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#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.
floral-hex
·
2 months
Text
woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void
#shits rough dawg
#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts
#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier
#it’s cold
#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.
#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.
#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours
#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left
#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are
#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh
#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week
#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.
#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting
#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside
#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning
#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)
#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…
#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience
#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments
#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.
#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.
#is this relatable?
#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.
#gonna look at pictures of butts now
#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever
#you can ignore this
#text
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