#posts written while listening to the hunchback of notre dame sanctuary scene

[genderkoolaid]

smth ive been trying to put into words is like. the feeling that a lot of progressive spaces are not prepared for or do not want gnc men who have complicated feelings and trauma related to toxic masculinity? like i see people celebrating men in dresses- which is good! but that appreciation tends to be very focused on men who are already comfortable and confident in that. people talk about how attractive men who are comfortable with being feminine and how secure their masculinity is- and good for them! but there isn't as much (or any) appreciation or support for men who feel wary about being feminine, even if they want to. because there's a tendency to demonize anything related to toxic masculinity- so a man who feels uncomfortable wearing a dress because he feels embarrassed by it is seen as Toxic and Bad, regardless of the way he has been brought up constantly being told that being feminine is embarrassing and he should never do it.

basically: it feels like a lot of people only support men who are seen as having unworked 100% of their internalized toxic masculinity, and any man who hasn't is being a Bad Person by furthering toxic masculinity- which is ridiculous. a woman who feels embarrassed or ashamed of doing unfeminine things isn't furthering misogyny, she's a victim of it. the same goes for a man who has complicated feelings around doing unmasculine things. in both cases that COULD lead them to lean in to the misogyny/toxic masculinity, but acting as though everyone either has to be 100% free from internalized gender roles or else they are Bad and Furthering the System. i think we should give more support to men who may want to act/dress more feminine but feel ashamed about it, who deal with self-hatred, who can't be the ones posting cute tiktoks looking super confident and unbothered. expecting men to be absolutely emotionally unaffected by toxic masculinity is, in fact, toxic masculinity but with a feminist coat of paint on it. not every gnc man is going to be super confident and free from any shame or internalized bias against himself, and we shouldn't expect them to.

#m. #posts written while listening to the hunchback of notre dame sanctuary scene #antimasculism #toxic masculinity #GNC