#really care. id rather play with clay than carve a pumpkin tbh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#uuuuugh... i spend all day writing a stupid report that i dont Even kno if im wrting right #idk if im alloud to use figures idk what the deadline is. just: hey can u write abt this data? fucking sure i guess #and im not even done yet. but tonight i have to finish deconstructing and rebuilding my statement of purpose and working on my application #which is also gonna suck. but my mum says im a good writing. and then 2 sec later she was like well ur a good bullshitter. and im like lmao #thanks i guess. i think she means im good at justifying things #but its gonna b a long night. i dont actually have to finish these things tonight. its literally just my brain like: do it now or else >:-( #my boss: hope youve recharched after the sampling! me: fucking ???? was i supposed to? i just fell face first into writing instead #and i got invited to carve pumpkins tomorrow. i wasnt gonna bc ive got 3 phd interviews to prep for next week and i gotta read like a #million papers. but then today one of the other ppl texted me like: hey r u going? it would b cool if u did! i can drive u #and im like 😭 i have a friend?! so i told myself if i finish my application bullshit i can go. but again its gonna b a long night #i dont have a pumpkin tho. and i dont wanna get one. or deal with a rotting pumpking later #maybe ill just b a freak and bring a lump of clay. sculpt something as they carve. that would b a weird fucking move but like i also dont #really care. id rather play with clay than carve a pumpkin tbh #ugh. will i ever find the time to draw? maybe not. maybe ill just lay here and cry bleh #im glad that my friend reached out to me tho. that was super sweet. ive literally only hung out with her once sampling but we immediately #overshared bc it was one of those like connecting to another person probably on the spectrum things. all the interesting ppl i talk to prob #have adhd lmao. they have like exacly the opposite problems i do so i think their brians r so interesting. i mean my probs r the same but #diff. idk how to describe it. im too rigid and compulsive but also big executive function probs. im stuck somewhere between ocd and autism #lmao. or ocpd. probably definitely ocpd. hhhhhhhhh gotta love it #im just a compulsive lil goldfish swimming around and around in circles #brain wont even let me go home for Thanksgiving. annoying #and infantilizing bc i cant drive or do normal things for myself. sigh... #unrelated