hiddenzebra

[hiddenzebra]

Hi, just wanted to say that I am enjoying your blog. M 52, married to a low libido wife. I have had some extra curriculars but haven’t had the passion I see in your stories. Hope you keep writing. I will keep reading. Happy New Year!

Hi, lovely to hear from you and thank you for your kind words. I will keep writing, but life is busy at the moment so not getting much time.

[hiddenzebra]

I check my appearance as I leave the room, then head to reception to meet him. On my way down the 4 flights of stairs I smile to myself about the futility of that final check; minutes from now my efforts will be in disarray. Well, I hope so anyway.

I see him as I round the corner to the foyer, and my smile involuntarily expands into a grin.

"Hi" is all I can manage as I approach him.

"Hey darling". He puts his arms around me.

"How are you?" I ask

He kisses me. "Better for seeing you" he says.

He follows me up the stairs, talking about his journey and the delays. The tone changes the instant we enter our room.

"Now come here you" he says as he drops his bag to the floor. He takes my arm, pulling me towards him, commanding obedience. I willingly comply as he kisses me forcefully. My back is against the wall with the full strength of his muscular form holding me there. His hands are everywhere all at once; my breasts, my ass, up my skirt, in my hair. I feel powerless and it's wonderful.

He effortlessly lifts me and throws me down horizontally across the bed. We're kissing passionately as his hand moves between my thighs to unfasten my bodysuit. He pulls away from the kiss and slides down my body. My legs are hanging over the side of the bed, where he now kneels to lick me. I'm ready to feel him in me and he knows it. My breathing is heavy and shaky, my pussy throbbing in anticipation. Oh, I need to have his hardness inside me.

He takes his jeans off and slides into me. I have relinquished all control and I cum immediately. He has a little smirk at that, as he strokes my clit to prolong the affect. His outward movements are slow and gentle, but the inward strokes are hard and fast. It makes me moan with pleasure. He's looking down at me, watching my face. He slides my dress up to get to my heaving breasts, and I sit up to pull it over my head. I stay in that position for a moment and we kiss passionately before I lie back. He fondles my breasts through the lace of my underwear, then forcefully slides his enormous erection back into me. It makes me gasp.

"OK?" He asks.

"Oh yes".

He's using the angled thrusts that I enjoy so much; gently rotating his hips whilst he moves smoothly in and out. So fucking good. I moan his name as I pull his face closer to kiss him. I can see and feel that he's holding back.

"I want you to cum in my pussy" I pant between kisses. He's moving faster and I feel like I'm going to explode.

"Tell me again. Louder"

"Cum in my pussy"

"Cum with me, Baby. Tell me when"

Oh when he calls me "Baby". It's so sexy.

I consider holding it so he doesn't think it's easy, then I realise he already knows that and it doesn't matter and I can't stop myself.....

"Oh now!" The people in the next room can probably hear me.

He groans as he lets go but he isn't finished, and neither am I. I'm moaning loudly and he's pounding hard, then I feel him cum again. We kiss again before he lies beside me while we catch our breath.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #the one that got away #long distance relationship #fuck buddy #feeling sexy #sex stuff #passion #long post #long reads

[hiddenzebra]

Various things happen in both of our lives that mean we don't see each other for months. We speak almost daily, but I'm desperate to get my hands on him.

When we finally get something booked it seems to roll around quite quickly. Husband thinks I'm going out with the girls from work and staying over with one of them. I keep it vague and try to give the impression I won't be upset if it gets cancelled.

We're meeting about an hour from where I live, so I factor travel time in to my cover story. On the day I get a text from Lover at around lunchtime saying he has been delayed by road closures. I can't think of any convincing reason for my story to change so I continue as arranged.

"You're putting in a lot of effort for an office night out" comments Husband as I'm getting ready that evening. I'm wearing a gorgeous black body suit which I love, often wear under everyday clothes. Perhaps if he paid more attention he would know that? I put on a a maxi dress with a thigh high slit, lace topped hold ups and a thick black belt to highlight my waist.

I feel good, but it's made me a bit nervous that he might be suspicious, so I throw my make up in my handbag to do when I get there.

On the way I phone Lover and he gives me his new ETA. I've got about an hour to kill when I get to the hotel, so I check in and do my make up, then watch TV for a while. I look out the window for him but I can't work out where I am in relation to the main road, but it kills a few minutes.

He phones me when he arrives, and I head to reception to meet him.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #the one that got away #long distance relationship #fuck buddy

[hiddenzebra]

"I love that dress you're wearing" comments a colleague.

