#shashi vent

[rhythmgamer]

vent under Keep reading

i think the problem is that subconsciously I'm always trying to be palatable to the people around me? it's not even a conscious thing y'all may think I'm funny and silly here but in the back of my mond if i ever sense the slightest indication that a person may be annoyed by me it makes me feel devastated and i think myself a horrible person and so. i end up changing myself a little to be palatable to that person.

and these small changes just add up and up and up and in the end i become something which is. i don't even know what it is. people often say "be yourself" but i have been changing myself to be likeable to as many people as possible so much that. i don't even know what "i" am at this point. who i am.

and it happens for. everybody i know. i want everybody to like me. not in a narcissistic way but because i feel like im a horrible person who doesn't deserve anything if i am the cause of anyone's distress and hurt.

i find it hard to say no to people i temd to overstep my own boundaries to accomodate other people's wants (this will sound horrible but. i have even. kissed someone when i didn't want to because i didn't want them to hate me and leave me for refusing). wait who am i kidding i don't know my own boundaries much anymore cus I'm always accomodating to people. i tend to ask people's permission for everything (including drinking water and using the restroom) i temd to apologise beforehand (earning "??? wtf are you apologising for" from people,,,,,but i can't stop) THERE'S SO MUCH WRONG WITH ME!!!

and the biggest thing is i (unrelated but can i even use the word "i" when I don't know who i am) tend to get more and more resentful over the time cus of changing myself slowly slowly slowly and one day i just. idk what happens to me i just tend to unintentionally abandon the peoplei knew and move on to other people. and even if i come back to them it's hard to stay for long cus I've made a persona there that is hard for me to keep up. it's like I don't recognise who i used to be there. a completely new person. and this hasn't just happened once or twice this is a cycle that repeats with me. sadly i can feel myself inching towards this already i love tumblr i love the people around here but I don't know if. this is "me" posting here. this makes no sense I'm so so sorry.

im sorry the shashi you see here. is probably not actual shashi this is a curated shashi subconsciously created so that they're likeable palatable to most people here. if you're still reading this I'm sorry im not cool im not silly im not any of those idk who i am. even if you tell me to be not afraid and just be myself here i don't know who "myself" is at this point. i just know what people like seeing from me i just know how to be the trademark tumblr shashi. I'm so so sorry i understand if you feel betrayed if you hate me if you want nothing to do with me anymore. I'm sorry.

#shashi vent #for the love of god if you don't want your state of mind ruined don't read this #this is some nuclear trash I've written right here #im sorry i know i need therapy

[eagle-eyez]

Parliament witnessed chaos for the eight straight day of its Monsoon Session with both Houses being repeatedly adjourned as the Opposition vented its fury over the Pegasus snooping reports and farmers' issues.

Meanwhile, the Centre is likely to move a suspension notice against 10 Lok Sabha MPs after they threw papers and tore placards in the Lower House.

The government will propose that Lok Sabha Speaker Om Birla take action against TN Prathapan, Hibi Eden, Gurjeet Singh Aujla, Manickam Tagore, Deepak Baij, AM Ariff, Dean Kuriakose and Jothimani. The MPs threw business papers and some torn papers and placards at the chair.  A piece of a torn placard landed in the press gallery just above the Speaker's podium.

The Lok Sabha Speaker is extremely upset with the behaviour of the MPs in the House and is of the opinion that anybody who is a repeat offender is likely to be suspended in the future for the entire period of the Lok Sabha term, sources told News18.

Also, a meeting of the Parliamentary Standing Committee on Information Technology could not be held in the absence of the quorum after BJP MPs did not participate, ANI reported.

Taking to Twitter, Karti Chidambaram said:

@BJP4India members come to the IT Committee & refuse to sign the attendance register to deny a quorum. Further all the witnesses called from MiEIT & MHA wrote in excuses & didn’t appear as called to testify. It’s very clear that #Pegasus is a no go area for this government.

— Karti P Chidambaram (@KartiPC) July 28, 2021

In both the Houses, MPs held placards reading ‘Who is paying for Pegasus’ and ‘Stop Snooping on Me’, among other slogans.

Ahead of the Session, leaders of Opposition parties held a meeting to chalk out the future course of action on several issues in both Houses. Congress leader Rahul Gandhi said, "We don’t want to compromise on the issues of inflation, Pegasus, and farmers' issues. We want a discussion in the House."

Prime Minister Narendra Modi, Home Minister Amit Shah, and Parliamentary Affairs Minister Pralhad Joshi held a meeting at the PM's office in Parliament.

