#snakes falling from the sky but they’re based on FPS incorrect knowledge of snakes

[soyforramen]

I keep reading posts about the biblical plaques and my brain keeps trying to force it into biblical plagues. So either the writers have dyslexia or they’re referencing the Saint Jaime Luna bible.

#🤷‍♀️ at some point I will catch up #until then #riverdale #also the plagues of Riverdale go #snakes falling from the sky but they’re based on FPS incorrect knowledge of snakes #all the milkshakes turn into maple shakes; Cheryl is beside herself with glee #bags of chips from the lastest product placement and there’s like #fifty up close shots of each flavor #that have nothing to do with the plot #but is just a cash grab #bonus points if one of the parents is chewing the scenery #the last born is given a ticket to ride the f*k out of town and never come back #sweet water runs red; at first they think it’s blood but then it turns out it’s just mine run off #the real curse is everyone turning into a redhead because of it and the joke is that they’re all now related to Archie #Veronica is immune tho because she washes her hair with alpine waters #there’s a sudden coffee shortage; normally this isn’t a problem but it makes Jughead infinite time more insufferable and cranky #Tabitha unleashes him on everyone who’s left a bad Yelp review #and on the truckers who tip terribly #there’s a plague of fog in the town and only pops diner sign cuts through it #that’s solved in half a day when they realize Reggie’s just being inconsiderate with the fog machine he brought out to make the dealership #scarier for their ‘scary low prices’ sale #(Betty plots to make the dealership the next location for SKC because why not? it’s free real estate) #there’s a minor infestation of maple syrup covered aliens on the lonely highway #this is mentioned once in passing; a pair of drably suited FBI agents take up space in the diner #the red head is always rolling her eyes at her partner who seems to deliberately try to goad her #he and Jughead become quick friends and neither is seen for a week; when they come back it’s never mentioned again #there a plague of fries that fly through the town #it takes three episodes for someone to realize the typo but by then there’s a new plague of nerds playing G&G on every available surface #I’m just saying lean into RAS #damnit tumblr and your 30 tag limit