#brain wont even let me go home for Thanksgiving. annoying

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#srry for the continued pause in scribbles ive been feeling not very good at all #idk something just broke in my brain after our last sampling trip idk y bc it wasnt that bad but when i got back #it was just a couple days of my brain being real crazy in terms of thought patterns. it still kinda continues to b like that #but idk i haven't had a session of hysterical crying today so maybe im on the mend. its weird i haven't felt this bad in a really long time #i dont even have the energy to complain about it its just no joy. burned streight thru that. bruned streight thru my desire to draw #i mean i still draw every day but its like shitty i dont have time scribbes bc idk it all feels so fucking pointless. and im terrible at #hiding how i feel abt things so my boss is like: maybe u should take a break this weekend i dont want u to burnout. like. lady we crossed #that bridge way back in March. u r speaking to a ghost. i just. i dont kno if i can stay here until like next july at least if not longer #and it sucks bc i kno someday ill look back and this time in my life will make me real sad bc im laying here choosing to make myself #miserable and i somwhere halfway across the country my mum has tumors growing in her abdomen. and i cant go home for Thanksgiving and idk #how long ill get at Christmas. not bc anyone is telling me i have to stay. my brain just wont let me do things. i just lay here in my #increasingly chaotic apartment not taking the steps to get refunded for travel expenses worrying over deadlines and agonizing over social #interactions. worrying about all the things my brain wont let me do that need to be done and not taking the steps to get better #its stupid and annoying and i know its only going to get worse when i have to start taking measurements in the lab #ive at least been practicing a lot of german tho lmao. someday ill look back like: lol remember when u got super depressed and filled the #void with learning german? literally today my dyslexic read the word albeit as aber and it was v disorienting #idk its just fun and i feel like im at least being productive. so yea idk when ill b able to post scribbles again #but i thought id at least post something while i had the energy i accumulated by taking with a happy Canadian lab group #maybe ill join them in a year idk idk decisions decisions and so many applications the cost of which is trying to dissuade me from #getting a tatt0o :-P ay ay ay live a little! pls i beg u. but no prob not. against the rules #unrelated

[amazingmsme]

Join the Fun

AN: I’ve had this typed up for a few days but been busy with Thanksgiving stuff. Hope you enjoy my last fic for tua week! 

There were many things that had happened in the Hargreeves household that Vanya didn't take part in. She felt as though her brain would combust if she tried to keep track of it all, so she didn't. Instead, she had tucked herself away and poured her heart and soul into her music. But they were adults now. She was allowed to spend time with them and most of all, she was welcomed. It was a nice change of pace.

Currently, they were all in the living room, each person doing their own thing for the most part. Her attention was drawn away from her book when she heard Klaus and Diego bickering.

"I told you a million times, this show is pure trash and I will not allow you to give it ratings!" Diego said, clutching the remote in a death grip. Klaus tried to pry his fingers off with both hands.

"Jersey Shore is comedy gold! They're so stupid it's fucking hilarious"

"That must be why you like it so much then huh? Makes you feel right at home," he teased, yanking the remote free. Klau lunged for it, but Diego held it out to the side with one hand and placed his palm on Klaus's face with the other, keeping him at bay. "It sucks fat ass, I'm not watching it!"

Vanya was paying more attention to them than to her book now. A fond smile worked at the edges of her lips. 

Klaus pushed with all his might to try and reach the remote, but Diego didn't budge. Time to resort to drastic measures. Klaus reached out and dug his fingers under Diego's arm. He yelped and slammed it down to his sides, and Klaus took the opportunity to grapple for the remote. The wrestling match quickly evolved into a tickle fight, one that Klaus was currently loosing. Allison was actually on Klaus's side; she loved Jersey Shore and had gotten to meet the cast. They were nice, and very funny.

"I heard a rumor that Klaus got the upper hand." Diego yelled in protest as he became the target. Five glared at Allison, "Why'd you do that? Diego's right!" He teleported over your her and attacked, leaving her a giggly mess. Diego fell off the couch and ran behind Luther's chair. He grabbed him by the arms and pulled him up so that he was standing in front of him acting as a human shield. Klaus scrambled after him, an evil grin lighting up his face.

