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silver-wield · 4 years

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Cloud had every opportunity to validate his relationship between he and Tifa. He doesn’t tell aerith who he gave the flower to and when aerith asks if tifa is his girlfriend he’s quick to say no and when she says “she’s something special, right?” And he says “it’s not like that” that doesn’t sound like someone who’s in love... yet when Tifa questions the relationship he has with aerith, he can’t even answer... As a cloti fan I don’t think I can shobghis anymore... 😔

Ok, let’s breakdown how Cloud’s behaviour works again.

Not that some people understand that having mental illness and crafting a false persona to protect their own psyche means they do things that are contradictory to their own true feelings at times. They seem to think SOLDIER Cloud is another way of saying “He’S jUsT zAcK”. Which isn’t that at all and they need to stop purposely misunderstanding the point.

SPOILERS FOR CLOUD’S ENTIRE BACKSTORY.

Cloud: introverted, socially awkward, no father figure, low self-esteem, lives in a very small town with little culture and few kids his age. Of those kids, the majority don’t like him because they’re assholes (yeah I said it).

Tifa: childhood friend and crush, who isn’t an asshole to him because she’s a literal fucking sweetheart (don’t even try and @ me). Shy, reserved, polite, kind, also can be reckless af.

Age 8, Tifa’s mother dies and she gets it into her head that she can go visit her at the top of mt Nibel because that’s where she gets the impression the lifestream touches the planet.

Cloud (9), follows her and her friends up the mountain and stays with her as they chicken out. He and Tifa have an accident, which results in Tifa being unconscious for 7 days. During that time she’s unconscious (but yknow some ppl say she should’ve still cleared up the misunderstanding WHILE UNCONSCIOUS, despite never learning of it even after she woke up), her friends throw Cloud under the bus to her father as the reason why she went there. Tifa’s father puts all the blame for it on him (douchebag move, but he’s an upset parent who’s just lost his wife and now doesn’t know if his daughter will live or die. I’m not excusing him, but he’s got reasons other than “let’s victimise Cloud”.) Tifa’s father tells Cloud that if he isn’t capable of protecting her then he should keep his distance.

Cloud resolves to become stronger and thanks to Stamp propaganda and Sephiroth hero worship he decides to become a SOLDIER.

Tifa never says anything about this being what she wants. She likes Cloud just as he is.

Skip forward a few years and Cloud’s 14, has kept his word not to hang out with Tifa, not that it stops her wanting his attention.

The promise scene occurs, where Cloud tries to get Tifa to admit she likes him and Tifa gets Cloud to promise to return to town just once so she can see him again (because these idiots have no idea they mutually like each other in a romantic sense).

Skip forward another 2 years.

Cloud (16) isn’t a SOLDIER, but he’s got to go to Nibelheim with Zack and Sephiroth. He hides from Tifa, ashamed that he isn’t the man he promised he’d become.

Tifa (15) who’s massively disappointed Cloud wasn’t with them, ends up seriously injured by Sephiroth after he loses his marbles.

Cloud appears and saves her, killing Sephiroth.

Zangan takes Tifa away from Nibelheim - and good thing too or she’d have ended up a test subject with the others.

Cloud and Zack are stuffed in chambers to be experimented on.

4 years go by and Zack saves Cloud who’s suffering mako poisoning. They make it to Midgar, which takes around a year, where Zack then dies, leaving his sword to Cloud.

Cloud still suffering from mako poisoning and now also with PTSD and all his other previous issues, shambles into Midgar where Tifa finds him.

Here’s the bit people like to misunderstand.

Cloud is infected with Jenova cells, which warp his perception and make him susceptible to Sephiroth’s control. (This is proven by a moment at the end of the game where Cloud’s hand twitches in response to Sephiroth asking for his help)

Zack told Cloud a lot of stories, both before he was poisoned and after. These combined with Jenova’s mind warping, the mako poisoning itself and Cloud’s own severe trauma allowed him to craft a false persona for himself, which he needed to protect his real psyche from a further mental breakdown.

