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mikauzoran · 4 years

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Lukadrien: Song of the Sun: Chapter Seventeen

@lukadrien-june

Song of the Sun: Chapter Seventeen: Recital

Adrien leaned over in his uncomfortable auditorium chair to rest his chin on his husband’s shoulder. “You can really tell how much she hates this, huh?” he chuckled softly as, onstage, fifteen-year-old Emma begrudgingly played Chopin’s Marche Funèbre, putting extra emphasis on the labored ostinato chords in the left hand.

All three Agreste-Couffaine children were performing in a piano recital at the request of their instructor along with his other pupils. Seven-year-old Hugo had opened the show with the Third Movement of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, and ten-year-old Louis had come about halfway through, playing Liszt’s Mephisto Waltz. Emma was the penultimate performer.

“Yep,” Luka sighed, giving Adrien a squeeze with the arm he had wrapped around his husband’s shoulders. “At least she’s playing.”

“Did she ever tell you why she picked this piece?” Adrien whispered.

Luka shrugged. “She’s like her dad. She likes the lower register of the instrument…and Chopin.”

Adrien’s cheeks flushed. “Well, at least she inherited something good from me.”

“Shh,” Gabriel hissed from Luka’s other side.

Sheepishly, Adrien settled back into Luka as best as he could with the arm of the chair in between them and listened as their daughter laid into the piano, ignoring the dynamic markings nearly half the time.

After the concert, Louis was the first one out, tearing across the lobby with an excited cry of, “Grandpapa!” He ran up to Gabriel, catching him around the waist and eagerly demanding, “Did you see me? Did you see me?”

“I did see you,” Gabriel confirmed, the trace of a smile pulling at his lips. “You did very well. Some of the notes were a little sloppy, but I can see how you’ve improved.”

Satisfied with Gabriel’s assessment, Louis made the rounds next to Nathalie (who told him he’d done a good job and that she’d enjoyed his piece) and then to Adrien and Luka.

“You were great, Mazurka.” Luka beamed at his son, giving Louis’s ear an affectionate pinch.

“We’re so proud of you,” Adrien added, bending down to kiss Louis’s forehead.

Hugo came out next, going straight to Nathalie and wrapping his arms around her without a word.

“You did very well, Hugo,” she encouraged. “I found your piece very enjoyable.”

Hugo smiled brilliantly up at her and then moved on to Gabriel, burying his face in his grandfather’s midsection.

Gabriel gave Hugo a fond pat on the head. “Well done. You’ve done the Agreste name honor.”

Adrien’s heart ached, remembering all the times growing up when he’d yearned to hear those words from his father.

Luka looped a comforting arm around Adrien’s waist.

For probably the billionth time, Adrien was grateful to have such an attentive husband.

“You boys are both far ahead of where your father was when he was your age,” Gabriel unintentionally added salt to the wound.

Adrien sighed.

Why was it that he still yearned for his father’s approval so much? He was nearly forty.

Luka leaned in to kiss Adrien’s temple.

There wasn’t much time to dwell as Hugo pulled away from Gabriel and trotted over to his parents, gazing up at them expectantly.

Adrien pulled away from Luka to scoop up their youngest. “You were amazing,” he gushed. “I am so proud of you. Really phenomenal job, Gogo.”

Luka leaned in to kiss the side of Hugo’s head. “You were awesome, Valse,” he added. “You’ll be performing like Papa before you know it.”

Hugo’s face lit up at that, and he looked back and forth between his parents excitedly. “Really?”

Adrien nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

“Mmhm,” Hugo confirmed. “I only got to play one piece today. I want to play more.”

“You should enter him in the concours coming up this autumn,” Gabriel suggested. “He’d do well.”

Adrien frowned, full of misgivings. “I don’t know that he wants to compete, Father. Hugo just enjoys playing.”

Gabriel looked like he was about to say something else, but, just then, Emma came out, giving them a nonchalant wave that reminded Adrien a lot of Juleka.

“Hi, everybody. Enjoy the concert?” She went to Luka’s opposite side, hooking her arm through his.

He grinned at his daughter. “Thank you for performing, Minuet. I’m proud of you.”

“I enjoyed your piece,” Nathalie added cordially. “You did a good job.”

Gabriel frowned sternly. “Emma, your performance—”

“—Father?” Adrien quickly interrupted. “May I talk to you for a minute?”

Gabriel turned his displeasure on his son. “Adrien, I was speaking. Can it not wait?”

“No. It can’t,” Adrien informed, setting Hugo down gently. He motioned for Gabriel to follow as he walked away, heading for an unoccupied corner.

“I have a feeling I know what you were going to say about Emma’s performance,” Adrien sighed as they came to a stop. “I’m asking you to please just tell her she did a good job.”

Gabriel snorted indignantly. “Adrien, she murdered that funeral march. She played forte during the piano sections and fortissimo when forte would have sufficed. Did she practice at all?”