"Oh Diego, look what you forgot," he taunted, waving the remote. Diego and Luther shared a look.

Vanya watched the scene before her fondly. This was a common occurrence among their childhood and had resurfaced now that they were all under the same roof again. And just like back then, she wasn't involved. Sometimes she preferred it that way: being able to just be there and observe. It was a way for her to be a part of it without... really being a part of it. But hearing all that laughter made her thirsty and she stood, stretching slightly before heading to the kitchen. She was almost out of the living room when Five was suddenly in front of her.

"And where do you think you're going?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest. He tilted his head in a cocky sly manner, as though he had caught her red handed. She raised a brow in confusion, "Uh, getting a drink?"

"Oh really?" By now Luther and Diego were slowing down with their torture to observe what was happening. Neither of them noticed.

"Yes really." She didn't know why, but her lips quirked up into a slightly nervous half smile.

"'Cause it seems to me like you're trying to escape." Her smile grew and she snorted in amusement.

"That's stupid, just let me get a drink." She stepped to the side, only for Five to mirror her. She moved to the other side, but he did it again.

"Fihive!" She let out an annoyed laugh when he wouldn't let her pass.

"What, trying to get away?"

"Noho, you're just being weird!"

Klaus had recovered, and now that he saw Vanya was cornered, his eyes were set on a new target. He slid up to her and casually leant against the wall. "What's this I hear? My dear baby sister is trying to escape a good ol' fashioned tickle fight scot free?"

The pieces finally fell into place in Vanya's head as to what was going on, and butterflies began to flutter in her stomach.

"No!"

"It sure seems like it," Five said.

"I'm not," Vanya defended. Diego chimed in from his reclaimed spot on the couch, "Then why are you backing away?" Vanya looked down at her feet, realizing she was farther away now and she blushed. Great, that didn't make her look guilty at all. Not.

"Looks like we have a liiiiaaaaar," Klaus said in a singsong voice. Uh oh. "Do you know what we do to liars?" He asked. Vanya was already curling in on herself as she tried to hold back her giggles. Why did she want to laugh, they hadn't even touched her yet.

"I think I have a pretty good idea." Klaus clicked his tongue and shot finger guns at her, "Bingo."

While she was distracted, Five had moved closer to her and started squeezing her sides. It took her off guard, so she had no chance of suppressing her laughter. It came in loud happy waves, and her mouth was gaping open in a wide smile. None of them had ever seen her like this. It was a real shame that they had missed out on this for so long, but that just gave them an excuse to make up for lost time.

Klaus joined in, worming his hands under her arms. Vanya let out an honest to god snort, and it was just about the cutest thing any of them have heard. Her cheeks went bright red as she shook her head back and forth.

"Stohohop you guys are mehehean!" she protested, even though she had to admit this was fun.

Klaus scoffed, "I'm not mean! I just want what's best for you! And I believe it's best if we turn you into a giggly mess!" His words only served to embarrass her more, so she buried her face in her hands to hide. Five smirked and drilled his thumbs into the hipbone and she let out a sharp cry, arching her back and grabbing his wrists before doubling over in laughter.

"I'm curious, what's your worst spot?" he asked. She just shook her head, "Ihihi don't knohohow!" Klaus threw his head back dramatically.

"Well that simply wont do! Now to me, you seem like a neck person..." he mused.

"Nonononohohoho not there!" she pleaded. She had a feeling that he was right and didn't want him to test it out. Yet at the same time, she kind of did. He reached up and scratched his blunt nails over the soft skin, and she was done for.

"Well would you look at that! I was right!" He leant down and blew quick, wet raspberries right in the middle of her neck, and her legs turned to jelly. It was took much, and she had to lean on her brothers for support. They finally chose to show her mercy.

"Oh and just so you know, there's gonna be plenty more where that came from."

She was alright with that.

