#single dad zhongli and his vendetta against son-in-law venti seems to be a running series now

[sparrow-stunned]

I can just imagine zhongli's child going to osial and beisht since I know that beisht is not actually dead I don't know about osial tbh after the whole jade chamber thing but anyways imagine his baby going to them for marriage advice between god's as the two of them are the only god's she knows that are married in the current day of age essentially seeing as how it is a good one for beisht to want to take vengeance

Or because of the lantern rite this year darling bring Venti to celebrate as newly weds when all papa Zhongli wanted was to enjoy the holiday with his little one and try to find more loop holes he can use to get them away from Venti only to see him with his baby as well doing something he never wanted to see handholding and kissing and I can only pray for Venti if he talked about him and darling wanting to start a family of their own Zhongli is going to pass out again

ohhh god, that's just rubbing salt into beisht/osial's wounds. not only were they defeated not by adepti/gods, but by puny mortals and a stupid sky rock, now their mortal enemies' child come to them looking for love advice??

so beisht is just minding her business after that humiliating defeat, licking her wounds while trying to avoid liyue so that she can build up her strength and take revenge. then all of a sudden pops out zhongli's spawn.

darling: hi beisht... so i know that you're mad because of the whole stabbing your husband with stone spears, AND dumping the jade chamber on him... anyway. you have a good relationship with osial right? if you went so far to attack liyue to take revenge for him

beisht: feral growling noises from all three of her heads, eyes just like "what the hell are you talking about, spawn of morax??"

darling waves their hand and just keeps going: yeah, i know you're mad. but i need to know how you're supposed to deal with your parent hating your husband. i mean, i just want them to get along, since i love them both too much to pick a side... not that i can, because venti will probably be impaled by my father immediately if i abandon him

i'm imagining darling just rambling on and on about their marriage life, and beisht, after realizing the godling means no harm and IS actually just there to talk, starts nodding along. complains about her own marital problems—do you know how hard it is to visit your husband when he's in prison, morax is so stingy with visitor hours, osial never remembers our anniversary, etc. etc.

when darling mentions that venti never gave them a ring, beisht just growls: why are you with this waste of space. he sounds like a tool. you can do so much better.

and that's the story of how beisht and darling became besties, by bonding over family issues.

meanwhile, it's the lantern rites, where venti and zhongli have to grudgingly get along until darling gets back from their trip. they don't know any details, but darling had glared at them and said if they don't get along darling's going to never speak to them again—"and that includes you, father! don't murder him..." a pause "too much."

zhongli, immediately after darling leaves, pulls out a thick ass tome of liyue's legal code, trying to intimidate venti into thinking their marriage is invalid (it's not, yanfei did their paperworks). venti nodding along, chills down his back from the gleam in zhongli's eyes, silently praying for darling to get back quicker because otherwise, you might be widowed by the time you come back

and then zhongli starts talking about boundaries that need to be set. seeing his child and venti do couple-y things like handholding—or archons forbid, kissing—is going to make him either throw up or get another aneurysm.

so the rules: 1. no touching darling when i'm here. 2. no talking to them. 3. no looking at them. 4. don't even breathe in their direction. 5. ten metres apart at all time

venti's there like... ehe, zhongli... that sounds more like a restraining order more than anything else. zhongli gives him a deadpan stare and says flatly, "so you're not as stupid as i thought you were."

(bonus:

when venti accidentally mentions wanting to start a family and have children with darling, zhongli just stops breathing. "child-children?" he says, foaming at the mouth. eyes blank out and roll up in the back of his head. fingers start twitching. just turns to stone.

venti looks on with horror, thinking about whether he should just run for it. but then xiao and ganyu pop out of nowhere. looks at each other and sighs. "again?" they'll say, giving venti the stink eye, and then dump zhonngli's unresponsive body away in a wheelbarrow, so they can get madame ping to revive him.)

#psyche.answers #anonymous asks #platonic zhongli x reader #beisht becoming darling's therapist #of course she also talks shit about venti #that man sounds even worse than my own deadbeat absentee husband #besties with beisht sounds kinda fun ngl #imagine all the murder and mayhem #ganyu and xiao are zhongli's emotional support team #zhongli likes the thought of grandkids but he's imagining just a small army of ventis strumming their lyres and rhyming everything #single dad zhongli and his vendetta against son-in-law venti seems to be a running series now #this needs a proper sitcom name #my overbearing dragon father