“Father, she did,” Adrien stressed, his protective instinct kicking in. “And she didn’t murder it. Was she good? No. Not really, but it was fine. I know her interpretation—”

“—What interpretation?” Gabriel scoffed. “She put absolutely no thought into the presentation. She was merely playing notes, soulless notes with no feeling whatsoever. Chopin is in his grave weeping at this very moment. How can you defend her performance? You love Chopin. You were always playing it growing up. As a pianist, aren’t you offended by your daughter’s performance? How does Luka feel about this?” Gabriel demanded. “How does he feel as an internationally renown concert pianist to have a daughter who plays like that?”

Adrien’s hands balled into fists in his hurt and frustration. He opened his mouth to respond only to find that Gabriel wasn’t finished.

“How does Luka feel when your sons put in the effort to do well but his own biological daughter doesn’t?”

“You know what?” Adrien growled. “Stop. Just stop, Father. Luka is proud of Emmie. He works with all three of them, and he’s happy that our sons are talented. I’ve told you dozens of times that we don’t divide up our children like that. There is no ‘mine’ or ‘his’. They’re just ours, and we are thrilled with each of their performances today.”

Gabriel’s brow furrowed in confusion, as if he were unable to comprehend Adrien’s words. “I don’t understand,” he finally admitted. “You’re proud of her? Even though she played so poorly? If you had given a performance like that, I would be ashamed to call you my son.”

Adrien dug his nails into his palms to anchor himself and keep from crying. “Yeah, I know, Father…but some people just love their children unconditionally. Some people are just proud of their children for going out there and doing their best. They don’t have to be perfect. They don’t have to be the best to earn their parent’s love.”

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed as he struggled to wrap his mind around this new concept.

“Father, Emma doesn’t enjoy playing the piano. She doesn’t like practicing. She doesn’t like getting up in front of strangers. She knows she’s not particularly good, and she’s self-conscious about it. She only plays because she knows it makes Luka and me happy. It’s a family tradition that connects all of us, something that we all have in common. I’ve told her before that it connects her with you and Maman too. That’s why she plays piano. If she had it her way, she’d be a timpanist. She far prefers percussion instruments, and she’s actually really good. She only keeps playing piano for the rest of us…and Luka and I are proud of Emma for that. It’s enough if she gets up there and tries her best. We love her anyway,” Adrien explained, willing his father to just get it already.

Gabriel pursed his lips, crossing his arms as he processed this new information.

“Unlike some people,” Adrien added softly, “my love for my child has never been predicated on her appearance or talents or achievements or how good she makes me look in public. I just love her, and I know she did her best, so I’m proud. I’m happy just because she did something she didn’t want to do because she wanted to make me happy.”

The tears that had been gathering in the corners of Adrien’s eyes slowly began to spill over and down his cheeks.

Gabriel’s eyes widened as Adrien’s words finally sank in. “You think I didn’t love you?”

Adrien shook his head. “This isn’t about me, Father. This is about Emmie. You don’t have to lie to her and gush about her performance. Just don’t discourage her. She knows she’s not as good as the boys. Don’t rub it in her face. She’s trying her best. I know that doesn’t mean a lot to you, but it does to me, so just tell her you were glad you got to come see her perform or something. Okay?”

Slowly, Gabriel began to nod. “I think I can manage that.”

Adrien let out the breath he’d been holding. “Okay. Thank you.”

They headed back towards the rest of the family, and Adrien went straight to Luka’s arms.

“You okay?” Luka whispered, giving Adrien’s hair a gentle nuzzle.

Adrien shook his head. “Talk later.”

Luka gave Adrien one last squeeze before letting Adrien draw away slightly, keeping their hands linked.

“Emma,” Gabriel intoned austerely as he rejoined the group.

“Yes, Grandpapa?” Emma replied warily, pushing a bang back behind her ear.

“I’m glad that you’ve kept up playing piano…. Your grandmother would be very proud,” Gabriel informed, knowing that Émilie, like Adrien, would be thrilled just to see her granddaughter on stage.

Luka squeezed his husband’s hand as Adrien turned a grateful smile on his father.

#Lukadrien #Lukadrien June 2020 #Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction #Lukadrien June 2020 Day Twenty-Two: Recital #Adrien Agreste/Luka Couffaine #Adrien Agreste #Luka Couffaine #Gabriel Agreste #Emma Agreste #Louis Agreste #Hugo Agreste #Nathalie Sancoeur #Mikau's Writings #Song of the Sun

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t-lostinworlds · 5 years

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Words Cut Like Knives (Shawn Mendes) [2]

A/N: Welp, a lot of you guys wanted a second part so here it is! I hope it doesn’t disappoint anyone asdfghjkl. Also, I just wanted to say I appreciate every single one of you. Truly, you guys are amazing and I love you and thank you for all the support. It means a lot.

P.S. I said this was going to be 5.5k words at max and well... lol sorry.