Here's what happened in both Houses today:

Lok Sabha

As the Opposition continued to raise slogans over farm laws and the Pegasus snooping scandal, Lok Sabha Speaker Om Birla continued the Question Hour, which was completed for the first time since Monsoon Session began on 19 July. Questions pertaining to the Covid BEEP device, coal sector and use of CSR to provide for children who lost their parents to coronavirus.

Meanwhile, the Lok Sabha passed the Insolvency and Bankruptcy (Amendment) Bill. The Lok Sabha also approved the first batch of supplementary demands authorising the government to spend an additional Rs 23,675 crore, including Rs 17,000 crore for the health ministry, in the current financial year. Finance minister Nirmala Sitharaman introduced the supplementary demands for grants and relevant appropriation bills.

As protests gained momentum, the Lower House was adjourned till 12.30 pm. BJP MP Nishikant Dubey also submitted a privilege motion against Shashi Tharoor, Chairperson of Parliament Standing Committee on IT, which was to meet today at 4 pm to discuss the Pegasus row.

On reassembling, the Lok Sabha was soon adjourned till 2 pm, followed by another adjournment till 2.30 pm and then 4 pm before finally being adjourned for the day.

Rajya Sabha

The Rajya Sabha was adjourned within five minutes of convening at 11 am, as MPs carrying placards gathered in the Well. The House then reassembled at 12 pm to begin the Question Hour amid sloganeering, which led to an adjournment till 2 pm, followed by adjournments till 2.45 pm and 4 pm.

The Upper House also passed the Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Amendment Bill, 2021, which seeks to strengthen and streamline the provisions for the protection and adoption of children. The Bill is already passed by Lok Sabha.

While moving the bill for consideration in the House, Women and Child Development Minister Smriti Irani said, "Some of the renowned Parliamentarians, who have always prioritised the needs of the vulnerable...however, politics demands that they stand right here in the Well and attract attention towards the issue which they feel fit." She added that despite this disruption, the House will agree that the children of this country deserve their attention for protection and support.

However, the Opposition members did not return to their seats and Raja Sabha witnessed continuous uproar.

The TMC on Wednesday also alleged that Rajya Sabha Television, which airs the proceedings of the House live, is "censoring content" on Opposition protests.

TMC MP and leader of the party in Rajya Sabha Derek O'Brien tweeted:

CENSORSHIP. Modi-Shah ‘masterstroke’. @rajyasabhatv showing selective footage/online edit. All protests in the House by about 100 MPs from 15 Opposition parties not being telecast. #Pegasus hacking, espionage, military spyware.

— Derek O'Brien | ডেরেক ও'ব্রায়েন (@derekobrienmp) July 28, 2021

// // ]]>

No comment was immediately available from RS TV on the allegations.

With inputs from PTI

from Firstpost Politics Latest News https://ift.tt/3ibbGz6

#Politics

[optimisticprincepainter]

Prime Minister Narendra Modi Wednesday mocked Congress president Rahul Gandhi, saying he keeps repeating things like a stuck gramophone but people would not accept his “childish” claims and “lies” against the government as they make “fun” of such remarks.With campaign for assembly elections in five states under way and the Lok Sabha polls less than six months away, he stressed on his development plank during a video interaction with BJP workers, asking them to go to people with a three-point agenda — development, fast development and development for all.To a question from a worker as to how they should respond to opposition leaders’ “abuses” like calling him a scorpion — an apparent reference to Congress leader Shashi Tharoor’s recent remarks, Modi said they were offering him what they had.He was glad, the prime minister said, that he was of any use to them as it allows them to vent their anger and spend their time “happily” with their family members in evening.Citing an anonymous RSS functionary’s comments to a journalist, Tharoor had said that Modi was like a scorpion sitting on a Shivlinga which can neither be removed from hand nor hit with a chappal.Modi, however, made fun of Gandhi when a party worker asked him as to how they should respond to the Congress president’s comments in his rallies that there should be mobile manufacturing factories in the areas he visits.”There used to be gramophone records earlier. At times, it would get stuck and play same words again and again. There are some people like it. One thing occupies their mind and they keep repeating it. You should enjoy it. Don’t get tensed,” he told BJP workers.These people don’t know that time has changed and they should not treat people as fools, Modi said, adding that nobody accepts such childish remarks. People make fun of it, he said.India has become a leading manufacturer of mobiles with over 100 factories producing them now under his government compared to only two that existed when he came to power in 2014, Modi said.The Rediff.com : 31st. Oct,18

