it's just a full cycle #om a mess and im scared to actually look into why because the reasons i already see make e so embarrassed and upset because i let them hape #im tired of it and i want to sleep and wake up without anxiety and depression bit i cant. #in conclusion im a fuvking mess of a dubass and want to cry #personal