Summary: Shawn realizes how much he actually fucked things up and how he’s actually lost someone who’d give the whole world to him, who he actually wants and needs, but was everything too late or was it not it’s time just yet?

Warnings: None but Typos, oh and change in POV halfway through.

Word Count: 6.8k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

You know when people say, you never know what you have until you lose it? Well, Shawn already knew that it was true, but never had he ever expected it to slap him across the face every other time and for it to hurt this much.

All these years talking about how he wanted to experience real heartbreak, saying how that would make a killer album because by then he also gets to experience what it's like to love someone truly, but now? He wants absolutely nothing more than for it to go away. Shawn wants nothing else than for this pain to subside, other than having her back of course.

Her. (Y/N).

Every corner of the condo was littered with everything that is her. She is always in Shawn's mind 24/7, the moment he wakes up and just before he falls asleep, hell even in his dreams she's still there.

Shawn can even see her when he's in the kitchen, it's like her ghost is still lingering in the space, music blasted so loud whenever she's making breakfast, sock clad feet gliding across the floors as she moves her hips to the beat, a smile always making its way onto his lips the moment he reaches the room, him leaning on the wall with his arms crossed over his chest as he watches her be so carefree, happy and just be an angel without even trying.

Even in his living room where she's all curled up on the couch, fast asleep with a book in her hand or when she's wrapped in a blanket as she stares at the TV, her favorite show playing that Shawn ends up loving since she pretty much drags him to watch it with her every time, but Shawn never regretted a single moment, just seeing her face all throughout the show, the way her face changes from all sorts of emotions, makes everything worth it.

But one of his favorites was when she's sitting cross-legged on the floor, hair in a messy bun, looking at her computer that was sat on the coffee table with furrowed brows, the tip of her pen caught between her teeth as she concentrates on whatever homework was due the next day.

Shawn always comes up behind her to place a soft kiss on her shoulder whenever she gets too stressed about it, teasing her about how her habit of procrastinating is the reason why she now has to rush to get everything done, though she'd shoot him a glare, she doesn't deny the fact that he's right.

He then ends up keeping her company until she finishes, her back pressed up against his chest as she sits between his legs, comfortable silence in the air as he lets her be, a couple of kisses thrown here and there until she closes her laptop with a sigh of pure relief and they were off to bed, Shawn carrying her as he insists he always will do when she's tired and overworked.

He can't even begin to think about his bedroom without his heart aching. The images of her bare skin flushed against his, her beautiful face looking down at him when he shows her how good he can make her feel, treat her as she deserves to be treated, worship her body like a temple, praise and cherish her like the goddess that she is.

Though the random cuddles they share will always be superior. Both of them wrapped in each other's arms when it's raining outside, the soft music of Louis Armstrong or Dean Martin bouncing off the cream-colored walls as Shawn admires her by his side wearing nothing but his hoodie, and boy that sight always made his heart melt.

And when That's Amore plays through the speakers, Shawn would be quick to pull her out of bed, her giggles accompanying the tune as they dance around the room, his hand holding one of hers as the other rest securely on her waist, bodies swaying to the music with wide smiles plastered on their faces. She always comments on how cheesy he was, Shawn causally responding that she loves his cheesiness, she always has. She'd giggle and do nothing else except pull him down for a sweet, gentle kiss, soft and contented sighs coming out of the two lovers.

But now every time he walks in that room, his heart just breaks into pieces knowing that he'll probably never feel that ever again. Her presence still so strong in that room even if it's been 2 weeks since he last saw her, the last picture that he ever saw was her packing up her stuff and leaving, an image that still occupies his mind more frequently than the last. The feeling of having her in his arms haunting him every night and day as he lays alone on that empty, cold mattress.

Shawn tried to replace the memories of her with someone else, but every single time he can't seem to do so as he brings a random girl in the guest room instead, never letting them near his room, not wanting to taint what was once him and her. But then just a few moments later, they leave all pissed because he ends up turning them down, can't bear the thought of sleeping with someone else because all he wants, all he craves is her.

He had everything he's ever needed, she was everything he's ever needed and he lost that, all because of a stupid mistake, a blatant idiotic move that will haunt him for the rest of his life.

Shawn has no excuse other than he was being dumb. He thought he was over Freya, but when he saw her back at the party he wasn't so sure anymore, he got confused on what he truly feels. And when she kissed him, he got blindsided, thought that Freya was supposed to be the girl he'd be with, the girl he needs. When she kissed him, Shawn knew he missed her still, he realized in himself that he hasn't fully moved on. Then everything got heated and Shawn wasn't thinking clearly anymore, thinking with the wrong head as some would say, hence why he said what he said.

Now he's lost (Y/N) just because he couldn't get a fucking grip and man up to own and face what he was truly feeling.

