#psychoanalyzing hdb in the club tonight

[57sfinest]

thinking about how one of the only truly *real* details we get about dora is how she liked war games. and harry thinks of her as dolores dei. and dei was the innocence of colonialism and "for-the-greater-good” bloodshed. it all comes full circle. he was obsessed with her not only for whatever shallow holiness he associated with her but also for the violence she was capable of. whatever his reasons may be, he’s drawn to abuse and degradation.

let's talk about how for all he misses her, the only things he seems to remember are negative. he feels hunted by her, he remembers the way she’d yell at him, but he didn't internalize any of the good things that she must have said or done, only the feeling that he loved and worshipped her. but in the flashbacks and the crosswalk suddenly there are all these bad things he can remember. the fact that he’s been *wronged* is a core tenet of his personality, even after a full factory-reset brain wipe. he wants to hurt himself so he holds on to all the ways she ever hurt him so he can just dig the knife in a little deeper. so much of the crosswalk scene just reads as him projecting-- i don't doubt that she expressed some of those sentiments to him, albeit maybe not verbatim, but the phrasing and the sheer intensity of it just feels like it’s him borrowing her image to beat himself with all the things he hates about himself. this guy really does just self-harm using the people he loves, doesn’t he

#he has to be the victim because if he's not the victim then who is he? #between her and how he treated jean like shit and provoked him too #he kicks people until they kick back so he can hurt and cry and have someone to blame #not saying jean or dora were totally faultless. but harry definitely holds a lot of the culpability here #disco elysium #disco elysium meta #harry du bois #dora ingerlund #sorry. #psychoanalyzing hdb in the club tonight #he's just so absolutely irredeemably fucked it's so fun to dissect #kiwipost #as always. feel free to add to the post #hdb meta #di meta