PM MODI SAID RAHUL GANDHI LIKE STUCK GRAMOPHONE, PEOPLE WOULD NOT ACCEPT HIS CHILDISH CLAIMS : Prime Minister Narendra Modi Wednesday mocked Congress president Rahul Gandhi, saying he keeps repeating things like a stuck gramophone but people would not accept his "childish" claims and "lies" against the government as they make "fun" of such remarks.With campaign for assembly elections in five states under way and the Lok Sabha polls less than six months away, he stressed on his development plank during a video interaction with BJP workers, asking them to go to people with a three-point agenda -- development, fast development and development for all.To a question from a worker as to how they should respond to opposition leaders' "abuses" like calling him a scorpion -- an apparent reference to Congress leader Shashi Tharoor's recent remarks, Modi said they were offering him what they had.He was glad, the prime minister said, that he was of any use to them as it allows them to vent their anger and spend their time "happily" with their family members in evening.Citing an anonymous RSS functionary's comments to a journalist, Tharoor had said that Modi was like a scorpion sitting on a Shivlinga which can neither be removed from hand nor hit with a chappal.Modi, however, made fun of Gandhi when a party worker asked him as to how they should respond to the Congress president's comments in his rallies that there should be mobile manufacturing factories in the areas he visits."There used to be gramophone records earlier.

[rhythmgamer]

there's this governmental Health Insurance Scheme being started for autistic people and people with cerebral palsy or other intellectual disabilities but i cannot avail it because India doesn't recognise ADHD as a disability I'm gonna kms

#shashi vent #i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here #fuck india man i hate this country get me out of here

[rhythmgamer]

life pro tip (actual life pro tip) do not go on twitter when your mental health is awful do not open the "Trending" tab when your mental health is awful do not click on the #SameSexMarriage when your mental health is awful do not doomscroll through the dogshit pile of homophobia and transphobia on #SameSexMarriage when your mental health is awful

#shashi vent #god someone please blind me I can't take it anymore

[rhythmgamer]

i want to curl up into a ball and sob uncontrollably </3

#shashi vent #i wish i had someone. to put all their weight on me almost suffocate me #and tell me it'll be fine things will be fine they're there for me

[rhythmgamer]

gotta love it when i describe what ADHD's like and people go "oh i understand it happens to me too lol dw idk why it's a disorder though it happens to almost everyone" and then get flabbergasted when I can't bring myself to complete assignments or study for exams or apply for internships or work on my reading project because MY BRAIN WON'T FUCKING LET ME

#shashi vent #i hate it here

[rhythmgamer]

god god god sometimes i think "haha im glad to have AO3 enhancements I don't get to view disturbing stuff unless i explicitly wish to" and then i see a fanfic with a tag i didn't even imagine would exist and now i feel sick and wanna throw up and feel so disturbed god why did i happen to see it why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

#shashi vent #i wish i didn't have eyes sometimes #idk how I'll sleep tonight #/srs

[rhythmgamer]

vent under Keep Reading

i was trying to do my assignments and. i just can't focus. nothing I'm doing is entering my head. I can't focus. i just can't. and i have so much to do. including eating. and drinking water. and I'm just lying on my head doing nothing cus i. simply can't bring myself ro do anything. god i feel like an absolute failure. why is that everyone else can just. do things. how do people. be people. i want to know. i feel so so broken rn like a broken doll i just can't function the way I'm supposed to function.

also that reminded me. everytime I've tried telling my mother about the ADHD symptoms i face she'd told me "oh you've been like this since childhood" and just. dismissed it. just like that. just because I've been like that since childhood. also also also. literally nobody. LITERALLY NOBODY I KNOW IRL RELATES TO ME. even a close friend here. a friend very very very dear to me. when i told faer about how I can't focus no matter how much i try to.

fae replied "well are you trying?"

and that just. broke my heart. like it feels. I'm the only fucking person in this entire uni who's suffering like this. only fucking person who's dealing with undiagnosed ADHD which is literally crippling them from functioning like a normal person. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i want to function normally. im not saying i hate myself but i just wish I wasn't this broken. so fucking broken that I can't even bring myself to study even if i want to. I CAN'T PUT MY MIND TO THINGS I WANT TO PUT MY MIND TO WHAT BULLSHIT IS THAT. WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I ATE OR DRANK WATER OR BRUSHED MY TEETH OR TOOK A BATH OR LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL. WHY AM I FAILING SO BAD AT LITERALLY EXISTING WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

why do i even. try. at this point. even if i go to any psychiatrist they'll probably dismiss me seeing my good grades till grade 12. they'll be like "this person can't have ADHD look at the grades". even though grades are nowhere a criterion for ADHD. i just know it. this is india. people don't even know ADHD exists I don't expect them to have a clear idea of it. i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here. literally nobody irl understands me and the pain I've had to go through all my life why why why why do i even try. i just feel like. giving up. letting this disorder win cus I'M TIRED. I'm so so so so tired of fighting it I don't know how long i can anymore I'M TIRED. i know I'm normally silly here on tumblr but I'm sorry I'm very mentally ill with severe undiagnosed ADHD for whom it'll be a huge struggle to get diagnosed. i just wish for once people understood my pain and struggling and accomodated for me. for once.

