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the-darkgod · 2 years

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actually continuing off my earlier thing-

i dont think that me being nonbinary is like, new. i think in a way that is similar to other peoples stories, i remember being a young teenager and trying on binders in my room (and then going "oh man. this is something i should not focus on for now and let me think about it later. took me almost 10 yrs but i finally thought about it!) and things like, feeling uncomfortable about having boobs when i was in middle school, never wanting to talk about or have anyone know i had my period (incl. like, female friends)

but on the other hand, its so hard to separate discomfort bc of like gender identity vs being uncomfortable bc of the way that ppl expect 'women' to look. like someone posted about how fat ppl are kinda their own gender and i think it got dunked on but honestly? i kinda feel that (but maybe thats bc im a fat person who did end up being nonbinary), but its like, if you're not the 'typical' body (esp if youre growing up around a bunch of other skinny girls) then you feel uncomfortable w it, and the question of is it discomfort due to gender dysphoria or due to just like... general body dislike is a hard one, i think sometimes? for me, at least. it was

(readme for space purposes)

like was i uncomfortable with my boobs bc i didnt like that they were there at all? or was i uncomfortable w them bc i felt like they weren't 'big' enough or that i wasnt skinny enough to be considered pretty?

for someone who had absolutely 0 introspection... this distinction was (is) really hard to make

and then theres this sort of... desire to fit in, i guess? that i feel very strongly. i try to kinda ignore it but theres always been this like longing in my heart to be the 'normal', even tho i know all the reasons why thats wrong. and i think to myself about how in high school i had a fashion blog and would look up what clothes looked good together, looked up how to wear make up correctly (never got good at it tho lol), tried wearing perfume, etc.

how id go shopping w my mom for clothes and always buy feminine clothes, always tried to like how i looked in them even tho it always felt a bit off

and its like, did it feel off bc i wasnt the pretty skinny girl who would fit into those clothes? or did it feel off bc i was trying to pretend to be a woman when i wasnt? i feel like i (and im sure many others) have such a complicated relationship with gender that its hard to kinda detangle the experiences into clear symbols of one thing or another. esp someone like me who is.... historically indecisive and overthinking and overanalyzing everything lol

on one hand ive gotten more comfortable with my body in masculine clothes. i remember the time i got a sports bra that was a little too small and wore that and was like oh. i actually really like how this makes me look. and never stopped wearing sports bras since then lol

and while a lot of the more masculine clothes do make me feel better than the feminine ones did, its not like none of the feminine clothes ever never felt good, yknow? and a lot of the masculine clothes kinda Suck bc i dont have the anatomy to really wear them right, and end up just feeling worse, etc etc. but it just feels tricky. like, i dont quite know what to do about all of this. i dont know what to make of it really

#alex speaks #gender thoughts

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antia-calviz · 3 years

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hi! i am a ridiculously huge fan of you art. just want to ask about your creative process and what advice you’d give to those trying to find an art style or start out digitally? any tips really on creating digital art! (and lastly, your most recent artwork of the handler blows my goddamn mind, the colours, the style, everything, it’s perfect)

hello! thank u so much thats so sweet! ill answer in parts!

creative process:

i think most times i think some shit up and i save an unhealthy amount of reference pictures, and based on that i try to figure out a cool/harmonious composition. i think the most important part in my process is mapping out the basic shapes / silhouettes, cuz its a “quick” way of knowing if yr design will work, like if it’s visually engaging. it’s gotta work from the silhouette stage. then i pretty much just fill in the details (face, lineart, clothes, BGs, etc).

art style:

art style comes on its own tbh. developing an art style has more to do with experimenting with stylistic and aesthetic choices so dont be afraid to try out different styles and tecnhiques! i cant stress this enough though, style is not as important as hard drawing skills like anatomy, lighting and color theory. id say start with the “boring” stuff and work your way from there! it will make your art exponentially better. master those pillars and then go crazy, go stupid.

digital art tips (ill do my best):

theres’ a lot of hardware out there, ive only ever used Wacom and theyre really good! the simplest wacom tablet is guaranteed to do the trick and last for YEARS on end

try to not break/lose your tablet pen. theyre expensive

if you can, try out different software! tbh i only use photoshop cuz im a pussy and Clip studio scares me BUT please try different programs

WEAR GLASSES. even if you dont regularly need them, get you a pair of screen glasses cuz vision deteriorates quickly (been there done that), protect yr eyes

experiment with layers and blending modes! its really fun and you can achieve some crazy stuff by using them, dont b scared of em (i was)

if your software offers tools like 3D models, or some other stuff that will make drawing easier, USE THEM. it’s not cheating, and it will save you a lot of time and frustration

if your computer can take it, work in 600 dpi resolution at least (just learned this the hard way recently)

when doing personal work draw stuff you ENJOY drawing, pick things you can look at for 6+ hours without getting sick of it

try to practice on the tablet as often as possible, do it regularly, not only to keep growing/improving, but especially to maintain the progress youve made

draw things that scare you. most times its just a mental barrier, youll be fine even if you think its shit the first time. just keep going

progress is not lineal. sometimes youll like the result, sometimes you won’t and that normal and healthy. be prepared for that

when analyzing/critiquing your own work, pretend it’s somebody else’s. youll be more honest with yourself and less destructive