#vanya hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #diego hargreeves #five hargreeves #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #the umbrella academy #tua #tua fic #tua tickle fic #tua tickle fic week #ticklish!vanya

[victor-v]

so yesterday i finished all for the game for the second time in my life (weird thing i've never read a book or series twice) and it wrecked me for the second time. it was unexpectedly nice that i actually understood everything with so much clarity, but that makes sense i've got lot of practice in reading english since then. also, i wrote my thoughts on the book this time.

i can't understand how a book can have such an impact on me, i hate that and i love it, everything else that crossed my mind is under the cut

★huh andrew really bullied aaron into dressing identical to mess up with neil

★"i don't swing either way" is the phrase that made me feel more valid that the whole queer community ever

★neil is pure nihilism

★how can i EVER forget neil wore a tight long sleeved TORN tshirt that andrew bought this is way too much

★seth is dead and all kevin can think about is the line up tbh i do that often

★they are making a scandal about how they sit

★kevin telling neil "destroy him" filled me with power

★the most unreal part is neil ALWAYS keeping his roots another colour the guy must dye his hair every fucking week

★how did neil buy andrew's promise to protect him from the japanese mafia's professional murderers when the only people he physically bullies is an obsessive young adult with anxiety, a princess in high heels and his sunshine sister in law

★wait a fucking minute andrew saw neil filled with terror while holding the phone and immediately gave him the car keys so he could be alone fuck

★nicky fucking hemmick attended to improv class

★ according to dan few athletes were crude enough to start trouble at an ERC event, you mean as crude as neil?

★how to take care of your teammate while he's in a crisis according to: andrew→show concern and reassure him. wymack→10 seconds of vodka

★"hey, jean. jean valjean" is peak comedy

★the ravens walking in v formation is genuinely the most cringy thing you can think of

★neil first finds out the only possible person to date him is andrew because he was jealous of renee are you kidding me

★andrew only missed 13 from 150 shots on goal for fucking real what a Man

★renee is an angel, she's specifically andrew's angel

★neil truly is a watcher

★bee wearing a bee costume is the only good thing on this world

★dan and matt dressed like greek gods!!!!! they can adopt me already

★can you believe nicky is the one who got into neil's brain and planted the idea of realying on someone, and since then neil actively pursues an investigation on andrew's relationship status how on god's name i missed that HOW he's not even subtle about it damn

★he first worries about renee now about kevin goddamn it josten how can't you se how much you care about him

★it's funny how sexuality is such a heavy topic between them when they sure as fuck have some pretty huge stuff going on you know like dying in the hands of the mafia or being tortured

★i imagine andrew running to renee all bonkers like "listen if the cute guy asks, for fucks sake tell him i'm gay but make it ~casual~ maybe this way he'll get it"

★the sole mention of thanksgiving dinner makes me want to die

★kevin is checking the scores in a newspaper I forget this book is so 00's

★they should have spent the day eating turkey and frozen pie at abby's fuckkkkkkkk

★are you kidding me they are in the middle of a conversation and andrew casually chokes neil a little but it's ok they carry on wtf

★"we are all going to regret this" is the fucking worse piece of foreshadowing in this book

★neil interrogating andrew the same night he was raped what kind of fucking piece of shit does that

★i can't fucking believe neil went ahead and shoved andrew's hand under his tshirt in front of kevin, wymack, betsy and two fucking lawyers are you kidding me

★neil asking "are we? friends?" to nicky is so relatable because i also would have an aneurysm if someone told me i am their friend

★someone else tries to flirt with him and he immediately considers andrew how i was too ace to see it the first time i read

★jesus fucking christ riko is one truly fucked up sociopath and neil is the bravest motherfucker on the land

★how can he face riko like that in the nest and be extremely pure in other occasion

★"are we watching the ball drop? i want to make a wish" he wants to make a wish and i want to die thanks

★i can't believe the whole if it means losing you then no and side effect of the drugs shit it's unreal fucking unreal how oblivious neil is too ace to realize anything SOMEONE JUST CALLED YOU "DREAM" THE LEVEL OF ROMANTICISM