"Thank you. I wasn't sure it was suitable for work but several people have complimented me on it". It's leopard print but on a bright pink background, and some of the spots are blue and yellow. It's a swing dress that shows my hourglass figure.

Best Friend is at the desk opposite mine. As our colleague walks away she is looking at me, unsure if she should comment or not.

"What's up?" I ask her

"I was just thinking I like how you've started wearing brighter clothes to work. It suits you"

"Thank you." I hesitate before I continue, checking there's no one in earshot.

"I hate myself a lot less than I used to"

"It shows" she says. "He's really good for you"

"I should hate myself more than ever. This is the most selfish thing I've ever done"

"It's arguably the only selfish thing you've ever done, and that's how you've ended up where you are"

She's right to some extent, but decisions were made and that can't be undone. I wouldn't want to undo it all, I no longer feel I would do everything differently. I'm coming to think life should be like chapters of a book or seasons of a TV show. Characters come and go, needs and desires change, the central characters evolve as they develop through different storylines. The 2000s version of me needs very different things to to 2020s version of me.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #the one that got away #long distance relationship #being me #compliment

[hiddenzebra]

Bold lingerie under subdued outfit

#confidence boost #lingerie #feeling sexy

[hiddenzebra]

Oh yes

“Deep, rhythmic thrusts that don’t stop.”

— Six Sexy Words

#six sexy words #affair #the one that got away

[hiddenzebra]

I love a wrap dress

#summer days #summer dress #wrap dress #too much #hot day

[hiddenzebra]

I wish I could take that leap

“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”

— The Notebook

#midlife crisis #words #married life

[hiddenzebra]

He suffers with his mental health, quite severely at times. I too have struggled, and I want to help him. He has supported me so much, I want to be able to return the favour.

One morning I get a text "Not in work. Mental health flare up"

I reply, telling him he can call me whenever he wants. I think he needs some space and that's fine, I'll be guided by him. This is when I hate the distance the most though. I feel useless. It's hard enough knowing someone you are close to is depressed to this extent, but in addition to that I feel every inch of the 500 miles that are between us. I feel guilty for not recognising that he was feeling low last time we spoke. I miss talking to him; lunch breaks filled with inane nonsense, explicit early morning calls, and the wide variety in between. And there's a nagging thought in my head telling me I could be part of the problem.

I text him every day. He doesn't need to answer, I just like to see that he's read them. It's best part of a week before he does respond, saying he's starting to feel better. It's a couple more days before we speak. It's wonderful to hear his voice again, and so reassuring to hear him sounding so "normal". He's not 100%, but he sounds better than I expected. He fills me in on what had happened.

Things have changed in my head through this period too. I wasn't going to tell him, but now I feel compelled to. I feel emotionally connected to him in this moment.

"This whole thing, being worried about you but not being able to do anything or get updates, it's made me realise something"

I hesitate. I'm not sure how this is going to go.

"Don't freak out and don't feel that you have to say it back, but I've realised I do love you. Not in a 'leave our partners and disappear into the sunset' kind of way....."

He talks before I can finish

"I do love you. You know I do, I've told you that. Not just because we have fun and the sex is beautiful, but because you mean a lot to me"

I'm smiling. "We've got a good thing here, haven't we?"

"Yes we have, but I'm going to have to leave this on that high note because I need to get back to work"

"Yeah, me too"

"Take care, baby" he hasn't called me that for a while. He often calls me Baby when we're having sex. I so badly want to hold him right now.

I head back to work feeling much, much happier.

Beautiful. I like how he said it, in the same way he might describe a car or a good wine. I don't know why I like it so much, but I hear it in my head for the rest of the day.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #long distance relationship #mentalheathawareness #mental heath support

[hiddenzebra]

"I'm so tired again. I don't know what's wrong with me this week" I grumble on the phone.

"Lack of sex" he suggests

"Lack of good sex is more accurate" I reply.

"If we hadn't done this you wouldn't know any better"

"True. This is a problem you have created in my life" I laugh, then change my mind. "Actually, you're the answer to a problem I didn't know I had."

He's right though - I didn't know good sex from bad before he came into my life.

It hasn't always been like this with Husband, it would be unfair to him to suggest it had. It has become predictable and boring. There's no spontaneity to it at all, he'll usually mention it during the day or if our shift patterns are difficult that week he might mention it days in advance. It's never a very romantic proposition; he'll ask "fancy a bit tonight?" or words to that effect. Then once the children are asleep and he wants to get on with it, he sidles up next to me and puts an arm around me or grabs my ass or breast to signal that it's time. There's also an expectation that I'll have shaved, and I resent that because it takes time and effort that I don't always have. I mean, I try to keep myself neat and tidy but 2 children, full time job, house to run...... it's not exactly top of my list.

