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#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags
blueprint-han
ยท
1 year
Text
did i make a mistake?
#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags
#so yeah fair warning
#...........................................................................................................................................
#idk man I just. i feel like instead of getting closer weve grown more distant ever since he asked me out and its killing me man
#i dont wanna be hurt. im so fragile rn and just starting to heal from the years of trauma i faced in my family. when i try to talk
#about any issue i have to him he just. ignores the text
#or gives me a very dry response which hey. im not trying to say u should listen to my issues all the time. i get that some people dont want
#to. but i would just much rather have someone tell me that directly yk? just a hey i dont do well with rants. but the thing is he said hes
#fine with them. but then when i get nothing to address it i just. i feel hurt. like... ive started to wonder if hes just keeping the
#relation for namesake at this point but ik that isnt true. weve only been dating 2 weeks or so i shouldnt judge so soon. but man its hard
#to not overthink ive always been conditioned to do that. ive always been super excited when he plans a date (which he doesnt even call
#a date) but when i try to plan smth its always that he has some other plan to attend to which again i get it im not the jealous date who
#asks her s/o to be for her every waking moment but yk it does hurt and i feel instead of just letting it bottle up its better to admit it.
#i tried to ask him to get cotton candy once and he said wed go the next day and then he forgot. never asked me a time or anything. i didnt
#think of it much cuz hed gone to meet a friend outside the city and he mustve been tired. yesterday i asked him again and he said he was
#again going outside the city to meet his 12th grader friend. man am i jealous of that girl who gets to spend more time with the guy
#who asked me out than ive collectively spent with him
#and no i dont mean this in a toxic way like โoh hes meeting other girls he shouldnt do thatโ i just. man i pictured so much out of my first
#relationship. and i got nothing. not one thing out of it. i guess it makes sense cuz my love language is mostly physical touch and u cant
#really do that in a campus in India. and its also wrong of me to hold him to such high standards of a perfect relationship when the guy
#himself has been in one for the first time (i assume?) but like i said id rather not try to hide my emotions and express them out openly.
#theres still so much more about this that i feel wrong but the thing is its confusing cuz i feel like the two years of torture in my house
#has made it so that the trauma from never hearing i love you wnd words of affirmation from my parents has been reflecting off this place.
#its wrong of me to do this but i expected everything that i couldnt recieve to be fulfilled in a relationship and i now realise how stupid
#i was yk? cuz its wrong of me to put such harsh expectations on him like that. i feel like such a shallow person for getting depressed over
#a relationship that has just been going for 1 week
#theres also the thing where he generally seemed more excited to talk to me before? and now i just get the dryest responses ever out of
#which no conversation can be built. and again im not expecting him to be online and respond immediately but a thoughtful response goes a
#long way. again ik im being so harsh on him cuz its his first time too and he must be facing the same awkwardness im facing but jesus. i
#ok my tags are over im continuing in a reblog
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