Cloud is a mentally ill protagonist.

Cloud uses the SOLDIER persona he’s crafted as a shield to function in daily life. He’s unaware of what he’s done. He believes SOLDIER!Cloud is the only psyche. We get to see real!Cloud on screen at the beginning of Chapter 8 asking SOLDIER!Cloud if he’s ok. Real!Cloud specifically refers to the childhood event on mt Nibel with Tifa where he “got away with scraped knees”. SOLDIER!Cloud doesn’t know what he’s talking about because it’s a real!Cloud memory and not one he’s privy to. Any time SOLDIER!Cloud tries reconnecting to his true self he ends up in pain. He’s not ready to be whole yet.

Behind the shield is an emotionally stunted, very ill man who spent four years as a lab rat, suffered countless traumas, witnessed his home burned and saw the girl he loved stabbed. The real Cloud is a weak, flawed human being who isn’t in a good enough head space to function, let alone do all the things that’s needed of him during events in the game.

Cloud doesn’t think he’s Zack. The only time that argument can even be used is in a 23 year old game that has clear script problems all over the place. That information is outdated and been debunked several times over.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Now, onto the points you raised.

Cloud cannot connect his real persona and the feelings he has for Tifa with this false persona he has. The SOLDIER persona acts as both a shield and a wall preventing things from affecting the real!Cloud behind it. Nothing gets in or out. That’s why Cloud can’t articulate his feelings for Tifa. It’s not because he doesn’t feel anything for her, it’s because he can’t connect to those feelings until after he’s reunited the fractured parts of his psyche -- which only happens because of Tifa during the lifestream sequence. It’s then he’s able to get back in touch with those feelings and express them. It’s not because they don’t exist. He never, at any point, in 7R says he doesn’t have feelings for Tifa. He says she’s not his girlfriend - fact, she isn’t. He says in response to Aerith asking “she’s someone special” that “it’s not like that” but then gets cut off, like every other point in the game where he’s about to try and explain his feelings. He doesn’t know how he feels because those feelings belong to real!Cloud and not SOLDIER!Cloud. We get a clear view of how Real!Cloud feels about Tifa during the plate fall. At several points, the urge to comfort Tifa is seen. That’s not SOLDIER!Cloud’s urge, it’s real!Cloud’s. When he sees her crying during Jessie’s cut scene, when he sees her on her knees at the top of the plate, when his hand twitches as Barret hugs her. All of these are canon non-optional moments that build a picture of real!Cloud wanting to express his feelings to Tifa, but not being able to. The resolution is the culmination of those feelings. He takes his time hugging her back because the SOLDIER persona is trying to protect him still, but the real!Cloud breaks through long enough to hug her. And he does so hard because he needs comfort. He’s gone through so much that he’s broken inside. That’s why he hugs her until it hurts. Because he hurts.

His response to Tifa’s question about Aerith isn't shipping. Tifa’s first words when she wakes are an urgent affirmation to get home and save the slum. Cloud agrees. She then asks Cloud how he knows Aerith, after expressing concern she'll get hurt by going with them. Tifa and Cloud are eco terrorists and as far as she knows Aerith is a normal girl. Nobody would want a civilian dragged into danger. And Cloud has been in Midgar for four days and spent most of them with Avalanche and Tifa. She's curious how they're friends because she knows Cloud isn't a people person. Cloud explains Aerith saved him, but when? It's clearer in the JP because the phrasing is that Cloud was in the kind of danger that worries Tifa. She wants to know what kind of danger Cloud would get into that he couldn't handle. Well he's not talking physical danger. He's talking about how Aerith helped him save Tifa. Because that's the kind of dork he is. He's referring to the phrase Aerith said to Sam about making sure Cloud wouldn't have to live without Tifa. That's what he means by her saving his life. Because he can't live without Tifa. So, it's obvious why that's not made a bigger deal of in disc one.