Tonight I am taking control. If he can't make me feel sexy, I'm going to do it myself. I'm wearing new lingerie and that always gives me a boost of confidence. It's ridiculous that I feel so self conscious with my own husband, the father of my children. I hate my stretch marks and section scars, and how he looks at them. I don't feel that with Lover at all, he makes me feel attractive from head to toe, stretch marks included. I know this is a two-way street though; I also need to put effort in to reignite the spark.

The children are asleep and I'm doing housework. Husband is in the garage, and I've partially unbuttoned my shirt to get his attention when he gets back.

"Your button has come undone" he says

"So it has." I make no attempt to rectify that.

He looks looks confused, so I move towards him and kiss him. I'm not getting much reaction so I move my hand downwards to make my intentions clear.

"Let me finish up down here and I'll meet you upstairs" he says.

So much for spontaneous and passionate.

It's only a a few minutes before he joins me. I'm sitting on the bed still fully clothed. I want to feel him tugging at my clothes in a fit of passion, but he stops at the foot of the bed and begins to undress. I kiss him hard and he puts his hands on my back. He makes no attempt to undress me, so I strip to my underwear.

He fondles my breasts then we have disappointing sex. In my head I am somewhere else. I imagine the passion I have with Lover; being moved around in his strong grasp, his powerful, muscular body entwined with mine, his huge cock throbbing in my hand. I've never felt passion like I have with him. It's almost like a primal instict.

I fake it so he'll finish, making noises to move things along, but fearing one day I will use the wrong name.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #the one that got away #long distance relationship #fuck buddy #married life

[hiddenzebra]

Both our partners know we are in contact as friends, close friends. We've got the whole 'old friends from school' cover story so no one questions when we exchange messages or phone calls. We have a secret code for messages that are 'safe' to open with our partners near.

Sometimes when he posts on social media I comment, and I've had conversations with Girlfriend that way. They are visiting Hometown soon, and he's suggested we all go for coffee. I'd like to meet her, I think we've got a lot in common and will get on well. I don't think he'll go through with it though. It takes a brave man to introduce his girlfriend to his mistress. I'm worthy of the level of trust this needs but I'm not sure he can do it. One day I comment on a post and she says "looking forward to meeting you" and I say "me too!"

The visit is shorter than originally planned for various reasons and the primary concern is seeing family obviously. In the days before their trip I tell him I don't mind if he can't fit me in, but he says he will. I'm touched that he's making time for me, I wasn't expecting him to. We make provisional arrangements for the day before they return home and exchanges messages while he's in town. He texts me in the morning of the day we are meeting and says he has things to do for his parents in the morning so am I free in the afternoon? I propose a time and he doesn't reply.

I leave it an hour then, using our code so it doesn't raise any awkward questions, text him "Have you lost your nerve? 😉"

He doesn't reply.

At the suggested time I text him

"I was never convinced you were going to do this but I'm a bit disappointed you haven't let me know 🙄😉"

That's the dominant emotion now; disappointment.

I'm not angry or sad. Just disappointed

(Nb, there was a legitimate reason for this and all is forgiven)

#affair #secret lover #the one that got away #midlife crisis #long distance relationship #fuck buddy #letdown #disappointed

[hiddenzebra]

Neither of us remember exactly when we started this, but I know roughly when it was. It's coming up to a year and I want to acknowledge that. I mention it on an early morning call.

"Do you realise this has been a year now?"

"I know! It's crazy"

"How did we end up in this mess?"

"It's not a mess, it's all under control" he says. I can hear the smirk in his voice.

I think for a moment.

"You're right. It's contained. I do feel like I've got the best of both worlds with this arrangement."

"Same here"

Later I mention it to Best Friend.

"You do seem happy with the situation" she says. "I thought this was going to be a disaster but it seems to be working for both of you"

Our birthdays are rolling around again and I ask him for a video call on mine. I'm not expecting him to oblige but I miss seeing his smiling face and the twinkle in his eye.

"I'll see what I can do"

The day before we arrange a time and sure enough he video calls me. I head to one of my secluded quiet spots and we talk for a while, but I'm on my lunch break so time is limited. It's lovely, I miss talking to him like that. That's not to say I'm not happy with our set up, only that I'd like to see him more.

That evening I send him some photos in place of a birthday fuck, wearing a black lace body suit that I know he likes. I wore it on our night away. I love the affect it has on him, and how it feels as he licks me through the fabric.

"I'd fuck you senseless in that" he replies.

"You did! Happy for a repeat performance whenever you can fit me in"

"That outfit definitely needs an encore"

Mmmm, it sure does.