#shashi vent #adhd posting

[rhythmgamer]

gahh i fell asleep while trying to study and now it's like 4:30 am and i feel like throwing up like i could taste the vomit in the back of my throat feeling amazing rn /s 👎👎👎👎

#shashi vent #i still need to study #kill me /nsrs

[rhythmgamer]

vent

special skill unlocked: crying in class while you're sitting in the second row and the teacher is still teaching and you're so silent and stealthy that the only one who's noticed you crying is a friend sitting next to you

#shashi vent #im still in class rn btw #teacher is still there

[rhythmgamer]

my intrusive thoughts are not me my intrusive thoughts are not me my intrusive thoughts are not me MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ARE NOT ME!!!

#shashi vent #why why whyyy #why do i get thoughts of this nature #i KNOW I'll never act on them but I can't help feel disgusted with myself :'( #maybe this is why mayoi is so relatable to me #both of us getting thoughts we're disgusted by irl and would never act on them

[rhythmgamer]

cw venting in tags

i love being so physically weak after any bout of illness that. i shake every time i get up and cannot support the weight of my own tab in my hands

#/s #though i suspect this antibiotic that my friends made me eat have made me weaker #i feel dizzier and weaker EVERYTIME after consuming O2 tablet #idk if it's just me though #just yesterday i told my sister that i wasn't well and she said #“um isn't that the usual case“ #hate that i've been physically unwell so many times #that my family doesn't really worry about it anymore #they see it more of a bother than something to care about #like how back in december we were supposed to go out #and i threw up my breakfast in the morning #and my fam was more worried about me holding them up and making us late #than my well-being or even care as to why i threw up #granny literally said “you cause problems every time you're supposed to go out” #umm do you really think i choose to throw up or get sick on purpose??? #anyway due to being sick i've missed too many classes so i need mpre attendance and so many pending assignments #god help me get through this sem #shashi vent

[rhythmgamer]

everytime someone says that they want to swap bodies with me cus I'm severely underweight (to the point my health suffers cus of being underweight) and I'm skin and bones no matter how much i eat or try to gain weight. everytime someone tells me that i could fly off with just a gust of wind and laugh hysterically as if that's the funniest thing in the world. everytime someone tells that i look like a skeleton or i don't have any meat on my body or men won't like a skeleton like me or my parents probably starve me or why am i insecure i literally have the body many girls want or i shouldn't complain i have it easy or treats me like a 12 year old cus of my body structure or forces me into eating more than i can because i don't look "healthy" to the point i vomit the excess food eaten sometimes

i think. i should get to kill the person and cannibalize them. how about that for gaining weight huh

#shashi vent #as much as my family has caused me anguish #they've never shamed me for my weight #cus i took after my late grandma who's body structure is exactly same as mine #so they never told me to worry about my weight unless i lost some due to illness #and always told me “eat only as much as you can don't force yourself to eat more” #BUT OTHER PEOPLE #all my school life and even in my college life I've faced so much shit from peers and teachers #who think it's “funny” to make my weight the butt of the “joke” #at this point I'm just insecure over my weight #to the point i sometimes make “jokes” before they can #just so i wouldn't have to hear it from other people #i hate it i hate it i hate it

[rhythmgamer]

vent below Keep Reading (please do not interact)

what happened to me today why do i feel so fucking awful so fucking useless....i don't even have the energy to eat or drink water anymore like it's 4 pm and all I've eaten today is muesli with a glass worth of milk....lowkey feel like playing till i break my hands or permanently damage my muscles or smth....i feel so so tired it's not like i need time away from all this it's like i can't visualise any future. literally can't. i can't even visualise tomorrow. why am i even bothering for all this what is stopping me from destroying everything I've known. what is stopping me from playing till i permanently injuring my hands. why shouldn't i do it. i am so fucking tired of everything I can't study even if i want to WHAT'S THE POINT OF IT ALL. it feels too late to get diagnosed with ADHD and get help at this point. feels like there's no point in continuing or trying anymore I'm not good enough I'll never be good enough

#shashi vent