This was no one else's fault except his. He hurt her, lied to her, played with her feelings. He shouldn't have stringed her along, shouldn't have pursued her knowing that he himself was still unsure about where his heart stands. But he was an idiot and he did it anyway.

Shawn feels so sick of himself, he is so fucking disgusted of himself for what he's done to her, a poor excuse of a boy who hurt such an amazing and incredible woman who loved him unconditionally. And now, he lost her, lost the girl who he finally realizes was someone who he really does want, who he needs, but he realized that all too late.

He took everything for granted, he took her for granted and now he had to live with the consequences.

"You'd be a mess without me."

And she's right. She always has been right with everything. Never has (Y/N) ever told him something that ended up being wrong. She was right about Freya, right about him being blind and stupid, right about how he's become a monster.

Sure she never truly did speak the words but Shawn saw it in the way she looked at him, the way her eyes just stared at him like he was someone who she doesn't know anymore, someone who ended up being the guy he swore he'd never be, a monster of a boy, and God she was so right.

And oh a mess he is. Shawn even begins to think that calling him a mess would be an understatement. He was a wreck without her, he's so lost without her and he doesn't know if he can even begin to feel true happiness without her.

All because of him. All because of what he's done.

Shawn would bet against anyone in the world who'd tell him there was someone else who's a bigger fuck up than him, because right now? He is the biggest fuck up and the uttermost idiot that has ever walked this planet.

"Shawn, you need to leave your bed. Tour starts back up again in a few weeks, you need to rehearse and get back out there man." Andrew wasn't supposed to be here at this date since he had other errands to attend to, but when he's caught wind of how Shawn wasn't showing up at rehearsals or just wasn't showing up point blank, he needed to see how he's doing, because other than being his manager, he is still his friend by the end of it all.

Shawn only nodded solemnly, cheek pressed against his slightly damp pillow as he stared into nothingness, bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair all a product of him not getting out of bed unless it was to the bathroom or for some food.

Andrew frowned at the boy, thinking that this was worse than what Brian had let on. With a sigh, he walked closer to him, standing rightfully in front of his gaze in an attempt to get to his head.

Shawn let out a groan at the look Andrew was giving him, forcing him to close his eyes tight, so sick of all the pity everyone has been throwing at him, but then again, he does deserve it, though he thinks disappointed looks would be much more appropriate, be what he truly deserves.

"Shawn I care about you a lot. And this–" Andrew waved his hand all around the room, a whole mess with all the beer bottles, dirty clothes and even leftovers of food scattered everywhere. "–isn't healthy anymore. You need to get back on your feet."

Shawn shifted his body until he was laid flat on his back, glossy eyes staring straight up at the ceiling as he sighed, "I lost her Andrew. I lost my best friend, my girlfriend because of the stupidest shit I did. I hurt her and she didn't deserve all that. (Y/N) is such an angel, she didn't deserve to be treated like that." Shawn croaked, voice hoarse and raspy since he hasn't been his best self in a while, heart aching badly as guilt continues to swallow him whole.

Running a frustrated hand over his face, Shawn willed himself to sit up, eyes landing on the empty part of the closet making his heart break, a deep frown still etched on his lips as it has been for the past few weeks. "I was supposed to protect her from getting hurt. I promised her that I'll always protect her from boys who aren't going to treat her right, and fuck, guess what? I ended up being that exact idiot and asshole. How fucking ironic."

A sarcastic laugh left Shawn's lips as he shook his head in pure disappointment in himself, realizing over and over again how much of a fuck up he actually is. Andrew crossed his arms over his chest with a shrugged, tilting his head at the boy as he said. "Well, I can't disagree with you on that. You are an idiot and an asshole for what you did."

Shawn's head fell back with a groan, eyes shut tight as he didn't bother giving Andrew an answer because there was nothing left to say. But still, Shawn felt glad that most of the people around him know and tell him the truth when he does fuck things up, and that they aren't all 'yes men' who doesn't slap some sense into him when needed.

"But with that being said, what do you achieve by moping around in your room Shawn? Will she forgive you if you're stuck in bed all day? Do you think she'll give you another chance if you just drown yourself in self-pity?"

"No..." Shawn trailed off, eyes finally meeting Andrew's gaze as the older guy towered over him, only raising him a brow with a pointed look. "Then get the fuck up and get your shit together Mendes. Talk to her and apologize. Tell her what's truly in your heart and not just throw her more reasons because I know for a fact she's tired of hearing those."

"She blocked me on everything." Andrew rolled his eyes at that, "What she blocked you in real life too? Can't drive to her place because what? She blocked the road?"

Shawn hung his head low with an annoyed groan. "Andrew I swear–"

"My point is, don't stop trying. Contact her once a day but don't be too suffocating, if she doesn't respond back to anywhere, then try again the next day. Don't blow up her phone and give her the space she needs. And you'll never know, maybe she'll be the one to reach out first once she's ready." Andrew approached the boy, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder making Shawn nod with a small smile. Shawn slowly got out bed to give Andrew a proper grateful hug, him giving a remark about how Shawn smells so bad and looks so grim up close, earning a small laugh from the curly boy.