I never imagined we'd be in this position one year on, and in spite of myself I am happy with it. I know it can't go on forever, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts. If we stopped having sex we would still be friends, but if we weren't friends any more I would really miss him.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #the one that got away #long distance relationship #fuck buddy #anniversary #friend with benefits

[hiddenzebra]

I'm leading a project at work and it's a big opportunity for me. I'm enjoying it; it's a challenge that plays to my strengths and allows me to demonstrate my skills. It's a positive move in safety for our users and staff. However, I am hard on myself and put myself under more pressure than is needed. I get frustrated and impatient if I'm waiting on others to make a contribution or things don't go to plan, but I keep that in because I'm professional and don't want my colleagues think I'm not up to the job.

Husband resents my career. This is a relatively new development following my promotion a few years ago. The extra responsibility came with financial advantages - Husband doesn't resent that bit. I wanted a career and he wanted a job, so I have always put a lot of effort into opportunities for advancement. There have been restrictions though; feeling 'duty bound' to stay close to home has certainly held me back, but I am very happy with the role I am in now.

I try not to talk about work at home but I am so excited about this project I can't help it. I have spoken to him about it as well. He's a great sounding board for difficulties and frustrations, and talking to him has inspired some solutions. He's a problem solver by nature. He can calm me down when I'm stressed too, using his voice and wisdom like a virtual hug.

The week of the launch is tense. I've got so much to think about. It's a team effort but I am very much at the forefront of that. I'm checking and double checking everything is in place.

Launch day is going to be a long one. Husband is barely aware of it sadly, and even asks me the day before what I am working on. Oh, only a career changing safety project. No big deal.

I'm out of the house soon after 6, and Lover phones me on his way to work to wish me luck. He understands how important this is and how hard I've been working on it.

"Nothing can go wrong with you at the helm" he says. It means a lot to have some encouragement outside of work.

It actually goes amazingly well, much better than any of us expected. We finish 2 hours ahead of schedule. The team are all very excited by this success and we all get a pat on the back from the big bosses. It's a very good day for us. I text him to let him know

"I knew you could do it! Congratulations!" he replies.

Later I phone him to gush about how awesome it felt to lead sometime so big to a successful completion. I'm totally buzzing and he's happy to listen to me. He tells me he's proud of me.

Husband, on the other hand, does not give two hoots. I try to talk to him about it and he says he doesn't want to hear about work. The same from my parents.

The next day I realise he was the only person outside of work to congratulate me.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #long distance relationship #work life #career

[hiddenzebra]

He doesn't let me know when he gets home, but I don't really expect him to. It's a long journey and I like to know he's safe, but he doesn't think of it like that. It doesn't matter, but it's one of those things that highlights how different our lives have been.

We're both back to work the next day, and I've got a lot in my diary. I'm leading a big project which launches soon, and the pressure is on. I'm feeling the side effects of that pill too, but I'm buzzing from such great weekend so nothing is going to bring me down.

I'm eating lunch at my desk when he calls me. I very rarely answer it in the office, so I finish the email I'm writing and head outside. He knows I do that, and obviously he understands the need for discretion. Over time I've found a few quiet spots where I can hide and talk to him; where I can't be seen and the risk of being overheard is minimal. I call him back.

"Hi darling" he says, his voice like honey.

"Hiya" I'm feeling silly and girly now I'm speaking to him, as if the power he had over me at the weekend has taken hold again.

"How are you feeling?" I ask

"Like a man who spent much of the weekend having sex"

It makes me smile

"Mmm, I know the feeling. Any difficult questions when you got home?"

"No, nothing. What about you?"

"No, it's all good. You'll be pleased to hear that pill is doing it's thing. The side effects are like a combination of PMT and morning sickness"

"I bet you're fun to be around today!" he says with a laugh

"Hey! I'm not that bad!"

We settle back in to the pattern of speaking most days. He's a good listener and provides a much needed outlet when I'm stressed and need to let off steam. He understands me and my career well enough to offer support and not judgement.

I look forward to these calls. The time of day, duration and content vary massively. Some days he's the first person I speak to because we call on our journeys to work for an early start, other days we snatch 5 minutes between meetings. Some days we talk about family, work, or other normal things, but other days we share explicit descriptions of what we would like to do to each other. Sometimes he'll make me so horny I can't think straight when I return to my desk.

He pushes me to tell him how many times he made me cum that weekend. I don't know why that's so important to him and I wasn't counting, but I could give a ball park figure. I'm embarrassed by it so I resist for a week or so, then finally give in and tell him by text. He doesn't acknowledge the number, I'm not sure if he's trying to spare my blushes or just doesn't beleive me. I don't mention it again.