He doesn’t tell Aerith who he gave the flower to because it’s none of her goddamn business. She’s a stranger being nosy. He’s got no obligation to tell her what he did with it. If someone you met twice start sticking their nose in your personal business you’d be cagey too. That’s a meaningless moment that certain people cling to because they’re idiots.

Sorry, this got long. Hope it clears a few things up though. I probably missed a few details here and there.

TLDR: Cloud has mental illness and isn’t capable of love due to a fractured psyche, so can’t answer anyone when they ask.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #Character analysis #Cloud strife #tw: mental illness #ship war

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calliecat93 · 3 years

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ST: TNG S5 Watchthrough Episodes 18-21

Cause and Effect: Who’s ready for the ST equivalent of Groundhog Day? Yep, we have a time loop episode. This is actually my mom’s favorite episode so I’ve been waiting for this one XD.So the episode opens with the Enterprise blown up… and after the titles we have a poker game as though nothing happened. But Crusher begins to have deja vu and as the loops continue, so do the others. So... If you’ve seen time loop stories you more or less know how this goes. Though unlike most of the oens I’ve seen where just one person becomes aware of it, while Crusheris the first the others also begin to take notice. The don’t remember everything, but they start picking up on it and figuring out that something’s up. Again, I appreciate the cast being written as competent and not stupid cause it’s very easy to do with this kind of plot. Not sure I at all understand Data’s explanation on how he figured out how to end the loop... but hey, it ended. So it was good. Nothing mind-blowing but very much enjoyable. Any time that Crusher gets prominent screentime I’m happy, but again I just appreciate the cast being intelligent. Also the Kelsey Grammer cameo at the end, Hell yes~! 3.5/5.

The First Duty: Okay Wesley, second guest star appearance. Let’s see how it goes. Which, haha... it’s not a happy episode for him. There’s been an accident at the Academy and while thankfully Wesley is alright aside from an injured arm, one of his classmates has died. Well… that’s sad. That n and of itself could fuel a story all its own. But as a hearing is held, it becomes clear that something more is going on. As it turns out, Wesley’s teammate died because the entire squadron not only performed an illegal flight procedure… but lied about it. First that it was an accident, then that the accident and his own demise was his own fault. Why? To save their own skins. Now to be fair it’s clear that they’re scared, but it doesn’t change the fact that they’re essentially lying/disgracing a dead person to save themselves. Even the kid’s own father gets convinced of this, which only adds to Wesley’s guilt. I actually felt really bad for Wesley and I kinda feel like Picard, upon confronting him, was… pretty harsh. Wesley’s actions were wrong, but again he was clearly scared and felt guilty for it. Thankfully he does ultimately do the right thing, accepting the consequences. Hopefully, Wesley can push through it and grow from it if he shows up again. My mom doesn’t like this episode I guess because of how it portrayed Wesley, but honestly? I like it for that exact reason. Welsey isn’t portrayed necessarily as bad, he’s reacting like… well… a scared nineteen-year-old. He made a major mistake, and he paid the price for it, though it certainly wasn’t the worst punishment that he could have received. While Picard was rather harsh when confronting him, it was the push that Wesley needed to do the right thing. I think that this was the kind of episode that Wesley needed, where he commits a huge screw-up and unlike when he was a regular, pays the consequences for it… it’s just a shame that they did it after he stopped being a regular. I can see why some may dislike this one because of Wesley’s portrayal, but I think it was good and was long overdue for the character without villainizing him. He’s intelligent and capable of greatness, but he’s got a lot to learn, especially after this. Let’s hope that he does. 3.5/5.