Then Andrew was off to leave Shawn alone with his thoughts again, but not before telling him that he has rehearsals in a couple of hours, which Andrew specifically threatened that Shawn show up or he's coming back in his room in a not-so-friendly way next time.

Once alone, Shawn dared himself not to go back to bed, so he opt on going straight to the bathroom instead, taking a much needed shower before heading off to rehearsals as he tries to get himself back on track.

Though what he didn't expect was for her to reach out first just as Andrew predicted.

***

"Okay guys, 10-minute break then we run through it again." Shawn sighed as he slipped the guitar off, placing it on the stand as he gave his band courteous nods as they walk out of the room, them returning the favor but with worry in their eyes. Though he did reassure them that he was fine, all of them didn't believe it, after all, he looked nowhere near fine.

Tour starts back again in a week's time, a couple more days until his leaving to be on the road again, and Shawn doesn't feel too excited about it, as uncharacteristic as that sounds.

His phone dinged in his pocket, Shawn fishing it out but not thinking much of who it was, maybe it was just a text from a friend or his sister perhaps, but when he gaze fell on the screen, he swore his heart stopped for a good amount of time.

iMessage from (Y/N): Hey Shawn. It's (Y/N). I just wanted to talk, hope you aren't too busy.

Shawn wasted no time in responding. Hell, he's been waiting to hear from her in weeks. Right now seems too good to be true just seeing her name on the screen, and God how he's missed seeing that name pop up.

iMessage to (Y/N): Hey angel, and no, I'm never too busy for you. Just tell me when and where. I'll be there.

Shawn's heart was hammering against his chest as he waited for a response, feet tapping anxiously on the floor, mind slowly thinking of how she's not going to text back again. Was the nickname too much? Did I go too far with what I said? Was I too desperate? Or was I too–

iMessage from (Y/N): Meet me at the coffee shop in about an hour or so. You already know which one.

Shawn sighed loudly as his phone dinged again, her name flashing on the screen making his lips slightly curve up into a small smile. The coffee shop, their coffee shop as she used to say. The place they used to go to every once in a while to just hang out, or whenever they want to set thing straight with the other. The coffee shop that holds so many memories, both good and bad. And right now they were going to add more to it, Shawn just doesn't know if it's going to be good or bad.

Shawn typed in a quick response to tell her that he'll see her in a bit, his smile slowly growing as he starts to feel all giddy out of the blue. He was finally seeing her, and he's seeing her today. Finally seeing her in the flesh after so long, to finally have the chance to tell her what he truly feels.

The sound of the door opening made Shawn tear his eyes off from his device, his band coming into view to continue with rehearsals, but Shawn interrupts before they could get to their respective instruments. "Uh guys, can we just cancel the rest of the day? Something came up and I really need to go."

"What's wrong Shawn? You okay?" Eddy asked with furrowed brows, the rest of the band looking at him with the same concerned faces. Shawn only nodded at them reassuringly, "Yeah, it's just, (Y/N) texted and she said she wanted to talk."

"Well, go on bro. Get your girl back." Mike encouraged, earning a grateful and honest smile from Shawn. "Thanks man." And without any second thought he was bolting towards the door, keys and wallet in hand, stopping midway and saying, "I'll make it up to you guys I promise." Then he was gone.

Yes, Shawn was aware that it was in an hour or so, but he wanted to get there first, doesn't want to take the chance on being late, scared that if he was even a minute over the time, he'd lose his chance to get her back forever.

***

Shawn waited nervously at the same table you always sat on all these years, right at the very back of the coffee shop by the window, away from all the prying eyes. A much needed peace and quiet away from the hectic world outside separated by the thin sheet of glass.

His fingers were tapping on the wooden surface in an anxious manner as his legs bounced aimlessly underneath. His eyes were glued to the door as he watched people come and go, his heart leaping every time he hears the bell ring, expecting it to be you. It was at the 10th bell–yes, he counted–that when he looked to see who it was, his world stopped and so did yours.

You thought you were ready to face him again, but that was where you thought wrong. But to be completely honest, you are never ready when it comes to him, well, you used to, but now you aren't so sure anymore since you don't really know what's on his head, not after everything that had happened.

"(Y/N)... hey." Shawn whispered as he stood from his seat the moment you walked closer to him, the sound of relief coating his voice, showing just how he was so happy to see you again, feeling so glad that you hadn't bailed on him.

Shawn was in completely awe of the beauty of you, taking his breath so easily just by being yourself in your black leggings and an oversized hoodie, a hoodie that gave him a sense of hope because it wasn't someone else's hoodie nor yours. How does he know this? Well, because it was his, the blue Tommy Hilfiger one that he absolutely adores seeing you in.