★the amount of heavy staring in this trilogy is ridiculous and all i can think about is twilight

★these books made me see how far from the 00s we are, for many reasons, but mostly for some jokes that can't let slide; like calling neil a battered wife, domestic misogynistic violence is not a joke

★i can't believe from all people, wymack was the first one to get andrew was into neil

★"that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is such a funny phrase to be said casually why is it

★"you are a racoon, not a fox" oh andrew

★it only took andrew admitting he had a crush for neil to be all sentimental and shit, and that disarmed andrew too

★they are like some kind of animal that while you think they are fighting, they are actually mating, that's exactly what nora meant with feral

★half of last book is neil mooning over andrew jfc

★nicky made neil smile while distracting him from riko im gonna throw myself off a cliff

★i can't quite believe neil goes through a detailed monologue about andrews memory the man is impressed and borderline turned on about every talent on his crushe's shelf

★i literally can't follow and will never understand the quarrel/promise/agreement between aaron and andrew what a bunch of pretentious idiots

★every time neil's phone buzzes all i fear is the fucking countdown

★i thought "i want to see you lose control" was a collective fever dream i can't believe it's written on the books

★if i was nicky i already have told andrew to stop his freaky pretentious shit towards me

★neil to the upperclassman: ha ha fellas is it gay to unthinkingly call andrew in the middle of a anxiety breakdown

★"you gave me a key and called it home" is as soft as heartbreaking i want to jump off a cliff

★"i won't be like them, i wont let you let me be" is actually pushing me off that cliff andrews feelings are a fucking storm

★neil was kidnapped and tortured the day of my bday and that's not a coincidence

★neil's talent to twist the truth in order to convince andrew of anything is outstanding

★excuse me they have no right to be this soft i hate them

★they miss so many opportunities to be funny about the whole "protection" thing

★did he really had a mental breakdown over where to fucking sit on the bus lmao

★"don't come crying to me when someone breaks your face" is the second most awful piece of foreshadowing

★lets be honest for a second andrew should be a fucking writer because all those things he says? edgy myspace pretentious poetry

★im sorry but i don't care about literally anything except neil smiling onto andrew's neck bye

★andrew ghosted a kiss across neil's hip im dead for real

★abby kissed neil's forehead farewell after cleaning all his injuries i have no words he's recieving all the affection he deserves

★cant believe you don't see aaron is fucking worried neil is taking advantage of andrew

★i mean yeah ok don't talk love but neil is sad that nicky thinks it was only hate sex, and he immediately acknowledged it meant more than that to him bc his demi btw wtf does hate sex mean i can't believe you hate someone so much you wanna suck his dick

★they all went horseback riding when will i have a group of friends like that

★"who's humanising who in that relationship" i know right nicky

★kevin locking himself to have a panic attack is the most relatable thing

★the car encounter with ichirou holds the same tension as a mr robot scene

★the proposal of playing olympics and being unstoppable feels like marriage or smth

★neil is literally having his hot girl summer

★i adore neil's overflow of emotions after swallowing everything for so many years. represented, thanks.

★andrew terrorising katelyn who the fuck does he think he is what an annoying asshole

★"did you know i've never been skiing" is the most epic line

★i cheer to the sole mention of laila

★alvares can deck me right now and i would say thank you

★"war is profitable" aaron knows what's up

★sometimes i want to slap them is2g

★that scene at eden's where they are all discussing how roland found out and aaron ends up being the only straight one lmao boy it's your punishment for being so homophobic

★the whole "deadliest piece on the board" spech is 100 times better when you consider kevin was wasted and overly exaggerating every word and gesture

★can you imagine those few fans supporting kevin's new tattoo screaming YAAAAASSSSS QUEEEEEEEEEN while snapping fingers i'm cackling

★matt in court body slamming into anyone that's been a problem to the foxes: VIBE CHECK MOTHERFUCKER

★neil kissed andrew in castle fucking evermore the audacity i adore him

#the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #all for the game #tfc #it really fucking wrecked me #how can a fucking book do this to me #my thoughts