#seething on the pitch-black seafloor

[whentherewerebicycles]

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#please know that I vent my ungenerous feelings here in my public diary so I can just get them out and they don’t seep into my real life #my parents are randomly in town after being here like last month and that’s nice but I wasn’t sure why they were coming back so soon #the reason has revealed itself they are here to do daycare tours and go to an ultrasound appt with my brother & SIL to see the baby #I am both genuinely fine and also a horrid gremlin creature seething with toxic jealousy and petty rage #like being ‘fine’ is the stronger feeling and of course I would not want my brother to not get to share these experiences with my parents #it’s their first grandkid #but also I would I think gladly punch through a wall #I just seethe with jealousy I feel like a horribly misshapen deep sea creature with too many gills and razors for teeth #seething on the pitch-black seafloor #god the last three months have just been like #so much crying and specifically the type of crying where you’re like #I must violently expel these bottled-up feelings somehow or my ribcage will burst #and also lots of feeling like a grotesquely deformed deep sea monster #rotting from the inside out with the ugliest feelings imaginable #only 1/10th of which I express here lol I’m having a fascinating time discovering how horrible & putrid my jealousy can be #and then it passes you know it always passes. but yeah. #IUI tag