"Hi." You gave him small smile, the two of you not knowing what to do with yourselves as you stood face to face, both of you itching to touch, to be closer but no one dared to do so. With a clear of your throat you sat down right across from him, staring at your folded hands on the table, Shawn doing the same except he kept his eyes on you, afraid that when he looks away, you'll be gone in thin air.

The silence that rang in the air started to become deafening. You were fiddling with your fingers and still refusing to look at Shawn, and it pained him to see that, pained him to see that now, you can't bear to look at him in the eyes anymore, but he can't say he doesn't deserve it. "(Y/N) I–"

"No. I just wanted to ask a few things." You stopped him before he could get another word out, only wanting to hear the answers to your questions and nothing more.

Shawn nodded slowly, frown deep on his face a she waited for you to continue. You close your eyes as you took a deep breath, contemplating on your words before finally having the courage to meet his gaze and when you did, Shawn's felt his heart break even more as the sadness and pain that swirled around them was too much, and all of it was his doing.

"Was I only just a rebound? And please don't lie to me to make me feel better." You whispered, eyes shutting as your bottom lip trembled. Yes it's been weeks but it still hurts so fresh, the pain still so sharp in your heart that talking about it just does nothing but make you cry over and over.

"I'm not going to lie to you anymore. I–I don't want to risk losing you again." Shawn stared deeply into your eyes, palms pressed together as he rest his hands on the table, just a few inches away from yours.

With a deep, shaky breath, Shawn continued. "And it started that way, I thought that by being with you can help me get over her, help me forget about her and you did help me with that, but as time flew by, I realized that you were far better than she was, a more amazing woman than she ever will be. I mean, you already were and I was just so blind to see that, too blind to see what's in front of me. You always were so right about that, in more ways than one." Shawn confessed, titling his head to look at you with a small smile, though it was still so charming in your eyes so you looked down, not able to stare at them too long in fear that you'll drown in them and you'll be thinking with you heart and not your head again.

"And I was falling for you slowly but surely and I realized that fuck, this woman really will have me wrapped around her pretty fingers in a short time won't she? And you did exactly that (Y/N), I got so wrapped around you so quick that I know it would be so hard to turn back around, but truth is. I don't want to." Shawn finished, your eyes snapping back to his as you pressed your lips in a tight line, unsure if you should trust his words, but you knew that he was telling the truth, Shawn was never a good liar and you can see it in the way he looks at you.

"Was everything real? Everything you said and did while–when we were together, was it real?" You asked slowly, tears starting to gloss up as you held your composure, keeping your eyes on him to truly see if he will mean every word.

Shawn sighed, knowing exactly what you mean, that if he wasn't thinking of her while he was with you, and the truth is, he wasn't. "Yes (Y/N), all of that was real. Everything that happened between us was real. The moments when we danced in the bedroom? That was real, and gosh I loved hearing that giggle every I pull you out of bed just to dance. I loved hearing you belting out songs in the shower whenever you can. And the nights when we just lay in bed and talk about anything and everything, I always admire you outlook on life, makes me feel so lucky to have you. And when I'm holding you in my arms, when I'm kissing you, when I make love to you, I was only thinking of you and no one else. I promise you that (Y/N). None of it was a lie, all of it was very real to me."

"Then why?" You croaked, still not understanding why he did what he did if he says that what he felt for you was real.

"I have no better reason than I was stupid. I got confused with my feelings. I thought I was over her because I already was so happy with you, I was so fucking happy to be with you, but then I saw her at the party and I got so confused, and everything just happened so fast and my mind just turned to mush. Fuck I was such an asshole, a fucking idiot for not getting my shit together." Shawn leaned forward and decided to risk it as he took your hands in his, his large ones wrapping slowly around yours and you let him, the feeling comforting you, the ache in your heart lessening at the feeling of his warmth.

"I'm so sorry (Y/N). I regret everything I said that night, if I could turn back time and slap some sense into myself I would. You didn't deserve all of that, didn't deserve to get hurt at all. And trust me, I really want to beat the shit out of myself every time I look in the mirror. For hurting you, for being that boy I swore to protect you from. I was a fucking idiot and I hurt you. But right now? I finally realized that you were everything to me and more. I miss you so bad and it hurts to see you side of the bed empty. I miss you (Y/N), I really do." The desperation in his voice was clear as day, a longing look on his face as he gave your hand a gentle squeeze, his eyes tearing up, mirroring yours.

You let out a defeated sigh as you casted your eyes down at your intertwined hands, his thumb caressing the back of your hand as he always does whenever he holds it. "I miss you too Shawn." You admitted, because why would you lie when that's all you've been feeling for the past few weeks?

"I'm not expecting you to forgive me right away. I understand completely if you don't trust me anymore, but please (Y/N), give me one more chance. All I need is one chance and I'll show you how much you mean to me, treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Just one chance." Shawn begged, he didn't care if he sounded pathetic, he cared about nothing else right now other than having you back in his life.

