#say a few words and change the subject. i mean im awful at communicating my needs too but damn!!! they dont even give me the chance!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jojismile · 6 years

Text

i still love him

angst

trigger warning: cursing?

prompt: a year after joji and you ended your relationship

masterlist

picture this;

You didn’t want to end up like this. You always imagined a better life for yourself. A life with him. But you two were going in different directions. You never had any time for each other. So you two mutually decided to split, well that’s what Joji thought. But that was a year ago when you started your surgical internship and he officially began his music career. You both were supportive of each other, you always had been. You dated for two years before the split. And those were the best two years of your life.

You stroll down the aisle of Japanese Mart in Soho. You used to go there with Joji all the time. But this time it felt different. You brushed off the feeling as you browsed the aisles. You grabbed a few cups of ramen. Your internship was hard and you didn’t have a lot of time to cook for yourself. You remember how Joji used to cook for you. You shake your head. There was no point in remembering the past.

You went to the snack aisle. You grabbed two boxes of your favorite pocky, some gummies, two bags of ramune candy, and a bag of green tea kit kats. You kept looking at other products. You kept walking and you make your way to the beauty products. With help from someone who works there, you grab a few facemasks. You decided to go through the aisles once again, just for the sake of being thorough.

There you see a face you thought you wouldn’t see. Not for a while longer. You do a 180 and walked in the other direction. Thoughts filled your mind. You hoped that he didn’t notice you. You hadn’t thought about seeing him. For the first few weeks after your break up you two would still talk. Friendly, light-hearted conversations almost every day. After three months you unfollowed him on twitter and instagram, he returned the favor. You rarely checked facebook anymore but that was the one place where you didn't unfollow him.

“Y/N?” He called out. You took a deep breath and turned around from the shelf that you were just staring at, while you were lost in your thoughts. You plastered a fake smile as you greeted him. “Hey, Joji. H-how are you?” You sound monotone and you cringe internally.

He looks more tired. You’re inclined to ask him about it but completely dismiss the thought. You have an urge to ask if he misses you, or something along the lines of that. “I’m doing pretty good. What about you?” “Exhausted but it’s whatever.” You say still unsure of your current feelings. An uneasy silence fills the empty store.

Finally, you speak up, “I didn’t expect to see you today.” “Oh, well I was just grabbing a few things for tonight. I didn’t expect to see you either. I thought you moved to Boston.” “I, uh, actually never took the job in Boston. I decided to stay here, but I love it here which is good.” Correction, you loved it here.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I know Boston was your top choice, but I’m glad that you’re happy.” You quickly change the subject, “So what about you? How are things?” His eyes light up a bit and it reminds you of how much he loved talking about his music which melts your heart a bit.

“Things are going really good. I went on tour with one of my friends for a bit, still working on music and stuff like that. It’s been pretty fucking amazing.” “That’s fantastic.” You say with a lump in your throat. This was so uncomfortable and you hated this. You hated the fact that you weren’t able to enjoy this with him. You wanted to tell him everything. You were putty in his hands and you were ready to explode.

“Do you still think about me?” These words escape your mouth and your eyes widen. You cannot believe you just spoke that and you hoped that it was just imagination. To your discontent, it wasn’t. “Wow, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean, I mean, fuck I’m so sorry.” You say trying to regain control of yourself.

He looks taken aback by your question. Of course, he does, why wouldn’t he be. You put your basket on the floor and bury your head in your hands. “Fuck I’m so sorry, I think I’m just sleep deprived.” You say trying to recuperate from whatever the hell you just did.

“No, it’s a valid question I think,” Joji says. “You don’t have to answer that George, I’m sorry.” “It’s fine, I mean I guess I do think about you sometimes. I mean you unfollowed me from twitter and insta so it hasn’t been exactly easy to communicate with you. And neither of us are active on facebook. I don’t have your number anymore.” Your heart breaks a little, he didn’t mention the breakup or anything after that. You still held onto the little bit of hope you had left.

You love him. “Yeah, sorry about that I just felt that I should keep my distance. And I have something to tell you.” Joji’s eyes widen, “You’re not going to say you had a kid right? And that I’m the dad.” You laugh a little bit.

“No, that would be cruel, awful. But no, that’s not it. It’s just that, when we both were talking that night, I wasn’t going to tell you that we should break up. I was going to surprise you and tell you that I was staying in New York, for us. And when you said that you wanted to break up I just froze. But it seemed like you really wanted it at the time and I couldn’t force you to stay with me or whatever.”

That has been harbored deep down in your heart, you felt like crying, and it made you feel better talking about it. But, Joji looked conflicted. He was unsure of what he wanted to say. “I know, I should’ve said this that day but it killed me thinking that you would be doing something for me.” You say sorrowfully.

“I broke up for us. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you to distance Y/N. Our breakup killed me so much. I didn’t want to.”

You blink away the tears and try to speak but there are no words. Joji continues, “But there’s nothing we can really say or do. I’m in a relationship right now so this makes it really fucking awkward. And I’m sure you’re in a relationship as well.”

That was it. The final blow. He had really moved past it and yet you were still holding onto hope.

“I’m actually not in any relationship or have been in one for like a year. Not that it matters. Anyways I hope you’re happy.” You say that as you pick up your basket and go to the register to pay. After that, you return to your apartment. You open the door, set your things inside, step inside, shut the door behind you, sit down and start crying. The tears that you thought you could contain spilled. All those emotions couldn’t be hidden or stored away. You were a mess but, you still love him.

hi, i’m pretty sure this is the longest one i’ve written so far! so idk what y’all prefer reading cause im good with writing whateveR! anyways thank you for reading !!

#joji miller #joji #joji imagine #joji fanfiction #joji fanfic #george miller #gabi writes about joji #joji x reader #jojismile

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