KILL YOUR DARLINGS, dont get attached to drawings. if you dont like something / a sketch is not working, it’s better to ditch it and start over

dont be too hard on yourself, and have fun!!

this ended up being really long! i hope it helps! <3

#ask

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twinkiemaximoff · 3 years

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fnfjsfnsjd and it’s so hard to teach them without the treat cause like,,, what’s the point in doing it if they’re not getting anything-

THATS SO CUTE FJDJFJD dog wiggles >>> fr i only use my normal voice when i’m unimpressed like 🙄 miss girl can you not eat my socks- ✋🏼 but ofc ofc you can see her

AHDJSJFJD REPLYING TO THIS AND HAVING TO GET TO THE PHOTOS WAS LIKE OPENING A BIRTHDAY CARD FROM YOUR GRANDPARENTS AND PRETENDING YOU DONT SEE THE MONEY INSIDE WHILE YOU READ IT FNDJFJD (or like maybe not cause i love what you write i just got excited to see the pets gkdnfjdnf but yknow what i’m saying) I KNOW YOU TOLD ME WHAT THEY ALL LOOKED LIKE BUT I JUST KNEW JASPER WAS ON THE END IN THE MIDDLE ONE IMMEDIATELY FJDJFJ they’re all so cute I would like to give them all pets <33 and dinah’s face fjdnfjd you can totally tell r2 is giving off puppy energy and vader is so soft hehe

yeah that’s totally true about the actors,, you play a character for too long and then you’re only ever seen as that one character 😔 never hired again and stuck with your multi million dollars 😪 but yes definitely good that they’re wanting to branch out. and i mean good for them for keeping the show going this long, not a lot of shows can do that

grumpy grandpa in flannels 🤝 nice grandpa in big ol sweaters,,, idk why they’re shaking hands but like us ig dkfnjdnf

it IS all you shhh you’re a very good writer kitty <33

I would definitely be found guilty of listening to life is a highway 😔 and absolUTely dolly parton, i love her

your love language ahh i love that, of course i can hand it over if you’re sure 👀 and no worries! your reply wasn’t late at all, whenever you can get to it is cool, i know it takes awhile to get through my long ass asks, i just have too much free time rn fndjfbdjfn

and about my other ask,,, it was totally a joke kinda gkdnfdkfndj but imma have to come off anon now so you can fall in love with me 🙄✋🏼I don’t wanna be spooky 😪 i’ll probably text you after your next reply tbh the things i can’t send over anon are piling up now fndjfndn

- 🐻 <3

yeah </3 there IS no point- they deserve all the treats anyways yanno? in moderation ofc,,

i know right dog wiggles are the BEST,, 10/10 would recommend, any day <3 AKHSKJHK i cant wait to see her omg,,

LMAO AJHFSJHJK WELL IM GLAD YOU LIKE THEM OMG,, YOU'RE TOO SWEET (i totally get what you're saying btw don't worry AJHKAJ) and right???? jasper just LOOKS like a grumpy ol grandpa (especially now that i got him this new collar,, he has a lil bowtie,,),, AND YEAH DINAH AND TIGGER AJHSK they look ridiculous- BUT yes omh, r2 n his puppy energy,, <3 vader was like mid trying to give me a hug in that picture JAHK

AHHH HONESTLY, rip over here with all this cash </3 so sad :(( like bro,, if i was getting paid like that i would simply,, continue my job rip to the greys anatomy cast but I'm different AJHAKHKJH no but,, i get it i guess- i think,, it might be ending soon but honestly who knows at this point KJSHK

US!!! its true though and i love that for us,, grumpy flannel grandpa and nice sweater grandpa is the best dynamic

STOPPP AJFHSK you're too sweet omg,, do you want me simping for you, you're v close

LIFE IS A HIGHWAY AFHSJKHKAHJ just makes me think of cars, please- BUT LITERALLY DOLLY >>>

yes of COURSE I'm sure,, hand it over please and thank you,, I'm totally down to make you one too omh,, i love the long asks though!!! its super fun to get to talk to you n long messages are the best anyways!!! gives me a lot to build off of conversation-wise!!! <33

EE IM SORRY AKJHFSJK id love for you to as long as you're comfortable enough!!!!! 👉👈 ill be waiting then

#🐻 anon

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