But when you gave him a nod and a small 'okay', Shawn knew that there was more to this than what meets the eye, that you were indeed giving him another chance but it wasn't going to be what he expects it to be.

"That's not all isn't it?" You shook your head no with a sharp intake of breath, your eyes avoiding his and Shawn was fast to catch what was really the main purpose of this meet up, and he felt his heart slowly sink again right after that slight glimmer of hope.

"You came here to say goodbye didn't you?" Shawn stated slowly, his grip on your hand loosening as he leaned back on his seat, lost eyes staring right back at you as it started to tear up, hoping that you'll say no, that you'll tell him that it wasn't what you were here to do, but a nod was all it took for Shawn to confirm that you were indeed going away, and not just the vacation kind no, you were going far away in a sense of starting anew.

"I'm going to Greece, maybe live there for a bit." You breathed out, your eyes glued on the table as Shawn retracted his hand from yours, a frown grazing your lips at the loss of contact but you didn't say anything about.

Shawn swallowed the lump in his throat with a nod, eyes staring out at the streets of Toronto right outside the coffee shop, and you can just see his brain turning, his cheeks turning flush as the tears started to build into his eyes. "For how long?"

"I don't know."

"When?"

"Tomorrow." Shawn's eyes snapped back at yours at that, his heart beating ten times its normal speed as he stared at you with so many emotions. "Why?"

You bit the insides of your cheek as you thought of how you're going to word it, to make him understand, but then again, this is Shawn, if there was anyone who'd understand it more, it was him. "I've realized that my whole world revolves around you. I've become so dependent on you, not knowing what to do without you and always thinking about what you might need and want more than what I truly want."

Shawn ran a frustrated hand through his hair, his body turning anxious as he tries to grasp your words. "But I'm the same with you (Y/N), I'm so lost without you." He couldn't stop the soft sob that escaped his lips, the sound clenching at your heart, making you reach out to him as you cupped his face with both hands, his teary eyes staring right into yours as his bottom lip quivered.

He leaned into your touch like a puppy, your soft touch feeling so soft against his skin making him let out a soft sigh, a small smile tugging at your lips at the gesture as you caress his cheeks with your thumb. "You aren't lost without me bub, you've found who you are and what you're passionate about long before I came into the picture. I just made things easier for you by being there by your side whenever you need me. And now, things will get a bit harder, but it's nothing you can’t handle."

Shawn's eyes fell to the floor, a mixture of pain, worry and guilt filling him up at that thought that you were leaving him again, but this time, he doesn't know if he'll ever see you again, get the chance to actually be with you again. Leaning closer towards him and taking one of his hands in yours as you kept one on his face, you whispered. "Hey, look at me?" And Shawn did so, the curly boy sniffling with his bottom lip drawn between his teeth, trying his best to keep himself together and not to start bawling his eyes out.

"I love you and I think I always will, but I need to find myself. Be my best self, to love myself first before anyone else. And I've been putting you first before me in such a long time and it's just isn't healthy anymore Shawn, and I think you know that. I just need to find who I truly am, what my goal in life is and look for what I'm truly passionate about." Your own eyes was beginning to water, just seeing him in so much despair was more than enough for your heart to ache, but you have to do this, for yourself.

Shawn shook his head at your words, a shaky breath coming out of him as he so badly; desperately doesn’t want you to leave. "And I love you (Y/N) please–"

"Shawn, no, don't say that because I said it. I want you to say it when you are truly sure. I don't want you to love me because I love you. I want you to love me because you love me."

Shawn wanted to tell you that he does in fact love you, he wants to scream it, to tell the world, but what you said struck him. Was he really saying it because he means it or is it because you're saying it to him? That was when he knew he needed to figure out some things for himself too, and maybe you moving away was the best for the both of you.

So with a heavy heart Shawn nodded slowly, his hand coming up to cover yours that was resting on his cheek, a small smile grazing his lips as he said, "So this is goodbye then?" You shook your head no, "More like, see you later rockstar." Shawn lets out a small chuckle at that, knowing fully well that no other girl will ever compare to you, not matter what part of the world.

With a smile of your own you tugged at his hand as you stood to your full height, Shawn mirroring your actions and wasted no time in pulling you in for a warm embrace, the two of you sighing at the familiar feeling to hold each other, to be this close, to feel each other's warmth.

"I'm going to miss you so much." Shawn murmured against your hair, his tears falling freely down his cheeks as he held you for a little longer. "Me too Shawn, but this isn't the end." With that you pulled away, pushing his hair back with your fingers before cupping his cheek again, pulling him down as you placed a soft, lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth. Shawn's breath hitched at the contact, his brain not registering it quick enough until you flashed him one last smile and slowly took steps back. Both your hands hang in the air as none of you refused to let go yet, Shawn giving it one last squeeze until the warmth of your touch was replaced by the cold air of the coffee shop, your figure going straight to the door but not before looking back one last time and disappearing into view.