Cost of Living: It’s another Lwaxana episode folks… yay. Okay despite my complaints about her episodes, the last one’s issues I had was more due to the subject matter than the character. If anything, she was the best part of it. So maybe this time things will be better. So this time, Worf is having parenting problems with Troi trying to help him and Alexander make it work. Lwaxana is on the Enterprise as she’s getting married, to Troi’s exasperation and Picard’s utter relief, and ends up butting in. Oh and the ship malfunctions because it’s Star Trek. So… it was okay I guess? The Holodeck scene was just utterly bizzare and I’m still trying to wrap my brain around WTF just happened. To be honest, Troi is the best part of this episode. She’s trying to reasonable help Worf with his parenting issues, Alexander with his lack of discepline/responsibility, her mother marrying a guy she never met and bending agains the Betazoid traditions that she usually follows, and she’s clearly just fed up with everyone especially her mother. It makes her such a joy to watch, haha! Lwaxana was… alrigh. On the one hand, it ws not at all her place to butt into the whole Alexander situation especially since Troi was handling it. On the other hand, the episode does go more into how lonely Lwaxana is and make her manhunting/desire tog et married more sympathetic. Te previous episodes always played it mainly as a joke/a condition of her species at her age, but it never allowed her to actually delve into why she’s so desperate. How she’s fears rowing older and being all alone without someone to love her… and gosh I’ve absoluteley seen this before and it’s just sad. Consideirng that this came out the same year that Gene Roddenberry, majel Barret’s husband and of course as we know the franchise creator, has passed… I can only imagine how rough this had to be for the poor woman. But if she wad channeling that into her performance, she did a fantastic job. Also Lwaxana’s fiance? He was played by freakin’ Tony Jay. The man is a freakin’ legend the voice acting world (probably best known as Frollo in Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, by far his darkest performance yet probably his best) and it’s the first time I’ve seen him in a live aciton role. He plays a snobish asshole and obviousy the marriage falls through in the end, but he made the episode worth it! So yeah, I’m still not a big Lwaxana fan but they are trying to add more to her and overall it was fine. It’s not great, for example the Enterprise’s plot felt tacked on to fill in the runtime, the pacing was rouh, and the storylines were not at all balanced out well. But it was overall fine, though i think Half a Life did her better. Troi, some legit Lwaxana development, and getting an appearance by Tony Jay made it worth it XD 2/5.

The Perfect Mate: While preparing for a peace treaty, the Enterprise picks up two Ferengi, one of which messes with the cargo, and releases a young woman named Kamala, a mutant amongst her kind whose abilities let her become the perfect mate for any man, from suspended animation. She was meant to stay that way until the ceremony... and was meant to be a ‘gift’ to one of the sides. Yeah... that’s not at all messed up. Due to the Prime Directive, the crew can’t interfere... and we find out that there was a more complicated reason as to why Kamala was as she was. This is pretty much the TNG version of Elaan of Troyius from TOS. Kamala is completely different from Elaan, more composed and well-mannered while Elaan was more aggressive and upfront. Looking back I do feel I was too harsh in calling Elaan a brat considering the conditions she was under, but the episode certainly didn’t give he much sympathy from anyone (aside from Kirk) while they do better calling out the arrangement here. Then again it’s been months since I watched the episode so I may be remembering wrong. But it does ultimately end with Kamala entering an unhappy marriage, but she bonds with Picard and ends up acting as his perfect mate, so... hope that goes well. The whole empath/metamorph thing felt necessary as well, you didn’t need a reason to make men attracted to her for this episode to work. Which yes it only works on men, remember this is the 90’s folks. I’m kind of baffled as to why Troi wasn’t in this one considering we have another empath, that could have added a more interesting layer and justified that part. But I shall repeat what I said in Elaan when they put Kirk under that tear-induced love spell: you don’t need those elements to keep a plot spicy. The Ferengi we're also utterly pointless. While I feel that the subject is better done than in TOS and it felt more evenly paced... I’m still not a fan of it. It has more of the nuanced debate on the arranged marriage plot that I was annoyed that Elaan didn’t have... but I’m still pretty meh about it overall. it’s alright, but just that: alright. 2.5/5.

Okay folks, we’re five episodes away from finishing S5. So far... it’s only been alright. There’s been a couple of strong episodes, but overall it’s remained firmly in the average range. Maybe S4 hyped me up too much, IDK. I’m still having fun, but maybe I’m just starting to get fatigued from TNG. But we don’t have much more to go, and there’s still plenty of time for S6 to change my mind, so we’ll see how things go from here.