There is something I do want to talk about though.

"Next time, when you bind my wrists in my stockings, can you tie it tighter?"

"Mmm, if you want me to. I left it loose in case you didn't like it"

"I did like it. I really liked it. I'm getting turned on just talking about it"

"Me too, but I can't let that run away with me because I'm seeing a client in a few minutes"

I love making him hard when he's at work.

"One more thing before you go." I'm in the mood for talking about it.

"Remember I told you about my fantasy of letting a man do whatever he wants with me? Not in a BDSM way, more like a sex toy?"

"Yes" he sounds hesitant

"You know where I'm going with this, don't you?"

"Not entirely" he says

I'm suddenly self conscious, I can feel my face turning red. I was expecting him to fill in the blanks so I don't have to say it.

"Well, if there was ever a man I can do that with, it's you"

There's a pause.

"I thought that's where it was going but I needed to hear you say it"

"So.....?"

"I'm up for that" he says.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #the one that got away #fuck buddy #the morning after

[hiddenzebra]

Feeling brave

Thank you for submission!🖤

#feeling sexy #lingerie

[hiddenzebra]

I've got a couple of hours to kill before I'm expected home. First of all, I need a shower - I need to wash the smell of him off me. I'd love to laze around bathing in the afterglow for a while longer but I need to get back to my real life.

While I'm in the shower I check myself for any marks that might be difficult to explain. We are careful about that but, well, it's easy to see how it might happen at the height of passion. My nipples are purple and sore when the water runs over them. I was expecting that to some extent so had packed a padded bra to cover it up.

I get dressed and check out.

"Did you enjoy your stay?" asks the receptionist. It's the same one who had checked me in

"Yes thank you" I don't want to get into a conversation about it. I can see in her face that she knows. She's trying not to smirk. She starts saying something else but I don't stop to find out what.

I drive into town to find a coffee shop to sit and read to pass some time, then I browse some shops. It's a cute little town, lots of nice scenery. Soon it's an acceptable time to head home.

I'm three-quarters of the way home and running through the checklist in my head when I realise there is a parking ticket on the dash board. This is the sort of thing Husband would notice. Oblivious to changes in my appearance or mood but a parking ticket - he'd be all over that. I decide to stop a few miles from home to check I've got everything straight. I dispose of the ticket then get my weekend bag out of the boot so no one has cause to go in there when I get home. I've left the secret bag in there.

The children come running out to meet me when they see my car, and we settle into a normal, family Sunday afternoon.

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #the one that got away #long distance relationship #fuck buddy #the morning after

[hiddenzebra]

He has to leave a lot earlier than I had hoped. We'd talked about this before the trip - he has a long drive ahead of him and needs to be back at work tomorrow. I'd have loved another day with him, or even a couple more hours. But this is how it is, how an affair works.

This is the first time I've felt uncomfortable this weekend. He's in the bathroom getting ready to go home, and I don't know what to do with myself.  I feel self conscious so I put my night clothes on.  Now I’m self conscious about how much my nipples are poking out.  I scold myself for being self critical.  We’ve had a wonderful time, I don’t want to ruin it now.  

Our clothes are still strewn across the floor from last night so I start by collecting them up.  I separate my things into those which can go in the wash when I get home and those which must be hidden elsewhere until I can sneak them in.  I consider disposing of the lace bodysuit and suspenders, then decide they might get another outing so I pack them in the secret bag.  

I make him a cup of coffee when he gets out of the shower. I'm only doing it for something to do and I’m not really paying attention so I make it how I like it, then when he points that out I make him another one how he likes it.  We’re both connoisseurs of coffee and that which is provided in this budget hotel does not meet our standards.  He grumbles about it.

“Next time we do this I’ll bring some decent coffee” I tell him with a smile.  

“You’re on” he replies.

I sit awkwardly on the bed and put my arms around him.  It’s clearly making him uncomfortable so I move away and pretend to look for something in my bag.  It’s like he made the switch to ‘just friends’ while he was in the shower and now I have to adjust too.  It turns out I should have been worried about this segment of the trip, not our evening together.  

I ask him about the town he lives in now.  He makes it sound idyllic, I can see why he likes it. 

“I’m going to have to head off” he says as he stands to leave.  

“One last hug?” I ask

He obliges, and I breath him in deeply.

“This has been fun but I have to go” he says as he pulls away.  

“I know, darling”

“I’ll let you know when I get home” he says, as he gathers up his things.  

“Take care”

And that’s it.  He’s gone.  

#midlife crisis #affair #secret lover #the one that got away #long distance relationship #fuck buddy #the morning after