#quick rant: I feel so hopless and alone and scared

[floral-hex]

Can’t tell if I’m so anxious because of drug withdrawal or it’s just because I have a bad brain 😓

#I took buspar for about 4 nights then had to stop because it put me on edge #first night without it and I’m hit with the same feelings again #just sad and hopeless and my nerves feel sick #I had thought there wasn’t supposed to be any real withdrawal from that stuff #so maybe this is just me being sad #quick rant: I feel so hopless and alone and scared #it’s 4:30am and I know there’s nothing I can do right now about it so I should just chill out #brains suck #just go to sleep! #I have my first therapy session tomorrow/today so we’ll see #and I’m realizing now I really need to bite the bullet and apply to some jobs #any jobs. even if I’m afraid my hearing will go out and I’ll fuck up working #I NEED to get out of this house more. I NEED money. I NEED some hope for a future. #I want moneyyyy so I can go out to eat and take my brothers to the movies and help my mother with bills #I can’t just stay awake all night suffering. I need to be productive. #ian I swear you will feel so much better with a purpose #even if that purpose is just to work a register for a few hours a day #it’ll be okay #we can do this. we’ll talk to the therapist tomorrow. we’ll call our doc and bitch about our meds. we’ll apply for jobs #we’ll shower and eat and go out in the sun and it’ll be okay #baby steps baby #get a job. get money. buy a burger. find someone to kiss once or twice. #I can do this #I feel everything falling apart and fading away and I have to fight that #I’m fighting it now just verbalizing this and it’s helping #it’ll be okay ian! #life can still be beautiful! #you’re afraid of losing everything well then fucking grab it hold it do what you can #I’m so fucking scared but I have to try #text