#st watchthrough

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postguiltypleasures · 6 years

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Peggy’s Modern Body

I originally wrote this for Basket of Kisses back in 2009. It didn’t survive some update, so I’m reposting/self archiving here.

During my last semester of college I audited a course called The Making of the Modern Body. It was awesome in every sense of the word. I did all of my readings and wished I actually had time to do the written parts. One of the most memorable books we read parts of was Holy Fast, Holy Feast: The Religious Significance of Food to Medieval Women by Caroline Walker Bynum. And a large part of why I remember it is I did not get it. The books thesis is about trying to understand the complexities of people in the early middle ages thought of the human body. The women discussed, who include several saints and other women letters, had very complex, contradictory relations to food and spirituality. I missed that, and got hung up on the parts of how the wounds inflicted on Jesus on the Cross feminized his body to a point where he could nurse all of humanity, and how women like St Catherine of Siena enacted this by sucking the pus of patients in the hospital where she worked. However, some time by the end of the second season of Mad Men Peggy Olson had made sense of it all through her own struggles with defining her person and spirituality.

Let’s start with that example of why the descriptions in the book distracted me from its thesis. St. Catherine of Siena was obsessed with communion, and something of an anorexic. She hated her body and eating, but loved Christ’s body and taking communion. Despite being unable to eat she understood the importance of food for others and in her fits of starved activity often made food for the homeless and patients in the hospital she worked at. (Interestingly the book points out how different St. Catherine interpreted her anorexia versus her contemporary and hagiographer, Raymond of Capua. Personal definition others interpretation is also something constantly played on Mad Men). The whole purpose of sucking puss from sick people was to find a way to experience communion without having a priest perform the act of transfiguration. As Peggy is from the 1960s her need to recast Communion, and the means by which she eventually does look very different. “Flight 1” sets up that Peggy’s storyline will involve Catholic rituals, which do not “mean the same thing” to her as they do to her family and other Catholics. We learn that she does not take communion and that is isolating to her. Later on “A Night to Remember”, when Father Gil confronts her about her lack of participation in ritual, we start to get that there may be some kind of yearning to be able belong to a community. Through the Popsicle add Peggy finds a way of showing that the ritual of communion gets enacted in daily life. It works as a reminder of how much love is expressed in personal interaction.

Stepping back it seems that most of Peggy’s story from the beginning of the series is about translating one aspect of culture to another. For the first few episodes she uses Joan a conduit between her ignorance and Manhattan office lifestyle. It is almost like she wanted to be a tabula rasa over the first episodes, except that does not work at all. When people see her at all they only react to her Body. Therefore there is a need to start denying her body. As she gains weight, she becomes more comfortable in her skin. She is freed from being an object of lust and can start making sure she is defined her talents as a copywriter.

Over the first season her body is both de gendered and hyper feminized. The episode that plays this the most is “Indian Summer.” The assignment of the Relaxisizor is given to her for the reasons of her weight and being a woman. It is also where she starts being more assertive about moving from secretary to copy writer. She repeatedly refers to “the assignment” as “getting an account”. From a conversation with her roommate we learn that she regularly takes work home. The product’s benefit turns out only to apply to women. While her copy only alludes to the product’s benefit, Don’s elaboration opens a conversation between the men in the office that completely ignores her femininity. They discuss how they would like to see Mitch’s very attractive wife, after using this, and deride the fact that Freddy’s less attractive wife also really likes it. Strangely none of them seem to think about Peggy getting any stimulation or satisfaction from it. However she is not enough one of the guys to avoid a condescending explanation at as the meeting breaks.

The episode also includes her date with the truck driver. It is the first time that we have seen her interact with anyone from out of the office, and it really drives home how much she defines herself by her job. Her date finds the way she says, “So you drive a truck” condescending, and becomes instantly defensive. They cannot relate on any subject and he attacks her mannered performance of urban sophistication. As she leaves she declares that people who want things they have not seen, are better than the complacent in Brooklyn. She sets up that she wants to be something she has not seen.

