#recovery is unobtainable in any permanent way and you can be clean for days or weeks or months or YEARS

[just-rogi]

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#listen I know this is insane and parasocial and crazy #right? #I’m aware I’m in the wrong here #but #I’ve loved Taylor swift since I was like ten years old #and during her 1989 era she did an interview where she said if calories didn’t count she’d eat chicken tenders #years later she came out and said that during that time in her life she was struggling with ED and was miserable #and was recovering #and has been open about the fact that she’s continued to struggle but is choosing to heal #and she’s been like one of the only public figures to actually talk about ed in a way that actually meant anything to me #and it’s not my business it doesn’t matter ok it doesn’t fucking matter and I wouldn’t say this to her or anyone or w ever #but she was just at a football game eating chicken tenders #and man #it’s not about me it’s not my business and doesn’t effect me in ANY way #but GOD I wanted to cry #bc I feel like sometimes it’s not ever worth it and you never really recover and no matter how hard you try #recovery is unobtainable in any permanent way and you can be clean for days or weeks or months or YEARS #but it never really goes away not really you just kinda have to decide one day that healing is worth more now than how painful #and difficult and humiliating recovering is #and MAN it’s NOT about me and I shouldn’t care about what a billionaire is eating for lunch because it doesn’t effect me #and it’s invasive and parasocial and kinda gross to even know that shit about her #but god idk why her stupid chicken tenders and semingly ranch are making me cry #I hope she loved her chicken tenders I hope they were amazing I hope she didn’t even think twice about eating them #but if she did - because I feel like I always will- I’m glad she chose to get them anyway #it’s so hard to explain bc it feels so stupid lol #fuckin ranch too goddamn lol