Shawn stood there, watching his best friend, the love of his life walking away from him for the second time around, only this time, it didn't sit as heavy as the first one, because Shawn knows that this was just the chapter closing and that there was more to come. Maybe right now, it wasn't their time yet, and when that time does come, they will get their chance.

***

2 years later...

The sound of the bustling streets of a little town in Santorini was already so familiar to you, being that you've lived here for a couple of years, already. You've grown to love it more and more each time, the people, the culture, and not to mention the beautiful view of the caldera and the pleasure of seeing a breathtaking sunset all the time.

You walk mindlessly with your camera hanging around your neck, your white sundress flowing against the wind as you greeted the vendors and some familiar faces with bright smiles, taking endless snaps after snaps of the people and the view, adding more things to post on your blog or to display at the little coffee shop you work in.

You'd think that after two whole years of being here you'd get used to how everything looks, but never did you ever as every time you look out at the ocean in front you, it leaves you in awe just as much as the first time you laid eyes on it. The white structures of houses littered all on the edge, giving it its own beauty that the tall buildings of Toronto could never compare. Though you do miss home, you've never been so happy and content with yourself as right now, standing in one of the most beautiful islands here in Greece, one that would hold a special place in your heart no matter what.

Once the camera was up against your face, you tend to lose any sense of the space around you, easily lost between the lens as you try to get the best shot as possible. And sometimes when doing so, you don't realize that you're moving back incautiously until you bump into something, or someone.

"Oof Signómi!" You squeaked out of instinct, the impact too fast and hard making you stumble on your feet, your eyes shutting tight as you hugged your camera to your chest, feeling a hand grabbed at your waist to prevent you from toppling over, but when the man spoke, you heart stopped.

"(Y/N)?"

And sure enough when you opened your eyes, the face you saw was already a familiar one, too familiar for that matter. "Shawn?" The curly boy grinned and despite the sunglasses that adorned his face, you can just imagine his eyes crinkling in the process. "Hi love."

Your mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water, the words failing to form as you stared up at the boy–well a man now–that still sits a place in your heart, nowhere near expecting to see him. "Out of all the places Andrew wanted to visit, I found you in midst of it." Shawn muttered, unable to wipe the stupid grin on his face, in complete disbelief at the unlikely encounter but he was nowhere near complaining.

"Really?" "Yeah, Jake's right over there." Shawn jerked his head behind him, and sure enough, the big man was standing just a few feet away, giving you a wave as he munch on the bread in his hand. You giggled as you look back up at Shawn who hasn’t stopped looking at you from the moment you bumped into each other.

You tilted your head to the side as you quirked an eyebrow at him, your cheeks starting to hurt due to smiling endlessly. "Coincidence?"

Shawn chuckled with a tilt of his head, hand leaving your waist for a quick moment to remove the sunglasses and hooking it on his white shirt, his hair dancing with the wind, his beautiful hazel eyes now coming to view as he stared at you adoringly. "I think not."

"I'm so happy so see you again, you have no idea." The tall boy spoke again, his voice gentle as the breeze but the need in them so powerful, hand giving your waist a soft squeeze as he leaned down to press his forehead against yours, making you hum at the familiar closeness, your eyes staring up at him and god you miss looking into these specific hazel orbs. "Me too Shawn, it's been what? Two, almost three years?"

"Too long." Shawn groaned playfully, emitting another giggle from you and he swore he felt his heart grow bigger at the sound, it being so long since the last time he's heard it.

"You look like a man now." You teased, eyes scanning him head to toe, Shawn's head shaking in pure laughter as he pulled you closer to him, nose almost brushing as he cupped your cheek with one hand. "And you look like an absolute goddess." Shawn gushed, thumb caressing your skin, unable to believe his eyes to actually see you standing here in the flesh, and oh how he wanted to kiss those pretty lips so bad.

"Catch up over coffee, tea, or me?" You whispered with a teasing smirk, not wanting to get too friendly with him just yet, and of course, Shawn was quick to catch this, so with a chuckle he pulled away, but not fully as he intertwined his fingers with yours. "Lead the way mi lady."

As you walked side by side, Shawn dipped his head out of nowhere, hot breath fanning on your skin as he spoke. "Oh, and I'll always pick you out of anything, to drink up, eat up, everything." He whispered lowly against your ear, you heart leaping out of your chest as you looked up at him with flushed cheeks, that cocky grin of his playing on his lips as he shot you a wink, feeling so proud that he still got it even after all this years.

You only bumped your shoulder with his arm–due to the height difference–making him let out a hearty laugh, the sound echoing through the warm air as the two of you rekindle the old flame that never did die out, feeling that never did leave nor lessen no matter how far or how long you've been away with one another.

Because a love like that will never fade, and right now was the perfect time for the two of you, the perfect time to continue your love story and to ensure that it has a happy ending this time.

-:-:-:-:-

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