The date would have been doomed even if they had been able to relate to each other. At that point Peggy was seven to eight months pregnant by Pete, whose is preoccupied by his own gender identity issues. She gives birth immediately after getting promoted to junior copywriter. This climax ends the attempt to de gender her way into comfort. Peggy’s denial of her body turns into a catatonic despair. When these plots are viewed more spiritually than psychologically, it is clear how hopeless the baby made her. Primarily Don’s liberates her by letting her know that she can still have her job. The experience of giving birth will not define her.

However following Don’s advice exactly, (“this never happened”) is impossible. Many of the tools she used to define herself before are no longer an option. It is necessary to loose the baby associated weight to keep up this game; so moving on is more of conscience effort than acting like it never happened. For the first few episodes she even reverts back to her pre-maternity clothing. Whatever dreams she had of moving into Manhattan have been deferred. Peggy works at maintaining her relations with her Brooklyn based family. She runs errands for them and visits frequently. She has changed homes twice and still lives in Park Slope. Instead of playing on the tensions of where she is from and what she will be, the theme is reconciling them into something comfortable. However finding something comfortable means moving beyond familiar role play. This is demonstrated at the end of “Maidenform” when taking Joan’s advice to “stop dressing like a little girl” she shows up at a strip club to celebrate over an account she was shut out of for the whole episode. Despite the adult dress and settings, (or because of them), she gets pulled onto a client’s lap and asked what she wants for Christmas. Playing along cuts her off from the ability to define herself.

As the season moves on she works more on defining the type of woman she will be. This is most aided by people who are less confined by their roles gender roles. When Peggy meets Bobbie Barret you might expect her to be judgmental and dismissive. Peggy has been limiting her behavior and interactions to be taken seriously. Bobbie vamps and wears low cut necklines to have her way in negotiations. She may be coming out of a car wreck, but that only heightens the possibility that this is someone whose experience is useful. While staying with Peggy, Bobbie does allow herself to have a backstage life. She reads the tabloids with enthusiasm. She uses fat farm as an excuse for not seeing her husband and speaks with hostility to him over the phone. Though Peggy acts cagey around Bobbie, Bobbie can read into the situation. Bobbie’s advise to “don’t even try to be a man, be a woman” and that she needs to start treating Don as an equal. As advise goes it is much more open ended and empowering than Joan’s advice. Kurt Smith, the first open homosexual she has ever known, kindly lets her know that she is not dressing towards the role she wants and cuts her hair to a style she likes and comfortably moves her towards a young businesswoman look she needs to be. Peggy is neither subverting nor exploiting her femininity, she figuring out how it will work for her.

Which leads back to why reconciliation with her faith cannot go through traditional rituals. Their history and meaning only define things in a limited manner, and do not work with her experience. There is still a lot of controversy with the writers’ trick of Anita had a baby at the same time as Peggy. We all jumped to believe that the youngest boy in the Respola household was the one Peggy to which gave birth. Peggy’s fearful, distant reaction generated a lot of speculation about her mental well being and ability to connect to others. But combined with Anita’s accusatory confession demonstrates how misread her actions are by the standards of traditional role play. She is not acting like nothing has happened, she is acutely aware of how different things are. Most what she struggles to define through season is change and how it is accepted silently. But appropriately at the end of the season she does get to explain out loud how differently she feels. The confession is outside of Catholic sacraments because her spiritual life is as self defined as her body. She does not want to be absolved of what she did. She carries it around with her and acknowledges how it changed to Pete because he had never been open seeing or listening to her before. Many have speculated that maybe she regrets giving away the baby, as if that is loosing part of her soul. But having the baby would have ruined her life. Giving it away is a means of admitting how everything has an effect, and it is all permanent. It defines how she can define herself, and how that is always going to be some what limited, even as it goes for the unfamiliar.

#Mad Men #Peggy Olson #Don Draper #pete campbell #Joan Holloway #Bobbie Barret #Catholocism #Gender Identification #body image

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